Saturday, March 10, 2007

Scores from when I tested my friends!

Remember that quiz I made a few days ago to test your knowledge of the Hamsterette? Of course you do. Each question was worth 10 points, and here are the seventeen scores so far:

Me: 200
Steph N.: 160
Eric M.: 150
Carol J.: 130
Carol B.: 120 (Nutty)
Jane D.: 120 (gi_janearng)
Nick S.: 110 (nick_scorpio)
Charlotte C.: 100 (charshark)
Vania S.: 100
Chrissy S.: 80 (argh4itchytasty)
Erin C.: 70
John A.: 70 (snooooopy)
Sarah G.: 70 (Tonks)
Mike D.: 60 (stoneditaliano)
Andrew L.: 50
Rachel S.: 40
Kaitlin O.: 10 (lordworm) [to be fair, she didn't finish since she knew nothing else on the quiz]

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No ride... again! / Changing / Church's chicken / Blogthings

Henry called me when I was still sleeping and having weird dreams which involved Jeremy and a bunch of my other friends, so I called him back when I was awake. He was going for blood donation in Vancouver, so wouldn't be going back into Richmond. At that point, I was fairly sure I could arrange my own ride there if he was going to be late to Awana. Called Michelle, who couldn't even drive her own two kids to Awana - her brother would - since she had a meeting at Lesley's place. (probably to do with the new church building) I thought I should let Melia know, but her mom said that she was at Chrystal and Emily's. Yep, I knew the number... Auntie Kathy seemed surprised when I asked for her niece, haha. Explained things to Melia ("I am not a stalker since your mom told me you were over here!"), and we joked around about the new Awana recruitment strategy for next year: "IF YOU ARE FROM RICHMOND, EVEN CENTRAL OR THE BOONIES, YOU MUST JOIN IF YOU'RE GOOD WITH KIDS!" I'm going to be all over that for sure, heh. No Awana next Saturday, and she told me not to worry about it while thanking me for letting her know - of course I would!

Checked blogs, too: Spoz has the typical weekender thing going, with a new weapon for the Adelaide live music scene... a Sony 3-megapixel camera, and he won't divulge any details about how he got it since we won't believe him. Fine, be that way! It's a "her," and its name is Frisbee... interesting, haha. Dawn just wants to get home from work, change into comfortable clothes, and relax. She wonders whether drowning in emails is more preferable to just being bored and pretending to be busy... I figure a case could be made for either! Vivian is or was sick and has had practicum, teaching, and lesson plans interfering with her quest to sleep / get better. Man, that sucks!

Alyssa explains the origins of her online name "Lethia," says something about her girly side, and mentions that she needs to clean up her wardrobe. That girly side will get you every time you're in practical clothes... she also has something called Monday Madness, which appears to consist of five questions from five different people. Cool stuff, which is kinda like the Friday Five, but not. As for Randal's blog, there are pieces on what God may have in store for women / Corrie ten Boom and her sister Betsie. Heh, I remember reading that story a long time ago. Certainly has some relevance for us now - especially the lesson in forgiveness that came years later. Then there's the Church's fried chicken post which is funnier than it should be, for some reason. (no, it's not what you're thinking! :P)

There are other posts on Bible Study, critical thoughts on Christian brothers (hey, if you gotta rant, you gotta rant... even on the church's 32nd anniversary!), and that post which quotes something from the Bathroom Reader calendar. Yes, yes... we all know I gave that item to him, but that means nothing. It's just source material, haha. Oh, look.. here's ANOTHER post that mentions Church's fried chicken! If he likes it THAT much, I'm sure a group of us can get together and drag him to the local outlet for his birthday! Well, no... that probably isn't a good birthday dinner... maybe lunch, heh. No, I do not have any such plans for him or anyone else! (and I don't think I should, either!) I guess Randal's been in a posting mood this past week, since there's one last post on Korean people and their "wonderful" sense of humor. Heh, all I need to say is DON'T CHECK MY BLOG ONLY ONCE A WEEK! (if you do, you run into trouble!)

Oh well, I guess it's not TOO bad that I have yet ANOTHER unexpected week off. Maybe I'll finish the things that are distracting me from other projects. At this rate, I don't think I'll be done by the end of the year. What a loose goal I set for myself, aye? As long as I'm not too behind on things in the long run, I'll be fine. Maybe I'll even switch things up tomorrow, who knows? Let's just say reassurance and laughter is found in the familiar, but new things are cool too. Must switch clocks sometime before I go to bed - I don't think the really little kids will be too talkative tomorrow! I remember last year when I wanted to say hi to Rick's baby brother Amos: he was CRANKY because of the lost hour! Guess we'll see how it affects the toddlers, but it's not like I did a field study on that last year or anything!

You Mostly Fight Fairly

When you fight, you tend to remember your end goal of resolving conflict.
However, you can get a little too wrapped up in your own feelings.
Remember that there are two sides to every argument.
And even if you think you're totally right, you should take more time to hear your partner out.

You Are 51% Burned Out

You're fairly burned out, and it shows.
You probably have been feeling a little rundown and irritable lately.
If you can, drop a few of your minor responsibilities and focus on what's really important.
You have too much on your plate, and it's catching up with you.

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"I can't believe it's not plastic!"

I was earlier than Eric for like the second time ever - usually, the poor guy has to wait for me due to bus schedules and complications! (no peppermint bark at Shoppers - like I was expecting it?! - but lots of Easter things!) Not that I had to wait long, though. We immediately got into a discussion of what I was wearing: yes, I did mention certain things to him this afternoon, but that doesn't mean I want certain other things to happen right away! He knows what I feel about certain subjects, and we should definitely help each other! We listened to the Team 1040 people analyze the Chris Simon hit until Eric got tired of hearing various viewpoints. He asked me whether I'd done anything cool this week: not really! Then he asked about other stuff... I don't THINK what he says is gonna happen anytime soon. When we got to church, I asked what he was going to do for dinner: he had no cash to pay me, but I told him that he was being utterly ridiculous if he thought he wasn't eating till whenever he got home later!

Went to Pho and waved hi to Hunter while saying bye to Mike, Darren, and Jason. I was busy enjoying my large #9 (having ordered a #43 for Eric) and reading when Karen / Andrea came up and asked if they were interrupting. Not really, so they sat down and promptly began discussing Karen's trip to Tokyo. SO MUCH SANRIO STUFF THERE! Lots of people in business wear and going out on the town with their co-workers too! I told them about Eric's line on Monday: Karen thought that "protecting you from biological warfare" was SO CUTE! Turns out all four of them were sick to varying degrees, so no wonder they had to reschedule. We don't watch LOST, but another show entirely! Andrea and I filled Karen in on the programs she'd missed, and she feels bad that there wasn't much David representation at Resonate to hear Jon speak for the first time ever. Nothing that can be done if people have trips / conferences, or need to take care of their kids!

When I got back to church, Eric bugged me about bringing food into the sanctuary: hey, it's not like I'm EATING it! Went downstairs just in time to catch the last few minutes of a Daniel committee meeting: good times! I'm not sure I want to go to the cookoff for varying reasons, but it could be fun? (someone tells me that he wishes all the ingredients were blocks of cheese... I'm not sure how well that would go over!) Waved to Danielle and said hi to Raymond, who took Jeremy's chair while he was upstairs and put it with our table: um, Jer was trying to start setting up the chairs and reserving a chair for his stuff while leading worship? Very strange... *shakes head* During singing, someone came in late and took what was somehow the only empty chair beside me - I didn't notice who it was till later, but that's understandable! Thank goodness I'm better now, haha. When Rich reminded us about Daylight Savings Time, Jeremy said that he'd just stay up till 2 AM and change the clock then... haha, that could work too!

Later on, Jeremy was looking the refreshments over: "DECORATION CAKE?!" I had to see what that was about, so joined him. Yep, there was one suspect-looking cake with a box that said it was a decoration cake. It didn't look like it would stand up to much cutting since it might figuratively explode if we did that. The greenish-yellow color of the cake reminded Jeremy of durian, which gave rise to "I can't believe it's not durian!" (when he tasted it, he riffed on that one: "I can't believe it's not flavorless plastic!") So then I had to tell him about what Jon said: "Jeremy and I have to bring durian and natto to the cookoff!" Oh sure, and then stink up the entire building for the entire weekend afterwards! We noted it was quite cold in the basement, and Jeremy likened it to a dungeon... then Eric wondered why I wasn't showing off my shirt. *rolleyes* Uh yeah, it's kinda COLD if you hadn't noticed! My vest kinda helped, but not really... maybe they'll turn the heat up tomorrow! (I wish!)

Chung got flowers to celebrate his upcoming wedding next Saturday: Rich said that Phil and Chung were technically at the same stage of life, only Phil's just beginning the nuptial plans! (Grace's video was cool, and she'll be here in May) We made Chung cut the cake, which led Randal to somehow joke to Jeremy and me about cutting the cheese - we don't want that, thank you! When we all squeezed in for a picture, Randal decided I needed a glass of Hannepoot White Grape Ceres juice: okay, if you say so! Then Jeremy used his fruit cup for some almond jello: hey, it's the perfect size for it! Later, I was by the food again getting a napkin since I gave mine to Eric (Ivan took his food by mistake, but didn't use the chopsticks), and Randal gave me a piece of cake. Cool stuff, but Jeremy was right: the icing DID taste like flavorless plastic! (and I suck since I should have said certain things, but didn't - sorry!) While Eric was thanking me for the dinner, I joked about the cake, and he thought that I didn't like it - not the case, but it DID leave certain things to be desired! Too bad he couldn't try some himself to see! He'd just have to trust me and Jeremy, hehe.

Bible Study was good, and Jeremy continued talking over someone else, haha. Andrea asked if my shirt said "WHATEVER" (it did), and I told her that my mom made it. She thought it was cute, and Jeremy got a laugh out of it. I told them that I didn't know what my mom was thinking, to which Eric said that I knew it very well in fact! Yeah, but I wasn't telling certain people at the table! (I told Jeremy that I'd tell him later, and did: "Apparently, I say this word a lot..." I know he likes the "DRAGON / SNAKE!" shirt, but it's too cold to wear THAT on its own!) Jeremy made a Clash reference in the discussion, so of course I have to listen to that song now! (SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?) I got it, and laughed. (maybe he was trying to get me to laugh, haha) Afterwards, a bunch of us went to the bathroom at the same time while leaving Dylan and Andrea alone to talk about stuff.

The Richmond Crew nixed Jon's suggestion of Dragon Ball since some of us had had dessert already, and Steph had bubble tea after lunch today too. Christon asked if Jeremy wanted the rest of his San Pellegrino water: you guys share WATER now?! Thankfully, that's not the case! Said hi to Sheena, Connie, Frances, and Phil: he and Grace are aiming for a July 2008 wedding, which seems doable! Vania asked if I'd seen Vivian tonight: nope! Steph asked Eric if Sam could have a ride home: sure, but the car only has four seatbelts. Joyce had some spicy chips, but didn't like the fact that there seemed to be pudding in the chip bowl... I don't blame her! Alan was bugging Quan for taking our food when she wasn't a part of our Fellowship, then I asked her about the peppermint bark. She'd had one large piece, and seemed amazed that it was so huge. Hey, that's why they tell you to break it up on the box! Guess Chrystal will have to do with one huge piece of the stuff, sigh! Stupid sickness and other things that prevented me from going out to buy it these two weeks in a row! *grumble*

Stanley eventually convinced us to leave while people were discussing hockey before he had to kick us out. Sam said that he was in Joey's math class earlier today since he had to go with him to church early for committee meeting, and he was looking at Pavel Bure stuff on Youtube. Something made him exclaim in joy / surprise, and then EVERYONE was looking at him! We joked about it: "OH! MAN! That is one interesting exciting math class, haha!" Then he looked up some Canucks fan on Youtube who had walked from Whistler to GM Place... Steph had seen half of that clip before her Internet connection died and she forgot about the rest. (that connection is SO HORRID!)

Everyone had a bunch of stuff with them, so piling things in Eric's trunk was a challenge: "Get the guitars in first, both facing the same way! I'll just lap my bag! I can't do that, so it goes in the trunk if there's room! Man, it's like we're going on a camping / mini road trip... TO RICHMOND!" Then we spent forever trying to figure out whether we'd won the hockey game or not: we had, 2-1 against San Jose in overtime. Eric turned it off since he didn't want to listen to Jeff Patterson's weird inflection anymore: good choice! Jon was trying to have a quiet conversation with (I assume) Harmony while everyone else discussed hockey / pools / goalies, but that didn't work too well. We were invited to the Canucks' next pay per view game at Eric's on Sunday against the Anaheim Mighty Ducks at 5: cool stuff, for sure! (let's get over losing one hour of sleep first, eh?) Now, to sleep and see the Cubbies and other kids tomorrow!

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Friday, March 09, 2007

Live shells, autopsy babies, fish hooks, Mrs. Fields' Applesauce Oaties

Today's Buzzing Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

A teacher who kept a 40 mm shell on his desk as a paperweight blew off part of his hand when he apparently used the object to try to squash a bug. The 5-inch-long shell exploded Monday while Robert Colla was teaching 20 to 25 students at an adult education class. Part of Colla's right hand was severed, and he suffered severe burns and minor shrapnel wounds to his forearms and torso. No one else was injured. He was reported in stable condition at a hospital. The teacher slammed the shell down in an attempt to kill something that was buzzing or crawling across the desk. Colla found the 40 mm round while hunting years ago and "obviously he didn't think the round was live," said Dennis Huston, who teaches computer design.

Culled from: Unspecified Source
Generously submitted by: Rob


Well, that's one way to make your students pay attention in class!


Morbid Auction Du Jour!

Another marvelous Autopsy Baby is up for auction on eBay.



Now, here's a fisherman who understands how the fish feel!

Warning: Very high scream factor - especially regarding eyeballs.

Hook 1
Hook 2
Hook 3
Hook 4
Hook 5
Hook 6
Hook 7

Thanks to Jason for the link.

Mrs. Fields' Applesauce Oaties

Recipe By:
Serving Size: 48 Preparation Time: 0:00
Categories: Cookies

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method

1 3/4 cup Quick oats
1 1/2 cups Flour
1 teaspoon Baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1 teaspoon Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon Nutmeg
1 cup Light brown sugar -- packed
1/2 cup Sugar
1/2 cup Butter -- softened
1 large Egg
3/4 cup Applesauce
1 cup Semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup Raisins
1 cup Chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 375°F. In a medium bowl... combine oats, flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Mix well with a wire whisk and set aside. In a large bowl combine sugars with an electric mixer at medium speed. Add butter and beat to form a grainy paste. Add egg and applesauce, and blend until smooth. Add the flour mixture, chocolate chips, raisins, and walnuts. Blend at low speed just until combined. Drop dough by tablespoons onto lightly greased baking sheets, 2 inches apart. Bake 12-14 minutes or until light brown. Immediately transfer cookies with a spatula to a cool flat surface.

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Red shirts and purple plates

Eric got on MSN this afternoon to ask me several odd questions, including whether I was alive. Since I'm used to this, I told him that I wasn't a man... then I asked what red plates had to do with anything. I know I need to change my MSN name since it's been up since my sister's birthday, but I didn't recall referencing red plates anywhere. He directed me to Chuck Swindoll's message for today, so I Googled and found nothing but "life lessons for men." Since I am not a man, Eric told me what he was talking about: a Swindoll family tradition of giving a red plate to honor a family member. Fair enough, then!

Then he told me that I had to meet him at my "second-favorite location" at 6; later, he jokingly threatened me with leaving me there so I wouldn't get to see certain people. I don't think he'd do that ANYWAY! I asked him about food arrangements, but he doesn't need a banana tonight. (good thing, since mine are just about done) Says he'll get a sub, or give me cash to get some Pho - sounds like a good idea, and our usual arrangement. When I asked him what I should wear, he gave me a certain suggestion which I just may take... don't ask me why!

We talked about certain friends of ours, other people's TMI (thank goodness I don't have to hear about it anymore!), and a certain purple shirt becoming a conversation piece. Not sure what my friends will say when they see the "WHATEVER" shirt, but we'll see? I don't think anyone's seen it outside the family other than Harmony, so it might make its Fellowship debut tonight, hehe. Although I wonder why I'm taking his suggestion when a part of me doesn't want to... it won't impress anyone, I don't think. People will probably get a laugh out of it, haha. ("Switch up what you usually say! Gotta go since I need to focus on work!")

*checks phone and email* Oh, no WONDER the Backwards Male asked me whether I was alive! He called me earlier from work, but I didn't pick up as I was in the shower... I'm sure he'll think that's not an acceptable excuse, though. Hey, Sarah Rowlett DID get my early birthday and wedding cards in the mail. She'll be sending her wedding invites next week, so I should get one complete with a picture of her and Floyd! Sweet stuff! :D

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Climate change, morbid facts, Mrs. Fields' Apple Oatmeal Cookies

Jon's sent us a couple of links on climate change: he hope that climate change won't be constrained to a partisan issue, so discussion is always a good thing. Unlike certain other things I've been linked to this week (AHEM, backwards male!), this WILL go here!

Brian McLaren (depending on who you read) is either a perceptive commentator on the church and culture, or the Antichrist.
Bill McKibben has been writing about the environment for what seems like ages now, and he's well-respected.

Today's Nude Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

A relative discovered a 23-year-old man dead in the front seat of a car Friday, February 24, still embracing a dead 17-year-old girl. Their nude bodies were inside a closed garage in the front seat of a 1978 Cutlass. They had apparently been having sex when they were overcome by carbon monoxide. The medical examiner said the deaths appear accidental. The two were not found for nearly a day. The man's mother became worried because she could not reach him on his cell phone Friday morning. "She called his cousin, who lived nearby, to help her track him down. He's the one who looked inside the garage and found the bodies," WISN 12 News reporter Nick Bohr said. "Carbon monoxide can accumulate very rapidly. It's just something you don't want to take a chance with," said Dr. Ken Schellhase, of the Medical College of Wisconsin. Schellhase said warming up a car in a closed garage is one of the most dangerous things you can do, much less staying in the car as it idles. He said the symptoms can be hard to recognize. "The symptoms are pretty non-specific. It can include things like headache, dizziness, a general sense of ill ease," Schellhase said. Sleepiness is also a symptom. "Those are often the most tragic circumstances where people fall asleep, and there's a carbon monoxide leak of some sort. The dose is overwhelming," Schellhase said. Schellhase said it is unusual for someone to be overcome so quickly, but it's not clear how long they may have been in the car prior to having sex. According to the medical examiner's report, the carbon monoxide levels in the garage got so intense at some point that the car itself choked off for lack of oxygen. The car still had one-quarter of a tank of gas.

Culled from: The Milwaukee Channel
Generously submitted by: kelshubert


I suspect it says something rather ominous about the state of my mind to admit to you that the song Wake Up, Little Susie started playing in my mind as I read this...

I told your mama that you'd be in by ten.
Well, Susie baby, looks like we goofed again.

And how!


March Contest - Ruthless Rhymes!

For the last few days, I've been sharing some of my favorite little morbid poems from Ruthless Rhymes For Heartless Homes. I thought that it might be fun to do a creative writing contest this month, where I invite you to write your own "Ruthless Rhyme." I will do some Googling to make sure that the poem is truly yours, so no plagiarism! The poem should be short (10 -14 lines maximum) and morbid - but other than that, feel free to use your creative license. The winner, as chosen by the Comtesse, will receive a MFDJ "Desensitize Yourself" T-shirt as shown on A Plethora Of Viscera.

Send your entries to Contest closes March 23rd. Good luck!


Morbid Mirth Du Jour!

What crawls and goes 'clank clank clank'?


A baby in a bear trap.

Thanks to gsteinma for this one.



Here's a nice collection of vintage post-mortem photographs. Thanks to newfers for the link.

Mrs. Fields' Apple Oatmeal Cookies

Categories: Cookies, Mimi
Yield: 48 servings

2 1/2 cups Flour
1 cup Quick oats (not instant)
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon Cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon Cloves
2 teaspoons Grated lemon zest
1 cup Dark brown sugar, packed
3/4 cup Butter
1 large Egg
1/2 cup Unsweetened applesauce
1/2 cup Honey
1 cup Fresh apple, peeled and
Finely chopped (1 med apple)
1 cup Raisins (6 oz)
1/2 cup Quick oats

Preheat oven to 300°F. In a medium bowl... combine flour, oats, salt, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and lemon zest. Mix well and set aside. Cream sugar and butter together in a large bowl using an electric mixer. Add egg, applesauce, and honey and beat at medium speed until smooth. Add the flour mixture, fresh apple, and raisins... blend at low speed until just combined. Dough will be quite soft. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto ungreased baking sheets, 1 1/2 inches apart. If you wish, sprinkle cookies with oats. Bake 23-25 minutes, or until bottoms are golden.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

My slogan and various name generators

Sloganize yourself!

It's a Leslie Adventure.
Don't Forget The Flami Brolx, Mum.

Haha, this site is fun! :D

Your Scandinavian Name is:

Ursula Marja

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are unique, witty, and even a little snobby.
You're quite proud of who you are, and nothing is going to change that.
You've paved your own way in life, and you've ended up where you want to be.

Underneath it all, you feel very isolated from the rest of the world.
It's hard to find people to relate to you on every level.
The mundane interests of your friends and family often bore or depress you.

Your Uncommon Name Is:

Faviola Zana Wooding

You Are a Little Messy

You aren't the cleanest person in the world, but you're definitely not a slob.
You clean up when you have the time, but you're realistic about what you can get done.
Generally, you're pretty organized and tidy - though you may have a few hidden messes.
You eventually get around to making things spotless, but you do it on your own schedule!

You Mostly Have Your Emotions in Check

Sometimes your emotions get out of control, but you usually are a pretty stable person.
You can find a lot to be happy about, as long as things are going your way.
But if a few bad things happen to you, you tend to go in a bit of a downward spiral.
Luckily, you usually come out of it okay and no worse for the wear.

Your Androgynous Name Is:

Nicky Ashton

Your Average American Name Is...

Ruth Renee Martin

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Bloody battles / Mr. & Mrs. T Rich & Spicy Bloody Mary Mix

Let it be known that I am not impressed with certain people right now. Cheh! (Eric and Steph, with the Bathroom Reader stuff and emails)

Hey, this post describes a bloody battle AND has a recipe for a Bloody Mary mix - what a quirky coincidence! :D

Today's Lopsided Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

The Battle of Cold Harbor, the final battle of Union Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant's 1864 Overland Campaign during the American Civil War, is remembered as one of American history's bloodiest, most lopsided battles. Thousands of Union soldiers were slaughtered in a hopeless frontal assault against the fortified troops of Confederate General Robert E. Lee, the majority of them in the first eight minutes of the battle. Northern commanders simply refused to send any more of their soldiers to the slaughter, and for three days and three nights, the two armies just sat there, neither commander willing to ask for a truce to collect the wounded or bury the dead.

Nearly five acres were piled thick with the dead and the dying. A lucky few crawled to safety. At least one wounded soldier, unable to do so, slit his throat in plain sight of his fellow combatants. By the time litter bearers were finally let onto the battleground, *two* of the thousands of Union wounded were still alive. Grant himself said of the battle in his memoirs, "I have always regretted that the last assault at Cold Harbor was ever made. At Cold Harbor, no advantage whatever was gained to compensate for the heavy loss we sustained."

Culled from: Portraits of the Civil War


Ruthless Rhyme Du Jour!

I've been reading Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes and More Ruthless Rhymes by Harry Graham, a collection of hysterical poems originally published in 1899, and I thought I'd share with you some of my favorites.


When skiing in the Engadine,
My hat blew off down a ravine.
My son, who went to fetch it back,
Slipped through an icy glacier's crack
And then got permanently stuck.
It really was infernal luck:
My hat was practically new --
I loved my little Henry, too --
And I may have to wait for years
Till either of them reappears.

Ruthless Rhymes For Heartless Homes


Wretched Recommendations!

-kokoro shiki- heart mode has a film recommendation:

Ginger Snaps (2000)

"It's the only werewolf movie I like. Ginger Snaps is an odd and unique interpretation of getting your first period and lycanthropy. If for nothing else, see it for some truly amazing staged death photography shots in the beginning, and some stunning gore effects."


Morbid Trinket Du Jour!

How cool are the miniature bile dolls that Ugly Shyla creates? Pretty damned cool!

And the baby doll necklaces? Creepy as hell!

The rest of her stuff is cool too, but a bit too expensive for a Comtesse.

Thanks to Virginia for the link.

Mr. & Mrs. T Rich & Spicy Bloody Mary Mix

Here's a way to clone the famous and very popular Bloody Mary Mix from that couple with only a letter as a last name. It's a simple-to-make blend of tomato juice and spices with some prepared horseradish and canned jalapeno juice thrown in for a "spicier, zestier" drink. Mix this with vodka over ice and you've got a delicious cocktail. But if you're not in the mood to get zoinked, this clone recipe is also a great way to kick up your tomato juice, just for drinking straight.

1 46-ounce can tomato juice
4 tablespoons lime juice
3 tablespoons juice from canned jalapenos (nacho slices)
3 tablespoons vinegar
2 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons prepared horseradish
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
dash garlic

1. Combine all ingredients in a 2-quart pitcher. Store covered in the refrigerator.
2. Directions for mixing a drink, as per the original mix: "Add 3 parts Mr. & Mrs. T Rich & Spicy Bloody Mary Mix to 1 part vodka, gin, rum or tequila, over ice. Mr. & Mrs. T Rich & Spicy Bloody Mary Mix is also delicious by itself. Simply pour over ice and serve." Makes 52 ounces.

Your Dating Style:
Casual Dating

You are all about taking things as they come. You may just date someone once, or it could turn into a lifelong thing. You just enjoy the mystery of it all.

'What is your dating style?' at

Here's another take on the matter from Quiz Heaven:

What is your dating style????

romantic at heart
Take this quiz at

Kinda-sorta... only maybe not? *shrug*

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Dreams with David, mud, and Britney / No Nanaimo bars by proxy for YOU!

Well, I did wonder what I'd dream about last night... but David Marr and Chris Noble using their hands and the car on an empty stone highway to rescue me out of a muddy hole? Then having my sister show up with a friend named Britney who oddly looked like Britney Spears a few years back? (then we said "UGH" to her, haha) Very weird! Is this how my subconscious processes the discussion of Britney Spears (which my mom is on top of, surprisingly) and Robert Pickton yesterday at dinner? We all know there's a LOT of mud on that farm! Maybe Dave Pickton IS the mastermind, heh. Who could do all that alone? I'm sure someone MIGHT be able to, but not Robert Pickton from the way he looks on TV and such! Interesting case, at any rate.

Ooh, I just remembered two interesting weekend incidents:

1. (Friday night after Resonate, around the desserts)
Eric: *taps me on shoulder, causing me to turn around and ask what's up* I want a Nanaimo Bar.
Me: You can't HAVE a Nanaimo Bar, remember?
Eric: Yeah, I know. Can you eat one for me?
Me: Do I look like I'm in any shape to EAT a Nanaimo Bar right now? (was then suffering from a cold and such)
Eric: Well, you DO eat cake and stuff for me... so why not?
Me: That's when I am NOT SICK! Right now, I won't.
Eric: Leslie, it's calling out to you: "EAT ME!"
Me: It is NOT. *goes off near the auction sheets to talk to someone else*

2. (Sunday afternoon, after Sunday School)
Dylan: Yeah, I need to go to work at 6 PM and supervise people while they test stuff... *blah blah blah*
Someone else: Are they like Homer Simpson in the nuclear power plant and fall asleep on the job?
Me: Yeah, do those co-workers ever do that?
Dylan: Not that I know of, but some people don't seem to know what to do even though they've been there for a long time. So of course I have to always be telling them what to do!
Me, in head: Ah, no WONDER you think we need to be told what to do during Bible Study when you have to take a phone call... what are we gonna do, just SIT there in stunned silence until you get back?! Crazy!

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Assad in icon form / Jack Bauer makes onions cry.

I have two new 24-related icons, hehe. Jack Bauer and an explosion, and the terrorist Hamri Al-Assad being hot. :D

Jack Bauer Facts!

I'll post these in parts of about 100 each, haha.

1. Jack Bauer does not let women on top during sex. Why? Because Jack Bauer never f*cks up.
2. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something, then you better f*cking do it.
3. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina.
4. Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way.
5. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like "violent."
6. Jack needed a well-earned holiday after season 5. Drugged, captured, beaten, and tortured in a cargo hold surrounded by Chinese agents eager for revenge is just his preferred method of travel - otherwise, he tends to get bored on long trips.
7. Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
8. When asked what he got on his S.A.T's, Jack Bauer promptly responded "Blood."
9. Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.
10. The "Smoothie" was invented when Jack Bauer needed information from a banana.
11. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
12. In high school, Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
13. Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
14. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days' time. Wait, that is a real fact.
15. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
16. The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.
17. There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
18. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer."
19. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.
20. Osama Bin Laden hides under the covers in his bedroom every Monday night from 9 to 10 and cries.
21. If an airplane carrying Jack Bauer went down over Africa, the lion would no longer be "king of the jungle."
22. When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer."
23. If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
24. If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
25. Jack Bauer brought sexy back, then shot Justin Timberlake for trying to take the credit.
26. The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.
27. When Jack Bauer took a stress test, the test failed.
28. Jack has broken Tony's leg, knocked Curtis out, and shot George Mason with a tranquilizer dart. Temporary incapacitation is Jack Bauer's way of saying, "let's be friends."
29. Jack Bauer does not need to use a silencer... he just tells his gun to be quiet.
30. Kim Bauer only exists because they don't make Kevlar condoms.
31. To Jack Bauer, the question is not whether the glass is half empty or half full. It's that somebody drank half his damn water, and now they will have a face full of glass.
32. Jack Bauer went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.
33. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
34. Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
35. Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.
36. Jack Bauer once opened a crate containing Weapons of Mass Destruction and all it had in it was a mirror.
37. During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
38. When playing Truth or Dare, Jack Bauer dares you not to tell him the truth.
39. No matter how or when you die, the last thing you see will be Jack Bauer.
40. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
41. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
42. Don't beg Jack Bauer to shoot you. He will simply shoot your wife. No man tells Jack Bauer what to do.
43. If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.
44. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
45. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm f*cked."
46. The answer is Jack Bauer, the question doesn't matter.
47. When David Palmer took the oath of office, he raised his right hand and placed his left hand on Jack Bauer.
48. Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
49. Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
50. Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
51. Jack Bauer once called the Vice President "Mr. President," but realized his mistake and shot the President. Jack Bauer is never wrong.
52. Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep.
53. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
54. When Jack Bauer is running, you'd better f*cking run as well. If he's chasing you, you should just shoot yourself.
55. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
56. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
57. It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
58. Jack Bauer doesn't make threats. He makes facts.
59. Never use the phrase, "I feel half-dead," around Jack Bauer; he never leaves a job unfinished.
60. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.
61. Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
62. When you go to hell, it's just a room with you and Jack.
63. Jack Bauer slept with Nina who slept with Tony who slept with Michelle which explains why she was immune to the virus.
64. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
65. Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.
66. You never see Jack Bauer go to the bathroom. That's because nothing escapes Jack Bauer.
67. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
68. When Jack Bauer looks in the mirror, he doesn't see his reflection. Because there can only be one Jack Bauer.
69. The safety on Jack's gun isn't there to protect Jack. It's there to protect the gun.
70. Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
71. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
72. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
73. If you have information Jack Bauer needs, make sure your wife is sitting next to you.
74. Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.
75. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
76. If Jack Bauer lived next door to Kramer, Kramer would knock before entering.
77. Jack Bauer often stands in front of his microwave and yells, "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!" while waiting for his Top Ramen to cook.
78. During the 18 months Jack Bauer was believed dead, CTU saved over $1 billion on ammunition.
79. G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
80. Jack Bauer only wears body armor to protect the men behind him.
81. Michael Jackson once told Jack Bauer to "beat it," and Jack Bauer beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral.
82. 24 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
83. Jack Bauer doesn't eat honey. He chews bees.
84. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
85. After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
86. Get one thing straight, the only reason that container ship is still afloat is that Jack Bauer doesn't feel like swimming all the way to China.
87. The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
88. Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
89. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
90. Jack Bauer ended The Never Ending Story.
91. Jack Bauer once tortured and killed a man using only shadow puppets.
92. My parents told my little brother and me that Jack Bauer was "just a television character." We are now orphans.
93. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
94. In one episode, there was an assassin who had the ability to throw Jack Bauer to the ground and break his rib. I hate how unrealistic 24 is sometimes.
95. When Jack Bauer turns on an Xbox, the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again.
96. Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
97. All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.
98. Anything is a weapon of mass destruction in the hands of Jack Bauer.
99. The only reason David Palmer is dead was because when faced with a national threat, he called the First Lady instead of Jack Bauer. Idiot.
100. The only difference between Jack Bauer and the electric chair is that Jack Bauer makes you talk first.

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Castle dreams / Japanese and Indian morbid facts / Mimi's Café French Market Onion Soup

Yesterday, I slept a LOT. Consequently, I don't really remember my dreams. But I do remember that one of them seemed to be set inside a video game with fire, castles, and creepy font. For some reason, Jeremy and a bunch of my other friends were involved. Interesting stuff... I wish I could remember more! Wonder what I'll dream about tonight..

Today's Jobless Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

A jobless alcoholic burned himself to death after his wife refused to serve him meat for dinner. Sixty-year-old Mithailal Ram Sanjivan doused his body with an inflammable liquid and set himself ablaze outside his one-room house in Ahmedabad, the main city of western Gujarat state, India. Police said the victim, who had been without a job for years, and his wife, Geeta Sanjivan, 54, had a scuffle over the dinner menu. The wife refused to cook meat as they could not afford it. Irritated by this, Sanjivan locked her in the house before setting himself on fire outside.

Culled from: Reuters
Generously submitted by: Rob


For once, a story of an Indian man who set *himself* on fire instead of his wife. There is hope for this world after all!


Ruthless Rhyme Du Jour!

I've been reading Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes and More Ruthless Rhymes by Harry Graham, a collection of hysterical poems originally published in 1899, and I thought I'd share with you some of my favorites.


My son Augustus, in the street, one day,
Was feeling quite exceptionally merry.
A stranger asked him: "Can you show me, pray,
The quickest way to Brompton Cemetery?"
"The quickest way? You bet I can!" said Gus,
And pushed the fellow underneath a bus.

Whatever people say about my son,
He does enjoy his little bit of fun.

Ruthless Rhymes For Heartless Homes


Obituaries Du Jour!

Vickie stumbled across a page filled with death notices from Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, circa 1887. I think by reading a few of them, you can see why I have such incredible enthusiasm for 19th century newspapers!

Thursday, May 19, 1887 Page 3
At North Branch on the 11th, Alexander Hoy's little son spilled a bottle of carbolic acid over his body. The stuff burned the child from his head to his feet, and he will probably die.

Thursday, May 12, 1887 Page 4
A terrible accident occurred in the rolling mill of the Hubbard Iron company, at Hubbard, Ohio, shortly after 2 o'clock on the morning of the 6th. Engineer Griffith Phillipps, aged 29 years, in passing around the ore crusher oiling the bearings, was caught in the wheels and dragged into the crusher. He was mangled out of all semblance of humanity, the flesh adhering to the clogs. He leaves a wife and 3 children.

Thursday, May 12, 1887 Page 4
John Snyder, of Bushnell township, Montcalm county, while insane, on the 1st, crushed his wife's head with an axe, killing her instantly.

Thursday, May 12, 1887 Page 4
Mrs. Chas. Martin, wife of a farmer living near Grand Rapids, poisoned herself and two of her children on the 3d, with "Rough on Rats."

Thursday, June 23, 1887 Page 7
A brakeman, named Kippen, was killed while coming through the Rock cut on the Antoine branch near Norway last Saturday night. Sixty ore cars ran over him, and the unfortunate man was cut to pieces. - Escanaba Mirror.

And on and on... positively gripping!


Morbid Music!

-kokoro shiki- heart mode has some morbid music recommendations for us:

Rasputina - A cello rock band with dark Victorian influences. With songs such as Momma Was an Opium Smoker, Yellow Fever, and Howard Hughes... how can you go wrong? They dress in Victorian-style undergarments during live performances and Melora, the vocalist, makes some hilarious and morbid comments.

the gazettE / Gazette - A Japanese rock band with a delicious sound and a slightly screechy, feminine vocalist.

Dir en grey - A darker version of Gazette. They have songs such as egnirys cimredopyh ----+ an injection (Hypodermic syringe spelled backwards... it's a song about a drug addict), -saku-, FILTH, and raison d'etre. All are morbid, depressing, and their music videos are amazingly gory! I recommend -saku- and raison d'etre.

MALICE MIZER - A classic Japanese rock band, now disbanded. Not so morbid as gothic, but their music video ILLUMINATI has lovely S&M scenes and some fun with a severed head. And eyeballs. And neck snapping during sex. And, what the hell, a sexy cross-dressing guitarist being kissed and groped by a woman in chains.

Mimi's Café French Market Onion Soup

You might not imagine a tough World War II flying ace would open a restaurant called "Mimi's," but that's exactly what happened in the 70's. Arthur J. Simms flew spy missions over France during the war and helped liberate a small French town near Versailles. After the war, Arthur ran the commissary at MGM studios in Hollywood, stuffing the bellies of big-time celebs like Judy Garland, Clark Gable, and Mickey Rooney. He later joined his son Tom in several restaurant ventures including one called "French Quarter" in West Hollywood. This was the prototype for the French-themed Mimi's Café. In 1978, the first Mimi's opened in Anaheim, California. Today, there are over 40 Mimi's in the chain with a new one opening every other week; all of them serving this amazing onion soup that can now be part of your culinary repertoire. Oui!

1/4 cup butter
3 medium white onions, sliced
3 14-ounce cans beef broth (Swanson is best)
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
3 tablespoons Kraft grated Parmesan cheese
6 to 12 slices French bread (baguette)
6 slices Swiss cheese
6 slices mozzarella cheese
6 tablespoons shredded Parmesan cheese

1. Sauté onions in melted butter in a large soup pot or saucepan for 15 to 20 minutes or until onions begin to brown and turn transparent.
2. Add beef broth, salt and garlic powder to onions. Bring mixture to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 1 hour. Add the grated Parmesan cheese in the last 10 minutes of cooking the soup.
3. When soup is done, preheat oven to 350 degrees and toast the French bread slices for about 10 to 12 minutes or until they begin to brown. When bread is done, set oven to broil.
4. Build each serving of soup by spooning about 1 cup of soup into an oven-safe bowl. Float a toasted slice or two of bread on top of the soup, then add a slice of Swiss cheese on top of that. Place a slice of mozzarella on next and sprinkle 1 tablespoon of shredded Parmesan cheese over the top of the other cheeses.
5. Place the soup bowl on a baking sheet and broil for 5 to 6 minutes or until the cheese begins to brown. Makes 6 servings. You've just cloned a batch of the best onion soup from any chain. Got spoon?

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Seeing Rachel at Paterson Restaurant

Went out to Paterson Restaurant with Rachel and her family... Steph THOUGHT that Rachel would want Chinese food, but she actually doesn't like it very much! It was pretty good to see Rachel again - she, her sister Lisa, Steph, and I talked about about many different things. (Steph likes Harmony better than she does Jon, haha) Gilbert's postponing his wedding for a year to "save up money" - yikes! They announced the date and THEN postponed it - NOT GOOD! Someone Rachel knows had this HUGE fight with his girlfriend, and they were engaged a week later: strange people! Steph talked about running / Sun Run training / marathons with co-workers and her big boss, who's kinda childish in some ways. (Tim Horton's and Artigiano's are NOT fair coffee bets!) I guess I am / was like Max in one respect: that "can I come with you for this and that?" must have been annoying. Oh well, at least I don't do that much anymore... I hope. Otherwise all my friends would just keep me around because they HAVE to - what a terrible fate! Her co-workers' response to her picture with Geroy Simon at Yuk Yuks (free tickets four times in a row for crowd reasons - drinks are EXPENSIVE there!): "So you took a picture with a black man... big deal?" HAHAHAHA, I'm sure she goes around town and takes pictures with random black men for the heck of it! *sigh* (Lisa saw Steph's co-workers at some booth, told them to say hi to her, then stole something from Ipsos-Reid... haha!)

Discussed skating and running in Fort Mac - the snow is hard and it's -40° outside, yet there are still some hardcore people who want to do both! Rachel would prefer it to be warmer, but not quite as warm as Steph's work gym with its default set temperature of 21° Celsius! Apparently, people also line up around the block for Tim Horton's coffee there - thankfully, there IS one Starbucks which Rachel can go to! We laughed when my grandma ate half a plate of bitter melon by herself: Rachel wasn't impressed with the one piece she tried, and Steph tried three... "Why do I do this to myself every time? Ah yes, now I remember why I don't like it!" Steph thinks that Rachel should follow hockey since Alberta has good junior hockey - she wasn't impressed! They also tried planning to run together even if Steph's running with her co-workers already after work: all-you-can-eat sushi is something that Rachel's missed, but she's doing yoga too! We discussed the time change: more light for running and such later on, but I just want to sleep without light interruptions! Haha. At least I was better, since we had the hot and sour soup I'd been craving! (plus crab and lots of other stuff)

Mom talked Auntie Esther and Uncle Gabriel into going to our church after they dropped off Rachel at the airport on Sunday morning. (no ping-pong with the Zion Fellowship on Saturday night!) Good thing their service starts at 11:15, although it's usually later because our service has to wait for the morning Chinese service to finish! (and our service is late as a result - starts at 9:55 or later because people have to set up and such) Grandma asked where I got my ANGEL hat: she bought it for me at Christmas, then forgot about that! :(

At least the Canucks won 5-1 against Tampa Bay (whom we never see because of stupid NHL scheduling), although Jan Bulis took at least one stupid penalty! He is NOT Steph's favorite player because of that habit. When I got home, Andrea tried talking to me via Gmail chat - that quickly went nowhere since I was multitasking like a fiend, heh. If that had been Corey, he'd have gotten the "QUIT BEING A BUTT!" line, haha. Ooh, someone wants Wolf Eyes tracks. Thank goodness for Audiograbber since they're not on the computer like I thought they were! ;)

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Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer Facts!

I'll post these in parts of about 100 each, haha.

1. On Jack Bauer's tax returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
2. Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.
3. Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer sees the glass as a deadly weapon.
4. When bad things happen to good people, it's probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it's probably Jack Bauer.
5. When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
6. The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
7. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is a heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.
8. Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave, and a change of clothes.
9. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
10. Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
11. Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
12. When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
13. Jack Bauer doesn't need a receipt to return something to a store, just a gun.
14. If you try to make Jack Bauer sacrifice himself for nothing, he will eat you.
15. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
16. If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12.
17. Jack Bauer definitely loves his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.
18. The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols, and four billion rounds of ammunition.
19. Jack once shot himself 10 times, just to prove 50 Cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle an alligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.
20. Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.
21. Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Jack Bauer.
22. Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brian drop the personality disorder and patch him through.
23. Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
24. There have been no terrorist attacks in the United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.
25. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
26. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
27. The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
28. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
29. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
30. If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says it's beef... then it's f*cking beef.
31. My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.
32. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
33. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
34. Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.
35. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer f*cking hates lemonade.
36. Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
37. Jack Bauer thinks the word mercy just means "quick interrogation."
38. Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
39. The only reason Jack gave Nina mouth-to-mouth in Season 2 was because he had to kill her himself.
40. Jack Bauer let himself be drugged, beaten, and captured inside a crate on a Chinese ship heading out of the USA with no way for help to find him. Now he has them right where he wants them.
41. If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
42. When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essences, the shampoo had an orgasm.
43. Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
44. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
45. As a child, Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead... once.
46. Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
47. Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
48. The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population.
49. Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex lawsuit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon." Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families. But statistics don't lie.
50. Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that.
51. It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh, you are so screwed.
52. Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.
53. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
54. Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.
55. In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US-Mexico border.
56. A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
57. Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away.
58. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
59. Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery, and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.
60. When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.
61. When Special Forces raided an Afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4.
62. Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
63. ... and on the seventh day, Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."
64. MTV once tried to 'Punk' Kiefer Sutherland by staging a robbery in a store. Sutherland smiled, pulled out his SIG, and shot 3 actors in the head. This is why there was a new cast on Punk'd after season one.
65. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
66. After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.
67. RIP, Edgar. If you see this, give it a 10. Just coz it's what Edgar would have wanted. :(
68. When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
69. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
70. If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run.
71. Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
72. When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Jack Bauer and gets away with it.
73. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
74. There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way, but it's faster and leads to more deaths.
75. Most pilots need 5000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun.
76. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
77. When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
78. Scientists can't analyze Jack Bauer's DNA because it tortures the microscope for information.
79. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you, it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
80. Jack Bauer once arm-wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
81. "You don't know Jack" is a blessing among terrorists.
82. Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
83. Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
84. Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid the world of Communism.
85. Messenger bags owe Jack Bauer for single-handedly stealing them from the clutches of emo fashion and making them genuinely cool. Same thing with hoodies. And crying.
86. Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car.
87. The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.
88. When 24 airs on the Spanish channel, everyone's lines are translated except for Jack's. The reason for this: nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.
89. Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's f*cking Jack Bauer.
90. Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.
91. Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.
92. If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
93. In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead... Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane ravaged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?
94. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f*cking dead."
95. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
96. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
97. Jack Bauer went as himself one year for Halloween. It was voted as the most terrifying costume in Halloween history.
98. American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.
99. Jack Bauer once umpired a major league baseball game. The final score of the game was 1056 to 983. Everyone's safe when Jack Bauer is around.
100. Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

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Children's TV shows

Children's TV shows, from Candy via Myspace bulletin.

Name one show from childhood. -No Repeats-
Name one show that you remember from when you were a little kid... let's see if we can get a list going...

1. Shannon ~ You Can't Do That On Television
2. Andrea ~ Punky Brewster
3. Christina ~ Clarissa Explains It All
4. Jaime ~ Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
5. Alaina ~ Small Wonder
6. Jay ~ Fantasy Island... "zee plane!"
7. Dale ~ M.A.S.H.
8. David ~ Captain Kangaroo
9. Cindy ~ The Jetsons! haha... loved it!
10. Dana ~ Fraggle Rock
11. Shantel ~ Rainbow Brite
12. Brainless ~ Fourth Dimension (Yes, I'm THAT old...)
13. Mr. PERFECT ~ Transformers (not as old as Brainless, haha)
14. QueenSnoopy ~ Good Times
15. Tara - Mr. Rogers... I loved him!
16. Laura - Gummie Bears
17. Tim - Doctor Who (midnight channel 2) (had to sneak)
18. Cassie - The Flintstones
19. Rachel - 3, 2, 1 Contact
20. Jen - The Mickey Mouse Club
21. Liz - Zoobilee Zoo
22. Michelle - G.I. Joe
23. Kacey - Saved By the Bell
24. Jessica - Smurfs
25. Brandy ~ Kids Incorporated
26. Evan - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
27. Ashley - Wonder Years (I was mature for my age)
28. Katie P - Legends of the Hidden Temple
29. Valentine - DUKES OF HAZZARD
30. Sarah - My Little Pony
31. Kelly T ~ The Muppet Show
32. Tammy ~ Scooby Doo
33. Brian - King Arthur and The Knights of Justice
34. Michelle - Rescue 911 (among countless others, haha)
35. Suzanne - Adam 12 (any cop show)
36. Rami ~ Saint Seiya
37. Anna - CHiPS
38. Windy ~ 21 Jump Street
39. Tanya ~ Hart to Hart (I wanted them to be my parents, haha)
40. Tia ~ Silver Spoons...... I think Ricky Schroeder was my first true love..... haha.
41. Mandy - Double Dare
42. Candy - Little House on the Prairie (I know you're out there laughing, Crystal!)
43. Leslie - Belle and Sebastian

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Don't get arrested at the Russian consulate! / the EVERYTHING test / Mimi's Café Carrot Raisin Bread

Note: LJ Legend of Dragoon blogquiz, by Jeff.

Promo video of church anniversary DVD... thanks, Eric! I didn't even have to go looking for it! "VCEFC has a video on YouTube in Celebration of 32 Years of this community worshiping God together. This is the video Lesley Chung demonstrated two Sundays ago. The whole Internet can now view that embarrassing photo of you when you were 6. And you can too. Please go check it out by clicking the link below. A reminder that this is a promotional video of around 10 minutes. This special extended edition DVD will go on sale shortly and includes deleted scenes, behind the scenes featurettes, and a surprise alternate ending. Unfortunately in reality, it doesn't really include that stuff, but proceeds collected will go to the Church Building Fund. Details of when and how this may be purchased will be made available shortly."

I wonder when Jack Bauer will learn to listen to whatever voice of reason is around him at the time. His rash intemperate actions have now led to his arrest at the Russian consulate (Russian torture is worse than Chinese torture!), although he did question Consul Markov... "question" meaning "cut off his finger" in this case! This episode of 24 was pretty good and suspenseful, even if Tom Lennox tried telling part of the truth: Hamri al-Assad was NOT responsible for that bomb in the TV room! That vice-president Daniels is up to something, and the Russian agent guarding Bauer should NOT have left that room to make that phone call: YOU DIE!

I took the Yankee test, and got: "30% Dixie. You are a dandy Yankee Doodle." Then I took the advanced version, and got: "15% Dixie. Wow! You are a Duke of Yankeedom!"

According to the scoreboard, Rachel / Andrew / Steph / Vania have answered the quiz as well. Rachel even sent me an email about it: "You don't get the correct answers? I will see you tomorrow. :)" As far as I know, I will NOT see her tomorrow or any day in the future! Oh, she just emailed me back: "You see correct answers if you answered correctly... but not if you have answered incorrectly! Or is it just me? Yeah... aren't we having dinner with your family?? I'm in town!! :) Visiting until Sunday!" I have no idea about the answers thing since of course I'm not going to answer my own quiz... and since nobody tells me anything in the family, I didn't know about the other thing either! Thanks, Rachel... :D

Mimi's Café Carrot Raisin Bread

It's dark, moist, and delicious. And it comes in a bread basket to your table at this French-themed West Coast casual restaurant. Now the tastiest carrot bread ever can be yours to create at home with a couple of grated carrots, molasses, raisins and chopped walnuts. You'll be baking this one in the oven for at least an hour. That should be enough time to warm up the house and send amazing smells wafting through every room. Line the carpet with newspaper to catch the family drool. Dark, moist carrot bread is a Mimi's Café specialty. Now it's yours.

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
3 eggs
1/4 cup molasses
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup shredded carrot
1 cup raisins
3/4 cup chopped walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Combine flour, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl.
3. In another bowl... combine oil, sugar, eggs, molasses, and vanilla with an electric mixer. Add shredded carrot, and mix. Then add the raisins and walnuts. Mix well by hand.
4. Pour flour mixture into the other ingredients, and stir until combined.
5. Pour batter into two ungreased 8-inch loaf pans. Bake for 60 minutes, or until done. Makes 2 loaves.

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Monday, March 05, 2007

2001 days since 9/11, 420 pounds, redrum dynamics and 24, morbid facts

It has been 2001 days since 9/11. Eerie as heck! o_O

I was reading some online news story about a 420-pound woman who didn't know she was pregnant until the baby was born. Far be it from me to say that obese people don't deserve love or whatever, but I'm not honestly sure how anyone can find people of that weight attractive. Who knows, maybe the father of the baby is even heavier... I know people have different preferences and everything, but it's not fathomable to me personally. (at least I'm not a pansexual? heh)

Told Steph that I wasn't going over to watch 24, but she told me to come anyway. I DON'T THINK SO! There are some times that I don't feel like doing anything - that goes double for the first day (and more) of this redrum cycle! I'll stay home and finally enjoy (?) my Finnish chocolate bar and salmiakki licorice, thanks! She says Eric isn't coming over either, since he has a committee meeting. Dreaded things, really... at least this one won't last till 12:30 AM when certain people have to work tomorrow! Good thing he can get his parents to record the show for him, and he better not be joking about seeing the episode behind his eyeballs when he sleeps at night like he did the last time this happened!

Damn, I wish the scoreboard would email me the answers my friends got wrong on that quiz. Just like the QuizYourFriends test, it would have been amusing! Hehe. Oh well, Chrissy and John have taken it already. Whoops, I accidentally made Corey ten years older on some other post... haha.

EDIT: Eric just emailed me and Steph. "Tonight's Committee Meeting has been canceled due to Karen feeling tired after her trip, and me not feeling well. In order to protect you from any potential season 3 biological warfare, I will be watching Jack from the quarantine of my house. We rescheduled the meeting for next Monday, so I will not be there next week either, unless a miracle happens and we finish the meeting in 50-55 minutes. Lucky Leslie will be spared some ridicule, I suppose." Then he says that Steph has to bring up some "cute" event that happened at Resonate... aiya! It was amusing up to that point. I'll have to get him over the reflexive, and explain things. (Steph emailed back to say that it would just be her and Mom, since I wasn't coming either!)

Today's Criminal Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

In San Francisco in 1868, a criminal youth gang emerged that specialized in public riots against the Chinese. These vicious criminals were called Hoodlums, from their habit of warning "Huddle 'em!" when in danger. Their attacks led to indiscriminate violence against the immigrants. The memberships of many of the early hoodlum gangs included girls, and several were captained by maladjusted representatives of the so-called gentler sex. Curiously enough, or perhaps not so curiously, these girls were almost invariably more ferocious than their male companions, and their fertile minds devised most of the unpleasant methods of torture which the hoodlums employed upon their victims.

One feminine rowdy who flourished during the latter part of 1878 was a thirteen-year-old girl known as Little Dick, who led a gang of more than twenty boys of about the same age. She was finally sent to a corrective institution after she had stolen a hundred revolvers from a gun-shop, distributed some among her followers, and sold the remainder on the Barbary Coast. She said frankly that she found her greatest delight in throwing red pepper into a Chinaman's eyes or in hanging him up by his queue. A typical exploit of the hoodlums occurred during the summer of 1868, when a score of youthful rowdies captured a Chinese crab-catcher and dragged him beneath a wharf. There they robbed him, beat him with a hickory club, branded him in a dozen places with hot irons, and then slit his ears and tongue. "There was apparently no other motive for this atrocity," said the San Francisco Times of July 30, 1868, "than the brutal instincts of the young ruffians who perpetrated it. Such boys are constantly hanging about our wharves eager to glut their cruelty upon any Chinaman who may pass."

Culled from: San Francisco History


Ruthless Rhyme Du Jour!

I've been reading Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes and More Ruthless Rhymes by Harry Graham, a collection of hysterical poems originally published in 1899, and I thought I'd share with you some of my favorites.


The ice upon our pond's so thin
That poor Mamma has fallen in!
We cannot reach her from the shore
Until the surface freezes more.
Ah me, my heart grows weary waiting --
Besides, I want to have some skating.

Ruthless Rhymes For Heartless Homes


Morbid Merchandise!

You'll no doubt be captivated to hear that the Comtesse has designed another MFDJ T-shirt: this one with the ageless theme of "Desensitize Yourself!" As always, the shirt is available from Jen at Juror2.Net, and all of the Comtesse's profits will be used to support the website and mailing list. So, if you'd like a stylish way to show your support for the MFDJ, why not take a gander?


Morbid Mirth Du Jour!

Ken sends me a great clip of a "European Candid Camera type show where they use a video editor to make it look like the Grim Reaper is standing right behind people. When they look back, there's an old man with a scythe who winks at them. The expressions on their faces is priceless." Enjoy!



St. Sepulchre's Belle sent me a link to an absolutely appalling story of "honor" killing in rural Turkey, complete with a photograph of a woman being buried in preparation for a stoning execution. Furious doesn't even begin to describe my reaction.

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Spoof usernames, sleep, redrum, phone call etiquette, Friend Test

Radiohead's Fitter Happier kinda matches me right now, since I'm practically all better now. Guess my nocturnal rest was pretty good, for once. No love for King Hwa Enterprises, though... they made my phone beep, and woke me up at 11:02! Ah well, might go back to bed later. I am definitely NOT going over for 24 this evening as it's the time to be a slave to my butt. :P

Ah, redrum has finally come after being like a WEEK late! It's probably due to stress issues and such - the next time people say that I can't possibly get sick because I'm stressed about stuff, I'll punch 'em in the head. (well, maybe not...) I don't think I could have handled stress illness, a cold, AND redrum simultaneously! Thank goodness I had my reinforcements ready last night, otherwise I'd have had the same horrid experience ("BLOOD ON MY MATTRESS?! Bloody hell, I hate being a girl! *much angry noise* ") that I did in August 2005! That was the day I went to eat dinner and see Wedding Crashers with both Erics and Anthony - it got underway late, but Milestones was good stuff!

To my newest reader who's from real life in case he ever comes across this post: Hi, Randal! Yes, this IS what it's like at least once every month when you read this blog! :P (If you don't like it, get used to it! At least I'm not describing terrible TMI things in exquisite graphic detail, haha!) Just for you, I'll include this image:
(lovely, isn't it? :P)

Another random note: At least I hope I'll have enough cash to pay up front at the dentist office, although I dislike the hygienist. Tony once took a phone call on his cell for at least five minutes about real estate / housing, while I was in the chair with various instruments around my mouth. There are better times to take your personal phone calls, dillweed! (yay for Beavis and Butthead references!)

Create your own Friend Quiz here

Haha, I remember the last time I did one of these things. It was on another site way back when I had my 486 (maybe, so it loaded REALLY SLOWLY! Citrus got the "favorite kid" question wrong when I thought he'd have it correct, Jocelyn got 2 out of 10, Steph got 9 out of 10 (amazing!), Jon put his name as "it doesn't matter WHAT my name is!" and Andrea emailed me to say that she got 3 out of 10: "this is an opportunity to get to know you better!"


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Don't take showers... let me sleep instead! / McDonald's Yogurt Parfait

Time to go to bed early again, and hope I can sleep this night! Dunno what it is with my upstairs neighbors taking showers at 2-3 AM or later... and then my next-door neighbors start the same stuff at 6 AM even on weekends! Not that I can sleep well sometimes, which doesn't help. :P Wish my body would make up its mind, because it would be much easier!

McDonald's Yogurt Parfait

This one's super easy to make, plus it's low-fat and delicious. The yogurt in the original is very sweet and creamy, like Yoplait. So that's the brand that you should use, although any brand of vanilla yogurt will work fine. If you use Yoplait, you'll need two 6-ounce containers of the stuff per serving. For the granola, just look for one that contains mostly oats. It should be crunchy and sweet (such as "maple" flavor) and can also include puffed rice bits. You can even make these a day or two ahead of time. Keep them covered in the fridge, and hold off on the granola topping until you serve 'em up or it'll get mighty soggy. 4 cups vanilla-flavored low-fat yogurt (or 8 6-ounce containers of Yoplait)

2 10-ounce boxes sliced strawberries with sugar added, thawed
1/3 cup frozen blueberries, thawed
1/2 cup crunchy, sweet granola

1. Pour 1/2 cup of yogurt into a parfait cup or tall glass.
2. Add 1/2 cup of strawberries into the glass on top of the yogurt.
3. Add 1 tablespoon of blueberries to the glass.
4. Pour 1/2 cup of yogurt over the fruit.
5. Sprinkle granola over the top and serve. Repeat for remaining 3 servings. Makes 4 servings.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Overdosing on Halls?! NEVER! / Today's Distraught Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

I didn't know it was possible to technically overdose on these Vitamin C with echinacea Halls. I've only had three, and the package says there's a maximum of two a day. Whoops. Technically, I'm not a fan of overmedication... but I don't think I'll experience problems. My throat at least feels way better (right now?), and at least it's not sleeping pills / Tylenol or something like that! That can be truly deadly, which references my sister's fear that I'll be unconscious / dead of a heart attack in bed under my blankets. To me, it also references these true crime stories I hear about which involve serious overdoses of sleeping aids and THEN suffocation with a pillow. The cotton fibers never lie, criminals! :P

Today's Distraught Yet Truly Morbid Fact!

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis. Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning, March 15, 2006. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody. "We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District. Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis. He was listed in good condition Thursday. Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland. Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 AM Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house. The occupants were not home. Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived, and may have already cut off his organ. "At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives... and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said. Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives." Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him. "About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said. Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon, but surgery usually works. "As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Culled from: The Chicago Sun-Times
Generously submitted by: Desmodus


How upset do you have to be to cut off your own penis and hurl it at the police? I mean, I just about went postal at Washington Mutual the other day when they put a ridiculous 11-day hold on the money I just deposited to my checking account (hate that bank... HATE.THAT.F-ING.BANK!!!!!), but even as unmedicated as I was, I would never think to chop off a breast and hurl it at the clerk.

Maybe it's a guy thing?


Ruthless Rhyme Du Jour!

I've been reading Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes and More Ruthless Rhymes by Harry Graham, a collection of hysterical poems originally published in 1899, and I thought I'd share with you some of my favorites.


When Baby's cries grew hard to bear
I popped him in the Frigidaire.
I never would have done so if
I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff.
My wife said: "George, I'm so unhappé!
Our darling's now completely frappé!"

Ruthless Rhymes For Heartless Homes


Follow-Up Du Jour!

Back on February 20th, I featured a fact about the munitions ship explosion in Halifax, Nova Scotia on December 6, 1917, which resulted in 2,000 deaths and 9,000 injuries, many of which were caused by people watching the burning ships through plate glass windows that fragmented in the explosion. Peter has a personal connection to this gruesome incident:

"My grandfather was a physician in the Canadian Army during the First World War. He was in Halifax on the day of the explosion, and spent the next three days working with an eye surgeon, doing anaesthesia while the other doc picked glass out of the faces of people who had watched the ships burn. He didn't like to talk about it much."

Ah, that stoic older generation of men. Think of all the great stories we've missed out on because these guys didn't like to talk!


Morbid Trinket Du Jour!

Okay, I meant to run this one before the new year, but forgot. But if you're still looking for the perfect 2007 calendar, why not take the Men of Mortuaries calendar into consideration?

Thanks to Alan for the link.


Wretched Recommendations!

Wilf has a book recommendation:

"I just thought you might like to know about another book on London's strange history (and there's plenty of it). It's by a guy called James Clark, who I will not deny is a friend of mine, but it's well put together. The book is called Haunted Wandsworth (a borough of London), and has a range of old stories and new. He is actually a qualified paranormal investigator. If you like Call of Cthulhu (the Lovecraft roleplaying game), you will know they are the ones who go mad first, if they survive that long.... He is also writing another one on London ghost / paranormal stories in general, though it has to be said that it's likely to feature much new material."

Haunted Wandsworth by James Clark

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We're indeed related, Mike... took you two years to figure that out!

Called Steph on her cell earlier than usual this morning since the house line wasn't ringing for some reason, and made her do a Halls run to 7-11. She brought me some Neo-Citran when the family got to my place; at first, I thought it was coffee which I'd already had, but then we figured it'd make me fall asleep in service. I didn't, but it was pretty much a willpower / prayer thing with that. (I felt sleepy right until some cold blast of air woke me up as I was walking to my apartment building's front door this afternoon!) Steph said that Mom gave me a bunch of stuff including Brussels chocolate / Dragon Boat Mix / a solid chocolate Santa Claus figure, none of which was expired... I'm only worried about her Neo-Citran being expired! Just because Auntie Brenda and Uncle Eric say it's okay in their professional opinion as pharmacists doesn't mean that the chemicals won't break down over time or something. These ARE the people who once gave us an expired tin of cookies as a Christmas gift, after all... and they do have this reputation as being rather, um, FRUGAL. Oh well...

When we got to church, the morning service was running late as usual. Alan asked Jon where the "thingies" were... he meant the bulletins, but we bugged him about that for a bit. I told Mike K. and Stanley that it sounded like how my mom talks sometimes: "Oh, get me that thing." "... what thing?" "The thing that's on top of the other thing! You know!" As Mike said: "... no, we don't... otherwise, we wouldn't have to ask!" She's even gotten mad at me for not having ESP about that, but I didn't say this. Mike said that kinda reminded him of his sister Margaret. He'll say: "Hey Margaret, what are you eating?" and she'll hold up the food in question and just SHOW him instead of telling him! Cordia's opinion is that she got it from HIM, haha. Steph showed up and handed me a bag: "Here are your drugs!" (echinacea and Vitamin C / lemon Halls... I should have told her to get Neo-Citran, but I can get that at the pharmacy next door before 4 tomorrow if I really need it) Cordia found that amusing, then went inside on someone's suggestion... good idea, before we block even more people traffic and such!

Randal decided to say hi when I'd sat down, so I talked briefly to him. Probably it was to let me know where he was (a row behind me) in case I had the magic TV show tapes... excellent idea, since he ALWAYS goes off somewhere real quick after service (as Eric does from time to time) and I have NO idea where he's gone! And of course I never see him after Sunday School, either! Darn people who disappear on you, especially if you need them... *joking grumble* Asked Christon if he had the tape, which he gave me... then I asked Steph which tape Vanessa needed: she still has to check. I was going to shove the tape in my bag and give it to the R-Man later (like on Friday), but then remembered that (DUH) he was sitting right behind me! I swear, this illness is doing a number on my memory... Steph said the same to Mom later when we saw her after she worked. (she asked me about the chocolate, and I was like "Uh, WHAT chocolate?!" haha.. ) Steph told Danielle that the pre-service prayer cluster looked like the classic Sunrise Service from last year: well, when you gotta go, you gotta go! (even if you have to announce it to everyone there!) She's definitely going this year, and I might too. Good times, heh.

Jeremy sat down beside me, and we basically spent all of service trying to keep our respective colds to ourselves, heh. You know it's bad when we take personal space boundaries to new levels! His Bible on my coat's sleeve is fine for any service (no cold virus particles there!), but us having less than seven inches of space between us in general would NOT have been fine today! Luckily, there were like ten inches of space between me and Sheena because of all her stuff: no chance of the three Soon sisters catching THIS cold, man! Finally saw Megan, who's back for a week! I could see Steph, Danielle, and Cindy cringing on her behalf when the news of Phil's engagement was brought up as a sermon illustration about how hard it is to hold good news in. Yeah, I feel bad for her too... but nothing can be done now! In the row ahead of me, Danielle asked Jon where Nathan was halfway through service: he was sitting behind me. He couldn't hear what she whispered to him, so I had to interpret: she'd thought he couldn't wake up again this morning, heh.

A collective groan went up when Rich announced that Daylight Savings Time would start earlier than normal: NEXT WEEK?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! SAY IT AIN'T SO, BROTHER! Jeremy turned to me and said that this meant he'd wake up at 4:30 in the morning for work (body clock) - that REALLY sucks, as if 5:30 AM weren't bad enough! Then we were reminded about the Privacy Act and filling out our church directory info / ticking the consent box... Jeremy to me: "Darn the government and their privacy acts!" (haha) When the $10 Sod-Turning Ceremony DVDs from New Year's Day were advertised AGAIN, it was my turn to tell Jeremy something! "Haha, I love how these things are still advertised like three months later. Quick! Uncle Alan REALLY wants to get rid of all these extra DVDs in his office!" That got a laugh, like I was hoping it would. Then Pastor Edward put a flower in a little vase on the pulpit to signify Phil and Grace getting engaged, and made a point to tell us: "Okay, this doesn't mean a baby!" (usually, we do this to recognize new births) Jeremy turned to me, and added: "We hope not." My turn to laugh, along with Nathan. Yeah... let's REALLY hope not, otherwise they'll have some explaining to do nine months down the road!

When I got to the back parking lot after service, I saw Helen with her baby Nicholas, who headbutted me in the chest area when his mom told him to kiss me hello. She apologized, but I guess he's being a typical boy already! He gave me five a few times, but wouldn't give me ten: we should get together sometime, but she's back to work and such now. It was nice seeing them, though! (he waved bye to me a few times, too!) I had to tell her to move since a car was trying to park in one of the handicapped spaces, so Jeremy joked that we should block off those two spaces with a sign that read "LOITERING AREA" one of these days. Yeah, I'm sure my dad will get RIGHT on that... NOT! Nice in theory, but not so in practice with legalities and such! Nathan, Jon, Jeremy, and I talked to Jen for a while about dinner plans, her mom being in Egypt, the Eco-Density Fair this afternoon, documentaries, adopted Koreans with schizophrenia who committed suicide, her getting a real driver's license (no more Class 5!), cars, depreciation, parking, gas, maintenance, etc. (I saw some Camels in the flap of her purse, but at least it was pretty discreet!) Told Steph that Jen only worked part-time now, which is good for her - AND she only works 24 hours! (she put it as "I work a day in a week!" which confused us for a bit) So I told her that Jen worked the magic number of hours in a week - Jen doesn't watch the show, hah.

Talked to Emily and Mike T. for a while, and Jon somehow came up in the conversation. Mike to me: "Wait... Jon's your BROTHER?!" Yes... just look at your birthday and baptism cards! He happened to be passing by at the time (probably on his way to chest chop one of the guys), so I had to tell him about this! Definitely found it amusing, and Mike had no idea why Jon and Steph signed his cards till now! When we told Steph later, she said that new people didn't know these things. We realize that, but we thought he'd figure it out (or Emily / Chrystal / Melia would tell him) in the two years and change that he's been coming here! Talked to Megan for a bit: she's here for a week with appointments and an interview at Pacific Grace / dental stuff because she hasn't had them since August. She's near Dragon Ball ("that place you guys like"), hehe! Told Jon that I'd see him at lunch since I had to go help with the toddlers, which sounded good to him. (Jeremy was TRYING to get tickets to the lunch, but it was sold out - last year, they were GIVING them away!)

At the toddler Sunday School class, there was this new kid named Cheryl. (one of Zoe's mom's friends' kids) Only her parents spell it with an "I" instead of a "Y." Creative spellings are NOT good, people! :P Sean was coughing and looked pretty miserable, so I checked my Halls package and quickly concluded that I was NOT drugging him up with those! (they're recommended for kids age 5-6 and up) I learned later from his dad that he really likes the computer, but his time on there is limited because his parents don't want him to get addicted. Good idea! I should do that to myself... ha ha ha. After that, it was lunchtime! Steph and I made sure our grandma had a seat before sitting down ourselves with Pastor Edward, Auntie Ruby, Audrey, little Nathan, Natalie, Hannah, Priscilla, and Gladys. Then she moved to the other end of the room to be with Karen Lew: eh, I was staying where I was! The kids dumped their leftovers on one plate, so I joked that Hannah looked like a real pig! They laughed when I picked out the stuff I liked from an extra plate just like Pastor Edward had done, haha.

When Jon came around with stuff because he was one of the food servers, I noted to him that this was the worst location ever in the basement to watch the upcoming anniversary video. It was near the doors, a real fire hazard, and there's a pole in the way! But as he commented, it was pretty crowded anywhere as it usually is at these lunches... later, I told him not to buy a $20 church anniversary DVD since Steph had been pretty much coerced into buying one a couple of weeks ago! I moved up front when the video came on, since I didn't want to block Priscilla's view OR Jonathan Chan's view a little further up. Definitely a cool video, although nobody wanted to know how Chris seemed to just ooze out from the ground / a log! Later, I saw Steph and Citrus with huge Slurpees - they had those instead of cake, heh. Jeremy showed up from lunch with Daniel and Christon at the Szechuan place, probably Green Village. He was pretty full and so were we, even though (as Julie and Elaine noted) our food wasn't that good / appetizing. Too much meat, like Nathan's dad's protein meals: two plates of meat, one of veggies, and an assorted plate. They were giving away leftovers, which I declined: Jeremy took three containers home after Jon assured him that there were LOTS as per the usual. He said that he'd slept in yesterday, took a nap in the afternoon, then went to bed early: 12 hours of sleep should do it for his cold, heh. Told Julie and Elaine to say hi to their mom for me - I should call her, but what to say? "Hi, Auntie Cynthia... I heard your cancer's come back! Uh... er..." wouldn't sound very good, haha. Gave Natalie and Nathan some candy: to be safe, she should give the chocolate ones to her brother Ivan, since Auntie Ronne reminded me that she has a peanut allergy!

On the way home, Steph and I learned that Jon's "itchy butt" (Chinese is a grossly descriptive language :P) got him in trouble with the elementary school once! Mr. Blinkhorn (principal) had to call our parents to tell them that the teacher thought Jon was moving around too much while sitting on the floor, and she thought he was doing something which normally should be done in private! Oh, dear... not the case, but they had to go pick him up and explain things to the poor teacher! I'm still giggling over this story, heh. I also learned that Grandma gets mad and denies she was sleeping when they hear her snore: what's the big deal with that? It's not a BAD thing if she dozes off or gets tired... this morning, she told me and Jon that she wasn't tired even after only getting four hours of sleep and said that it's something she thanked God for. Go to sleep early, get up and go to the bathroom, take forever to get back to sleep, and repeat at least twice a night... THEN deny it makes you tired? Yeah right! I took Steph's advice and stayed in the car when she went to drive Mom home from work: I was NOT in the mood for stopping off at a few different places after a long day! I might go over tomorrow for the TV show, but maybe not. (lunar regularities be damned!) Citrus is also mad since people asked HIM to do the anniversary DVD - it takes more than one person to sort through a zillion pictures, select representative ones, choose music / text, and do all that DVD production! No wonder Steph was frustrated when Auntie Rebecca did that to her a while back!

This update is probably longer than it strictly needs to be (as is the case with most of my "life blogging"), but it's how I do things! Now I need to eat and take a shower...

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