Generic breakup letter: VERY FUNNY!
Facebook changed its format AGAIN?! What the heck. I just got used to the "old" one!
HAHAHAHAHA! I wish I'd had this "generic breakup email site" a few months ago! (got link from Kathy - kat15lee)
Dear K,
I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that. I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling. You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.
Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a Happy Meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. I'm not a puppet, you can't just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there's nothing you can do about it. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
See you in hell,
Leslie
HAHAHAHAHA! I wish I'd had this "generic breakup email site" a few months ago! (got link from Kathy - kat15lee)
Dear K,
I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. Your arrogance seems to have no limits; it's as if you think you're actually somebody. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Maybe part of the problem is that you drink so much. You can't actually call gin-flakes or beerios breakfast. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that. I also really need more space, I don't like feeling like an elephant in a telephone booth. I hope you understand. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling. You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.
Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a Happy Meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. Sometimes you need to take things a bit slower, and just have fun. Unfortunately, this relationship is becoming too serious for my tastes. And as if that wasn't enough, you have to criticize me all the time! Now it's my turn to be the critic. I give you one thumb up: stick it up your ass! All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. I'm not a puppet, you can't just control me by pulling on a string, so why do you try to control everything I do? I need my freedom, and there's nothing you can do about it. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
See you in hell,
Leslie
Labels: alcoholic drinks, breakfast, dinners, drugs, emails, facebook, grammar, kathy, laundry, links, money, salmon, sex
posted by Flami at 1:36:00 PM
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