101 Things Not To Say During Sex / 2005 Survey
Vanessa also emailed me to ask about Justin L.'s birthday: haha, she asked the right person! :)
101 Things NOT To Say During Sex
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first time.. right? Person 2: Yeah.. today.
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think... I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!
25. Got any penicillin?
26. But I just brushed my teeth...
27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. I want a baby!
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
31. (in a threesome) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking, you might have more endurance..
47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people..
50. You're almost as good as my ex!
51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
52. Is that you I smell, or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
53. You look younger than you feel.
54. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
57. Now I know why he / she dumped you...
58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
60. What tampon?
61. Have you ever considered liposuction?
62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?
64. I have a confession...
65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
66. Are those real, or am I just behind the times?
67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?
68. Is that a hanging sculpture?
69. You'll still vote for me, won't you?
70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
72. Did you come yet, dear?
73. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...
74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
75. Does this count as a date?
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
77. Hic! I need another beer for this, please.
78. I think biting is romantic, don't you?
79. Q: You can cook too, right? A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
80. When would you like to meet my parents?
81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself?
82. Have you seen Fatal Attraction?
83. Sorry about the name tags... I'm not very good with names.
84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed.
85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?
86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.
88. Sorry, but I don't do toes!
89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for The Enquirer.
93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
95. Is this a sin too?
96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...
99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?
End of 2005 Survey
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Went on a cruise ship, played board games at a Bread Garden, went to a world junior hockey championship game (still to come, but I'm going!), and certain other activities that I won't get into here.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Didn't really make any, so there aren't any to break.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Lauren, both Helens, Sophia, Maxine, Winnie... it's a baby boom, I tell ya!
4. Did anyone close to you die? Nathan's mom. :(
5. What countries did you visit? The States. Oh, so interesting... :P
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Someone special, a better understanding of certain situations, and maturity.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Jan. 15 (finally talked to Darren on the phone!)
Feb. 14 (hanging out with Eric H. at my place for the first time!)
March 9 (the end of a complicated situation)
April 21 (the beginning of another complicated situation)
April 27 (met my Aunt Janis)
May 13 (the end of two different certain situations)
May 22 (Yazmine ending our friendship over 50 cents)
May 23-30 (the Alaska Cruise!)
June 23 (the first SLB night!)
July 3 (Nathan and Daniel's mother died suddenly)
August 3 (going to the fireworks!)
Sept. 17 (celebrating my birthday)
Sept. 23 (learned the new apartment management was evicting everyone)
Sept. 26 (Pastor Edward's ordination)
Oct. 5 (hockey season started!)
Nov. 7 (started 5000-Question Survey)
Nov. 11 (baby Ian's one-month banquet)
Dec. 26 (Melissa and Terrence get into town)
Dec. 30 (US-Switzerland junior hockey game)
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being able to welcome new friends instead of being all anti-social.
9. What was your biggest failure? Relationships in general. (yes, again...)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Not sure... probably one of my books.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Corey and Eric Ho for being there when I needed to vent about certain things.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Certain family members, Stephen, and Palmer.
14. Where did most of your money go? Food and books.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Alaska Cruise!
16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Too many songs out there.. let's see. Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends.
17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
i. happier or sadder? Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? The same.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent more time with certain people who needed me.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Spent less time with people who ended up being perfidious blackguards in the end.
20. How will you be spending Christmas / Hanukah? Breakfast at church, with Erin cooking. Church / Sunday School. Lunch with Justin's grandma. Home for a bit, then out again to Dave's place for dinner.
21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2005? Going off on certain people when I wasn't feeling well.
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Not really.
23. How many one-night stands? Zero.
24. What was your favorite TV program? HOCKEY!
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Yes.
26. What was the best book you read? Not sure.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? All that stuff on Corey's music DVD... Cradle of Filth, Children of Bodom, etc.
28. What did you want and get? A friend to be there for me.
29. What did you want and not get? Understanding from certain people, as they take certain things way too personally sometimes. :P
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Howl's Moving Castle.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Turned 29, had lunch at Felico's with my family, hung out at Chapters, did the Awana thing, and celebrated at Red Robin's with Sheena / Chalaine / Randal / Citrus / Nathan / Danielle / Eric H. / Frances / Mel / Jeremy / Jasmine / NetDave.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I would have loved to have met Henrik in person. Unfortunately, that didn't work out.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? I didn't have a fashion concept, at all. :P
34. What kept you sane? The unconditional love of my friends. :)
35. Which celebrity / public figure did you fancy the most? Did anyone with a sexy accent and nice eyes make the news this year? ;)
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Not really any at all....
37. Who did you miss? Chrystal in Korea, Dawn in Beijing, Vivian in France, Sean in New York, Tracy in Ohio, etc.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Chris? heh... and in real life, I don't know...
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: People are not as they seem. Don't trust them right away.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Can't think of one right now.