We're at the UN, and President Taylor has actually done a good job by keeping the accord together! I'm as surprised as you are. I guess she needs to do more of her work off camera because, let's face it, her on-camera resumé is quite horrible. The British ambassador confronts her afterward and demands to know what's going on. Taylor tells him about the uranium, and swears him to secrecy. I'm sure he'll keep his word. British people have always been trustworthy on this show. You know, other than Stephen Saunders.
Jack has a gun on Vlad's henchman while the latter is driving back to the warehouse. Jack's phone rings, and Vlad's henchman actually has the gall to tell him "no phone calls." Jack, of course, is nonplussed. "Does this look like a situation where you get to make demands?" Say what you will about the writing on this show, but that line was awesome! Cole wants to follow, but Jack tells him no. Meanwhile, Arlo pulls up the photo of Jack playing backseat driver with Vlad's henchman, and his reaction is equally good. "Jack seems to have the situation under control." Two great lines in the first five minutes? It's not even my birthday!
Dana gets on the phone with Beavis and Butthead while Arlo continues to look quizzically at Dana. Or maybe he's looking at her with longing. Or maybe he's angry. Who knows? He doesn't have too many facial expressions, either. I can't wait to watch him and Freddie face off in a scene together. Jack takes off his glasses and has a word with Renee. He wants to pull her out, but she wants to stay put. He then puts his glasses back on, and suddenly Renee doesn't recognize him anymore. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Jack Bauer! Vlad puts his hand on Renee's ass, and Jack looks like he's ready to re-enact what he did to Abu Fayed a couple of seasons ago.
Dana checks in on Tweedle-Dumb and Dumber and talks them through the break-in. They have trouble reading numbers, so they waste time breaking into the wrong locker. They finally get it right, and they find the cash. Being the geniuses they are, they fail to wear gloves, ensuring that their prints will be all over the crime scene. Kevin wants to leave, but his friend wants to stick around and take some more stuff. Even Kevin looks concerned, and I'm sure this is going to end well. Vlad calls around, and is extremely subtle with his inquiries. Subtle as in: "Hey, got any enriched uranium you'd like to sell me?" Being the gentleman he is, he orders Renee to cut some bread and some pieces of sausage for him, and the phallic imagery couldn't be more obvious.
Sergei calls a priest and asks him to bury his son. He wants it done, no questions asked, but the priest obviously has questions. Sergei should have just called that undertaker from The Godfather
. He would have done it and gotten rid of those ugly-looking veins on the son's head. Sark is still upset about what happened, and obviously, they're foreshadowing Sark turning against his dad. Which, of course, means blah blah blah. Vlad finally reaches Sergei, and Sergei tells him that no one would be dealing with nuclear rods. Vlad, like an idiot, takes him at his word and is ready to give up. He wants to play around with Renee instead, and really, who can blame him? Sergei is upset that Vlad knows about the rods, and sends his guys to deal with it. Boy, Vlad's going to be really upset when he finds out Sergei lied to him!
President Hassan continues his Anakin-like turn to the dark side as he assures President Taylor of his honorable intentions, and then turns around and decides to arrest this General's wife and child in order to make him talk. I'm actually kind of digging evil-Hassan now. His assistant tries to bring him back from the brink of darkness; President Hassan seems to come to his senses, and even thanks him for being the voice of reason now that his wife is gone. Of course, this just means that once his assistant leaves the room, Hassan goes ahead and orders his other assistant to arrest the wife and kid and torture them for information. Welcome to the Dark Side, President Hassan. From now on, you will be known as Darth Hassan.
Ricky Bobby and his equally dim-witted accomplice (we'll call him Cale Naughton) are playing around in the evidence locker, and Cale pulls a gun on Ricky. Turns out it's a water gun, but Ricky was seriously sweating there. Of course, a patrolman shows up, and Ricky calls Dana to bail him out. The patrolman sees the mess in the locker, and goes to call it in. Cale, however, beats the crap out of the patrolman, and nearly turns on Ricky when he stops him. Ricky finally talks him down and they get out of the warehouse. Darth Hassan's assistant goes to see Hassan's daughter and tells on him. Sure enough, the stormtroopers show up and take him away. Hassan's daughter sticks up for him, to no avail. If anything, she probably just ensured the stormtroopers will come for her next.
Vlad strikes out on his last call, and he would be the worst telemarketer ever. "Oh, did I disturb you during dinner? I'm sorry. Won't happen again!" Renee isn't willing to take no for an answer, but Vlad just wants to play. Vlad's feelings are hurt when Renee tells him that she's just here for the deal, and he punches her in the face. Renee grabs the knife from when she was cutting the bread earlier (wasn't that convenient?), and stabs Vlad in the neck. She keeps stabbing him in the gut even after it's clear that Vlad is dead, and when Jack comes in to stop her, she turns and stabs Jack in the abdomen. She probably didn't recognize him with those glasses on. Anyway, Jack isn't bothered by the flesh wound, and throws the knife at Henchman #1 when he comes into the room, killing him. Jack then grabs a gun, starts shooting through the wall, and kills Henchman #2. I wonder how dangerous he would have been if he hadn't gotten stabbed.
Even though Jack has just been stabbed, he still runs over to Renee, who starts crying and collapses on the ground. He holds her while she cries, making us wonder who was the one that got stabbed. Bubba is on the phone with Jack, and wonders how Renee can go from having sex with Vlad to killing him. It was insensitive, but I have to admit, his delivery was pretty funny. Jack covers for her and says Renee was defending herself. Cole is on his way to the crime scene to rendezvous with Jack. Renee is upset because she could have killed Jack. Oh Renee, you are naive, aren't you? You could have had an Uzi and you wouldn't have killed Jack. They share a tender moment, and Renee feels hopeless because she has nothing and no one to hold onto. Jack tells her that she has him, and wipes away the tears from her eyes. Before they can commence with the making out, Jack hears a car pull up, and is surprised that CTU could get there so quickly. I mean, this is CTU we're talking about. They can't even order pizza correctly.
Sure enough, it's Sergei's men, and Jack decides to let them take him in the hopes they will lead him to the rods. Renee isn't happy about that, but Jack has her stay behind so that she can tell CTU what happened, and they can track him via satellite. Renee's sad because she knows they'll torture Jack, but Jack tells her it's the only way. Plus, he's Jack. Stab wounds are like paper cuts to him. Split screen time, and we see Renee breathing a sigh of relief inside the bathroom closet as the Russians leave without finding her, Ricky and Cale drinking and driving (real smart, guys), Darth Hassan looking over his plans for the Death Star, and Sergei looking pensive. Cole demonstrates his skills as field commander, and secures the crime scene without checking the bathroom. He's shocked when Renee comes out of the bathroom, and I'm shocked Cole has made it as far as he has. Then again, it's CTU, so I guess it's to be expected. Cole says no vehicles have left the warehouse, which confuses Renee. We find out that those cagey Russians leave through the sewers. So much for tracking Jack via satellite.
Labels: 24, brian, death, dinners, food, friends, glasses, jack bauer, kevin, phone calls, pizza, reading, sex, stephen, water