Saturday, March 29, 2008

Things To Ponder

From my mother (who thought I'd like the wordplay), via Pastor Fulton (who accidentally signed up for a Hi5 account)'s Google home page:

Corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives... so what does baby oil come from?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

How come Superman can stop bullets with his chest, but he always ducks when someone throws a gun at him?

How come the idiot is always in charge?

How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

How does the snow plow driver get to work?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

If fire fighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

If you're an atheist and swear on the Bible, have you committed perjury?

Isn't Big Kid an oxymoron?

Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

What does nothing look like?

Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy, opposites?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?

Why are they called stands when they are made for sitting?

Why do bananas grow upward and all other fruits grow downward?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved, can it?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why do we sing “Take Me Out To the Ball Game” if we are already there?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why does slow down and slow up mean the same thing?

Why does the Indiana driver's license include in its list of possible restrictions "B" for "Blind"?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't more psychics win the lottery?

Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?

Why is a blacklight not black?

Why is a keyboard called a keyboard if it just has little buttons?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why is an orange an orange, but an apple not a red?

Why is Greenland white?

Why is it called a building when it's already built?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why is it that a person will believe you when you tell them that there are six billion stars in the sky? But if you tell him a bench is wet, he has to touch it?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment... but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a near miss? Shouldn't it be called a near hit?

Why is the fear of long words called hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

Why is the man who invests all your money, called a broker?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

Why is there only ONE monopolies commission?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Scrabble dictionary proves it!

Today was pretty lo-fi. Ran some errands by myself this afternoon, then came home and decided to consolidate K's change on the weekend at Awana. I can't believe he has 224 coins in change! Good thing I gave him a Quality Street tub to use as a change repository, but man! Methinks the weight could be a little lighter, at least!

Had more bubble tea (strawberry-banana, mango, and mocha over the past few days at Big Orange / Richmond Public Market), and bought K the Official Merriam-Webster Scrabble dictionary. I should show that to Eric on Friday, since CONFETTO is indeed a word in that tome! Was going to just tell K about it when I reached home, but figured that concrete proof is also a good thing. ;) Scratched his back for him, and massaged it a little... I don't mind doing that for him at all. Also talked briefly to his cousin's wife on the phone, which went all right. We kinda were supposed to go to Eric's for the hockey game, but ended up listening to a 3-2 loss to the Flames by computer... ARGH! (the Canucks need to PROTECT their early leads, and NOT SLACK OFF!)

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Sunrise Service and Easter doings

Gotta make this a relatively quick entry, haha.

On Saturday night, Eric came over and made whole wheat spaghetti. I talked on the phone to Karen about Dylan and other assorted things. No, I've never liked Dylan in that way... my sister wouldn't be too impressed if I did! (her actual terminology involved vomiting, heh) Eric picked us up bright and early Sunday morning for Sunrise Service. Once we got there, I huddled close to Joey and Mike, attempting to make out the words on the printed sheet of paper with songs. (discussed birds, umbrellas, and more) The sky gradually lightened, so I wasn't treated to the sight of Sarah using her cell phone as a flashlight... Christon did that with Mike's too, on Nathan's sheets as leader. Afterwards, we all went to ABC Country Restaurant. I saw Jeremy and his brother Mark, William, Joyce (who apparently drank a thing of creamer - doesn't she get milk at home?!), Martin, Raymond, Calla, Quan, Danielle, her friend Raquel, Steph, Jon, and many other people. We all laughed at a commercial for a hearing device - sure, let's hold up the thing in church so we can hear what the preacher's saying! I had the Farmhand's Power Breakfast, and it turned out that my sister had the same thing. Talked a bit to Pastor John and Rich about church stuff and the 30-Hour Famine... sounded like interesting times!

Once we got to church, we tried sleeping in the car for twenty minutes. Went inside the church and met up with Auntie Kwai, then went downstairs to the kitchen to refill the K-Man's water bottle / say hi to Michael's mom. When I went upstairs again, I sat in a pew in front of Jeremy and his family - of course Jer and Mark had trouble persuading their parents to get up for the Sunrise Service, haha. Jeremy laughed as he described the service as a "rainy, windy, dark service - not exactly Sunrise!" Too true! (K only managed it by staying up all night - Jon observed that he looked really out of it, with good reason! He got some sleep when he reached home, though!) I wasn't quite as COMPOS MENTIS as I'd have liked to be, of course. After service, we headed outside - I went downstairs to alert Auntie Fonda that I wouldn't be staying to help with the toddlers since we needed sleep! Talked to Andrew and Julie C. about stuff before heading outside to say hi to Stanley.

Asked Jeremy about the borscht, Good Friday service, and his weekend; greeted Tony, Denise, Eunice, and others (including Mel and baby Micah!); pointed out Sheena for Jeremy; and generally walked around in a daze. When Jeremy didn't have $3 change for skating, I gave it to him - it'll be all good even if he doesn't pay me back on Friday, haha. He turned to me with a grin and asked if I owed him $3, haha - no, but I like to help people out where I can! After a bit of socializing, we went home. The rest of the day passed in a normal fashion, and so did today. Went over to the townhouse for dinner (thanks, Nate!) - it was good to have Eric and Nathan there, for sure. Discussed Chinese Eric, curling, hockey, church stuff, rocks, tea, a joke about how Eric had proposed to Nathan, CSI: MIAMI ("Murder at a Wedding" - remotely controlled guns and blackmail, oh my!), Harmony, beer, energy drinks, Nate being finished with his thesis, and more. Got a bunch of interesting flavors of chips from the States - molé (chocolate and chicken), tamarind and salsa, Flaming Hot Cheetos, and pork rinds! (okay, so pork rinds aren't chips.. but it was fine!) Been an interesting couple of days, for sure!

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