Bad Baby Names, Part 11: Even More Bad Names From You!

Part 11: Even More Bad Names From You!


In this edition, we put on our sleuthin' hat and take a closer look at some of the amazing names submitted by readers. Can we separate fact from fiction? Will we be able to determine what is joke and what is real? Can Batman escape the Penguin in time? There's only one way to find out!

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My former roommate had a girlfriend named Luv Seamon. Actually, her full name was Luv Joy Seamon.

Confirmed! Looks like she went to Emory.

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I worked in Human Resources for a company with stores in the south. I did come across some interesting names, and I swear these are true.

One girl was named DeVodka. I always wondered if it came up in conversation like "How did you let yourself get pregnant?" "Well I guess it was de vodka" "Hey, sounds like a nice name!"

Also, there was a Velveeta too. Maybe she had a sister named Brie?

I'm having trouble finding a Velveeta, but considering how many emails I got from people personally attesting to having met a Velveeta, I'd say it's true. (And if it weren't for the processed cheese-food angle, it's sort of pretty in its own way.)

I can, however, totally confirm the existence of Mrs. Devodka Warren of North Carolina.

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When I was in college, I worked for two years for the District of Columbia Department of Public Welfare in the Public Assistance Division as a summer employee. My supervisor's name was Quo Vadis Jones. Mrs. Jones was a middle-aged married woman who supervised about 40 social workers who administered Aid to Dependent Children programs. I do not know what her maiden name was, but it would be interesting to know. Her name prompted me to go out and read the book of that name.

I couldn't locate this Quo Vadis Jones, but I did find ANOTHER Quo Vadis Jones. Mrs. Jones was a native of Hannibal, Mo., (yes, she lived in a town that was also named after something anciently Roman), and worked as the cafeteria manager at Pettibone School for 20 years. She passed away in 2000 at the age of 91, leaving behind a goodly sized family, including 15 great-grandchildren and a great-great grandchild.

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#1: The other horror someone I know told me of was a lady a friend's mom knew growing up. Nancy Ann. That's okay, right?

Nancy Ann Seancey. And she never went by just Nancy, as if Nancy Seancey wouldn't be bad enough. Nancy-ancy-ancy.

#2: The mayor of Providence, RI, was Vincent "Buddy" Cianci, until recently. (indictment / trial / conviction) And his ex-wife's name (as I have heard) was Nancy Ann. I wonder if she just went by Mrs. Buddy, or if she enjoyed being Nancy Ann Cianci.

"Seancey" and "Seancy" are pretty uncommon last names, but it is possible there is a Nancy Ann Seancey out there. There definitely is at least one Nancy Cianci out there, but she is not the former wife of Providence mayor Buddy Cianci, who was found guilty of one count of racketeering conspiracy in June 2002.

Thanks to reader Marjorie for confirming / adding to Cianci lore I hit in the course of my research: namely that

a) Buddy assaulted his then-wife Sheila's alleged lover in 1984 with (according to the Providence Journal) "a lit cigarette, a fireplace log, and an ashtray," forcing his resignation. He was re-elected in 1990.

b) Local tales say the lit cigarette wound was to a VERY private male area;


c) (Unsubstantiated) Rumors also say Mayor Buddy's attack ended with him peeing on his foe;

d) The NYC Fringe Festival production of 'Buddy Cianci: The Musical' was lacking in all things, including pee lore. And quality.

OK, enough with my fascination with corrupt city officials. Back to the names!

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I had a friend who did his pediatrics residency at a largely indigent hospital in Memphis, and kept a list of his favourite baby names. I wish I could remember more of them, but the funniest family was the White family, with children Purest and Snowy. I seem to recall a third child, Bright or something like that.

There were the usual stupid-spelling names like Antwaan, and the best all-round stupid name of something along the lines of Tom Jones Junior III, whose father was Tom Jones Junior II, grandfather was Tom Jones Junior and great-grandfather was Tom Jones.

I liked the anagrammatic twins Lakeesha and Lasheeka.

I couldn't find Purest, Snowy, and Bright (even after I checked the laundry detergent aisle!), but I did find a lot of people have cats named Snowy and Bright. (no Purests, though) Nor could I find the twins or Tom Jones Junior III; however, I did find someone named Robert Trent Jones Junior II who designed a golf course at a resort on Hainan island, China. His cousin, maybe?

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I have some friends, Larry and Wanda. Their boys are Dary from the last two letters of each, and Larwan from the first three letters of each...

Searches for 'Dary' turn up a lot of pages in Czech. If anyone knows what it means, let me (and Larry and Wanda) know.

Update! Jennifer (Zhenia) Olson of the University of Toronto Department of Slavic Languages and Literatures writes:

"Dary" in Czech is the plural form of "dar." A "dar" can be a gift, a handout, or a talent for something.

I did actually find some information on Dary and Larwan themselves: Their dad helped start an all-deaf students soccer team when they were kids, and Larwan plays for Gallaudet. Dary is a high-achieving student who got to meet the governor's wife.

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I have a distant relative [Tom] whose father's name is Pershing. When said Tom and his wife had a child, they named her Pershelle Adrienne. Pershelle. This tiny, blond girl. We were all hoping they'd call her Adrienne, but no. "Love, Tom, Sharon, and Pershelle." I hope she insists on going by Perry or something once she can speak.

Not confirmed, but Pershell is often a last name.

And then, some.. special.. names around campus / work:

Ashtia [Ashtia Jewell.]
Confirmed! And she's done musical comedy!

Caysie / Kacie

Arwen
Either her parents are Tolkien fans or she's a Liv Tyler fan.

Kayti / Caity
According to Google, there are over a thousand 'Katyi's.

Bard [He's faculty. w00t. Bard Suvakrop. Being an opera singer, I guess it's okay to have a name like Bard.]
Actually, it's Suverkrop. He's a bass.

Tobin Moss [No, HE doesn't have a hobbit name.]

Golder [also faculty]

Jennipher and Stefanie [sisters]
According to Google, there are slightly more 'Jenniphers' than Katyis, but not by much.


Laynard [except he's actually Alan. and goes by Laynard.]
I've found some Laynards, mostly as a last name or a misspelling of "lanyard."


Brunetta
Not an uncommon Italian last name, described as "extremely rare" as a first name by a French baby naming site.

Zaq [actually Zachary, not Zaiquiri.]

Sloane-Rachael
Confirmed! and she's.... another one into musical theater! (I'm detecting a pattern. Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be theatre geeks.)

Edrie [faculty]

Shahaadah
Disqualified! 'Shahaadah' is the first pillar of Islam, where you testify Allah is God and Mohammad his true prophet. So obviously, for a Muslim, this is a beautiful and meaningful name. (like a Christian being named "Faith") But for a white guy from Ottawa - very, very silly.

Update! We've heard back from our operative at Shenandoah University who reports Shahaadah is a Christian, complete with WWJD bracelet. So we can put this one back in the WTF column.

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Your website is a piece of work! I howled. I wet my pants laughing. If they gave Pulitzers for funny websites, you'd be the hands-down favorite. The names are bad enough, but your comments are what really make the site. Where does this stuff come from? Are you on drugs? Do you sleep under a pyramid? I'm sending your site's URL to all my emapcipated female friends AND my three children, one of whom has already produced Kestrel Rain who, oddly enough, does sound a bit like a hawk when she screeches.

Answers: Hell no, and sometimes. Thanks.

Meanwhile, I can confirm another Kestrel Rain, this one a boy - maybe they could marry! Actually, Kestrel is his middle name. His first name is Cadao. Searches for "Cadao" turn up many sites in Vietnamese, which I don't speak. If you've got any information, drop me a line.

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My grandmother's first name was Birdelle. Apparently her mother let the doctor name her, and that's what he picked. (I really don't know which part of that sentence is worse.) ...

Incidentally, I have heard of exactly one other instance of this name. Turns out my husband had a great-aunt named Birdelle, so it wasn't completely made up as I had always assumed.

Nope, Birdelle is a real name. I can't track down its origin, but judging from ages and dates, it appears to have waned in popularity around the turn of the last century.

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I heard the daughter of the man behind Lear aviation was named Shanda Lear.

True! For once, it's not an urban legend. Ms. Lear is a multi-talented woman; her Web site details her life as an entertainer, motivational teacher, business woman, and lactation consultant. She has a new CD out called Dancin' and Romancin' where she sings some old romantic standards. (And before you ask, yes, she has done an album of "flying themed" songs.)

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The principal at Cherry Hill High School was named Richard Head, I would have loved to have gone to that school. "My principal is a Dick Head, really!!"

I can't find any former Cherry Hill High School principals named Richard Head, but there are plenty of other Richard Heads out there: I found 51 Richard Heads listed in 24 states. (not counting past Richard Heads, such as Richard Head Welles, father of Orson)

The Dick Head capital of the U.S. is Tennessee. It has 7.

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I used to teach 4th graders. Best names: twins named "Daryl" and "LaDaryl," and a boy called "Loinsworth." I am not making this up!

I can't confirm Daryl and LaDaryl being twins, but I've found families with both names. I can't find evidence of anyone crazy enough to give their kids the first name Loinsworth, but it is a real last name. Someone, somewhere, got an idea in their head, and that's when the evil started.

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When I was working in the Career Services of my undergraduate University, we of course had files on everyone who had come in looking for work. (which was just about everyone at some point) We were privy to a lot of really odd names. Anyway, when I was working through a day of 'pre interviews' ... I suddenly realized I was faced with a bad bad name to try to call out in a crowded room: Kynda Boring. Giving her the benefit of a doubt, I called out with the pronunciation "Kin-da," and left the last name off. She corrected me as she came into the interview room, "No, it's pronounced 'Kind-a'." Ooooook, I just left it at that and suppressed my internal laughter and did the interview. I was filing paperwork later in the day and came across her name in the files, and lo and behold, there's a twin sister there. Her name was ..... Michelle.

Can't find Kynda Boring, but in searching, I found many Michelle Borings, my favorite being one who plays (played) on a softball team with Sunny Bush and a Kenyotta.

To be fair, I've met not one, but multiple people with the last name Boring, and know they take enough crap to know, generally, not to call their kids Kynda.

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Some names from my daughter's classmates:

Summerlee (ick)

Casara (casserole??)

Kyrie (yup, as in Elaison)

Nacole (pronounced NAY-cole)

And my all-time very favorite ----

NIKI RICARDO!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHHAAA!

Confirmed used as first names: Summerlee, Nacole.

Kyrie, as in "Kyrie Eleison," Greek for "Lord have mercy," which is invoked in Catholic and especially Eastern rites, seems to be slowly gaining popularity, whether the parents know what it means or not. (Somehow, I blame Kylie Minogue for this.)

I also found Casara. She's the Civil Air Search and Rescue Association, Canada's volunteer emergency aviation squad. Good for her!

Unconfirmed (to my great shame): Niki Ricardo.

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#1: When I worked as a paralegal, I had to review some really old contracts. There was a family named Christmas, with several children, including a daughter named Mary. Mary grew up and went on to get married. Her married name: Mary Christmas Holliday.

#2 I'd like to point out that parents can be atrocious with normal names, too. I knew an accountant in Chicago a few years back named Mary Chris Smith.

Partly confirmed! Mary Chris Smith is working with the SLA! (That's the Showmen's League of America, a carnival / circus organization, not the Symbionese Liberation Army.) This may or may not be the same Mary Chris Smith who graduated Ole Miss in 1986. (Mary, if you're out there, the alumni association's looking for you!)

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I know of a lady who named her darling little child Mikayleigh. The girl is now 4, and her name is still longer than she is tall.

Also, in my line of work (I'm a 911 dispatcher), I occasionally see interesting names pop up on my screen. My most memorable? "LaPleasure." I am not making this up.

Mikayleigh = confirmed!

LaPleasure = also a beach in Ghana, and (surprise!) a porn index.

Dream of refrigerators, dogs, frogs, Veggie Tales, and baby Todd / Sandwiches

Had a dream where I remember having to clean out refrigerators on each floor of an old house: they were labelled "John" / "1989" / "1990" / "1991." My mom didn't want me to junk any of the contents, or she'd get very mad. Jon and Steph were sent to watch me do this, and tried convincing me that Dad really wanted a golden retriever in the house, along with a jumping green frog. I wasn't having any of it since I was still somewhat afraid of dogs, and then Dad brought the animals home to stay. Wai-Mui (who was our neighbor in this dream) got wind of my feelings and decided to help. She said that her husband Uncle Dorian really would like willing help with the baby (Todd), but we first had to wear bright yellow shirts with an anti-bullying message in red by Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber on them. Since we loved Veggie Tales, we were up for it. We saw little Priscilla (about four) in the house, and the dream ended when we were playing with the kids. No idea why I had it... Wai-Mui is married to Rick in real life and lives in Burnaby, we don't know anyone named Uncle Dorian (who looked like Carson's dad!) or baby Todd, Priscilla is really almost 12 (a Christmas Eve baby!), and Dad has often joked that he'd poison a dog if Mom got one.

I woke up a bit before my alarm, but after it went off, I still stayed in bed. Then I checked my phone to see if anyone had called me - Michigan had called (and they just did again!), and so had Henry at about 12:25. So I called him back; turns out he wants to be there early, so will be here at 3:15 or so. Good thing I set my alarm, haha. Christon and Martin are in for the Vespers choir thing, I see. Jen wants to have another Bad Movie Night on the long weekend, preferably with a Mystery Science 3000 theme - she's discovered that it's no fun watching these "bad" movies by yourself. My reaction was "UGH! MORE TIME WITH PEOPLE!" Hahahaha. Since I have no time to eat, I shall run on SUGAR!!!! *devilish laughter* (and Henry called at 3:25 - perfect timing!)

You Are Reasonable

You're the type of person who makes sound and logical decisions. You are very down to earth. You're a bastion of sanity in this insane world, and people know that they can count on you. You aren't likely to get swept away in the moment. You have both feet firmly planted on the ground. You are modest and humble. You always keep your ego in check and sometimes wonder why others can't do the same!

The Sandwich Test

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

History, Pauline, losing 3-2 in overtime, and the Greek alphabet

High-scoring words of the day:

SYNCHRO (180 points) - against Jackie G. [two 3W]
HISTORIED (194 points) - against Susan H. [3W, 4W]
NONJUROR (168 points) - against Larry S. [two 4W] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
PAULIN (164 points) - against Judy A. [2W, two 5W, hook off IT to make NIT] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
OAKS (170 points) - against Colleen J. [2W, 5W used twice, hook off ZIT for a plural]
DONOR (1350 points) - against Gary D. [two 3W, two 5W]
TERRORS (512 points) - against Angela V. [two 4W, two 2W]
CZARS (115 points) - against Clayton R. [5W, hook off QUAY for a plural] {a good deficit-erasing word!}


The Canucks lost 3-2 in overtime to the Kings tonight... Adam wasn't impressed with a lazy penalty, and Tracy and Eric were not impressed with the refereeing in the game. Yikes!

Trivia fact for Sunday, Apr. 18: Alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet. What is the last letter? Omega. There are 24 letters in the Greek alphabet.

Limp jerky, teaching at a school for adults, fanatic basketball people

High-scoring words of the night so far:

MIAOUED (132 points) - against Larry S. [3W, 4W]
LIMP (509 points) - against Mark F. [2W, two 5W, hook off LAID to make PLAID] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
JERKY (115 points) - against Susan S. [5W] {a good deficit-erasing word!}


More relevant Taiwan conversation:

[23:06:41] Corey: sorry, I had to eat lunch, and then Jane's parents wanted to talk to me for a really long time about my teaching demo today :P they want to help me a lot, but really, I need more time to just work on what I'm going to do :P
[23:07:12] Corey: but I told them about what I want to do, and they seem to think I can handle it, so that's good at least :P
[23:07:30] Corey: this is tonight at a school for adults, not kids, so I hope I get it
[23:08:09] Flami: so what do you want to do? teach at the school for adults instead?
[23:23:53] Corey: I think that would be better, yeah
[23:24:14] Corey: this is only part-time, so I probably need to find something else to do too, though
[23:26:27] Flami: do you know what the work hours and pay would be like?
[23:28:39] Corey: not yet. probably evenings, I'm guessing just 1-2 classes per night. I think they have decent pay, but screw you on things like a 50-minute class with a 10-minute break, and not paying you for the break in the middle.. but, this is one of the few schools that seems to be totally legal and upfront about things, according to people online
[23:29:25] Corey: so it's probably a pretty decent place to get my ARC (work visa, which is tied to your main job... if you lose that job, you leave Taiwan, unless you find something else in like a week or something :P)
[23:29:59] Flami: yeah, that doesn't sound too bad, considering the alternative
[23:31:51] Corey: evenings might sort of suck because then it's harder to do private lessons (since that's when adults are off work and available to pay me for private lessons), but I should be able to line up some of those.... the rate on those is $1000 per hour :P maybe like $800 for Jane's friends, I don't know
[23:34:05] Flami: so what do Jane's parents want to help you with?
[23:37:37] Corey: just trying to tell me how to introduce myself and stuff, but I already have that crap figured out
[23:38:01] Corey: so you can help me think of some more "Useful Phrases" :P
[23:38:48] Corey: these are things people would ask during a family reunion, and the answers
[23:39:22] Corey: "Our English teacher is kind and pretty. I like her very much"
"Same here." <- bold phrase [23:39:51] Corey: "Well, to cut a long story short (bolded phrase :P), we are going to get married next month" "Congratulations!" [23:40:18] Corey: I'm trying to think of a few more examples like that with some slang phrases like that, since that looks like the angle it's going for here Trivia fact for Thursday, Apr. 15: Why did a fanatic fan of basketball great Larry Bird ask to have three years added to his expected 30-year sentence for robbery and shooting with intent to kill? Eric James Torpy wanted his 2005 sentence to match the Boston Celtic star's jersey number: 33. The judge - in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma - obliged.

Torture with a car battery, unsecured nuclear weapons, and betrayal

I bet the opening scene is the Russians already arriving back at their hideout. Nope, I was wrong. Instead, we get more drama with Ricky Bobby and Cale as Dana calls them up to make sure they're clear of the cops. Turns out they're making it rain at a strip club. Dana wants him to live up to his deal to leave her alone, but, shock of all shockers, he goes back on his word. Turns out, it's Cale that's actually the one calling the shots. He gets on the phone and threatens to expose her to everyone unless she continues cooperating with them. Yeah, I'm as shocked as you are that these two idiots have actually managed to get Dana to go along with all of this so far. Arlo catches Dana sneaking away, and calls her on it.

Bubba is pissed that things have gone south. Because, let's face it, nothing ever goes wrong at CTU. It's like Itchy and Scratchy Land. The Russians are back at Sergei's restaurant, so it took them a little longer than expected to get back. Sergei is in the back, doing his best Iron Chef impersonation. So there you have it. Next time you eat at a Russian restaurant, it's entirely possible that the chef is actually the head of a powerful Russian mob family. Make sure you tip the waitresses well.

Sergei wants to know who Jack works for, but Jack won't say. Sergei's not happy because he smells bacon, and it ain't coming from the kitchen. Jack tries to reassure him, and points out that he killed three men at the warehouse, including Vladimir. "I stabbed him in the eye. You really think I'm a cop?" Uh – that's not the most compelling argument you could make, Jack. Sark comes back from burying his brother, and is holding his brother's crucifix necklace. Anyway, Sergei and Sark seem to have buried the hatchet, and they decide to do some bonding in the form of telling Little Bro about the change in circumstances. I wonder if Little Bro is still getting his three-way on. That would be impressive.

Jack gets tortured with a car battery. Jack says he's ready to move past the foreplay, but the Russians are sensitive and want to please him first. If they really want to torture him, they should make him watch The Sentinel. Bubba gives President Taylor an update on their progress, which is really an update on their non-progress. Really, this scene was to fulfill contractual obligations to Mykelti Williamson and Cherry Jones. Little Bro is on the phone with some evil-looking guy with a goatee who's waiting for the rods. Sergei and Little Bro have a difference of opinion, and Sark points a gun at Little Bro's head. That seems to be his M.O. when it comes to negotiating, doesn't it?

Sark graciously volunteers to drive Little Bro to his rendezvous point so they can wait for the rods together. Well, Sark sure got over his brother's death pretty quickly, didn't he? Cole is back at CTU with Renee, and Bubba is not happy. Renee wonders why, with all the technology at their disposal, they still can't track Jack. Easy. They forgot to put cameras in the sewers. Renee tells Chloe that she feels guilty about what's happening to Jack, and thinks that this is all her fault. But really, if you think about it, it's actually Jack's fault, right? I mean, she never thought about bending the law until she met Jack. If it weren't for Jack, Renee would still be at the FBI fooling around with Larry Moss, and shaking with fear every time a terrorist asked for his attorney.

Dana goes to Cole for a chat because, clearly, she doesn't give a crap about national security. She starts to tell him about her past, but things get in the way. You know, little things like unsecured nuclear weapons. More torture, and these guys do not know who they're messing with, do they? Jack survived two years' worth of torture by the Chinese, and this will be like a walk in the park for him. Jack feigns being unconscious and pulls off a sweet move, grabbing the jumper cable with his feet and shocking his interrogator. With the agility of a spider, he climbs up the pipe and starts kicking at a loose joint. Is there anything this guy can't do?

Darth Hassan has a confrontation with his daughter. He tells her that he is her father, and she's like "Yeah, I know." Anyway, they're talking about his assistant, and she reveals that she's been doing the nasty with him for a year now. That's not going to make dear old dad happy... Jack gets free right as his interrogator wakes up. They fight, and this is a better mismatch than Jack vs. Tony. Jack kicks his ass and goes to his go-to move, the leg-scissors choke-hold. He sure likes to use his legs, doesn't he? He used the same move on Bierko.

Jack tries to turn on the guy's cellphone, but the battery is deader than he is. It is New York, after all. You could walk under a canopy, and you'd lose reception. Jack kills the power, and now it's time to party. He kills another guy, and then manages to make a call to CTU. Sergei goes after him with a shotgun, and Jack hides under a table. Sergei thinks he's in a shooting gallery because he just keeps shooting at glasses and plates on the table. Before he can go for the row of ducks, Jack bum-rushes him, and knocks him out cold. No stuffed animal for Sergei.

CTU has set up a perimeter around the restaurant, and can it be possible that they already have Sergei in custody? Apparently so. I'm as shocked as you are that he hasn't already escaped. Jack asks to speak with Sergei alone, and tries to play Let's Make a Deal. Sergei then breaks down over killing his son, and wants full immunity for him and Sark. Don't they all? President Taylor authorizes it, like we knew she would. Seriously, they might as well have pre-signed fill-in-the-blank forms. I (state your name), hereby swear that in exchange for truthful information regarding (fill in terrorist act here), I will not be prosecuted for any crime relating to or in furtherance of (said terrorist act) provided that my intelligence leads to (a good result for the U.S.A.). With, uh, liberty and justice for all.

Finally, the showdown we've been waiting for. Arlo and Cole have their acting clinic. Who will be the first to hit 3 on the facial expressions count? Who will be the first to show more range than a shovel? Someone call James Lipton, because we've got a great episode of Inside the Actor's Studio in the can! Dana's at the strip club, and it's really good that a high-ranking systems analyst like her has her priorities in order during this crisis. Meanwhile, some random CTU officer gets into the elevator with Cole, and Cole adjusts his flak jacket for him. Seems a little suspicious that they would suddenly introduce a character like that, doesn't it? Either he's an Ensign Ricky type who's going to die in the next few minutes, or he's a mole. Cole is en route to the rods, and the camera focuses on Ensign Ricky a lot. I smell a mole.

They pick up radiation from the truck, and of course, the rods aren't there. There are, however, a couple of dead Russians. One guess as to who did it. Sure enough, Sark left his brother's cross at the scene. On the split screen, we see Ricky Bobby and Cale with some strippers while Dana pulls out her gun. If she really wanted this taken care of, she would have told Jack that they had information on the nuclear rods, and then let him go to work on them. Sark tells Little Bro that he's got the rods and wants his money. Well, I figured he was going to betray his father, but I thought it would have been to the feds, not to the terrorists.

Hockey scores, World Juniors, gross doughnut burgers, King Arthur, and JUDGE JUDY

USA won the World Juniors 6-5 in overtime against Canada in the gold medal game... *sigh* But at least the Canucks won 7-3 against the Blue Jackets! David linked me to something on Flickr called the Luther Burger - Krispy Kreme doughnuts and bacon cheddar cheeseburgers?! EWW, SO GROSS! Chris H. (pianodude34) also said "Hey!" to me on MSN, but then signed off. Oh well.

Your result for Which King Arthur character are you?...

Farmer

You fail to resemble a particular character in the Arthur legend; you have little experience being a warrior or otherwise.

Take Which King Arthur character are you? at OkCupid

Trivia fact for Wednesday, Jan. 6: What name was originally proposed for the TV show that gained fame as Judge Judy? Hot Bench. Producer Larry Lyttle proposed the name, but was overruled by Judge Judy Sheindlin. The show first aired in September 1996.

Balloon Boy's parents may be FAKING IT!

Corey says that Colorado Balloon Boy's brothers are named Brad (the long version is unusual) and Ryo - but the mom is Japanese, so he guesses that's not too strange. Suppose not, but FALCON?! What the heck?!

[20:08:38] mrptptpt: Falcon Heene and his family were just on Larry King Live -- where he suggested his family set up the entire "boy trapped in a flying balloon" story, saying "You guys said that we did this for the show." Read more.
[20:23:05] mrptptpt: A direct link to the Youtube clip... after Falcon says that, the dad starts backpedaling with a story totally unrelated to the fact that Falcon said that, and the mom quickly says "no!"
[20:27:34] AlenaBrolxFlami: haha... kids are generally honest... and they'll say things you don't want them to, usually at the worst time
[20:34:32] mrptptpt: he can't sit still during the interview, and when they ask him to say thank you to the police officers and emergency people that spent time trying to help him, he won't say anything :P (which is okay since he's a little kid........) So I don't think he's the best kid to rely on for acting...
[20:41:35] AlenaBrolxFlami: no, I don't think so either, given what you just told me
[20:43:09] mrptptpt: here's the interviewer (Wolf Blitzer, a huge pansy, not Larry King despite it being Larry King Live) and they just make excuses, and the dad gets upset, so Wolf the pussy just accepts the dad's answer
[20:46:24] AlenaBrolxFlami: the soft treatment?! come on... the JonBenet Ramsay case is still unsolved probably because of that!
[20:54:31] mrptptpt: did you watch those? both parents seem pretty nervous.. there's also an interview they did when they first talked to the press in front of their house, and someone asked them if it was a publicity stunt. both parents immediately look at the ground and say no no no, and move around and stuff... total lying body language
[20:58:40] AlenaBrolxFlami: I did. the mom seems nervous in the first one... "no no no" while shaking her head
[21:02:43] mrptptpt: there's another clip where she gets all emotional about the situation, and it seems so fake
[21:03:06] mrptptpt: so should I go egg their house tonight? :P
[21:03:21] mrptptpt: maybe that should wait until more comes out about them faking stuff
[21:03:32] AlenaBrolxFlami: two of the kids seem fidgety as hell, but they're kids, so that's fine :P
[21:03:48] AlenaBrolxFlami: haha, maybe it should wait... do you know where they live?
[21:10:07] mrptptpt: no, but I'm sure it would be easy enough to figure it out since their house was on the news plenty today, and they might even just be in the phone book, anyway :P
[21:10:20] mrptptpt: I'm not really doing that, though
[21:14:57] AlenaBrolxFlami: haha, I wouldn't think so

Thanks to Great-Aunt, a cheque I got last week, and some cash I had lying around, I have about $300 to deposit in the bank tomorrow! (or whenever I get around to it) YAY!

Facebook quizzes taken from Candy and Veronica:

Leslie took the "What should you be for Halloween?" quiz and got "Playboy Bunny / Hugh Hefner." Just make sure you've got your fake tan and bleached blonde hair intact!

Leslie completed the quiz "What Rocky Horror Picture Show character are you?" with the result Magenta. How... lucky... you're Magenta, the domestic! You run around with your big orange hair and a feather duster, talking with a thick Transylvanian accent. Plus, you have an extremely creepy relationship with your brother, Riff Raff. Seriously, what the heck?? You're sexy and sinister and somewhat insane, but always assist Frank in his endeavors. When you're not dancing around or having arm sex with Riff, you're probably watching people go at it on your little TV set. You aren't afraid to speak your mind, and you don't take shit from anyone. You may not be the best at hosting a dinner party, but your hair always looks awesome!

Baby powder, broccoli, and coffee... what a combo!

And another restart! Might as well give you Part 2 of that survey...

How many lamps are in the room you're in?: One.
What did you do on the last 4th of July?: Why should I do anything for it, since I'm a Canadian? :P
Do you have posters in your room?: Yes.
Is it hot out?: Yup... 30 degrees C.
Do you like Pink Floyd?: Yes.
Why?: Timeless and classic.
Do you like Mötley Crüe?: Yup.
Guns N' Roses?: Definitely!
W.A.S.P?: Never heard of them.
Do you wear deodorant?: Yes.
What's the last thing you ate?: Broccoli.
Drank?: Coffee.
How many windows are in your house?: A few?
Do you have a pool?: Nope.
When's the last time you went swimming?: Ages ago.
Have you heard of the band Foxy Shazam?: No.
Do you shop at Hot Topic?: No.
Pac Sun?: No.
Charlotte Russe?: No.
American Eagle?: I look, on the odd occasion.
Abercrombie & Fitch?: No.
Do you find anyone annoying?: Of course.
What's your favorite movie?: Not sure.
Have you ever seen I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry?: No.
The Happening?: No.
White Chicks?: No.
Who's your best friend?: Don't have one, really.
How old is your mom?: 61!
Dad?: He'll be 60 in two days!
Do you like Barack Obama?: Dunno.
Do you wear perfume / cologne?: Not really.
Did you like the movie Alvin And The Chipmunks?: No.
Do you think it should be called Simon And The Chipmunks instead?: No.
What's your least favorite color?: Puce or pink.
Do you like the band Sick Puppies?: Never heard of it.
Do you like the smell of baby powder?: No.
Do you have a fanny pack?: No.
Do you know who Mick Mars is?: No.
Do you play sports?: No.
Do you watch sports?: Occasionally.
What's your favorite basketball team?: None.
Baseball?: None.
Football?: None.
Do you find Bill Maher scary?: No.
Do you like One Republic?: No.
Pepsi or Coke?: Pepsi.
Have you ever seen the ocean?: Yes.
Are there any bodies of water near your house?: I guess so...
Do you use Lysol?: Yes.
Do you like chewing gum?: Yes. Doing it right now, in fact.
Do you like minty or fruity gum?: Both.
Are you bored?: I guess.
How many CDs do you own?: Over 125, I think.
Do you have trash in your bedroom?: Maybe.
Is your bedroom dirty?: It's messy.
What are you listening to right now?: Subwoofer's Fuzzy Logic.
What's on the TV?: It's off.
Have you ever been to England?: No.
Do you watch cartoons?: Occasionally.
Do you like getting shots?: No.
Shorts or jeans?: Jeans.
Do you ever wear hats?: Yes.
Do you like the taste of medicine?: No.
Do you like shopping?: It depends.
Where are you?: In front of the computer.
Stand up.: No.
Do 6 jumping jacks.: No.
Did you?: No.
Why?: I don't have to.
When is your birthday?: September 17th.
Are you a good speller?: You bet!
Do you like this survey?: No.
Why?: It's kinda boring.
Is it unique?: No.
Can you tell I'm running out of ideas?: Definitely.
Have you heard the song Tonight by FM Static?: No.
Do you read a lot?: Yes.
Do you believe in horoscopes?: Not really.
Have you ever farted in school and blamed it on someone else?: HAHAHA, no.
Do you use the bathroom in public places, or try to hold it?: Depends.
Do you shower daily?: Yup.
Don't be afraid to be honest on that question.: Sure thing...
Do you ever listen to the same song over and over and over again?: Of course!
Do you like Miley Cyrus?: No.
I don't.: Whatever.
What's a song you don't want anyone to know you like?: Can't think of one.
What's your ringtone?: N/A.
Do you have sheets on your bed?: Yes.
Do you paint your nails?: No.
Toenails?: No.
Are you a man?: No.
Do you like colorful clothing?: Depends.
Do you like zebra print?: No.
Do you like Andy Warhol?: He was a genius!
What do you think of when I say pickle?: Ball.
Shoes.: Yay.
Angelina Jolie.: Meh.
Start.: Me up!
Jesus.: I should NOT be putting "Christ Pose" for this, yet I am. :P
Do you like this survey now?: No.
Do you like sausage?: In moderation.
Are you German?: No.
What are you scared of?: Mice, insects, escalators...
Do you like David Cook?: No.
Did you want him to win American Idol?: I had no opinion, but wanted him to only because my ex was backing Archuleta at the time. ROCKERS RULE!
Why?: See above.
I voted for him 8923749 times.: I don't really care. I'm sure you didn't really vote for him that many times.
I know.: Whatever.
What kind of shoes do you wear?: Sneakers.
Do you have converse?: No.
Vans?: No.
Phat Pharms?: No.
Jordan's?: No.
Have you seen Scary Movie 3?: No.
Best one, right?: No.
Who's Chauncy Billups?: Football player.
Who's Bret Favre?: See above.
Vanilla or chocolate?: Chocolate.
Tape or glue?: No preference.
Do you smile a lot?: Depends.
Do you have short or long hair?: Medium.
Do you want a new hairstyle?: No.

The air vents in the fellowship hall are very amusing!

Managed to make it to Vancouver on the bus in plenty of time to show up for the bridal shower, so I had a ham and cheese wrap at Blenz while finishing up yesterday's lemonade. I was about to get off at the old church bus stop, but remembered that I shouldn't. Got to church, to find Cindy trying to open the door. I helped by ringing the doorbell, to no avail. Apparently, there was nobody in there. I told her to call my dad, but instead she had a conversation with my grandma since he wasn't home yet! Fidela came up and asked what was going on. When she got there a few minutes later, Auntie Catherine said that Auntie Ying was actually in the kitchen. Finally, we were let in by an apologetic Auntie Ying. I helped with wasabi, soy sauce, chairs, and music selection: Norah Jones over Celine Dion, man!

Talked to Sandra, Amanda, Winnie (who is pregnant again), little Megan (who was rather taken with the air vents), Vanessa, Jenny (who feels better from her pneumonia), Auntie Gloria, Auntie Anna (I'm her BABY?!), Auntie Bessy, Jocelyn, Bryant's girlfriend Shirley, Fidela, Chrystal, Emily, and the others there. Auntie Stella says that Alan, Tracy, Eunice, and Eddie were doing wedding stuff tonight. Auntie Brenda says that at least she doesn't have to do anything for Erin's wedding in August, heh. I told little Megan to show Karen what the vent did to her dress: it made it BILLOW! She loved it - hours of entertainment for the child! (she also loved the blue balloons and the colorful fine markers - Cindy also had 90 gel pens that she got for $28!) Also, the two Megans have the same English and Chinese name, in a pure coincidence. Speaking of coincidence, Cindy had brought the wedding invitation to the Dairy Queen, hoping she might use the image on the ice cream cake. The person in front of her was also going to Andy and Megan's wedding! We played games - the makeup game was fun, but I missed some of it due to my dad phoning Lesley's cell phone to alert me to the fact that Terrence had to stay at my place. Yes, I knew... I wasn't home or available!

Amanda was taking pictures of the fellowship hall since her husband Michael has never been there before. I was going to get Sandra's email address so I could send her some wedding pictures, but forgot. Her husband Larry was very surprised when she told him that Jon was getting married; she'd heard from Steph a few days before the wedding. Ah, lots of memories... Fidela and Chrystal swapped Korea stories, and Fidela told us that the most wedding party members she'd ever seen at a wedding involved TWENTY groomsmen and TEN bridesmaids! WHOA! Got a ride home with Andrea (saw Edmond / Alysia / Michael / Juliana / Eric T.), which was good. A bit later, Terrence got here: we talked about Singapore, Facebook, photos, the church, FAMILY GUY, Shanghai, pizza, breakfast tomorrow (his treat since I'm putting him up for a few days), and the Food Network. It's cool!

A slightly more mature survey... NOT R-rated!

From Flora via Facebook note:

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? Here are questions for the people who are a little older:

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Phone bill, since I rarely use the phone. Also, I still have bad memories attached to it.

2. Do you miss being a child? Sometimes.

3. Chore you hate the most? Cleaning the bathroom!

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? Richmond Sushi... at least, that was HIS idea of one.

5. If you could go back and change one thing, what would it be? I would never have gotten INTO a certain relationship in 2007!

6. Name of your first grade teacher? Miss Plu Dorcey.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now? Running errands, but I can't do that till later.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher.

9. How many colleges did you attend? Three.

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? The first clean one out of my just-washed laundry... and it's the Engrish one!

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices? Meh.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? "At least it's not accompanied by banging, which also sets off the memory train..."

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? "I wonder what Fudge Packer really means..." Then I figured it out later...

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Too many choices... let's say Kevin Smith, and be done with it.

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? No, since I don't have one.

16. Would you volunteer? Of course!

17. Get up early or sleep in? SLEEP IN!

18. What is your favorite cartoon character? Snoopy!

19. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy / girl? Watch movies.

20. When did you first start feeling old? 27, when my waist started to betray me.

21. Favorite lunch? Noodles with fire oil!

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? I very rarely go to Wal-Mart.

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? You don't want to know my thoughts about it at present, TRUST ME.

24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Not sure if I have one. ;)

25. What's your favorite drink? Water.

26. Who would you like to run into from high school? Maybe a few people...

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? No car, so no radio.

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? Sopranos.

29. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes? No.

30. Last book you finished reading? Getting into Guinness: One Man's Longest, Fastest, Highest Journey Inside the World's Most Famous Record Book. (Larry Olmsted)

31. Do you have a teddy bear? Yes.

32. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? Um... can't think of one! It's always been inside a bathroom!

33. How old are you? 32.

34. Thing you hate about Facebook? TOO MUCH CHANGE!

Season 7 Finale - Olivia FINALLY gets what she deserves!

Previously on 24... We went back in time as Jack secured the bioweapon and detonated it inside an airtight container. Kim was targeted by terrorists and used as leverage against Jack, a member of the First Family threatened to bring down the President after getting involved in a scandal, and Chloe was really nasty to her coworkers.

Olivia meets with the Justice Department via teleconference to give testimony regarding Hodges' death. I'd make a comment about how quickly they set all this up, but I think it's obvious at this point. Olivia decides not to have an attorney present, which can't be good for her. President Taylor recaps the previous few episodes in case we weren't watching. Have you noticed how a vast majority of episodes begin with some kind of "conference call," "briefing," or "phone call between interested parties" recapping the events of previous episodes? What, the "Previously on 24" voiceovers aren't enough? Anyway, she wants to bring down the shadow conspiracy that Hodges was part of. Unfortunately, she has no idea who they are or how to catch them. Maybe she should call AOL and shut down their chatroom.

Cara is in Jack's ear the whole time, telling him when to act and what to do. Yeah, because that worked out so well for Ira Gaines. Kim notices Long-Haired Assassin is bleeding. Of course, she brings this to his attention, rather than keep quiet so that she can escape at the first possible moment. She never learns, does she? Jack makes his move and pulls a gun on Renee. I bet that wasn't what she was hoping he would pull out. Jack tells Renee what's going on, which saves time. At least they aren't going to do the usual "Let's treat Jack as a criminal and waste several hours chasing him" song-and-dance. Tony takes Jack so that they can draw the virus out of his body and harvest a new set of canisters. Wow, that's actually pretty clever. I guess they didn't keep any samples in reserve or anything.

Aaron talks to Warden Norton about his suspicions. He wants Warden Norton to access the digital recording system, and Warden Norton seems reluctant to do so. He finally agrees after some prodding from Aaron. Let's face it, if Aaron asks you to do something, you should probably do it. A shaken Olivia finishes her testimony and then makes her way back to her office. She immediately gets suspicious when she sees Warden Norton in her office. He is able to get the recording while making it seem as if he was only looking for a file. Olivia then yells at Aaron and then notices the recorder. She freaks out and orders Warden Norton detained. What's she going to do? Waterboard him? Renee patches through to the gate at the airport to speak with Kim. Luckily, the ticket agent doesn't announce over the P.A. system: "Will Kim Bauer report to the ticketing agent? The FBI wants to talk to you about terrorists that are out to try and capture you. Don't worry, though, no cougars have escaped from the Washington Zoo or anything."

Long-Haired Agent gets suspicious and he takes a gun out of his bag. How did he get through security with that? This leads to a shootout and the female terrorist is killed. Long-Haired Agent gets away, and Kim decides to pursue him because, well, she's an idiot. Olivia walks into the holding cell and threatens to have Warden Norton strip-searched. He declines, which is good since I don't want to see him naked. The Secret Service agent recovers the digital card, and Olivia lets him go. Wouldn't that be something if that wasn't the actual digital recording device card, but merely a flash card for his cell phone or something? Sure enough, he shows Aaron the actual card, and Warden Norton is officially my hero. Jack, who hasn't been on camera in a while, is taken by two guys in surgical masks. Not sure why they're being so paranoid. It's not like he has swine flu or anything. They give him a spinal tap, which probably hurts like hell.

Tony wants a seat at the table, which makes me think that he could actually be working against them after all. Or maybe he wants some new online chat buddies. I guess he's never heard of Twitter. Olivia is on the phone with her buddy and I'm surprised that she didn't order Warden Norton killed, too. Meanwhile, Renee is at the airport already and is looking for Kim, who has decided to pursue Long-Haired Assassin, even though she has no weapon and no combat skills to speak of. Unless she picked up some while filming House of Wax or while dating various hockey players.

Kim flags down a police officer and I half-expected him to be one of Tony's men. He isn't, though, and he manages to shoot Long-Haired Assassin several times, causing him to crash his car. His car goes up in flames, and Kim rushes over to get his laptop. Kim's sleeve catches fire, and she hasn't heard of "Stop, Drop, and Roll" since she flails her arm a few times before taking off her jacket. Hey, if Kim wants to wear less clothing, then fine with me. She manages to steal the laptop, though, and surprises Renee with her computer knowledge. Apparently, they can find out where the camera was sending signals to or something. Warden Norton goes into his car and listens to the device. Sure enough, he has enough evidence to send Olivia to prison for the rest of her life. Surprisingly, he starts his car and it doesn't blow up. Jack's spinal fluid isn't enough and they'll have to harvest his organs. Maybe that's how they'll bring him back next season. They'll use his organs to build a newer, better, bionic version of Jack! He'll be like the Six Million Dollar Man! We can rebuild him... Oh wait, his organs have the pathogen, too. Never mind.

Cara lobbies Coach Yoast on behalf of Tony. Coach Yoast decides to supervise Bauer's transport and will meet with Tony himself. I think we know where this is going. Jack is conscious, of course, and he frees himself by killing each of the scientists. Nice to see that a life-threatening illness, various anesthetics, and a painful medical procedure aren't enough to slow him down. Jack crawls under a slightly ajar garage door and breaks into a taxi. That's what, four breakings and enterings now, Jack? Tony starts shooting at him underneath the door, and Jack presses a button to close the garage door completely. Jack sees a gas leak and tries to ignite a flare before Tony, who has suddenly commandeered a crane to open the door, can get inside. How he managed to find one in less than a minute is beyond me. That might have been the biggest stretch of the season, and there have been plenty so far. Jack can't get his flare ignited in time, and Tony subdues him easily.

Warden Norton confronts Olivia and she offers to resign if Warden Norton will sweep it under the carpet. I'm surprised she didn't offer to sleep with him. She's done it before. Jack is chained up and he asks Tony to let him die in peace. Sure enough, Tony tells Jack that he has no intention of drawing the pathogen out of his body and that it was all a plan to get Coach Yoast into the open. Apparently, Coach Yoast was the one behind the events of the nerve gas conspiracy and Michelle's death. Wait, so it wasn't Grame and the Evil Scotch-Drinking Gang? Tony reveals that he's going to kill Coach Yoast by strapping a bomb on Jack.

Coach Yoast arrives in his stretch limo and he's got more security than the President. I thought Coach Yoast was a low-key person who valued his privacy. How's this supposed to be inconspicuous again? The FBI manage to interrupt the proceedings and a shootout ensues before Tony can detonate his J-Bomb. Renee takes out several gunmen and reaches Jack. She tries to concentrate on detonating the bomb but Jack seems intent on distracting her by telling her about Tony's plans. Shut up and let her disarm the bomb, Jack! Cara rushes to embrace Tony, and he shoots her. It turns out that he was only using her to get to Coach Yoast. Well, that and the nookie. Tony then bumrushes Coach Yoast and, of course, he denies playing a role in Michelle's death. We learn for the first time that Michelle was pregnant at the time, which actually makes me feel bad for Tony. Of course, Tony won't shut up and pull the trigger, so that allows Jack and Renee to stop him before he can do it. Tony gets in Jack's face as he's being taken away and calls Jack out for running away instead of doing something about men like Coach Yoast. Well, he has a point.

Renee stares daggers at Coach Yoast. Renee tries to get him to cooperate and he seems nonplussed. Renee gets upset, and I think she wants to call Agent Burke. Jack wants a moment alone with Renee, and could this be the moment that we're waiting for? Renee is torn between making Coach Yoast talk and wanting to go through the law. She wants Jack to tell her what to do, and Jack sees that Renee is at a crossroads in her life. She can either uphold her oath to follow the law, or she can do what she has to in order to save lives. However, Jack tells her that while he doesn't regret his actions, he knows that the things that he's done are wrong. He warns Renee that she's in danger of going down a slippery slope that only results in darkness and loneliness. Renee looks sad, not just because Jack is dying, but because he's finally opening up to her. He then comforts her and holds her hand. All together now: Awww...

Olivia tells her parents that she had Hodges killed. Of course, she tries to turn it around on her mother by blaming her for giving Hodges his deal. President Taylor is angry, but the First Gentleman sticks up for her. President Taylor gets sanctimonious and says that she can't cover up a murder. She strikes me as someone that would probably turn herself over to the police over a couple of overdue library books. Henry blames the President for their son's death, and he implores her to destroy the recording. Janis and Chloe have an awkward conversation, which consists of Janis thanking Chloe for all her help, and Chloe kind of complimenting Janis. I bet Janeane Garofalo wants to fire her agent right now. Jack is in the hospital and he doesn't want morphine. Because we know all about his bad habits in the past. He has a visitor, and it's the Imam from a few episodes earlier. Apparently, Jack called him, and he wants absolution before he dies. The Imam tries to comfort Jack, and I bet he's a terrorist. Man, I've been watching this show too long.

President Taylor comes back into the residence and she hugs Olivia warmly. Looks like she's off the hook. Oh wait, President Taylor pulls the Michael Corleone move and turns on her daughter. She won't go back on her oath of office, and she turns Olivia over to Aaron's custody. I don't think she'll be getting any Mother's Day gifts this year. Warden Norton swoops in, and he tells the President that he understands what she did. I think these two ought to get together. Of course, Warden Norton weasels way back to his old job.

Coach Yoast is in custody and Renee debates over whether or not to go Jack on him. Renee pulls a gun on Janis; she really has been hanging out with Jack too long. She gazes at her badge and drops it on the counter. Renee walks into the room and closes the door. Coach Yoast looks unimpressed. I'm beginning to think that Will Patton only has one facial expression. Kim shows up to the hospital, and finds it hard to believe that her father has Muslim friends. Can't blame her for that. Who else (like me) thought the Imam was going to kidnap Kim and take her away so that Jack would die? Anyway, Kim wants to help, and I guess that's how Jack is going to survive into next season. That's it? You've got to be kidding me!

Well, that's the end of the season, and I have to say it had its moments. The new location and new characters added freshness to the show that was sorely needed after Season 6. Renee, Moss, and President Taylor were excellent additions to the cast, although I think the writers really wasted Janis. Jack shone, as usual, and he continued to battle his inner demons while trying to save the country. His battle with Tony made for excellent television, even if the Tony Saga took more nonsensical twists and turns than anything the writers have ever done. We're supposed to believe that Tony risked the lives of hundreds of thousands of innocent Americans just so he could get revenge on the guy who had Michelle killed? Seems like overkill, doesn't it?

The main conflict of the season, however, wasn't between Jack and Tony, but was really between Jack and Moss with Renee as their pawn. Obviously, the sexual tension was there, but the real contest was for her mind. Renee saw merits to both of their ideologies, and she seemed truly conflicted over which way to go. Their struggle doubled as an extended debate over whether "extra-judicial" tactics are necessary in order to properly combat terrorism. Moss, obviously, believed that you had to go through the law, otherwise we'd sink to the level of the terrorists. Moss, of course, ended up dead while Jack looked to be on the verge of a cure even as he realized the error of his ways. What does that mean as far as the debate over the use of torture in interrogating terror suspects? I guess torture wins.

Piercings, poison, Rumo, Guinness, and more!

Library books of the day, partly inspired by a LivingSocial pick: Getting into Guinness: One Man's Longest, Fastest, Highest Journey Inside the World's Most Famous Record Book (Larry Olmsted), Rumo: And His Miraculous Adventures (Walter Moers), Smoke, Mirrors, and Murder: And Other True Cases (Ann Rule's Crime Files) (Ann Rule), Too Late to Say Goodbye: A True Story of Murder and Betrayal (Ann Rule), The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver) [on Andrew's recommendation], and What Not to Name Your Baby (Joe Borgenicht) [reminds me of the bad baby names forum!] ... maybe more later. On another note, my ear should stop bleeding... NOW!



Facebook quizzes taken from Kaitlin and Aaron:

Leslie just took the "What piercing would look good on you" quiz and the result is Cheeks. You have a wild side to you, and you are not scared of pain, so the cheeks would look good on you. (I said that I didn't LIKE pain - as happened earlier today - so I dunno why I got this result!)

Leslie took the Which 80's Wrestler are YOU?!?! quiz and the result is Hulk Hogan. You are the mecca of sports entertainment! The man, the myth, the legend! There is none greater! You have the red and yellow flowing through your veins! Whatcha gonna do, brother?

Car bombs, the Witness Protection Program, and the mosque!

Quick summary of the last few episodes: Tony pulled off the biggest and most shocking heel turn since Andre the Giant ripped Hulk Hogan's crucifix off his neck on an episode of Piper's Pit. Kim came back and reconciled with her father, though she didn't put up much of a fight when he insisted on dying, even though she could have saved him with her stem cells. Larry bit the dust (although he did NOT receive the silent clock - hmm...), and Renee pretty much confirmed what we all suspected: the two of them had done the horizontal mambo at some point.

Olivia Taylor (who looks like she could pass for Reese Witherspoon's stunt double - you know, if Reese Witherspoon did action films) was really upset about her mother's deal with Jonas Hodges, and she decided to take matters into her own hands. And there's some group of conspirators who only communicate via chatroom ("#EvilCabalOfMercenaries" on IRC), although we know one of them was the guy who played Coach Yoast in Remember the Titans. Evidently, he was VERY upset about his demotion in favor of Denzel Washington's character. He convinces the others to follow Tony's and his new girlfriend's (who doesn't hold a candle to Michelle, by the way) plan to use their lone remaining canister to attack immediately.


This week's episode of 24:

Tony and his friends are inside Jibraan Al-Zarian's apartment. Cara is working on planting evidence on Jibraan's computer while Tony threatens him and tells him to cooperate. He gingerly removes the piece of duct tape from Jibraan's mouth, which is good because his mustache and beard could have made that really painful. See? Tony would understand. He's got the evil beard thing going for him. Tony then gives Jibraan some lines to memorize for his anti-America propaganda video. Janis continues to give Jack attitude and accuses him of being a racist. Well, considering that Jonas told Jack that they were going to use Muslim extremists, then it kind of makes sense, right? I mean, if they were looking at right-wing militia groups, then they'd just be wasting everyone's time, don't you think?

Sure enough, Jack lays the verbal smackdown on Janis and puts her in her place. Considering Janeane Garofalo's politics, I wonder if they wrote her character like that on purpose. Chloe realizes Jack is dying, and she becomes genuinely emotional. Jack tells her to stay strong, and tries his hardest not to break down in front of her. Chloe agrees to go back to work, and Jack looks sad after she leaves. This was actually a touching and a very well-acted scene. Kudos to both actors. By the way, how much do you want to bet that it's Chloe that calls up Kim and shames her for not insisting on helping her dad?

Jibraan is shooting his anti-America video (not bad, he memorized his lines in less than 10 minutes), but the cops show up. Obviously, Tony tells Jibraan to get rid of the cops, or else. Jibraan looks clearly distraught when he tells them that his now-gone friends were making a lot of noise, but the cops take him at his word. They don't ask to come in, nor do they do much else except to tell him to keep it down. Good to see the cops in D.C. are lazy. Chloe finds out about Jibraan, and Jack decides to track down his Imam. Renee then asks Jack if he is capable of being in the field, but Jack says he needs to see this through. Renee gives him a sad look before giving her assent. Aaron ushers in some unsavory-looking fellow who is supposed to help Olivia kill Hodges. The guy who plays him was a doctor on ER and a snitch on NYPD Blue. Nice resumé. Anyway, Olivia wants Hodges dead, she wants his family dead, and she wants his house burned to the ground. Okay, maybe just the first thing.

Hodges meets with the U.S. Marshall who will be taking him into Witness Protection. His new name is "Robert Tippett," and Hodges is less than thrilled about it. It could be worse. It could be "Oliver Clothesov" or "Mike Rotch." I was hoping they'd go with "Richard Croft," "Bud Kilmer," or "Luke Martin" in a nod to some of Jon Voight's greatest roles. Anyway, Hodges thinks the agent is giving him attitude and Hodges gives him a lecture about everything that he's lost. Like when he threw his best friend over a guardrail, and was more worried about cleaning the blood off his shirt. That cracked me up. Jack and Renee arrive at the mosque, and the first thing Jack does is pull out his gun. This is not going to end well for the Imam... The Imam gives Renee attitude, and Jack then gets in his face. Janis calls and tells Renee that a police officer has responded to the APB. Jack then drags the Imam with them because he doesn't want him to tip Jibraan off. I give the Imam a 30% chance of living. I guess religious figures can be redshirts, too.

Jibraan has to convince his brother that he's really a terrorist. His brother buys it hook, line, and sinker, and actually spits in Jibraan's face. I guess he didn't know Jibraan as well as he thought he did. Olivia gets the account information from the hitman and she's prepared to transfer $250K into his offshore account. $250K? That's pretty cheap, don't you think? Especially for a high-value target in federal custody like Hodges. Where did she find the deal? Priceline.com? "You can name your price on everything from airline tickets to hotels to hitmen!" Olivia decides not to go through with it, and doesn't transfer the money. I'm sure that's not going to backfire on her. Chloe discovers that the money and the evidence on Jibraan's computer were backdated. Man, Cara is not a good planter-of-evidence, is she? Jack realizes that Jibraan was being set up, and he apologizes to the Imam. The Imam and Jack have a heart-to-heart, and the Imam tries to get Jack to convert. Yeah, that's likely. He'll come back next season as Mustafa Asad.

Hodges stares at photos of his family and his daughter in the picture looks nothing like Angelina Jolie. He doesn't respond when the Marshall calls him by his new name. Luckily, Hodges responds before the Marshall has to take a page from The Simpsons, by saying "When I say: 'Hello, Mr. Tippett' and press down on your foot... smile and nod, okay?" Of course, Hodges' car then blows up and it looks like Olivia couldn't stop the hit in time. Then again, we don't know who actually had him killed, just yet. Plus, there's no silent clock for Hodges, so he might not even be dead... Olivia freaks out when she finds out about Hodges. She calls her contact and he tells her not to talk on the phone. Yeah, Olivia... you know calls out of the White House are all recorded. Anyway, he wants to meet up, and she agrees. She then composes herself and walks calmly past Aaron, who looks like he knows something is up. She better not get Aaron killed, that's all I got to say.

Jack's logic once again rears its head. He tells Renee that Tony and his men are clearly using the brother as leverage because that's what he would do. The Imam then finds about Jack's condition, and he starts to sympathize. Like that 70s Senator and Larry Moss, he's now Jack's buddy, apparently. Well, we know what happened to those two. Jack and the team break in and try to subdue the hostile. In the confusion, the brother breaks off a piece of glass from the mirror and tries to kill the hostile. Great move, dumbass. Now they won't be able to get the guy to talk if he bleeds out. Maybe the brother was in on it all along? Man, I've been watching too much of this show. Tony and Jibraan enter a van, and it looks like they're targeting the Metro. All you early commuters are in for a rude awakening. See? It pays to be late to work.

Tony is evil, and the fake lawyer is a slut...

This week's episode of 24 was interesting...

We pick up after last week in the fiery aftermath of the apartment building Galvez blew up at Tony's behest. Macer gives Jack some drugs to take the edge off the bug-eyed "my best friend is an evil murderer" seizure he was gripped by at the end of last week's installment. Jack is still mumbling incoherently, but manages to tell Renee that Tony was Galvez's accomplice, and gets her to issue an APB. Speak of the devil, cut to Tony approaching two agents guarding the perimeter of the area. Just as Walker's comm transmission about the evil cat being out of the bag pipes over their comm units, they spot Tony. Tony wastes no time gunning them both down and swiping their SUV, en route to rendezvous with Galvez and collect his precious canister.

Macer gives Jack another med pack, and cautions Walker to "make sure he doesn't lose this one." Heh. Now that Jack has regained control of his faculties, he explains to Walker that Tony murdered Larry and has been playing all of them all day long like cheap violins from a Brooklyn pawn shop. He apologizes for the terrible mistake he made in convincing the FBI that Tony could be trusted. Just then, an FBI peon radios in and tells Walker that he's just discovered the bodies of two agents who were guarding the perimeter. Tony's handiwork. The hunt is on.

Cut back to Tony, pulling up to a motel a short four-minute drive away from the FBI's perimeter in his stolen ride. He approaches one of the doors and knocks. Galvez answers. Tony enters the room and wants to see the canister. Galvez wants to see his money. Tony gives him a PDA, and tells him to check his account. Galvez, satisfied, tosses Tony the black manbag. Tony opens it and finds a phone book inside. Oh shit. Wrong move, Galvez. Double-crossing Almeida? So, so dumb. Anyway, Galvez pulls a gun on Tony, demanding the name of his buyer. Greedy mofo. Tony warns him once, calmly, that he really doesn't wanna go through with this, but we can practically see the dollar signs in Galvez's eyes as he salivates over the idea of getting paid for the canister twice. Tony sighs, and knocks the gun out of Galvez's hand with one well-timed Krav Maga chop, and they struggle, ending up in the bathroom. Despite the fact that he just shot himself less than two hours ago, Tony easily overpowers Galvez, who is a rank amateur compared to Tony, and kicks him in the face while he's down. This is the third time this season where I've been delighted watching Almeida give someone a boot to the face. Tony then quickly rips the shower curtain off its rack and proceeds to stick it over Galvez's face a la Jack and Graem in Season 6. When a gunshot just won't do, asphyxiation seems to be Tony's preferred method of execution. At least he's consistent.

Meanwhile, over at the White House, Tim Woods is briefing the President on Hodges' suicide attempt, explaining that the soldiers transporting him got him to the hospital before the pill was completely dissolved in his stomach. He also fills her in on how Hodges' lawyer was actually Fake Lawyer, and that she supplied him with the suicide capsule. Just then, Jack and Walker call in, and they explain that they did not recover the canister because Almeida helped Galvez escape. Sic! Jack apologizes to Taylor for trusting Tony, and says they are pretty well out of leads. Taylor mentions that Hodges alluded to a larger conspiracy during his arrest, and that it could be a lead in finding the canister. Jack deduces that Fake Lawyer must have threatened Hodges' family if he was willing to commit suicide, so suggests that they offer Hodges a deal — "proof of death" and witness protection in exchange for any information he has on the canister.

Back at the No Tell Motel, Fake Lawyer arrives on the scene, and is mildly perturbed to discover a dead and bloody Galvez slumped on the bathroom floor, but Tony is in no mood for a lecture, so Fake Lawyer gets down to business: the bosses are expecting delivery of the canister imminently. Tony, however, has other ideas. He tells Fake Lawyer that he's not about to hand over the canister that he "sweated blood for" just so her employers can sit on it for the next six months. He's pushing for Fake Lawyer to call her bosses and convince then to move up their timetable and launch an attack now, while the government is vulnerable. Fake Lawyer caresses Tony's 3:11 AM shadow tenderly and explains that while she agrees with him, it is not their decision to make. Tony makes a point of reminding both Fake Lawyer and the audience that he is completely in the dark as to who she is working for, but posits that if they are serious about their agenda, they'll realize he's right. Fake Lawyer, hypnotized by Almeida's piercing black stare, agrees to make the calls. Tony, satisfied, begins to strip, on his way to grab a shower while a very dead Galvez watches. Good thing the No Tell Motel doubles up their shower curtains, eh Almeida?

Moving back to the White House for a moment, Pierce escorts Olivia to an important briefing with her mother. Olivia questions the President about the canister, and the President explains that she has no choice but to make a deal with Hodges. She asks Olivia to draft up the paperwork. Olivia is outraged, reminding her mother that Hodges ordered Roger's murder. Things get emotional, but ultimately Taylor reminds Olivia that as the President's Chief of Staff, she needs to act like a professional and follow orders.

Cut back to No Tell Motel. Fake Lawyer is in the middle of a teleconference with The Group. She is explaining the plan: an attack during the morning rush hour with the canister Tony "recovered" from Starkwood. They will set up a Middle Eastern civilian man, Al-Zarian, to carry out the attack and make it look like a suicide bomber-type scenario, with staged emails and other digital evidence to help sell the cover story. Al-Zarian was last seen in Season 4 when Jack Bauer helped him and his brother defend their sporting goods store against looters during the EMP blackout. Only back then his name was something else. And his brother was way older. But anyway...

At this point, The Group, who are all identified only by numbers and are using digital voice disguisers, begin to debate the faults and merits of Fake Lawyer's plan. They question Tony Almeida's motives and capabilities. Fake Lawyer sends Wilson a private message: he has thus far has remained silent. He responds that he's not sure which side he's on, as the plan is risky. Fake Lawyer pleads with him to do it "for her," and defends Tony, saying that he came through for them. At last, Wilson chimes in. He echoes all the sentiments Tony expressed earlier when convincing Fake Lawyer to support his strategy: Hodges gave them a unique window by softening up the FBI for them first, and they shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Fake Lawyer, who is both relieved and satisfied, calls for an immediate vote. As the panel votes, Tony emerges shirtless (!) from the shower. Fake Lawyer happily shows him the results... unanimous in favor of moving forward. Tony plants a dangerslutty kiss on Fake Lawyer.

Meanwhile, Jack and Renee are prepping for the interrogation of Hodges. Janis questions Renee as to whether Jack is up to the task, given the "Tony Almeida situation." Renee disregards her concerns. The three of them observe Hodges ranting about how they killed his family by saving his life. Jack enters the room and explains that Hodges' associates don't know he survived the suicide attempt, and if Hodges cooperates by giving him their names, they never will. Hodges will get witness protection and a new identity. Hodges briefly outlines what he knows: The Group planned to launch simultaneous multiple attacks in cities nationwide and offload the blame onto Islamic extremists in an effort to create public pressure to authorize the involvement of private companies in the country's defense strategy. Jack tells Hodges he wants names. Hodges says he doesn't have any names, claiming that everything was done anonymously through the help of an intermediary — Fake Lawyer. Renee's biometric equipment confirms that Hodges is telling the truth. Jack and the President discuss their options. Jack feels they need to assume that The Group plans to follow through with the attack immediately, and that they need to recommission CTU servers to get information on potential leads. Taylor agrees.

Jack calls Chloe, who is asleep in a hotel room with Morris and her son. After a brief moment where Buchanan's death is acknowledged, Jack gets down to business: he briefs Chloe on the bioweapon, and needs her to come back to the FBI and resume technical lead on getting the CTU servers up and running, and using them to track down anyone linked to The Group's plans. Chloe agrees, and tells Jack to send a car. Chloe wakes up Morris and explains the situation. She implores him to leave the city with their son, saying she needs to make sure they are safe.

Shortly thereafter, Renee and Jack brief the rest of the FBI team on the operation, identifying Tony and Fake Lawyer as the two prime suspects. He further elaborates that they are working under the assumption that the people behind the attack will try to lay blame on established groups or individuals with terrorist ties, and they can use the CTU servers to look for traces of that manufactured evidence. Janis voices concerns that the tactics are illegal, and violate the Constitution. Renee replies they are going forward with their directive, with or without her. Meanwhile, Chloe has arrived at the FBI and Jack explains to her that Tony is working with the people behind the attack. Chloe expresses doubts that Tony is really a terrorist, but Jack is adamant the friend she knew no longer exists, and that they must both be prepared to treat Tony like an enemy combatant. Chloe agrees to support Jack, but still seems conflicted.

By this point, Tony and Fake Lawyer have arrived at the residence of the man they plan to use to execute the attack. They discuss how they can use the man's brother and his illegal immigrant status to force him to cooperate, and that his history as a loner with parents who died in the conflict in the Middle East will lend credibility to him being a terrorist sympathizer. Fake Lawyer's backup team arrives, and they head toward the townhouse.

Meanwhile, Olivia gives Pierce the details on the witness protection order for Jonas Hodges. She rants about the injustice of Hodges living out his days in comfort while her brother rots in his grave. Pierce talks of all the many injustices he has seen in his years as a Secret Service operative, and the many guilty people who got away with their crimes. We get the feeling Charles Logan is at the forefront of his mind. Pierce asks Olivia if there is anything more he can do, and she replies other than killing Hodges, no. There is a weird beat, and then Olivia quickly retracts her statement, saying she was just venting. Exunt Pierce. Olivia picks up the phone and makes a call to a man named Martin, who appears to be some kind of political consultant. She asks him to meet with her. He asks for details. She alludes to a drunk conversation they had some time ago during her mother's campaign, in which Martin talked about "handling and eliminating problems." Martin says he can be at the White House in 15 minutes.

Over at the FBI, Janis and Chloe are sniping at each other while trying to get the CTU servers back online. Janis has a problem with doing things that violate the Bill of Rights, and refers to CTU as "Big Brother," which makes Jack lose his shit big-time. Jack gets in Janis' face and starts yelling at her about how President David Palmer ordered the servers recommissioned, and it dawns on Chloe that there is something severely wrong with Jack.

Back at the Pasty's townhouse, Team Almeida cuts the power and ambushes the brothers. Almeida holds a gun to Al-Zarian's head and tells him to shut up — one more word, and he puts a bullet in his brain. Boop beep.

A trap was very narrowly avoided with seconds to go!

HOUSE wasn't on, as it turned out I was watching an episode of BONES about funerals and machinations about a poisoned dead body instead. Oh well.

So I guess Tony became evil on last week's 24. He killed Larry Moss and stole a bioweapon. A few people were a little upset... you may have heard something about it.

This time, Tony is busy shooting himself through the gut in order to make it appear that he and Larry were attacked. Renee is devastated to learn about Larry's death, but is forced to assume command of the FBI and personally head out into the field. Jack wants to go with her once he finds out about what happened, skipping out on the guy who was handling his debrief transcript. The imminent arrival of the FBI throws the plans of Galvez, Tony's accomplice, into disarray; he's still trapped on site with the bioweapon. Tony assures him that he's got a plan to get them out.

Meanwhile, Jonas Hodges' attorney gets ready to head over the White House, but in a bizarre twist, she's gassed and switched out for a lookalike. The Fake Lawyer confronts Jonas in his cell, chastises him for nearly jeopardizing a much larger conspiracy, and leaves him with a choice: either he ingests a pill that will induce cardiac arrest, or something really bad will happen to his family.

Jack and Renee arrive at the site, and meet up with Tony. Tony's fake story about being shot doesn't quite jive with reality, but Jack is too busy dying of the pathogen, and Renee is too busy looking at Larry's dead body to really notice the warning signs. What they don't know is that Tony and Galvez have got a plan to lure as many FBI agents as possible into an abandoned building, then blow them all up. Galvez kills an agent and uses his communications device to gather everyone into the building. Jack deduces it's a trap, and warns the FBI just seconds before the building explodes, barely giving Renee and the others time to escape.

Still meanwhile, Kim Bauer prepares to fly home to Los Angeles. Her boyfriend / husband telephones her, and is incredulous that Jack is refusing treatment. Kim says she couldn't talk her father into letting her help him, and couldn't bring herself to tell him about his granddaughter Teri. Jonas is also on the move, on his way in an armored vehicle to the FBI for interrogation. He takes the pill and his heart attack is underway, so he gets redirected to the hospital. The Fake Lawyer confirms to her superior that Jonas has been taken care of, and expresses confidence that Tony will be able to deliver the bioweapon.

Jack manages to locate Renee in the blown-up building, alive and well. Galvez bloodies himself up and pretends to be injured, giving Tony a pretext to help him out of the building and into an ambulance. That's when Jack puts it all together... whoever blew up the building knew the FBI's protocol. His suspicions are confirmed when he calls the FBI and learns that Vincent Cardiff, the man Tony allegedly tortured and killed, is alive and under arrest. Jack confronts Tony and holds his gun on him, but Tony spins a cover story and accuses Jack of becoming paranoid due to the effects of the pathogen. It doesn't really matter, because Jack suffers a seizure at that moment, so Tony steals his medication and slips away. And Galvez hijacks the ambulance, and takes off with the bioweapon...

Environmental protesters, Kim coming back, and Tony killing Larry

On HOUSE, an environmental protester (Doug) who had been chained to a tire for fourteen hours passed out and couldn't stand up. He puked in hospital, and might have been suffering from vertigo. His wife came in eighteen hours later, and says that she searched his email for his whereabouts. The guy had said that he was single, so she excused him with the "he wouldn't have wanted me to worry" thing, and further said that she had to find someone to take care of their four-year-old son! Then she told Doug to stop the protesting, but got the response "Why should the child matter more than anyone else's son?" The wife also had some medical issue having to do with hot tubs. Later, it is discovered that Doug's issue is really a rose thorn infection!

But then we got 24, which featured Kim coming back in - Jack didn't like that when Renee told him about it! The president arrested Jonas, FINALLY. Then Tony went back to the dark side because he got away with bioweapons, and killed Larry at the end of the episode! But there was another global warming commercial, with Chloe this time.

The episode begins back at Starkwood. Tony sees some fuel tankers coming into the compound. Jack calls him, and says President Taylor aborted the mission... Tony has to get out. Renee tells Tony they have to get him out. But Tony then tells Jack that Renee knows why the President aborted the mission. Tony sees the gas trucks, and tells Renee and Jack that they are filling RP7 rocket fuel into surface-to-surface missiles. Jack tells Tony to hold on.

Back at the White House, Tim Woods questions President Taylor about the air strike. Taylor snaps at Tim Woods when he asks her about the meeting with Jonas Hodges. Jack and Renee then call the President. She gets Jack's call, and begins to tell him that she gave her orders and they need to be obeyed. Jack totally calls her on it. "With all due respect, I don't think you're being completely honest with us." he says. He lays out the fact that he knows Hodges has missiles and has threatened to use them if she doesn't call off the strike. The President is deflated and spills it all to Jack and Walker.

They talk about the plan to allow Tony to blow up the truck before it finishes unloading the fuel and Jack is, again, begging the President to just try the plan. She's afraid, though, because she knows Hodges will launch if he detects interference. Before she gives her answer, she asks Jack how long he has to live. This shakes Jack a little, but he answers honestly: he doesn't know, but it has started to affect him. "Then there's not much I can threaten you with, is there… I expect you'll do what you think is right." she tells him, and hangs up. Walker is confused because the president didn't give authorization, but Jack tells her she wants them to go in. But she has to be able to swear under oath that Jack, Tony, and the FBI were working on their own. Jack has Renee contact Larry.

Meanwhile, Seaton and Hodges arrive at the White House as Hodges commends Seaton for tricking Tony. Renee talks to Larry, who asks if the President authorized this, and she said no. She asks Larry if she had a problem with the covert operation, and he says "as a matter of fact, no." Jack tells Tony to destroy the missiles, but he HAS to avoid being seen. The trucks have loaded up. Stokes talks to another Starkwood employee who said he was going to make another perimeter check. Tony takes a man hostage and faces off against Stokes, telling him to take him down to the fuel tanks.

At the White House, Hodges and Seaton are introduced to President Taylor. Hodges remarks that he used to come to the White House all the time to speak with former president Noah Daniels. Taylor says that Hodges and Juma killed millions, including Roger Taylor. Hodges says he wants Starkwood involved in shaping military policy, the fifth branch of the military. Taylor says that it's blackmail, but Hodges denies it, and asks Taylor to work with him.

Tony lays the charges on the fuel cells at Starkwood, and takes Stokes up to the surface. The guy Tony knocked out attacks Tony, who drops the detonator. Stokes hits the alarm for a government breach as the missiles are set to launch. Stokes says Tony is too late. The launch team argues about entering the launch codes. The missiles are aimed at Clarkesville, Maryland. Tony gets to the detonator and detonates the missiles, as the FBI moves in... but they do not hear Tony. At the White House, Taylor, Hodges, and Seaton are going over defenses when Tim Woods interrupts, as he tells her about the explosion at Starkwood. Hodges says he's not reaching Taylor as she arrests Hodges and Seaton. Hodges says he is a pawn for larger players. Taylor watches as Hodges is escorted out.

Back at FBI field office, Jack gets a call from the President. He is clearly showing the effects of the bioweapon. As the President thanks Jack for his actions, Jack asks for consideration for Tony. While talking to the President, Jack freezes up. He sits down, unable to remember what he was in the middle of saying. Jack ends the call, and goes to tell Renee that Hodges has been arrested. He then makes his way, quickly, to see Dr. Macer. The President asks her aide to make sure she has real-time updates on Jack's condition from the CDC.

Back at Starkwood, Tony is being led to Larry. Renee asks what is going on, and Larry says the people at Starkwood had no idea what is going on. Larry talks to Renee and says they've known each other a long time, and Renee says they have a lot to talk about. Renee is told that Kim Bauer has arrived at FBI. Tony asks about Kim Bauer, and Larry tells him about the treatment. He then says it isn't easy for him, but he has to take Tony into custody. Larry said he shouldn't be repaid like this. Tony says he's ready to pay for what he's done. Larry says to take the handcuffs off Tony.

Dr. Macer tells Jack that memory loss is consistent with the disease, but just that she didn't think it would manifest so fast. Jack says he feels like he's losing a part of himself. Dr. Macer told Jack there's nothing she can give him for the shaking. Renee says that Jack needs to go on record about everything that happened, sooner than later. Renee then tells Jack that her daughter Kim is waiting to see him, and that Kim called him. Jack is furious with Renee and takes her into a room. Jack chews out Renee for telling Kim. She says that Kim has been trying to see her all day. Renee was at the Senate hearing, and Kim's been trying to get ahold of Renee all day. Renee asks Jack if he wants her to say that Jack can't see her. He says he can't do that, and asks her to show him where Kim is.

Renee takes Jack to Kim. Their eyes meet. Kim says, "Daddy. How are you feeling?" Kim says she's tried to track him down, but he thought it was best to stay away. They both admit they've missed each other. Jack begins to apologize for what has happened to Kim, but she stops him and apologizes to Jack. Kim talks about the treatment, and asks why Jack doesn't what her to help. Jack says the risk isn't worth taking to him. Kim says she doesn't want to lose him, and they embrace. Jack has a twinge, and tells Kim she needs to go. She leaves, obviously upset. We see a shot of Jack staring, and then she breaks down crying.

Back at Starkwood, an FBI agent is killed by a Starkwood employee. An FBI agent corners him and puts him in custody. The agent then goes to see what is in his bag, and there is a canister of the bioweapon. The Starkwood guy then kills Davis and takes off in an SUV. Larry will follow him in a helicopter, and asks Renee to inform Homeland Security about this. He pursues the SUV from the air with Tony inside. Renee asks Janis to access the satellite. Janis asks her about an attack, and she asks Renee a bunch of questions. Janis finds where the SUV is and tells the FBI. Renee contacts the SWAT team. Larry sees the SUV, and has the pilot take them lower. He sees the SUV pulling off the road, and goes in. The Starkwood guy kills the helicopter pilot, and Larry tells Tony to get out. A gunfight ensues... and Tony kills Larry by suffocating him, first apologizing to him!

Bioweapons, killing someone on a world map, and blackmail sex

Been watching TWO AND A HALF MEN lately as the lead-in to HOUSE, heh. Manipulative mothers, indeed... fake operations, anyone? Yikes. HOUSE was about a patient who faked being sick to hang onto someone for attention. Then a relatively new character committed suicide - I've heard that Kal Penn is going to work for the President, and also that he's a vegan.

In 24, we pick up where we left off last week: the big Starkwood vs. FBI standoff. Jonas shows up and gives Moss a mouthful on trespassing and warrants, and gives him an ultimatum: leave in five minutes, or my goons'll kill ya. Back at the office, they need to act fast and find the bioweapon, because Tony officially took the Jack road and snuck off deep inside the evil Starkwood military base in the middle of D.C. So Jack finds a convenient new lead: Douglas Knowles, Starkwood's Chairman of the Board who ratted out corporate stuff to Senator Mayer during his investigation. Jack contacts him and Knowles agrees to help find the bioweapons, because Hodges apparently went crazy. So Doug meets with Tony and they encounter an obstacle: the door to the building with the bioweapons has a keycard lock and it won't open. And back at the FBI, Jack is going green – but not the environmental kind of going green.

In case anyone forgot, about a million people tell Jack how sorry they are that he's been exposed to the bioweapon, including President Taylor during his call to brief her on their plan. Taylor also reminds us that Jack always has to be the only one. This time, he's the only one who can identify and verify the bioweapon canisters before she orders a "surgical air strike." I assume "surgical" means they won't hit a school half a mile away.

Still at the White House, it's Olivia! Her reporter friend is calling her with some bad news. It's the same reporter who was supposed to run a story on Kanin at eleven (last episode), but suddenly it's going to be in the morning news. He found out about the action in the container yard and about a meeting of the Joint Chiefs. He wants to know more, and threatens to expose her power play against Kanin if she doesn't agree to meet him.

Th FBI is using satellites now, and they're doing infra-red scans of the Starkwood compound. There's one building that's showing no signal because they are using some sort of shield. Why do that when it obviously draws attention anyway? Beats me. Janis starts decoding the door lock with some R6 module or whatever, and naturally, it's taking too long and there's a guard Humvee coming round the corner! Tony and Knowles might get spotted, so they hide behind some conveniently placed barrels, and then Knowles decides to step forward and buy time. It's so exciting that Jack gets a seizure. The guards call Jonas for instructions despite the fact that Knowles is their boss and practically owns a controlling share of their asses. Jonas tells them to bring the guy in, and Tony enters the building in the nick of time. "Copy that" is said about a dozen times.

Pierce and Olivia walk down a hall to meet with Ken the nosy reporter. Pierce insists on going inside with Olivia, but she tells him she has him on speed dial and she can scream really loud. (I guess it's a good thing Ken didn't gag her and take her phone away the minute she entered the room.) Ken suspects there's some sort of WMD out there based on his intel from a mysterious source (the future dad security guard?). Olivia refuses to confirm this because it's a matter of national security. He tells her he understands why it has to remain secret. So she tells him what's up with Starkwood. Then he tells her he's gonna report it unless she sleeps with him. Apparently, they used to do that a lot in the past. Off-camera sex ensues.

Jack gets a shot of pen dopamine from the pretty season three doctor, Sunny Macer. But it's only going to stop the shaking, it ain't gonna cure him. And yeah, he'll need more of it because the sickness is progressing faster than progressive rock in the 1970s. Then Macer tells Jack that some university is doing research on weird diseases, and there might be a cure for his incurable sickness. Now, watch out, because this show is on FOX... the cure uses stem cells! They need 'em from a family member, and Jack's file (and my worst nightmares) say he's got a daughter. But Jack will hear none of it. He doesn't want Kim involved because they haven't talked to each other since like 2009. (To us, that is nothing, but these people are in the future.) It is implied that Walker will call Kim anyway.

Tony's op is back on. He's inside the building. There are guards coming his way, so he needs to open other doors a bit quicker. Fortunately, he magically knows all the codes inside the building, and he punches them in pretty fast. On the way, he kicks some henchmen booty and takes one of their uniforms. I hope the shoes fit... McClane wasn't so lucky. Tony gets on an elevator, and a Fayed look-alike scientist hitches a ride. He's looking over some photos of microbes, and does some small talk with a slightly nervous Tony. There's no Muzak. Tony is now in the main building, four floors down. Janis has no information that the building has subterranean floors, but believe him, he's there.

As are a bunch of scientists loading the bioweapon from one canister to another. Jack IDs the canisters from the truck by looking at the picture three times in different sizes and on different screens. All thanks to Sprint. The air strike is go, but the bioweapon is on the move. Tony has ten minutes to leave.

Jonas meets with Knowles, who's pissed off because his employees arrested him. He asks Jonas if Starkwood has bioweapons. Hodges confirms it by denying it in his signature weird way. Knowles doesn't like his speech on serving the country no matter what, so he gets a huge crystal bottle of Scotch in the face. Again, again, and again. Then Hodges throws him down a balcony onto a map of the world painted on the floor. You don't see any blood, although Knowles' face must look worse than Marika's lasagna. Then Jonas notices that he has like three drops of blood on his shirt and he tries to wash it off with some water from a very cool crystal box. He gets a call that jet fighters are on their way.

Sex is over, and it was probably better than the notorious Logan Quickie. Ken says Olivia must think he's a total asshole, but she's just glad he won't run the story. But won't he? He won't, right? Oh sorry, Olivia. You just got used. He wants to run it anyway. So that's how many double-crosses from this guy? Well, she's got some tricks up her sleeves as well. Like making a sex tape with her cell phone and threatening to show it to Ken's wife. The double-crosser gets double-crossed. Jeez, just buy a bottle of super-expensive Double Cross vodka and let that be the end of it.

So she leaves the room, and Aaron totally knows what was happening in there. Mommy Dearest calls Olivia to tell her she's missing the fireworks – air strike in five minutes and counting! The generals in the situation room are all thrilled, and they're gonna use phosphorus charges that burn at 5000 degrees, which is more than enough to eradicate the pathogen (and ten times more than what they need to burn all the paper in Starkwood). The CDC confirmed it.

Jonas enters his situation room and orders a call to the president. Greg Seaton notices the bloodstains on Jonas' shirt, and the boss says Knowles will be missing the show. Jonas gets Taylor on the line, and makes her take the call in a small room with a TV. He tells her he put the bioweapon into rockets pointed at the East Coast (L.A. FINALLY off the hook!), and he even shows her with his video phone. He orders her to stop the air strike or else, and so she runs back to the room full of generals, and stops the blast. She has nothing more to say (which is definitely a first), and leaves the room without so much as a decent cliffhanger.