Weiss locks Warden Norton in his office, and goes to talk to his accomplice, the General. Weiss wants to get help for Warden Norton, but the General refuses. Taylor has a statement she wants Warden Norton to look over, and she asks if anyone's seen him. Weiss and the General look at each other conspiratorially while you hear that sound effect they use whenever someone realizes that a) there's a mole, b) there's a traitor, or c) there's a larger plot going on. Luckily for them, Taylor didn't hear it. President Hassan is upset, and doesn't want to be the cause of so many people losing their lives. Renee tries to talk to Jack about Hassan, but all she does is distract Jack long enough for Hassan to hit him in the back with a crowbar. Bobby "the Brain" Heenan would be proud. I'm guessing Jack will feel absolutely no ill effects from it, even though most people would have suffered a broken back. Hassan decides to turn himself over, and gives his gun to the soldier.
The General gets the good news, and tells Weiss to make the call. Weiss is still concerned about Warden Norton, but the General doesn't care. Man, what did Warden Norton do to the General? He must have put the General in solitary confinement for two months because the General called him "obtuse" or something. The General wants to know if Samir will call off the attack, but Samir hangs up on him. The General is outraged that Samir might be going back on his word, and feels violated. I mean, if you can't trust a terrorist with a nuclear bomb, then who can you trust? Tarin is seriously freaking out, but Samir calls 10 seconds before the bomb is supposed to go off, and tells him to shut it off. Tarin looks like he just got a stay of execution from the governor.
Sure enough, Jack's C-4 vertebrae is fine, and he smashes through a glass window with his elbow. He calls in to Chloe, and tells her to get a clean line to the President. Dana's mole sense is tingling, and she wanders over to find out what that was about, but Chloe tells her to make like a bee and buzz off. Jack tells Renee to take the Hassans back to President Taylor while he goes looking for President Hassan. Renee looks disappointed. She wanted to spend some more quality time in the field with Jack. After all, their entire relationship is built on shooting people and interrogating suspects, right? Jack hails a cab for Renee and the Hassans. That's not a good idea. After all, aren't the cabbies sympathetic to Samir?
Jack gives President Taylor the 411 about the plot. He then sees some guy get out of his car while leaving the engine running. Sure enough, it's as if Jack's like a kid in a candy store as he nonchalantly commandeers the vehicle and drives off. Chloe's nonplussed reaction as she watches Jack commit his 10th GTA is pretty funny. Hassan and the mercenary park somewhere on the Upper West Side, and I'm not even going to comment on how ridiculous it is that they found a space. Anyway, Tarin calls Hassan's cell phone. When Hassan asks if it's Tarin, Tarin looks a little embarrassed, and is about to lower his voice and go: "Uh, no, uh, this is, uh Mustafa..."
Tarin tells the mercenary ("Bishop") to get out of the car and walk towards the intersection. Tarin drops a set of keys on the sidewalk, and I'm surprised no one swoops them up. Bishop is looking around, trying to see who's talking to him, and he manages to miss the tall, hunky Kamistani walking past him. I guess Tarin's not his type. Bishop does, indeed, find the bomb. I guess Samir really is a man of his word. Why he went through the trouble of procuring the nuclear rods if he was just going to hand them over is beyond me. Secret Service breaks into Warden Norton's office, and find him on the couch. They arrest the General and Weiss, but first, Taylor wants a word with Weiss. He tries to justify his actions, but she slaps him in the face. She talks about how the peace process has gone down the toilet, but Weiss thinks New York City was worth saving. Ann Coulter would disagree.
CTU finally gets their lights back. Really? It took three hours to get the lights back? Bubba wants Dana and Chloe to locate Hassan, but Dana does the mole walk - turn your head to the side, look suspiciously into the camera, and walk towards the door with your head down. Luckily for her, no one picks up on it. Chloe calls Jack, and they try to set up a rescue operation for Hassan. Cole is back in CTU, and Dana makes an excuse to go see her Cole Slaw. She tries to make a call to Tarin, but Cole interrupts her. They make small talk about the probation officer, but Dana says she took care of it. See, that should have tipped off Cole. Earlier in the season, Dana couldn't find her way out of her own jacket without Cole's help. Now, she's taking care of everything on her own?
I know this is beating a dead horse, but Freddie Prinze Jr. is a horrible, horrible actor. He tries to reassure Dana that they'll get through this, and shoots her his "I'm being heartfelt and serious" look. In reality, he looks like someone just asked him what the square root of 294 was. Hassan tries to reason with Tarin, but Tarin isn't receptive. They have some kind of philosophical debate that's really kind of boring. So instead, I'll just point out that, even though they both come from "Kamistan," Hassan and Tarin have different accents. I guess they must be from different regions.
The medics take Warden Norton away, and Taylor wants him back at work as soon as possible. Go easy on the guy, Madame President! He just had a heart attack. Even W. let Cheney take time off from being President after he had his eighth heart attack. The President makes nice with Renee, and thanks her while alluding to some of her problems from the last season. Renee looks surprised when the President goes to shake her hand, but ultimately she looks relieved and somewhat proud. Cole has everyone in place, and has a great plan in place to retrieve Hassan. As such, we can expect everything to go exactly as planned. Dana makes an excuse to check out the "trunk line" and leaves. She brings up the satellite coverage on the computer, and is about to call the terrorists when Arlo catches her. He is suspicious of Dana, but is distracted, once again, by her – uh – computer skills. Arlo goes to doublecheck her work, and Dana grabs a cable and is about to strangle him like she did with the probation officer. I guess that's her M.O. Dana finally calls Tarin, and he freaks out. You know, he really isn't cut out for the whole terrorism gig. Stick to being a gigolo, Tarin.
Jack is following Tarin, and guess what? Only one of them is driving a stolen car – and it isn't Tarin. Tarin suddenly drives into a parking garage, and Jack follows him. Cole redistributes his troops, and has them set up a perimeter around the parking garage. I think we all know what's about to happen. Tarin keeps driving up towards the roof, and Jack is in hot pursuit. Tarin drives off the roof and crashes onto the ground below. Jack goes to the wreck and finds Tarin in the driver's seat, but Hassan is nowhere to be found.
Deus ex machina time as, apparently, Tarin had the foresight to have accomplices inside that garage. Sure, why not? It's not nearly as implausible as some of the other stuff this show has pulled off over the years. They load Hassan into the trunk of a Honda hybrid. At least those terrorists are green-friendly. Jack tells Renee they have a mole in CTU, and she's shocked. Guess she hasn't been watching this show.
Dana is trying to leave, but she now has to show her pass before leaving per Bubba's new security protocol that he managed to institute despite devoting all this time to recovering Hassan. Isn't that like buying a ticket to get out of the movie theater? Dana tries to sweet-talk the guards, but to no avail. She should have said she needed her tampons or something. That would have sufficiently freaked out the guards. CTU updates President Taylor about their latest failure to maintain a perimeter. Just build a wall around New York and be done with it. Meanwhile, the Russians suddenly show up and want to talk to President Taylor. That can't be a good sign. They always bring bad news, at least on this show.
I wonder if Suvarov is still the leader of Russia. Or if he pulled a Putin and stepped down to be the "Premier," even though everyone knows he still calls the shots. The Russian ambassador wants to pull out of the treaty if Hassan dies, but Taylor goes off on him. She talks about how the Russians have been looking for a reason to do this, and I'm guessing we'll find out soon that the Russians were behind this all along. It would explain how they get Logan back on the show. Renee is with Chloe, and they talk about the mole issue. Chloe sounds surprised. I can't imagine why.
Dana goes to talk to Bubba, and finagles her way into Bubba's workstation. That's a lot of trouble to go through just to get out. She could just do what Jack does, and force her way out with a gun. Dana's been made, and sure enough, she did use the Jack method. She shoots a few guards, and tries to escape. Cole looks shocked. Now, it's CTU's turn to play the "Gang that Couldn't Shoot Straight" as they can't hit Dana. You know, Dana is a pretty good shot for someone who sits behind a desk all day. Dana manages to start her car and get away, but luckily Cole is there to stop her. He yells with a gun pointed at her, and asks her who she really is... Bubba tells him to let her go. This is exactly like the scene in the first season when Jack stopped Nina from escaping. She wants to talk to Bauer? What is she? Crazy? He has ways of torturing you that haven't even been written about yet.
Cole comes clean about Dana's past – well, except for the stuff about how he disposed of those two hillbillies. Cole wants to stay on duty, but Bubba isn't convinced even though he's been burned both personally and professionally. He sends Cole to be debriefed, and hopefully, that means we'll be free of Freddie for a few episodes. Jack tells Bubba that he's fulfilled his part of the deal by securing the nuclear rods. He's only here because he promised President Taylor he'd recover President Hassan. Oh, and because his contract stipulates he appear on all 24 episodes in the season. Jack goes in to talk to Dana. Of course, she wants immunity. Don't they all? Take a number, lady. Seriously, they could give them out at the DMV. If they can wait in line for hours, then they will have earned it.
Dana also wants to be compensated for the deal going south. Jack has his own way of negotiating, obviously, and introduces his hand to her neck. Dana tells Jack that Hassan is alive so that the terrorists can force him into reading a statement online. I doubt anyone would care, though. All the journalists are busy covering Tiger Woods at the Masters. Finally, Dana talks about how there have been enough screw-ups, and wants Jack to handle this. Well, she is right about that much. The conveniently-stationed terrorists take Hassan to an apartment. Good to see they're branching out and staying away from warehouses.
Samir is going to make Hassan read a statement, and broadcast it on the Internet. They have a face-to-face that goes something like this:
SAMIR: You betrayed our country!
HASSAN: No, you did!
SAMIR: No, you!
HASSAN: You!
SAMIR: You!
HASSAN: You!
SAMIR: You!
HASSAN: Me!
SAMIR: ME!! Me! I betrayed my country! Shoot me!
Okay, maybe that was a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Anyway, they inject Hassan with some stuff. I'm guessing sodium pentathol? I have no idea how that would help. I don't know of any other chemical compounds, though. Don't blame me. Taylor goes to visit Warden Norton, and you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. Warden Norton is coherent enough to talk about the Kamistani Constitution and the political situation in the African (?) / Middle Eastern (?) / East Asian (?) republic. Who knows? It's probably located in the Caribbean or something. Anyway, here's the gist of it: they're screwed if Hassan dies.
Arlo is upset that he didn't notice Dana's subterfuge. That's what happens when you spend more time looking at Dana's rack than her face. Arlo actually admits as much, and that's the first step to recovery. Chloe tells him to get over it, and clearly she's gearing up for the end of the show by transitioning to a career as a motivational speaker. Cole is upset that Dana has immunity, and goes off on Bubba. Jack has vouched for Cole, though, so Bubba agrees to take Cole off the bench for the mission. NO!!! Dana says Samir has about three men left because Jack killed the rest. Jack looks unimpressed. It's been a slow day for him.
Samir tortures Hassan, and tries to get him to agree to read the statement. Hassan tells him to kiss off, and Samir Tasers him. Samir needs another solution, and apparently, using CGI footage of Hassan from
Slumdog Millionaire isn't an option. So... Samir goes online and talks about all of Hassan's crimes, and vows to carry out the appropriate sentence. Of course, he isn't man enough to show his face. Chloe figures out Hassan's exact location based on the angle of the light and some other stuff. She got all that from a window? And we're supposed to believe that she was actually having trouble earlier in the day with the new CTU software?
Jack tells Renee he wants her to stay behind him and do exactly as he says. Are they talking about the mission or something else? Samir is still rattling off the charges, and this is giving CTU valuable time to get in position. Just read the top charge, Samir. No one cares if you find him guilty of disorderly conduct. Jack sees a Muslim man in the hall, and shoots him. He declares that it's one of Samir's men, and removes a gun from the guy's vest. Or it could have been a cabbie. Oh well.
Jack and Renee enter the apartment, and see a Muslim woman and child. I'm guessing the terrorists aren't there – maybe they're really a few blocks away or something. Jack keeps hearing Samir rattling off the charges, and moves towards a secret room. Jack takes out the hostiles, and looks to have saved the day once again. But now he realizes that Hassan is already dead. Turns out the Internet feed was on a delay. I have to say, I didn't see that coming. So the terrorists are dead now, and there are still eight episodes or so. Who will be new villains? I'm guessing the Russians, which is kind of a cliche at this point. Still, at least it isn't the Chinese. Things are bad enough between the U.S. and China right now. We don't need this show to add fuel to the fire. Silent clock for Hassan. Guess he's really dead.
Labels: 24, brian, candy, chinese, computer, death, ethan, george, internet, jack bauer, kevin, maxed-out tags limit, nina, phone calls, reading, redrum, sex, sick, sports, us
