John and Palmer: Generic breakup time!

This restarted AGAIN! Good thing I was in the process of composing this entry in Blogger, anyway...

High-scoring words of the evening so far:

KEEVE (896 points; two 4W, two 2W), YUAN (128 points; 4W, two 2W) - against Jen R.
DAISY (168 points) - against Pauline S. [two 4W, hook off STORER for a plural]


Mom said something about a seafood dinner tomorrow at Tsui Woo Seafood Restaurant with the members of her cell group. She also mentioned Chinese Eric to me: don't ask me where that guy is! All I know is he's coming for Jon's wedding - he is VERY excited about it! "I just wanted to let you know about the dinner so you could bring a big book if you decide not to go home with Eric! Steph works till 5, and Jon will be at the church later in the afternoon!" I might just go out somewhere myself after lunch, then come back since I don't want to be stuck at church all day! (the building's bigger, but STILL... maybe I should bring the MARTYRS book just in case I need reading material on the bus / Skytrain!)

I've heard there's more snow on the way... yikes! I was also afraid that my macaroni box would contain a mouse or RAT!


Here are how generic breakup letters would have looked like for John and Palmer:

Dear John,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. You've changed too much since we met, and I don't like it. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. I can't believe you forgot my birthday! Who does that? The fact that you forgot our anniversary just confirms that it's time for "we" to become "me." The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling. You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.

Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It's not you, it's me. Really. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Enjoy yourself!
Leslie


Dear Palmer,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. I can't believe you forgot my birthday! Who does that? It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit.

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. You may not have realized, but I saw you with him, you fat-fried hamburger-humper! You may not have realized, but I saw you with her, you greasy-heeled anus-sniffer! I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Sorry,
Leslie

Oh sure, just invite me to a NAKED party!

What do you know? This temperamental beast restarted yet AGAIN, barely 40 minutes after the LAST one! Good thing I have some draft entries on hand...

These are from my copy of America's Dumbest Dates: Over 500 Tales of Fumbled Flirtations.

Fun Times

"Brad said I'd love fishing, so I got up at 4 AM to be offshore by dawn. Half asleep, I watched him catch a dozen bluefish. He showed me how to clean and gut them. Fish tissue and blood all over the deck, all over ME. He thought it was wonderful." - Tracey, age 27.

"We signed up for ballroom dancing. We thought it would be "our thing." But Kathy kicked when she should have dipped, and I was a soprano for the rest of the weekend. So we signed up for bridge lessons. Kathy fell asleep at the second class. Next, I think we'll try a movie." - Stan, age 56.

"Ed and I stay together ONLY because we have an agreement: I don't make him garden, and he doesn't make me bowl." - Sharon, age 49.

"He's a dentist, and he collects old dentistry equipment. All over his house, like works of art. I don't mean just old chairs and skinny little drawers. He has mirrors, the pliers, picks, hammers... he loves to show them to you, discuss how they were used - it reminded me of a torture chamber." - Lenore, age 33.

"He took me home to show me his butterfly collection. Hundreds, thousands of dead bugs pinned to the walls, all over the house. Even in the powder room. Everywhere. I've had nightmares about that place." - Anne, age 26.

"He brought me to a party. Everyone was stark naked. Before I could close my mouth... he'd shed his shirt, dropped his trousers, and plopped into the hot tub, from which he told me how I'd be much less conspicuous if I disrobed." - Debbie, age 34.

"Raymond took me to a party, offered me marijuana, and started licking my shoulder." - Virginia, age 21.

"Every day at work, I'd see Ted in conservative business suits. But when he showed up for a date, I almost didn't recognize him. He had his hair slicked back and wore a nylon shirt, unbuttoned halfway down his chest to show off his chest hair. And gold chains, half a dozen of them, around his neck. Polyester everything. His REAL self. A regular party animal, from the seventies." - Celia, age 45.

"I had a blind date for my sorority's fall hayride. We had to take a long ride on a school bus to get to the stables. It was crowded, so the girls all sat on their dates' laps. My date promptly proceeded to throw up all over the back of the $100 sweater I'd bought for this event. He claimed it was something he ate, but he didn't need to tell me that - I was well aware of what he'd eaten. I was wearing a nasty combination of a sausage pizza and beer." - Corrie, age 22.

"We spent the weekend doing his errands - his grocery shopping, laundry, fixing up, and cleaning up. When I got home, MY grocery list / laundry / cleaning were waiting to greet me. Of course, he couldn't stay to help; he needed time to relax." - Gwen, age 39.

"Leo never made plans. He'd show up, but he had no ideas about what to do next. It was like: Here I am. What are you going to do with me?" - Adelle, age 30.

"Morris arrived and sat. He wouldn't budge. He sat on my sofa and watched TV. Sometimes he'd ask for a beer or a soft drink. At first, I waited for him to get up and tell me where we were going. But he never did. And when he was leaving, he'd say something like how he was glad that I didn't want to go out because it was much nicer to stay in!" - Evelyn, age 66.

"Every weekend, Walter brought his laundry to my place. His laundry room is in the basement of his building. He said he'd rather wash in a machine where he knows who else uses it. He used my bleach and my detergent. I spent Saturday nights folding his shirts." - April, age 37.

"He thought it would be fun to get my parakeet drunk, and poured vodka into its water. The next day, it was dead. He denies this ever happened." - Gail, age 30.

"I was invited to my office's fiftieth anniversary. I brought Les as my date. Everyone from work was there - the owners of the company, my boss, HIS boss. And Les loved the band so much, he took it upon himself to start break-dancing. It caught everyone's eye. The party stopped; everyone watched him. I tried to leave quietly, as if I had no idea who he was. Of course, he had the keys to the car." - Jasmine, age 21.

"With Nick, it's never just a date. It's parasailing, deep-sea fishing, soaring, snorkeling, hiking. I long to sack out beside a TV and munch a pizza. But he thinks I'm his soulmate; I don't dare tell him." - Faith, age 22.

"The woman could not dance. She had absolutely no rhythm, couldn't follow my lead, nothing. None. It was like she was stomping out a fire. Or killing army ants. I had to move away or get hurt." - Kenneth, age 31.

"He was a great dancer, and I was having a blast. Until I ran my hand through his hair and he ran, screaming, literally howling, off the dance floor. He was gone, in the men's room for about twenty minutes. When he came back, he told me never, never under any circumstances, to touch his hair. Trust me..." - Donna, age 34.

"It was snowing pretty bad, so her parents suggested I spend the night in the guestroom. As I was going to bed, they said: "By the way, Blossom's loose - don't be surprised if you see her." I figured Blossom was a rabbit or a hamster, since I'd seen a cage in the family room. I'm asleep. I dream something very long and slithery is sliding up my leg onto my belly. A python? A boa? Some very large snake. Suddenly, I open my eyes and realize I'm not dreaming. I fly out of bed, run screaming down the hall. I'm sputtering, unable to make words. My date, her parents, and her sisters come out of their rooms. That's when I realize I'm standing there stark naked. Her dad grins and says that he guesses I found Blossom." - Steve, age 24.

"We were in the mall. They pipe in music. Gary grabs me and starts dancing around the floor, waltzing. Kill me, I think. Somebody just kill me now." - Erica, age 21.

"Waiting in line for tickets to a show, Brendan starts dancing. There's no music, no reason. He just dances in place, a little two-step. I think, does he have to go to the bathroom? Does anyone notice this but me? Is he dangerous?" - Linda, age 30.

"Dave asked me over for dinner. When I got there, he told me to "make myself at home," and then pumped iron in the basement for an hour. After that, he took a shower. It was like he didn't know I was there. I didn't get upset; I made long-distance calls. At least he'll know when the bill comes." - Dena, age 34.

"He likes to go bar-hopping. And it seems like, every bar we go to, the waitresses know him. Know him WELL." - Lois, age 31.

"After our first date, Trevor called my phone machine six or seven times a day with messages about what a good time he'd had, how he couldn't wait to see me again, how attractive he found me, how he couldn't get anything done because he was thinking about me, imagining our next time together. Gag me." - Gigi, age 22.

"As soon as Steve showed up, my phone rang. It was for him. The guy calling sounded like a thug. Steve apologized and said he'd given my phone number to his dispatcher, in case anyone needed him. He took the call and, as we started to leave, he got another. For about two weeks, he continued getting calls at my number. And some guy kept calling because he didn't believe me when I said Steve wasn't there and wasn't going to be, either. He called about four times in a half hour and said: "When you see him, you tell him to call me." It was scary." - Eva, age 31.

"Maureen has about forty locks on her door. You spend forty minutes getting in, and another forty relocking them from the inside. When you want to leave, it takes forty for her to unlock them to let you out. That's basically how we spent the evening." - Marc, age 23.

"Faye had lists of everything. She had them with her - a list for the supermarket, a list of chores, a list of people to call, a list of bills to pay. She even had a list of what she had to do that day, including our date - a schedule. And she checked items off one by one as we did them. Get picked up at 7. Check. Movie, 7:20. Check. At the door, we kissed, and I reminded her to check it off the list." - William, age 43.

"Gary requires equipment for everything he does. If we go for a hike, he needs to dress in mountain boots and carry a survival kit. He packs a pocketknife, sunscreen, bug spray, a water bottle, a jacket, candy bars, a first-aid kit, a flare gun, a camera, a phone... and THAT'S just to walk through the park." - Eden, age 40.

"Tom said he had shelves full of porno tapes. Instead of going out, he wanted to stay home and watch them. He also wanted to make our own." - Heather, age 30.

Busy techs say "AYE!" to the tan hero

UGH, THIS THING RESTARTED AGAIN!

High-scoring words of the day so far:

TECH (303 points) - against Mary Jane L. [two 5W]
YIPPIES (198 points) - against Jeannie H. [two 3W]
RESAW (205 points) - against Nikki S. [two 5W]
SAWFLY (368 points; two 4W), BANGERS (130 points; 3W, 2W) - against Kathy H.
BUSY (414 points) - against Josephine S. [5W, 4W, 2W, hook off CAD to make SCAD]
AYES (200 points) - against Barb G. [two 5W] (a good deficit-erasing word!)
HERO (120 points) - against Jennifer G. [3W, 5W]

Interesting rack of the day so far: ATANROSE (against Hitomi S. - read that as "a tan rose")


Edit: Here's how a breakup letter to Stephen would have looked back in 2005, courtesy of the site I linked in my last post...

Dear Stephen,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling. You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.

Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. You're like cling wrap around me, but what you need to realize is that I am not a vegetable and your clinginess is unbearable. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It's not you, it's me. Really. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I'm not sure whether we can see each other again in the future but, for now at least, I definitely need my own space. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Wish it could have worked out,
Leslie

Generic breakup letter: VERY FUNNY!

Facebook changed its format AGAIN?! What the heck. I just got used to the "old" one!

HAHAHAHAHA! I wish I'd had this "generic breakup email site" a few months ago! (got link from Kathy - kat15lee)

Dear K,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that. I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling. You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.

Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a Happy Meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. I'm not a puppet, you can't just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there's nothing you can do about it. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

See you in hell,
Leslie

The Green Goblin! / Are you a sexy romantic messy artist?

Bingo of the night so far:

SOFTHEADS (65 points) - against Candy D.

High-scoring words of the night so far:

JANTY (608 points) - against Michelle S. [2W, two 4W]
SOFA (120 points) - against Jason F. [5W, 4L on F]

Interesting rack of the night so far: PAIRBOAT (against George M.)


Poo nugget for this weekend: Green Goblin - The Green Goblin, though thankfully rare, is an explosion of foul-smelling diarrhea that is characterized by its viridian hue. Although various foods can lend normal poo a greenish tint, this bowel movement's deep-set, blackish-green appearance makes it seem as if you are viewing it through night-vision goggles. Also distinguishing this poo from more benign green poo is its liquid form and associated symptoms of fever and abdominal pain. More often than not, this poo shows up following a course of antibiotics for a tooth abscess or sinus infection. Synonyms: Seaweed Stool, Night Vision Stool, Popeye's Poo.

Got this SEXY "tagging people" pic from Candy:

A button is not a screw!

Sam picked me up on time, right when I'd finished eating dinner. We talked a lot about the gang shootings being everywhere now, school, the MARTYRS book, plans to see THE WATCHMEN with Emily, skating tomorrow, Eric's luck at getting tickets to the L.A. hockey game (we ended up winning 4-2), there being more to the WATCHMEN story than action (he had to read it in school), Jon's wedding, how we all sat on Harmony, and more. When we got to the parkade, I pressed the second floor button: I've never done that before, so it was cool! Sam and I found out where the church library actually is, which is good - it's a little corner room! Saw Dylan borrow Phil's keys, who later thought a screw which fell on the floor was from one of my coat buttons: probably not, but I kept it just in case. Talked to Raymond about meetings and Monday's JACK BAUER episode: I'd have to watch it again to answer the questions he might have! (he missed some of it)

Talked to Cindy, and gave her my bit of the food hamper stuff since I won't be there in two weeks. I was going to give it to Kevin afterwards, but the guys all went to Superstore to price out food. The girls had fun with dessert ideas: Dianne LOVED Calla's cookbook, and I could tell that it would smell good. Jen loved looking through the various pictures of baked goods. Sheena, Jen, Dianne, Cindy, Calla, Lesley, Andrea T., Melia, Janette, Vivian, and I talked about the guys / lame announcements / stickers / way more stuff.

I had to correct Melia on her impression that Eric was allergic to sugar: he just can't really have it because of health issues, is all. Also got all "NG" on her when the conversation veered to TMI topics: I'm not going to apologize for taking something the totally wrong way! (double meaning) Talked about optometry, Pap smears, and more health stuff as well. After we were finished, I spent about an hour with the younger crowd. Talked to Andrea L. and Tony about Facebook: apparently, I take up Tony's news feed a lot, and he commented on it. So I joked that I could delete him as a friend. Andrea, Stanley, Joey, and others have been sucked into MAFIA WARS - Andrea figured that if Jon had Facebook, then she had to get back into it herself!

Ivan offered me their crackers, water bottles, baby carrots, Mexican chili chips, and dip: THANKS! Listened to them discuss Sonya's furniture, the gang shootings, F My Life (thanks to Vania), Daniel and haircuts, J-Mak shopping a lot, school, Henry and pizza, piano tuning (should ask Uncle Johnny for a better price on Sunday), and more. Amy accidentally put contact lens solution in her eye INSTEAD of eyedrops! Sarah, Emily, Cordia, and others pointed out her mistake. On the way home, I listened to Jeff Buckley's HALLELUJAH - such a good song! Ivan has interesting music taste (including a female covering McCartney's MAYBE I'M AMAZED), hehe. Talked about school, getting up early (makes him feel gross - I AGREE!), the Olympic rings, maybe saving power by putting color in later, the maple syrup with the Olympic mascots on it (where can we buy it?!), and more. It was a good night - I can be lazy tomorrow, hahaha.

Dream: Pools, front lawns, and loonies in rails

Bingo of the day so far:

VESUVIAN (154 points) - against Patricia M.

High-scoring word of the day so far:

VESUVIAN (154 points) - against Patricia M. [bingo, 4W, 2W, hook off FAG for a plural]
QUANT (105 points) - against Patricia M. [5W] {different game} (a good deficit-erasing word!)
WAIF (300 points) - against Brenda B. [two 5W]


Had a dream where the "front lawn" of Eric's parents' property consisted of rolling grassy hills. A bunch of their friends were always around, and Eric himself was playing baseball in uniform. (he also had brown curly hair and red cheeks) This property adjoined the old Minoru Pool, which was now Michelle L.'s sons' pool. It even had a green-and-white sign: "RYAN AND ETHAN'S POOL - COME IN!" Then there was a generational epic book around, with black-and-white photos explaining a black baseball player's heritage. One name I remember is Jennifer Gordon, whose granddaughter Mady (born in 1964) was taller than she was - yet they were both pushing baby strollers around at the same time!

I saw money boxes around, and helped with Winnie's babies plus other kids. A few of them didn't want to be with me, so I let them alone. The dream ended when Eric and I were in a hurry to get somewhere, yet his parents insisted he greet certain people properly on the "lawn" before a baseball game (he only partook of ten minutes), and we saw a loonie in the stair rail of one of the property buildings. NO IDEA WHY I HAD THE DREAM!

Speaking of Eric, he called earlier to say he'd be at the hockey game tonight - it's probably easier not to go anywhere, so I won't be at Fellowship. Yay for being lazy and not calling Sam / Ivan! :P

Edit at 3: Okay, so I decided not to be lazy. Sam says he can pick me up at about 6:30, and I don't mind if he has to pick up food for Fellowship. If they're doing something later, I'm game if it involves going out to eat. But if not, we'll see what Ivan has to say. At least I get to see a certain person people and figure out what the women will do for the men next week! Ivan also called to see what was up since he was in class when I phoned - no worries! Have also made plans with both Barry (food shopping at 12:30) and Billie (Granville / Broadway at 6; dinner) for two weeks from now. Must tell Eric on the day OF, and give him the receipts maybe on Sunday? Hmm.

You Are Truth

You are communicative, talkative, and honest to a fault. You love telling others about yourself, but not as much as you like hearing about them. You connect easily with strangers. You're very open, and you can find common ground with people. You love to gossip and tell secrets. Telling all is how you get close to people.

Are You Truth or Dare?

That doesn't mean I gossip about everyone! I even picked the "no gossip" option on the quiz. Sheesh!

Pokemon picture / Poo-phoria!

High-scoring words of the night so far:

ENDOWS (120 points) - against Michelle S. [5W, 3W]
VEXT (216 points) - against Jessica K. [3W, 4W]

It's Friday the 13th - YIKES, haha.

Poo nugget for Friday, Mar. 13: Poo-Phoria: A Natural High! The term "Poo-phoria" comes from the experience of euphoria and ecstasy that you feel throughout your body during this special experience on the toilet. The exhilaration from this defecation, large in volume but varying in form, is often accompanied by goose bumps and even a little light-headedness as the discharge of the toxins is completed. These are the types of poos that make us all look forward to spending time on the toilet. POO OF THE MONTH!


Kaitlin found this Pokemon "tag" picture, which is very cute!

Don't say you're saving condoms for dessert!

This thing JUST restarted - UGH!

These are from my copy of America's Dumbest Dates: Over 500 Tales of Fumbled Flirtations.

The Food of Love

"Stanley used his fork like a shovel. His face was an inch above his plate, and his fork moved back and forth between the two. His meal was gone before mine had cooled enough to taste." - Marianne, age 30.

"Carolyn stood at the door of the restaurant, and waited in the cold for me to open the door for her. She could not bring herself to open the door. She stood at the table and waited for me to pull out her chair. After she went to the ladies' room, she stood waiting for me to get up and seat her. This got old quickly." - Randy, age 31.

"Irene is a fanatic vegetarian. So I pretended I was, too. Now that we're dating, all I can eat when I'm with her is tofu, sprouts, and honey." - Sal, age 29.

"Janie weighs maybe a hundred pounds. She's about five foot two. I have never, and I mean never, seen somebody eat as much as she did. Before dinner, she said she could eat her own weight in red meat, and I believed her. I kept hoping the meal would arrive. I didn't like the way she was looking at me." - Mel, age 40.

"Arnold took ten minutes to sample the wine. He sniffed it, held his breath, and his eyes rolled back in his head. Then he sipped it and rolled it around on his tongue with his eyes closed. He twisted his mouth, splashed it around from cheek to cheek like mouthwash. His face looked like he was in pain. Finally, he swallowed, and still with his eyes closed, he nodded. The waiter filled my glass. By the time Arnold had opened his eyes, I'd drained it." - Chloe, age 28.

"Anna gave me a sip of her Black Russian. From her mouth. I wasn't expecting it and pulled away; it dribbled down her face, all over her dress, my shirt, the tablecloth." - Eric, age 25.

"It's our first date. Bernard takes me to an expensive restaurant, and as I'm sipping my soup, he takes out two condoms, lays them beside his plate, and says he's saving them for dessert." - Bridget, age 48.

"I have never seen anyone eat so slowly as Monica. I took her to lunch. It took her an hour and a half to finish a bowl of soup. By the time she finished her sandwich, my butt had gone numb from sitting, and I was hungry for dinner." - Al, age 32.

"A herd of goats died to make her dining room table. She bragged that it was laminated goat skin. On this table of death, she served blood-red filet. And she bragged that the huge mirror on the wall was framed in whale bones. I felt like I was in a house of horrors." - Bert, age 47.

"Vanessa offered to cook for me and proceeded to fight, I mean physically FIGHT with her appliances. She burned a finger on the toaster oven, and told it that it was in big trouble and pulled out the plug. When the vegetable drawer got stuck, she battled with it - tugged, pushed, slammed, arguing with it the whole time. If I hadn't stepped in, she'd have trashed it. Maybe she was nervous about dinner, but she TALKED to her dishwasher and scolded her stove when the flame was too high, as if she had no concept of inanimate objects." - Kevin, age 23.

"Pam suggested that we "share" dessert, a piece of apple pie à la mode. I managed to dive in once, while she was chewing, and I got a taste of ice cream with a little bit of crust. But the way she attacked that plate, I was afraid to try for more. Truly, her fork was a weapon. It was dangerous to get between Pam and her pie." - Dennis, age 42.

"I was fixed up with Latrice. I took her to dinner. All she would eat was a small green salad with oil and vinegar. Not a large green salad, a small one. Not a piece of bread. I felt guilty ordering a regular meal. I offered her a piece of my filet, some of my potato. She sat and watched me eat, nibbled an occasional shredded radish. It was like feasting in front of a poster child for some famine relief organization." - Jimmy, age 32.

"Mitch ordered one entree because they were big and we could share." - Camille, age 30.

"As we dined, Lori rubbed my leg under the table, playing footsie. We drank champagne. She ran her tongue across her lips and told me how the bubbles made her lips tingle. I leaned across to see for myself and knocked over the champagne bucket. The entire thing - ice, bottle, champagne - all clattered to the floor. Heads turned, people stared. So much for THE MOMENT." - Matt, age 23.

"Alexis talked with her mouth full. When she was animated, bits of food flew from her lips and landed all over the table." - Greg, age 33.

"I was dating Daniel and ending a year-long relationship with Greg. Daniel's family was coming to town. He wanted me to meet them, so I offered to cook dinner. Unfortunately, their flight was delayed. Daniel came over to tell me, but I was out grocery shopping, so he left a note in my mailbox. I'd already picked up the mail, so I never got the note. I made dinner. Nobody showed up. I was furious. I called Greg and made a date for the next night. I couldn't believe Daniel had stood me up. The next night, Sunday, while I was entertaining Greg, who knocks at the door expecting dinner? Daniel, his mother, and his father. Apparently, his note said they were coming in late Saturday night and asked me to change the dinner date to Sunday... and also to call him if it wasn't okay. I invited them in and offered them some of our wine. It was awful." - Debra, age 23.

"I bought Sondra lunch, and she lost a tooth in her hoagie. It shattered or something. Not a pretty sight." - Ben, age 41.

"Greg took me to dinner, and then cited the amount and types of fat and cholesterol in my prime rib. He was like a walking list of nutritional information. To him, food was a plateful of chemical components - fiber, fat, minerals, complex and simple carbohydrates, It got so I didn't even want to touch my meal, much less swallow it." - Melanie, age 39.

"George started at me all through dinner - so intensely that it was scary. He was so FOCUSED. Then, all of a sudden, splat - he plopped forward, smack into his enchiladas. I thought, "Oh my gosh, he's dead!" And he was - dead drunk. When the waiter sat him up, there were refried beans hanging from his nose and his glasses were still in the enchiladas." - Faye, age 27.

"I cut the pasta. I didn't roll it. You'd have thought I'd smashed his car." - Geri, age 28.

"She couldn't stop talking, even when she was pouring coffee. She was looking at me, gabbing, altogether missed the mug, and managed to pour my coffee all over me. I thought the skin would peel right off my thighs." - Jordan, age 28.

"Maria would not talk directly to the waiter. She told me what she wanted, and expected me to tell him. "I'll have lentil soup." "She'll have lentil soup." "And the duckling." "And the duckling." "No, change the soup to house salad." It was ridiculous. I felt like a parrot. Or like I was playing that kids' game, passing the message down the line." - Jerome, age 31.

"I asked David in for coffee. Little did I know he'd lecture me about the inferiority of instant. The decadence of decaf. We're talking serious coffee snob, here. To him, my coffee was a character flaw." - Samantha, age 23.

"All during dinner, Randy talked about his heart surgery. Details of the process, the anesthesia, the recovery. Right there at the table, he opened his shirt to show me the scar. At least it wasn't hemorrhoid surgery." - Marie, age 39.

"Jasmine ordered a steak. Somehow, she managed to cut it so fiercely that it went flying off her plate, across the table, and onto the floor. Just as a couple was being escorted to their table. The woman tripped on the steak and went down screaming. Everyone in the restaurant was staring. Jasmine wasn't the least bit rattled. She wanted a new steak and said the old one was tough." - Tyrone, age 34.

"I ordered veal and all though dinner, he couldn't stop talking about how I was eating a dead animal. How my dinner used to have a face." - Marge, age 31.

"Constance ordered in French in French restaurants, and in Italian in Italian restaurants. When we went for Mexican food, she ordered in Spanish. And none of the waiters, in any of these restaurants, could understand a word she said." - Harris, age 33.

"He chewed out the waiter for bringing his steak too well done. Asked him if was hard of hearing or just stupid. Demanded "compensation" from the manager, in the form of free drinks, and then he didn't leave a tip." - Joan, age 43.

"We'd had a long, romantic dinner and a couple bottles of wine. When we got to my car, I asked Laura if she wanted to go back to my place. She nodded and leaned against the car, a dreamy look on her face, and looked up at me. I leaned over to kiss her and, just as I did, she slid - no, it was more of a plop - down between my arms right onto the ground. Her head rested on my hubcap. She was sound asleep. Passed out. Snoring. I had to drag her to the car door, lift her into the seat, and deposit her at her apartment. She didn't wake up the whole time." - Lowell, age 30.

"Whitney thought the people at the next table were eavesdropping, so she said outrageous things just to shock them. She told me not to chicken out, that no one would ever suspect us. We had to kill the creep, like we'd talked about. When they got really silent and leaned toward us, trying to hear more, she began talking pig Latin. "Omebody-say as-hay ig-bay ose-nay." " - Dave, age 31.

"On our first date, for brunch, he licked a strawberry and said he'd love to suck my toes." - Shelley, age 29.

"Avery called me every night for two weeks, asking me to have dinner with him. Finally, I went. He took me to McDonalds. As he chowed down on his Quarter Pounder, he asked me if I could get him fixed up with my sister." - Gwen, age 23.

"To impress David, I invited him to dinner at my sorority house. Tables were set up all over, since everyone had dates. As I carried our tray through the foyer, I looked up and smiled at David, slipped on a piece of ice, and fell on my butt, my legs spread in opposite directions. Lamb chops flew across the room. Applesauce splattered the wall. Corn was everywhere. David was impressed." - Janie, age 30.

"He spent our whole dinner talking on his portable phone. His office, his broker, his client, his four-year-old son, his ex-wife. I entertained myself by ordering more food and drinks. Had two desserts. Finally, sitting across the table, I called him from MY portable. He laughed and said he'd get back to me." - Angie, age 33.

Am I Fresh off the Boat? (aka A HONGER)

From Amy via Facebook note:

The Fob Quiz

[x] Both of your parents are from Asia.
[] You were born in Asia.
[] You use the term "Azn."
[] You think DDR is cool.
[] You watch anime.
[] You like Korean drama.
[] You have stuff hanging on your phone.
[] Your parents want you to marry within your own race.
[] You eat rice almost every day.
[] You drink lemon tea.

X's so far: 1/10

[] You style your hair.
[x] You have a Xanga / Bebo / Myspace / Friendster.
[x] You speak languages other than English.
[] Your parents are strict compared to other REALLY Asian parents.
[] Your parents have high expectations of you.
[] You always get A's / B's on your report card.
[] You do Chemistry / Biology / Physics / Accounting.
[x] You know your multiplication tables.
[] You play badminton or table tennis.
[] You've seen the Asian version of The Ring / The Grudge.

X's so far: 4/20

[] You go / want to go to a university and would NEVER consider an apprenticeship.
[] You own an Asian car.
[x] You're not the only child.
[x] You've gotten little red envelopes around February.
[] You know the difference between kung fu, karate, and tae kwon do.
[x] If you're a girl, you prefer white guys over Asian guys... or if you're a guy, you prefer Asian girls.
[x] Your mother tries to bargain even though the product is already discounted.
[] You can do the Rubik's cube.
[x] You have a box of noodles somewhere in your house.
[] You play video games.

X's so far: 9/30

[] Every time you're going out, your parents ask you where you're going and what time you'll be home.
[] You have karaoke at home.
[] You have have heard of BoA, Gazette, Ayumi Hamasaki, Gackt, Jay Chou, Twins, or DBSK.
[] You've been to a LAN more than 3 times.
[] You have incense sticks / mothballs in your house.
[] You own a gaming console.
[x] You play a musical instrument.
[x] You don't wear shoes in your house.
[x] You can use chopsticks well.
[x] You get nothing if you do well in school.

X's so far: 13/40

[] Your parents won't let you go out if you have school the next day.
[] You have Asian songs on your computer / iPod.
[x] You don't like football.
[] You have / had a curfew.
[] You know what Ulzzang / TB means.
[] You know what purikura is.
[x] You like bubble tea.
[x] Your parents bought you shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come.
[x] You've played Final Fantasy.
[] You believe in fortune cookies.

X's so far: 17/50

[x] You know what bok choy is.
[] You've heard the song Got rice?
[x] You have / had a tutor.
[x] You've had Pocky / Yan Yan before.
[] When you seek your mother's permission, she replies "Ask your dad."
[x] You like to save things in case you need them later, even if you never use it.
[x] You have tasted durian.
[] You hope to be employed in something practical, like medicine, law, accounting, or engineering.
[x] You have eaten dog or snake.
[x] Everyone thinks you're at least a year younger than you actually are.

X's so far: 24/60

[x] You call your adult family friends "Auntie" or "Uncle."
[] You have or have had a bowl cut.
[x] Your parents enjoy(ed) comparing you to their friends' kids.
[x] You eat everything with chopsticks.
[] You hang / hung your clothes out to dry on a line attached to the window of your flat and the window across from yours.
[] You are applying to an Ivy League college.
[] Your parents or relatives have tried setting you up with someone.
[x] You eat for breakfast what is considered food unfit for breakfast.
[] You scored higher on the math than you did on the verbal on the SAT.
[] You always cheer for the Asian athlete on TV.

X's so far: 28/70

[x] You love shopping at Costco because everything's cheaper when buying in bulk, even if you don't need so much.
[] You buy rice in 50lb sacks at least.
[] You have had to wear hand-me-downs.
[x] You get two of the same thing but one is better because it's free.
[] You fight for the bill because of face, even though you don't actually want to pay for such an expensive meal.
[] You make things yourself because it's cheaper, even though it takes more time.
[] You own a huge butcher knife, but it's actually called a "vegetable knife."
[] You own a lot of Tommy Hilfiger or Calvin Klein.
[x] You can down cups of tea like water and not feel the caffeine effects because you're used to it.
[x] You love hot pot.

X's so far: 31/80

[x] You make your rice without butter, spices, or salts.
[x] Your parents are especially loud on the phone.
[x] You always take home the leftovers from a restaurant.
[] You try to coerce others into taking the leftovers if you're eating with company.
[] You give fruits as gifts.
[] You will waste extra gas to find cheaper gas / other things.
[x] You are smaller in size compared to the Caucasian population.
[x] You have relatives in Canada. [this shouldn't really count as I live in Canada...]
[] The number 8 is an extremely lucky and important number to you.
[] The number 4 is an extremely unlucky number to you.

X's so far: 36/90

[x] Every big event revolves around food.
[] You have gotten used to the smells of herbal medicines.
[] You are stick-thin and want to keep it that way.
[x] You try to save money on everything you buy.
[x] You eat a lot, but it doesn't add much to your weight.
[] You care a lot about staying in fashion with the rest of Asia.
[x] School is always the number one priority in your family.
[] You care a lot about honor and saving face.
[x] Your parents expect you to do everything right.
[] You mix languages up constantly while thinking and speaking.

X's in total: 41/100.

25 or lower: White-Washed
26-30: European / Canadian / American-Born Asian
31-40: Pure Asian
40-45: FOB-Washed Asian
45-50: Pure FOBS
55 and up: Hopelessly FOBBY

Dream of assertive baby Micah

High-scoring words of the day so far:

CUTTAGE (111 points) - against Mary Jane L. [3W, 2W, hook off ALB to make ALBA]
HOOVES (931 points) - against Lee M. [3W, two 4W, hook off O / ROOK / KA to make HO and OKA]

For some reason, Eric (Samantha and Rosanna's dad) added me to Facebook... okay, then. This thing also restarted overnight!

I had a weird dream, but can only remember parts of it: Jon and Harmony were getting married in a crowded diner, and I was way in the back because I was helping to look after the kids with Daniel and Frances. Baby Micah (Frances' son) was asserting his alpha male tendencies at fifteen months of age ALREADY, which wasn't a good thing. This caused us to miss the vows entirely, but we managed to congratulate the couple by going around the tables as they were being cleared up. Afterwards, we went to Stanley Park and went on Facebook to play Wordscraper. We discovered that we couldn't rip the menus off from the food court stores because they were held in place by sturdy red rods. So then we bused around town until we all went to a steakhouse to eat some more. NO IDEA why I had it!

You Are a Lemon Cupcake

You are spirited and spunky. You embrace life and have a sunny outlook. You're drawn to all sorts of people. You can find something to like about almost anyone. You are like a cupcake because you're cute and happy. You can turn anyone's day around. You love to laugh and have a wickedly funny sense of humor. You enjoy teasing and joking around.

What Flavor Cupcake Are You?

I get to read about 200,000 martyrs!

High-scoring words of the night so far:

FEEING (331 points) - against Lee M. [two 5W, hook off TON to make TONG]
CHEF (125 points) - against Cheyanne R. [5W, 3L on H]
SCOUR (130 points) - against Jennifer G. [5W, 3W, hook off SWAG for a plural]

I hear the Keg has saved the fireworks - YAY!

I had to remind my mother that I was transit-dependent when she asked why I didn't come over to the townhouse earlier. *sigh* Besides, I had to do stuff for myself. Was surprised to see Jonathan there (the ugfart met him for the first time), so we talked about belated birthdays / piano tuning (maybe Mike knows how much his dad charges!) / good deals on pianos / the ug giving me The New Encyclopedia of Christian Martyrs since I seemed to like that stuff (Mark Waters) [over 200,000 martyrs drawn from over fifty countries!] / how I am on beer (had some at dinner) / my quirky wedding gift (when Jon was in his room) / middle names / gang shootings / Chinese radishes / special photos / interesting stories. Dinner was pretty good: Mom insisted on giving Jonathan some chicken and me some tomatoes when we left to go to church. I had to translate various things that Grandma said for Eric when he got there, and we told her and Mom that of COURSE he knew what "mom's mom" is in Chinese! He watched a couple of Steph's Facebook videos: both my parents confused Facebook and Youtube, but that's okay.

When we were getting ready to leave, my grandma tried to go with us - we told her to stay home since there wouldn't be enough room in the second car on the way home! Talked about Eric's work and other things on the way to church - at least I didn't make it TOO awkward for Eric, heh. Asked him if he got my email: he had, and made a joke about only reimbursing me for certain things. My sister had received a separate email from me, and approved. Got to church and was surprised to see Lee and Rosenda there - yay! Went into the sanctuary, and said hi to the people there: Steph asked if I remembered Sam, Eva and Ruth's brother. You bet, even though it's been years!

The talk was interesting: Ignatius isn't something I'd name my kid, and I'm not sure Loyola is either. But it's always interesting to learn more about prayer and things like that. Talked to a few people later: Jonathan has met some random crazy people, especially Nathan! Steph didn't want to hear Nate and Vanessa talk about JACK BAUER since she hasn't watched Monday's show yet (neither had Eric) - I told Vanessa that I had bought the canned fish for her, and she thanked me. Christon's back from Hong Kong - good to see him! There was some person sitting right behind me whose singing was way OFF, and I hope I never have to hear such a thing again!

On the way home, we talked about strikes, Kieran, skating, gas, money, the economy, the news on the tied-up guy that Eric saw, and Spring Break. We passed Blockbuster Video: Eric noted that we could now rent MILK, and joked about it. When I said bye to Eric, Mom asked if we still had Fellowship (I said "see you Friday") - yes... yes, we do. Spring Break doesn't affect it at all! At home, I saw a spider on my towel in the bathroom! YIKES! (I also saw an insect run across my desk!) Corey's telling me that he saw one in his bathroom yesterday, and saw an ant tonight - if you see one ant, you probably have more! (have learned the difference between baseboards and crown moldings, too)


Poo nugget for Thursday, Mar. 12: Doo You Know? - The Weekly Standard - Studies of healthy subjects have revealed a wide variation in stool frequency. The current accepted range for "normal" is from three bowel movements per day to three bowel movements per week. (I should show this to my mother!)

"I'd marry my mother if it weren't for the age difference!" / BBQ King

This thing just restarted, AGAIN! UGH!

Got this amusing "dialogue" when trying to access a Blogthings page on LJ which is no longer there:

Narrator: In A.D. 2006, Web was beginning.

Captain: What happen?

Mechanic: Somebody set up us the journal.

Operator: We get signal.

Captain: What!

Operator: Main browser turn on.

Captain: It's you!!

CATS: How are you users!!

CATS: All your base are belong to Frank.

CATS: You are on the way to 404.

Captain: What you say!!

CATS: You have no chance to reach your page. Make your spelling correct.

CATS: Ha Ha Ha Ha....

You Are the Communicator

You are a collector and facilitator of knowledge. You love storytelling and teaching. You light up when you're around other people, and you especially light up in front of a crowd. You are a charismatic person who's genuinely a joy to be with. You remind others to have fun. You love life, and you're wake up grateful for every new day. This attitude makes the people around you love life as well.

What's Your Life's Mission?

I saw the Chinese version a few days ago, and asked Quan if there was an English version. Didn't get an answer, so I've been obsessively going to my tagged friends' photos on Facebook... I hit pay dirt with Tina!

Chinese version:


English version:



These are from my copy of America's Dumbest Dates: Over 500 Tales of Fumbled Flirtations.

The Art of Conversation

"This is what he told me on our date: His eyes bother him and he has arthritis. His teeth are a pain. He has bursitis and a bad knee, and he had open-heart surgery a year ago. He also can't hear. He told me all this several times; apparently, he also can't remember." - Betty, age 62.

"Ned told me that he was shy, and kept referring to a list he'd made of topics to talk about and jokes to tell." - Iris, age 20.

"Everything that happened, he put up his hand and said "Slap me five." We get a parking space: Slap me five. We get seated at the restaurant without waiting: Slap me five. I like the egg roll: Slap me five. By the end of the evening, I wanted to slap him silly." - Skylar, age 22.

"I know that Louise is older than I am, and I'm not sure how she feels about it. So I told her that I'm five years older than I really am. She probably told me that she's ten years younger." - Seth, age 23.

"He interrupted me every time I opened my mouth. Assumed he knew the end of my sentences. Gradually, I stopped talking. No matter, he conducted both parts of the conversation." - Jill, age 43.

"Over dinner, getting acquainted, he told me that his best friend had just committed suicide. Then he mentioned that his girlfriend had just left him, and by the way, she was pregnant with his baby. Before I knew it, he was crying, tears streaming down his cheeks. He said he was afraid of getting cancer. He didn't think he'd live a long life. He soaked his napkin and blew his nose into the tablecloth. Then he wiped his eyes and asked me if I'd like to go out again on Sunday." - Mary, age 28.

"Toward the end of the evening, I'm thinking that this guy's really kind of sexy, that he has a really nice set of lips. That I'd really like to kiss them. I'm leaning his way, staring up into his eyes, and he meets my eyes and talks about how much money his new computer system is saving him. Oh well." - Sandie, age 25.

"Sherrie talked constantly - while riding, while watching the movie, while chewing her pizza. I finally got her to shut up by kissing her, but she waited until we took a breather, and picked up her monologue exactly where she left off. At the very WORD." - Scott, age 25.

"Apparently, Alice thought that a date was an occasion to discuss the details of her failed marriage. And much cheaper than a shrink." - Bruce, age 44.

"Sonia took me to a family dinner. Her aunt kept pushing food at me, and she fumed until I ate it. I thought she was going to spoon it into my mouth. Everyone spoke Hungarian. They'd look at me and nod and talk, laugh out loud. Howl with laughter. I sort of smiled. I had no idea the whole night what was going on." - Jason, age 30.

"All night, he talked about his mother. How perfect she is. How her arthritis bothers her, but she never complains. How she's the most intelligent woman he's ever met: a perfect lady, a wonderful hostess, mother, cook, homemaker. Beautiful. Poised. Witty. He said, age aside, that if she weren't his mother, he'd want to marry her. Then he excused himself at nine o'clock so he could call her to say goodnight." - Ebony, age 29.

"At the end of the evening, Yvonne knew nothing about me. And actually, I knew nothing about her. But I knew more than I'd ever want to about her flawless former boyfriend, Edmond, against whom no man can compare." - Bert, age 38.

"He told me that he had been a women's studies major at the same university I'd gone to. On our second date, I learned that he never graduated. But he hadn't exactly LIED; in actual fact, he'd hung around campus, studying women." - Paula, age 22.

"Brad told me that I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He ogled me. Whatever I said, he agreed. Whatever I liked, he liked. Whatever opinions I had, he shared. He was like a parrot. "Ice skating? I love it, too. Anchovies? Nothing better." Finally, I began to tell him that I liked things I actually can't stand. Professional wrestling. Bluefish. Line dancing. He said he liked all that, too. I'd had it. I told him that he was a fool. He nodded, held my hand, and asked if I believed in love at first sight." - Sarah, age 31.

"Frank kept calling me Charlene. He said I looked like a Charlene. I bet Charlene and I don't look alike; probably the only thing we have in common is that we're both unfortunate enough to have gone out with Frank." - Liz, age 32.

" "Lois, huh?" He kept saying that. "Lois, huh? I've never been out with a Lois before." Like what? Each name is a different breed?" - Lois, age 30.

"Liz complimented me about everything. She told me that I dress great, and I've got great taste. She said I'm intelligent, fascinating, and clever. Also, thoughtful and generous, and I have penetrating eyes and strong features. According to her, I'm pretty fantastic. I can't wait to take her out again. She's incredibly perceptive." - Paul, age 33.

"Jesse bragged that I was the first woman of his race or religion that he'd been out with since high school. Like I should be honored." - Gabriella, age 23.

"I asked him not to smoke. "Why?" he said. "Is it a crime?" I said that smoke bothered me. He said: "Oh, you're not one of those picky, high-maintenance broads, are you?" That ended the conversation. Not to mention the evening." - Ilana, age 26.

"He found out my age, looked me over, and said: "You don't look so bad for thirty." He thought that was a compliment." - Margo, age 32.

"She came dressed all in tie-dye. A hippie. Rings on every finger. Like that. She said she admired my aura. That it was rare to see a man with a sky blue-pink aura. She just HAD to experience me. To mingle our auras would add to the harmony of the planet. I thought she was nuts, but I didn't argue with her, no sir. Mingling auras sounded like it might just be fun." - Digger, age 41.

"He sat across the table, looked into my eyes, and compared me to his old girlfriend. My eyes were almost as blue, my hair not quite as full. My lips a bit fuller. But all in all, I was attractive in my own way despite the differences. Still, she knew him much better... better than anyone had ever known him, and she had this mysterious charismatic quality that I lacked." - Dodie, age 29.

"Leonard couldn't stop talking. He talked the whole night. I didn't get a word in. When he pulled up to my building to drop me off, he kept on talking. I couldn't break in to thank him or say goodnight, so I just opened the door to get out. He kept talking. I put my foot out onto the curb; he kept talking. I got out, closed the door; he opened his window and leaned his head out, still talking. I heard his voice trailing after me until I closed the front door." - Vanessa, age 31.

Shampoo, knocking, understanding, and more! (survey)

This thing JUST restarted... time for bed anyway!

From Kathy and Karla via Facebook note:

Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? Left, and then in my hair.

How many times do you knock on a door? Once.

Does anyone completely understand you? No, thank goodness.

Ever stayed up all night on the phone? Yes.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? Depends.

Last time you wore the opposite sex's clothing? In September maybe, when I wore someone's Coors Light T-shirt.

Do you ever think "what if" about anything? Sometimes I do.

Do you like your bed? Sure, it's fine!

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now? Not really.

Do you want a boyfriend? If said boyfriend could actually treat me right, then yes. Otherwise, no.

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? I really don't know.

Are you a forgiving person? Sometimes too forgiving.

Do you say sorry first? No.

Have you ever been kissed by a person whose name starts with J? Yes.

Is there a girl / guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Definitely not. I used to know someone who thought he did, though... YEAH RIGHT!

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? YES.

Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn't? Hopefully not.

Who was the last person you had a hilarious phone conversation with? I don't remember.

Are you shy? Not usually.

Are you a talkative person? Depends on whom I'm talking to. ;)

Have you kissed anyone on the cheek within the past month? No.

Can you live a day without TV? Yes, unless it's Monday. ;)

Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Probably. At least, I hope so.

What are you listening to? GWAR, Fishfuck.

Who was the last person you ate pizza with? Auntie Fonda. (even though we were with everybody else for the Child Protection Seminar thingy...)

Do you wave when you see people you know? Of course!

How long does it take you to shower? Ten minutes or so, depending on whether I want to have prolonged contact with the hot water!

Last restaurant you went to? Who did you go with? I went to Gingeri in Lansdowne with my family to celebrate Grandma's 89th birthday.

What kind of car do your siblings drive? Sister has a Subaru (I'm jealous even though I don't drive - go figure!), and brother has a Nissan.

What bank do you go to? The one around here.

What is your favorite kind of gum? Excel.

Who was the principal of your high school? Don't remember.

In the past week, have you felt dumb? Yes.

What kind of dog do you want? A non-existent one.

Are you mean? Snarky, yes; mean, no.

Does something hurt on you right now? No.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone square in their face? Three weeks ago.

Does anybody think you're a bitch? Probably, but I care not because they don't come around here no more. (Tom Petty reference, so not really bad grammar...)

Would you ever dye your hair red? Maybe.

What was the last newspaper you read or skimmed? The Vancouver Sun.

To what song did you last sing along? Aerosmith, Rag Doll.

Ever kissed anyone in a vehicle? Yes.

Who have you texted in the last 24 hours? I don't text.

Have you ever driven without a license? No.

Tamp the soya DOWN with filthy lucre!

Bingos of the night so far:

OUTLEADS (262 points) - against Polly P.
SEAFRONT (83 points) - against Josephine S.

High-scoring words of the night so far:

LUCRES (148 points) - against Tina M. [two 4W, hook off TA to make TAM]
OUTLEADS (262 points) - against Polly P. [bingo, 5W, two 2W] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
BARONESS (138 points) - against Donna O. [three 2W]
WOWS (112 points) - against Linda B. [two 2W, 5L on each W]

Interesting racks of the night so far: TAMPSOYA (against Kerri H. - read that as "Tamp soya!"), LOWWOODS (against Linda B. - read that as "Low woods")


Vanessa H. buzzed me on Facebook chat - I am not really available on Friday to go to Victoria! Oh well. There's a full moon outside, too.

Poo nugget for Wednesday, Mar. 11: Hundekot - Dog excrement is a problem worldwide, but things have apparently gotten so out of hand in Germany that plans are underway to establish a DNA database of hundekot, or dog poo. This way, officials can match abandoned piles of dog poo with their rightful owners, and issue $600 fines for violating the law requiring that owners clean up after their dogs.

Tuna, rice, whole-wheat spaghettini, stamps, and more!

Since I don't want to be rushed tomorrow, I decided to go out in the cold (I saw some snow outside, too) and get things done today - yay for relaxation! I went out the side door, which I noticed was being propped open by something, and cigarette smoke was wafting into the hallway. STUPID IDIOT SMOKERS... there is even a notice taped to the door which specifically says NOT to smoke on the other side of the side door. The stupid idiot had his cigarette lighter propping the door open (so he could get in later), and it had to get in MY way. I just glared at him on my way out - HONESTLY! It's not as bad as the time I was rushing to get to a volunteer job, and there were these two jabronies SITTING ON THE SIDEWALK enjoying a smoke, but really. Smokers are not above rules, people!

Went to Carlton Cards to get a bunch of blank cards for Committee use - since they were having a "buy one, get one half off" promotion, I got two boxes! To be sure, they were different... one had a black-and-white lab dog on them (twenty cards and envelopes), and the other (with ten) had a colorful "HELLO" on them. Then I saw a quirky wedding gift for my brother: The Husband Book: A Guy's Guide To Marriage by Harry Harrison Junior. I *had* to get it, and maybe I'll reproduce some tips here later on. (it isn't in mint condition, but it was the only copy...)

I got enough stamps at the post office to cover the cards, then was off to London Drugs after doing some banking. Got cheap store brand multivitamins (I have to watch my own money, too), Twinings lemon and ginger herbal tea (tisane!), and Queen of the Ocean canned tuna for the small group hamper project. I got some Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime herbal tea (Corey says his friend Jane likes it), whole-wheat spaghettini, two Santa Fe Uncle Ben's rice packages, and two packs of steel wool for myself. All in all, it was a productive time out even if my bank account took the most severe beating since last summer. I still have more than enough money in there, so that's a good sign!

Edit at 9: I was looking all over for the spaghettini, but according to this receipt, I didn't actually buy any! What the heck... maybe I really am losing it! I know I was looking at the boxes in London Drugs... HELP!

Dream of special colors and getting used to the hotel life

I had a weird dream which involved four special color codes for these dishes that my mom was going to make. Yellow, blue, green, and pink meant that varying people had to do dish duty in the huge conference kitchen, and I remember severely disliking that I was paired with Randal of all the people. I thankfully got someone to swap with me (yay for Sabrina and her sister Esther!), and promptly decided to sleep in a whole lot. My brother came and woke me up at 3 PM one day, and my dad lectured me for being lazy while everyone else in our huge group was outside in the snow milling around the Bay entrance!

The next day, I refused to wash a big turkey pan with a bunch of drippings, and Mom was not impressed. I decided to leave it for my brother anyway, and Martin and Raymond came in to help. Then I slept in and woke up myself at 2:50 PM... my sister thought it was a miracle when I appeared in their room. I spent some time wandering around ramps and curtains and such, trying to find the washroom with the magic toothbrush. Later, I went outside where the precipitation had changed to slushy rain, and remarked to Raymond that I was getting a bit too used to the hotel life. The dream ended when the Bay finally opened up: all of the colorful Chinese people just streamed in without order!

You Are the Heart Chakra

You are loving, kind, and empathetic. You feel for the world, and you truly value peace. You have many close relationships, and you work hard to make them harmonious. You are accepting and understanding. You are tolerant of all sorts of viewpoints, even if you don't agree with them. You are very forgiving. When you love someone, your love is unconditional.

What Chakra Are You?

Note: I don't believe in chakras, but took the quiz anyway. Came across them in COMMON GROUND magazine years ago, where Deepak Chopra was talking about them a lot.

Consuming meat makes your poo and farts smell worse!

High-scoring words of the night so far:

DRYISH (288 points) - against Brenda W. [two 4W]
MUSKET (131 points) - against Michelle G. [two 3W, hook off GAIN for a plural]
ATOMY (156 points) - against Glenda P. [4W, 3W]
TUNING (120 points) - against Josephine S. [5W, 2W]
DRIVES (132 points) - against Linda B. [5W, 2W, hook off FORM for a plural]
DEWATER (278 points) - against Thomas D. [3W, 5W] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
GODWIT (725 points) - against Rudi A. [two 5W]
BREW (189 points) - against Colleen H. [two 3W]


Poo nugget for Tuesday, Mar. 10: Doo You Know? - Steak May Taste Good, But... Eating meat makes your poo smell worse than it would if you maintained a vegetarian diet. Meat protein is rich in sulfides, so its consumption results in smellier farts and poop.

Let's say everything we're thinking! / BILL IS DEAD!

Tonight's episode of HOUSE was interesting: it was about this star author named Nick who said everything he's thinking! Sure, he might ruin his marriage with all that! Hell, he made some interesting comments to the doctor characters as well. Steroids apparently didn't help him, and his daughter Marika had an auditory condition too: they did tests on her, and she didn't want them to know it was hurting because she wanted to help her dad. His lungs filled up with fluid after he finished scolding his wife and daughter about the "auditory processing" and being "average." House was impatient and jealous of someone else... yikes! Later, the wife has been offered a better position: a coordinator in three cities? WOW! It was an interesting episode, for sure. Next week's will be about a cat who predicts someone's death - yikes!

In 24, the Vice President continued to refuse to allow the FBI to invade the White House. Allison (Cherry Jones) and her daughter Olivia bonded, and Jack told Bill about his plan to free the President. Apparently, there was a bunch of C-4 in the walls [reminds me of what Eric was telling me on Friday across the street from the church, about how he had some C-4 in his knapsack JUST IN CASE], and a stray bullet would set off a massive explosion that should take out all the soldiers standing along the perimeter. President Taylor agreed to read Juma's prepared statement over the Internet; she asked Juma to release one of the hostages as a show of good faith, and Juma surprisingly agrees. Of course his definition of "release" differed slightly from the President's... DEATH, anyone?

Bill told Jack that there's someone else involved, and got Jack to promise to follow it through. Bill then bum-rushes one of Juma's men and sets off the device! After Bill died, Jack saved the Senator (WHY?!) and took out one of Juma's men before shooting Juma a few times. Renee saw the human side of Jack and she immediately sympathizes. Jack wanted another go with Burnette. The shipment was WEAPONS... not a big surprise! Moss found out that Renee went over his head, and he looked none too pleased. The President wanted her daughter to join her administration as a special advisor, and Ethan was pissed. Apparently, the First Daughter leaked damaging information about President Daniels during the election. Like what? That he was doing the horizontal tango with that blond chick (Lisa Miller) who was leaking information to evil Russian spies? That he tried to keep Wayne Palmer in his coma?

Renee caught on to the One Fundamental Theorem of the show: "I think if we had listened to him, then none of this would have happened." Moss told Renee to clean out her office, saying that he was still running the operation and he couldn't trust her. Jack and Larry then argued about Renee on the way to see Burnette. Jon Voight was planning multiple strikes around Washington, D.C. He was not pleased about Burnette, but his trusty sidekick that kind of looks like Peter from Office Space has sent someone named "Quinn" to deal with it. A shifty-looking guy started creeping around the hospital, and he smothered some poor guy who's recovering from heart surgery and has no next-of-kin. Aaron was okay, and Olivia alluded to something bad that happened to Martha Logan. Aaron got touchy, which is no surprise.

Then Olivia leaked information about her plan to THE WRONG GUY... NO! Jack went into Burnette's room and it's game-time. Burnette royally freaks when he sees Jack. Can't blame the guy. Quinn cut the audio and dropped a canister into the room. It's a bit smaller than the one that Bierko used, and it temporarily knocked out Jack. Quinn then cuts Burnette's throat with a piece of glass, and then puts a piece of glass in Bauer's hand. Looks like they're trying to frame him, because that always works out in the end. Then the police rushed in and established a perimeter. HMM!

I'm glad I don't have to be impatient anymore!

High-scoring words of the day so far:

OCCUR (102 points) - against Kathy T. [4W, 2W] (a good deficit-erasing word!)
ZAS (405 points) - against Linda B. [two 5W]


Katherine H. added me to Facebook: interesting, since I don't really know her even though she's in my church. Then again, the church IS huge... I guess I don't know a whole lot of people from the Agape Fellowship too well, which could also contribute to this. Donna G. also added me, but I ignored it even though I recognize the name from Wordscraper. Had an interesting phone call earlier: maybe these mice will be taken care of! Talked to Jamie about LJ being down or something - weird issues, man! Took a nap, as well - I should stop it if it's detrimental, haha. Melia and Angus can cover my formula so I can buy Vanessa's meat in turn; got an appreciative email from Vanessa, so I did the same with them. YAY FOR THINGS WHICH WORK OUT!



Here's a "tagging people" picture I got from somewhere:

I danced with your mom sliding down a hill, because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.

You Are an Ocean

You are impressive and fascinating. People are drawn to your glory. You are a profound and passionate person. You are boundless in your power. You have a philosophical and poetic soul. You take a lot of time to reflect. You are mysterious and captivating. You are too deep for anyone to figure out.

What Body of Water Are You?

HA HA HA. AS IF! That does NOT describe me at ALL!


From Karla, David L., and Michelle via Facebook note:

Don't spoil the fun! Keep it going! Type out the sentence you end up with in the subject line, and forward this to your friends. Also, send it back to the person that sent it to you.

Pick the month you were born:
January: I kicked
February: I loved
March: I karate-chopped
April: I licked
May: I jumped on
June: I smelled
July: I did the Macarena with
August: I had lunch with
September: I danced with
October: I sang to
November: I yelled at
December: I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1: a birdbath
2: a monster
3: a phone
4: a fork
5: a snowman
6: a gangster
7: my mobile phone
8: my dog
9: my best friend's boyfriend
10: my neighbor
11: my science teacher
12: a banana
13: a fireman
14: a stuffed animal
15: a goat
16: a pickle
17: your mom
18: a spoon
19: a Smurf
20: a baseball bat
21: a ninja
22: Chuck Norris
23: a noodle
24: a squirrel
25: a football player
26: my sister
27: my brother
28: an iPod
29: a surfer
30: a homeless guy
31: a llama and an asp,

What is the last number of the year you were born:
1: in my car
2: on your car
3: in a hole
4: under your bed
5: riding a motorcycle
6: sliding down a hill
7: in an elevator
8: at the dinner table
9: in line at the bank
0: in your bathroom

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White: because I'm cool like that.
Black: because that's how I roll.
Pink: because I'm NOT crazy.
Red: because the voices told me to.
Blue: because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green: because I think I need some serious help.
Purple: because I'm AWESOME!
Gray: because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow: because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars.
Orange: because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown: because I can.
Other: because I'm a Ninja!
None: because I can't control myself!

Now type out the sentence you made in the subject line, and forward this to your friends. Don't forget to send it back to the person that sent it to you!

Formula / Vitamins / Greasy poo

High-scoring words of the night so far:

ECHOED (140 points) - against Mary S. [5W, 2W] (a good deficit-erasing word!)
LINEUP (140 points; two 4W, hook off AA to make AAL), ADYTA (278 points; two 5W) - against Carol Anne M.
INGROWN (134 points) - against Donna G. [4W, hook off ABUSE to make ABUSER]
CARROMED (330 points) - against Jessica K. [5W, two 2W]
HAIKU (180 points) - against Kelli M. [two 4W, hook off LOOFA to make LOOFAH]


UGH, THIS THING JUST RESTARTED!

Ah, I felt a bit better (less sleepy) after a nap... yay! Got an email from Kevin: I have no idea how much formula costs, but apparently I have to pick that up along with multivitamins, two cans of meat / tuna / salmon (I do that to myself because Vanessa can't contribute), and a box of herbal tea. Good job of giving me two of the most expensive items, Kevin... I can see myself looking at the store display for HOURS trying to decide which of the various options to buy! Maybe I'll do that on Wednesday, too - they should have that somewhere reasonably nearby. Then again, Jane's told me the cost of formula ($12-25 USD?!)... I already put in a swap request since Kevin said we could if we wished, but I AM SO SURPRISED! Yikes... at least I know the approximate cost of multivitamins, herbal tea boxes, and canned meat / fish! No, I am not complaining about the cost... this blog is merely a record, after all.


Poo nugget for Monday, Mar. 9: Dr. Stool Says - Beware of Dangerous Floaters! Extremely foul-smelling, greasy, floating stool is much more worrisome than innocuous floaters. These symptoms usually include the presence of fat in the stool. This is never normal and often reflects an underlying problem in the GI tract, most commonly involving the pancreas or liver. The pancreas, liver, and gallbladder normally team up to help the body digest the fat we consume. When these organs become diseased, dietary fat passes through our GI tract undigested and results in the formation of floating, "oil-slick" stool.

Johnny will miss Dylan's wedding and my birthday?!

The family picked me up this morning, and I told Jon about what Teresa had told me and Andrea about Eric and Jeremy being Jewish because of their noses. Definitely funny, haha. Read an article about how some local guy was charged with his wife's murder in India... BAD! I took the stairs when we got to the parkade since it beat waiting for the elevator, haha. Said hi to Raymond / Connie and talked for a bit about vacuum bag prices varying by region for Dust Devils, Timothy Fellowship, losing an hour of sleep (we could definitely feel it), sleeping at our usual time NOT a good idea, and more. Jeremy looked like he was holding onto the pew in front of him as a sleeping surface, haha - I told him that sleeping an hour ahead of schedule did NOT happen for me last night at all. The lights went on and off in the sanctuary a few times, which resulted in a lot of weird looks between me and my friends! Priscilla did the Lenten reading this week, which went well.

Saw Quan with a huge stuffed dolphin afterwards: Cordia had given it to her for her birthday, and I gave her a birthday card as well. I said that the dolphin reminded me of the dragon my sister got me for my birthday a few years ago; I should bring it sometime, haha. Said hi to Sonya, Andrew, William, Maxine, Richie, Jonathan, Chuck, Jeremy, and others: midterms, Spring Break, intense condensed school learning, snarky Facebook wall comments, being back in Vancouver from Osoyoos, skating, birthday cards, cherry tomatoes, "no" (Keenan!), and more. Jeremy noted that I had five oatmeal cookies: hey, they're for the kids at Sunday School! I also told Eric this when he observed that I looked like a pig; he better have believed me, heh.

Sunday School went okay: I had to read stuff to a new kid from a Blue's Clues book. Discussed rice cookers with Auntie Fonda, and remembered that I still have the manual; oops! Went downstairs afterwards and clustered with everyone in the hall - Nathan missed the time change entirely, and had some coffee before Sunday School had started. Good thing it wasn't Monday, or else his boss would be very unimpressed! Told him that my news story on his Facebook wall wasn't a spam story; I'd have posted it on thirty others' walls and Nate's feed would be cluttered!

Eventually, a bunch of us went to Choppers - good breakfast food and burgers! Discussed Dylan's September wedding, Gucci and Coach bags, sushi, business, China, Johnny going to Hong Kong in September, the hockey game last night, news, comics, jokingly plastering Nathan's wall at HOME with graffiti as a good prank, pranks in general, pesto with scrambled eggs, Cindy's asthma, and more. Definitely a good time, although I forgot that our parents were picking us up - and I also referred to an omelette as oatmeal. Yeah, I'm losing it for certain! (I'll buy cards first and then stamps on Wednesday since I need to go out anyway to the townhouse for dinner before the talk...) Got home to find out that this thing restarted again - UGH.

Sun Soaker and Shoe Queen

High-scoring words of the night so far:

VESTEE (113 points) - against Barb G. [two 2W, 3L on V, hook off FOUL for a plural]
KABS (144 points) - against Tammy T.-C. [4W, 5L on K]
FORLORN (544 points) - against Itamar R. [4W, two 2W, 5L on F]
OXO (147 points) - against Kerri H. [3W, 4W]
YUTZ (110 points) - against Lee M. [5W]
STAVE (105 points) - against Dianne D. [5W, 2W, hook off TEN for a plural]
JOWAR (720 points) - against Josephine S. [5W, 2W, 4W]
BOXCAR (168 points) - against Shirley B. [4W, 2W]
YODH (156 points) - against Glenda P. [4W, 3W]
BEFOOLS (108 points) - against Annu E. [4W, hooks off AA and PIG to make AAL and PIGS]
FUJI (204 points) - against Jessica K. [3W, 4W]

New record: I'm playing 78 Wordscraper games in various degrees of activity. (this number includes Raymond's game, unfortunately forced into inactivity by Lent... sigh...)

My mom laughed at me for not reading an entire email filled with her lunch plans with her friends - it wouldn't have been a problem had she just got to the point. Then I told my brother that I'd meet him after Sunday School in the fellowship hall for our own lunch since we're not invited for tomorrow's lunch. He says that there's a dinner on Wednesday before the Gordon Smith talk - at least I have a way to get there should I choose to go, and I probably will support the church lecture series in this way, at least.

Here's a "tagging people" picture I got from one of Sara's friends:

100 Stupid Things: I do stupid things 71% of the time

This time change makes me feel extra-sleepy... UGH!

From Olivia via Facebook note:

Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions, which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Repost as "I do stupid things __% of the time."

1. [] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out.
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails.
3. [x] Broken a chair by leaning back in it.
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking.
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking.
6. [] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head.
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush.
8. [x] Have looked for something for at least three minutes, then realized it was in your hand.
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said "pull."
10.[x] Tried to pull open a door that said "push."

Running total: 8

11. [] Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love-potion.
12. [x] Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else.
13. [] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs.
14. [] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave.
15. [x] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair.
16. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble.
17. [x] Have had the juice from a mini-tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it.
18. [x] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard.
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name.
20. [] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip-flops on, or you were barefoot.

Running total: 14

21. [x] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on.
22. [] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle.
23. [x] Have run into a closed door.
25. [] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it.
26. [x] It has take you longer than five minutes to get a joke.
27. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer.
28. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan.
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.
30. [x] Said o'clock after saying how many minutes after the hour... for example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock.

Running total: 19

31. [x] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it.
32. [x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside.
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else.
34. [] Ever been kicked out of a grocery store / off their property.
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc. when it was on, even though you knew it was hot.
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else, then accidentally put the old clothes back on.
37. [x] Wondered why something wasn't working, then realized it wasn't plugged in.
38. [] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard.
39. [x] Walked into a pole.
40. [x] Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident / stolen someone's shoes by accident.

Running total: 27

41. [x] Put your shirt on backwards / inside-out without realizing it, then left your house.
42. [] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on.
43. [] Gotten a ring stuck on your finger, because you put it on even though you knew it was too small.
44. [x] Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it.
45. [x] Went to go do something / go get something... then when you got there, you forgot what it was that you were going to do.
46. [x] Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it.
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up.
48. [x] Have poked yourself in the eye.
49. [] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on.
50. [] Melted your hairbrush while blow-drying your hair.

Running total: 33

51. [x] Have done enough stupid things to make a test.
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil.
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it.
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place, and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. [x] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were.
56. [x] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on.
57. [x] Got up early and got ready for school / work, then realized that you didn't have school / work that day.
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number.
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it.
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny.

Running total: 43

61. [] Have purposely done the chicken dance in front of many people / in a public place.
62. [] Said "funner," then had someone make fun of you for it.
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence.
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person.
65. [x] Didn't do the back side of an assignment since you thought that there wasn't one, because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side.
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions.
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar / pronunciation, then figured out that you were the one that was wrong.
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it.
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid, and had it splash out.
70. [x] Told a lie, then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught.

Running total: 51

71. [] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face.
72. [x] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb.
73. [x] Ran into a door jamb.
74. [x] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did / said something stupid.
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it.
76. [] Have purposely licked playground sand.
77. [x] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band.
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't.
79. [x] Have been so hyper that you actually scared people.
80. [x] Put duct tape on your body, then pulled it off to see if it would hurt.

Running total: 59

81. [x] Put duct tape on your hair / someone else's hair, then pulled it off.
82. [x] Put a clothes pin / hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again.
83. [x] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else, and no one else would know who you were talking about.
85. [x] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair.
86. [x] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone.
87. [] Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked funny.
88. [] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people.
89. [] Have flung forks at people in a restaurant.
89. [] Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.

Running total: 65

91. [] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen / pencil.
92. [] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers, then named them.
93. [] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper.
94. [x] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours.
95. [x] Have started telling a story, and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story.
96. [x] Read a whole book... but during the whole book, you weren't even paying attention.
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before.
98. [x] When lying in bed, you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. [x] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class.
100. [] Have popped a balloon in your mouth.

Total: 71.