I was surprised when my mom seemed cheerful on the phone this afternoon, so I was watchful when I came over. Watched the news with Grandma occasionally making comments about the commercials - she thought some were cute, and some didn't make sense. She also asked me whether I wore my glasses to write stuff, and thinks I should be a writer because I write stuff down a lot - HAHAHAHA! Eric called a while after my sister got in to say he'd be over in five minutes, so that was cool. Steph got something from Auntie Brenda, who had written "in care of [dad]" on the envelope - how weird! And it was JUST from her, not Uncle Eric; they're not even going to sign as a unit?! Signed a card for Eric's mom too, since she just had an operation - it was a religious card, or at least, it mentioned God. Well... I guess it's okay, but I wouldn't necessarily want that sort of card if I weren't Christian.
We had dinner, during which Eric tried a bit of ginseng soup. Mom said something about Grandma living with me for two weeks or so because of these nebulous "renovations" she keeps bringing up. HA, we shall see. After a bit, we settled in to watch Eric's tape - OH MAN. "Mikey" killed a cop and his wife (and was killed later by Jack when he was about to kill Ortiz for saying "the assassin is with me"), the police busted the door down while Jack was in there, there was a good cop named Philip who wouldn't stand for the bad cop torturing Jack Bauer because Jack wasn't a "cop-killer," and Brian Hastings proved to be a DUMB IDIOT and "apologized" to both Meredith (who doesn't have a relationship now with Hassan, who seems to be an honorable man) and Chloe. Dana Walsh's creepy ex-boyfriend is back and threatened to tell everyone about her past if she didn't hand over her keys (reminds me of Korey!), Omar Hassan knows now that his brother meant to kill him with a bomb, Renee Walker is back and proved herself CRAZY when she sawed off someone's hand, Farhad (Hassan's brother) killed a CTU agent (in front of his niece and sister-in-law), went to a Russian mobster and saw the younger son "transported" due to radiation from U-235, and more.
Chief of Staff Weiss yells at Bubba and wants something to tell the President. Well, maybe you can tell her that CTU is screwing up, once again. When will these guys learn to just listen to Jack? Dana uses some technobabble while talking to Ortiz, but I wasn't listening. I was distracted by her ridiculously inappropriate workplace attire as well as her unblinking eyes. I wonder what happens when she goes out into the sun. Jack arrives in Queens. That was quick. I guess he took the special Manhattan-to-Queens wormhole. Mikey is still with his hostages, and he promises not to hurt them if they cooperate. Even though terrorists are notorious for breaking their promises, I'm sure he'll be one of the exceptions and keep his word. Something about him seems so trustworthy.
Jack has a run-in with some African-American kids on a basketball court. In Queens? I would doubt that. They'd probably be Hispanic or Asian. The writers could have made the racial tension a little less obvious by using a mixed group of ballers, but apparently not. Anyway, one of the kids gives Jack intel on Mikey, and Jack gives him $100. See? Jack really is a uniter. Well, Mikey is not a man of his word. The cop and his wife are both dead. What a shame. I had such high hopes for him. Two cops show up and Jack finds himself cornered. He tries to talk reason to the Asian cop, but his meathead partner, played by Dom from Entourage
, isn't having it. (you know, the big bald dude who was such a bad actor, he made the guy who plays Turtle look like Daniel Day-Lewis) He uses a taser on Jack, and even kicks him for good measure. Officer Dom tells his partner not to call it in just yet, as he wants to have a little fun.
Dana's psycho ex is at the gate and he wants some face time with our favorite blonde bombshell who is a little too hot to be a computer nerd. She takes off her engagement ring before going out to see him. That's weird. Maybe she still has feelings for this creep. I may not like Freddie much, but even I have to admit that he's a better catch than this guy. He reminds me of a fugly Ricky Schroeder. Hey, maybe it's Doyle! Nah, this guy has two functioning eyes. Anyway, this guy (whose name is Kevin Wade) is a real creep. He alludes to Dana's past and makes her say his name, and all the while, he seems like he's about to get himself off. Kevin then forces her to give him the keys to her apartment, and she gives in. Dana then asks him if he needs the address, and like a good stalker, Kevin says he already has it. I feel dirty after watching this scene.
Bubba is still beating a dead horse and is questioning blonde reporter, only this time, he's flashing a key card. She tells him that Hassan gave her the card so that they could violate journalistic ethics together, and Bubba is incredulous. He then gets overly dramatic and tries to call Weiss from the room. It would have been a great move, if only he had made sure Weiss was in on it. Sadly, he is unavailable, and Bubba is quite possibly the worst head of CTU, ever. And that's saying something. Chloe tries to get Bubba to send reinforcements for Jack, but he's not going to. Chloe asks him if he'd consider reinforcements if blonde reporter's story is true, and Bubba agrees. Speaking of Jack, Officer Dom has tied him to a chair in the basement and is beating him. His level-headed Asian partner tries to call Dom off, but Dom refuses. Dom tells his partner to get lost and half-heartedly promises to try not to kill Jack. Oh Dom. How naive you are.
Freddy Prinze Jr. uses both of his facial expressions when giving a security briefing to the NYPD. Hassan has a strange accent for a Middle Easterner. He almost sounds like Ricardo Montalban. Anyway, Hassan agrees to talk to CTU, and baby bro begs him to deny the affair. Hassan cops to the affair, and his brother freaks out. Well, at least he's honest. Chloe then asks Bubba if he'll send backups to Jack, but Bubba still refuses. "I said I'd consider it," he says. Actually, Chloe had asked him if he'd consider it, so it's really her fault. She should have just asked him to do it. Bubba blames Jack's failure to call in on the fact that there are pockets of areas in New York that don't get good cell phone reception. Chloe is upset and wants to go and help Jack, but Bubba tells her that if she leaves, then she is fired. Bubba could always send a drone. Surprisingly, there's been no mention of them so far.
Baby bro calls Mikey as he's getting out of the meeting. Mikey talks to him in his Russian accent, which is weird. After all, there are tons of cops around, and all it takes is for one of them to overhear it and his cover is blown. Then again, if we've learned anything from this show, it is that all law enforcement personnel, besides Jack and his allies, are incompetent. As such, Mikey's cover remains intact. As surely as there's tea in China, Jack escapes and takes Dom out. Level-headed Asian cop points his gun at Jack, and Dom wants him to shoot. Level-headed Asian cop won't do it, and he decides to call it in. Asian cop agrees to ask about the duty roster on Jack's behalf. Arlo, the creepy analyst, comes over and flirts with Dana. Man, she has to beat guys off with a stick. They complete the decryption, and it's a blueprint of the UN. And yes, there's a bomb inside the walls. No canisters of nerve gas, though.
Bubba freaks out and immediately calls for an evacuation. Chloe warns Bubba that it could be a fake, but he doesn't listen. Man, they would have been better off hiring Forrest Gump to run this place. Sure enough, the bomb is outside, underneath a manhole cover. Hassan will be driving into a trap. Why doesn't Bubba just kill him and save us all the trouble? President Taylor is walking to her limo, relieved that, for once, she isn't the target. Cole ushers Hassan into a car and baby bro promises to stay behind with Hassan's wife and daughter. But not before calling Mikey with Hassan's position in the motorcade. Level-headed Asian cop confirms Jack's story and uncuffs him. Jack convinces him to help and Asian cop agrees to drive him to the UN. Dom is upset, but he can't do anything since he's busy getting his boo-boo stitched up. What a wuss. How many times did he hit a tied-up Jack, and he's the one getting medical treatment? He's weaker than Walid. Jack tells Cole that there is no bomb, and that he needs to stop the motorcade. Cole says it's too late, and he pulls his car out in front of Hassan. Mikey detonates the bomb, and we have no word from Cole as to whether Hassan is alive. My only hope is that both of them are not.
Chief of Staff Weiss yells at Bubba. Is that how they're going to open all the episodes this year? Then again, our current chief of staff is Rahm Emmanuel, so I guess Weiss isn't too much of a departure from reality. Meanwhile, Cole is alive. Lucky for all of us, President Hassan is alive as well. Mikey draws his gun and heads toward Hassan, but Cole is able to whisk Hassan away before anything bad can happen to him. Mikey, who has been extremely professional so far, then gives himself away so egregiously and obviously that I'm surprised the writers actually expect us to buy it. What does he do? He stares suspiciously at Cole, and then starts running away. Not even Fabrizio was as obvious when he planted a bomb in Michael Corelone's car. Hassan's wife is worried and upset. What? Now she's concerned? I thought she didn't give a crap about her husband. Anyway, Mikey calls baby bro and tips him off that he better get out of town. Baby bro then stabs a CTU guard in the neck and runs away. Well, I guess his cover is blown. Then again, Bubba is so dense that he'll probably think that it was really blonde reporter that did it.
Mikey gets the drop on Cole, and Mikey wants Cole to help him get out of the building. Otherwise, he's going to turn him into Cole Slaw (get it?). Cole hesitates and decides not to cooperate. Atta boy, Cole! Take a bullet for the cause! Not sure why he didn't use the CTU duress code, though. He could tell everyone to move into a flank-two position. Luckily for him, Jack is there and shoots Mikey dead. Hate to say it, but Cole's starting to grow on me. Jack sees some tattoos on Mikey's body, and it means something to him. Bubba tells Hassan about his brother, and I'm surprised Bubba processed the information so quickly. Hassan wants to talk to blonde reporter. Man, this guy is insatiable. Then again, he did just survive an assassination attempt. A booty call would be the first thing I would do, too. Hassan thanks Bubba for saving his life, and Chloe's face is priceless. Bubba even mentions that, and tells Chloe he was wrong about her. He's coming around.
Yay! Renee is coming back! Six years ago, she was undercover with the Russian mob and that's their plot device for bringing her back. I mean, the Russian mob probably hasn't changed much in six years, right? Oh, and she's also had a bad breakup with the FBI. I'm guessing her interrogation of Coach Yoast didn't go well. Or maybe it went too well. Baby bro calls some Russian guy who's calmly sipping coffee in some bar. Well, at least he isn't drinking vodka. They talk about weapons. Isn't it always about weapons on this show? That or assassinations? Presidents Taylor and Hassan have a pow-wow, and they commiserate about rotten family members. Hassan thinks his brother is trying to overthrow him. Hassan is determined to continue with the talks and stick it to his brother. President Taylor is delighted and makes plans to bring him back to the UN. Taylor tells Hassan: "I know you want to be with your wife and daughter." Uh, not really. At least not with wifey.
Jack and Cole share a nice moment, and if previous seasons are an indication, Jack should be turning on him soon. Just ask Doyle, Chase, Tony, and Curtis about that. Renee didn't return Jack's calls when he tried to get in touch with her during the last few years. Man, what a bitch. The least you could do for the guy who taught you how to torture suspects is return his calls, right? I mean, Jack is like her Yoda. CTU's hazardous alarm goes off and it's coming from Mikey's body. Did they store a canister of nerve gas inside his body? Nope. It looks like he has traces of weapons-grade uranium on him. Yay! It's Renee! And she's looking quite nice. In a "don't mess with me" kind of way. Renee and Chloe engage in some awkward small talk and Renee reveals that she was working private security, but that didn't work out.
Hassan thinks there's a link between Mikey and some Russians that offered him nuclear weapons a while ago. Hassan deduces that since Mikey was recently infected, then there must be nuclear material in the U.S. So, once again, our customs agents have let nuclear weapons into the United States. Way to go, guys! Renee is analyzing the tattoos and determines that they're looking for a group called Red Square. Bubba wants to send Renee back undercover and offers to get her badge back, but she's not interested. "What do you want?" Bubba asks her. She wants Jack! That's what she wants! Actually, she doesn't say this, but I'm sure we were all thinking it. Jack is leaving, but once again, he decides to stick around. Especially once he finds out that Renee is going back undercover. Jack then goes to Renee, and Renee actually seems happy to see him. She apologizes for not calling him back, but Jack's a big boy and can handle rejection. Unlike say, me for instance. Anyway, Jack is worried about her. He brings up Coach Yoast and reminds her that she almost killed him during her interrogation. He then sees a scar on her wrist and tries to talk her out of it, but Renee isn't receptive to Jack's entreaties.
Bubba apologizes to blonde reporter, and she takes it surprisingly well. She and Hassan have a tearful reunion, and it looks like he's about to grant her an exclusive one-on-one exposé. He puts a stop to it, though, and tells her he can't jeopardize everything he's worked for. Man, she gets interrogated and held against her will, and then he breaks up with her. Talk about a bad day. Then again, her ass would have been fired if her editor found out she was sleeping with one of her sources. Renee and Cole are going undercover, and Renee wants to try and outbid baby bro for the nukes. Jack barges in during Renee's briefing and asks to talk to Bubba. Renee refuses to leave and Jack mentions that he is concerned about her. If Bubba won't take her off the mission, then he insists on going along. Renee looks none too happy about Jack cock-blocking Cole, but we know she's secretly happy about it.
We find out that Sark from Alias
is part of the Russian mob, as he's Russian coffee drinker's son. Man, is he always a villain or what? He's turning into a younger Christopher Walken. Baby bro comes in and talks to the Russians inside the restaurant. His opening line is "I want to see the rods." Coming on a little strong, aren't we? Baby bro wants proof, and the Russian guy takes him to the back. He shows baby bro his other son, who is suffering from radiation poisoning. He looks like total crap as he's sweating and shaking underneath a blanket. Well, that's not really proof, is it? I mean, he could have swine flu. Baby bro doesn't press the issue, though, and tells Russian guy that he'll have his money. Dana gets a call from creepy ex. Man, she has a really nice apartment. I wonder how much rent she pays. He tells her to come home immediately and flips out when she says she has to stay. He then goes all Ike Turner and smashes a picture frame. Nice guy. Well, whatever Ike did, it worked since Dana takes out her earpiece and starts to leave.
Renee goes into some hardware store and meets with her old Russian buddy. She doesn't even try to use a Russian accent, which makes me wonder just how she managed to get undercover with them. Was she a rogue agent? Was she a Russian national that happened to grow up in the United States? Did she operate out of Alaska (it is right next door, after all). Anyway, Renee gets up close and personal and offers to cut him in on the deal. I'd give her whatever she wanted if she came onto me like that. He shows off his parole bracelet and says he can't help her. "I can get this off," she says with a smile. Uh, is she talking about the bracelet? Apparently so, as she puts the bracelet inside a vise and then starts to cut off his hand. Man, when did Renee turn into a psycho bitch? Jack runs in and tells her this is over. Renee is cold and nonchalantly says "you better find something to cauterize the wound." Jack then stares at Renee's victim in disbelief and has a look on his face that says "Holy shit, I've created a monster." Yes you have, Jack. A cute monster, but a monster nonetheless.
Later, Eric kindly installed Uncle Eugene's monitor for me after I vented about Raymond to him - it is three or four inches bigger than my old one! He saw my trivia calendar, too. I called Auntie Catherine back - she wanted to meet at Gloucester Café, but I'm not really familiar with that location. I'll meet her at the Oakridge White Spot instead at 11:30, and we'll see where we go from there. I just hope I won't stay up till 6 AM again, even if I did set the alarm right after that phone call!
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