Saturday, November 01, 2003

Trepanation and airing my brain out

this just in from Corey: "chop a section of your skull out and pour some soap in there, then rinse with water, and dry it with a hair dryer, then put your skull back together with tape and glue.."

trepanation and airing my brain out may help me..
I need to get rid of some of these memories..
giving them away might help, but that can't be done..
at least my brother's home.. I like him just fine :)
I'm talking to a couple of good people, as well..
humor and advice definitely makes me feel better!

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Two bonus hours on the computer!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOEY.. I hope you have a rocking one today! :) It was great when you and Jon were friends way back when.

normally, I'd be at the mercies of the transit system now..
but after calling Michelle Leung yesterday, I have a ride..
I get to spend two more hours on the computer..
that's always a very good thing, methinks ;)

I also added Arthur back on my YM list..
he pops on and off on his cell phone a fair amount..
perhaps won't answer my email or any messages I send him..
still, it's all good.. I have reminders of him this way..
if I can help it, I won't bother him either..
but these memories will be sweet, not sour ;)

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Friday, October 31, 2003

Halloween stuff and LJ apologies

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DARREN.. I hope you have an awesome one today! :) It was certainly interesting in the Ferris band.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HANSEL.. I hope you have a good one today! :) You've always been very encouraging.. thanks very much.

Halloween today, and I'll stay at home as usual..
(how pathetic is that, I ask you? hehehe :P)
I definitely don't feel like hanging at Maxine's in my PJs..
everyone else is doing a "College Night" somewhere..
that is, if they aren't helping out at Kids' Night as well..
maybe I'll catch Thriller on MuchMusic in a while..
or other Halloween-themed things on the channel, at least..
I've already seen Pop-Up Video on MuchMoreMusic today..
(plus the story behind Fleetwood Mac.. pretty good stuff)
might even catch the Rocky Horror Picture Show later..
seen it once in its entirety a couple years ago, however..
whatever happens, things will definitely be cool..
especially if I don't have to worry about certain things anymore ;)

no trick-or-treating is allowed in the apartment complex..
Vivian also thinks that isn't safe for the kids at all..
they have to go out in the dark neighborhood to get candy..
it would be safer in here, there's no doubt about it..
but what can you do about management decisions?
(rhetorical question: I know you can't do anything!)

I made another apology in LJ last night, as well..
also disallowed comments on this one, haha ;)
not sure I want to see what they say about amplification..
yep, I am most definitely a chicken in some ways..
indeed, I will let this go and change accordingly..
I'll be like the phoenix and rise from the ashes forevermore..
don't know if you can keep me down, after all ;)
being well is more important than being right..
which I definitely wasn't in this whole incident..
it's easier said than done, but it's important..

do I really want the "friendship" back again in time?
at one point a couple weeks ago, I thought I might..
right now, I'm certainly not so sure anymore..
I've rent deep whatever bond we did have..
unintentional or not, any excuses aren't important..
the keys are the realizations and learning things..
if I'm unforgiven, I can kind of understand why..
(though he didn't give me any reasons for the sudden break)

I've just been extremely reflective these past weeks..
that could be good, but a LOT of emotional subtext?
ah well, that all comes with being "pink and floopy" ;)
now, to focus on other people who rock my world.. wooyeah!

to apply what I learned at the Awana year-end BBQ:
go against this bit of traditional Chinese thinking..
"if I compliment you too much or at all, I'll be spoiling you!"
we should tell people more often that they've done a good job..
it's not really spoiling them at all in any way..
rather, it's so they know you're not taking them for granted..

I am aware that I applied it to someone I presently dislike..
however, it still holds true for everyone else that I love ;)
so if I love or indeed like you very much..
you're golden, appreciated, rocking, and awesome! :)
yes, you people SHOULD know who you are ;)

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Thursday, October 30, 2003

Spoz and fungus

I got happy email just now from the Spozzer..
it's all about his new song which he finally released..
(had a lot of delays, as I understand it)
those emails are always cheery, and I needed it..
must make sure to download Vaporize this weekend..
definitely going to be a slice of fun for me..
should ask him about "Brainkiller" out of Italy, too..

we had a great conversation last night about fungus..
at least, when ICQ wasn't cutting off our messages..
loopy crazy weird stuff with a positive vibe just rocks!
he's one of my fave online people, that's for sure!

I also finally looked at Darren's picture weeks after he sent it..
this is more close-up than the last one he sent..
and I have only one thing to say: he's definitely a cutie!
it will certainly aid my imagination at certain times ;)
nope, we won't steer each other wrong or misunderstand..
we appreciate each other's honesty, and are closer for sure ;)

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Billy Joel and Bon Jovi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VIVIAN.. I hope you have a good one today! :) It's been so great knowing you.. San Francisco, pumpkin carving, church, etc. May we have many more years as friends!

here are more songs in my head as of this morning..
is my subconscious telling me to buy CDs by these artists?
who knows.. but these songs are indeed very good..
I definitely remember the video for Always!
the "BJ" thing is just a weird coincidence, really..
it has no other interpretations other than the initials!
wouldn't mind hearing more of these songs..
I'll switch the radio station to 96.9 JACK FM..
and see if Jon has a Billy Joel CD that I can "borrow," heh heh..

Billy Joel: Movin' Out

Anthony works in the grocery store
Savin' his pennies for someday
Mama Leone left a note on the door
She said: "Sonny, move out to the country."
Workin' too hard can give you a heart attack
You oughta know by now
Who needs a house out in Hackensack?
Is that all you get for your money?

And it seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama: if that's movin' up, then I'm movin' out.
I'm movin' out... mmm-hmm... ooo-ooo... uh-huh... mmm-hmm.

Sergeant O'Leary is walkin' the beat
At night, he becomes a bartender
He works at Mister Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street
Across from the medical center
He's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac
You oughta know by now
And if he can't drive with a broken back
At least he can polish the fenders

And it seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama: if that's movin' up, then I'm movin' out.
I'm movin' out... uh-huh... ooh-ooh... uh-huh... mmm-hmm.

You should never argue with a crazy mind
You oughta know by now
You can pay Uncle Sam with overtime
Is that all you get for your money?

And if that's what you have in mind
Yeah, if that's what you're all about
Good luck movin' up.. 'cause I'm movin' out
I'm movin' out... mmm-hmm... ooo-ooo... uh-huh... mmm-hmm.

(motorcycle riff-raff motor running.)

Bon Jovi: Always

This Romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see, I've always been a fighter
But without you, I give up

Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - always
And I'll be there forever and a day - always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers, try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him.. 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - always
And I'll be there forever and a day - always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby, if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - always
And I'll be there forever and a day - always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - always

Which superpower matches your personality?


Your personality is social and friendly. You most likely are able to be in charge, and people tend to like you.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by quizzes and personality tests.

I didn't know that was a SUPERPOWER... o_O

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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Feeling remarkably cheerless

still feeling remarkably cheerless tonight..
is it just because I miss one of my dear friends?
it could be that, or maybe it's the damn hormones..
perhaps everything that's happened is catching up with me..
maybe I need to actually call some of my friends..
nothing's really made me smile a lot today..
usually, I manage to laugh at least once per day..
probably I'm getting depressed or something again..
at any rate, this is depressing to even read..
so I'll say sayonara till a little later on!
(hey, my mood might improve.. please bring on the humor!

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Thinking of Arthur Johnson... again!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KENNETH.. I hope you have an awesome one today! :) You're *so* lovably crazy, dude!

it's funny the things you realize at 2:30 AM..
I was thinking about an online friend of mine..
haven't seen him on in more than eighteen months..
yet I still have very affectionate thoughts of him..
if he was ever on, I'm sure we'd probably talk..
he did send me a birthday greeting last month..
definitely meant a lot to me that he'd remember..
wish I'd saved the text of it somewhere to read..
might have helped me in the last month..
yup, I'm feeling SO "pink and floopy inside" today!

sometimes I wonder how he's doing..
(no, I'm not being a saphead or sentimental :P)
oh, for the freedom of those late-night talks!
where we could tell each other anything and everything..
if he somehow stumbles across this in cyberspace:
Arthur, I love and miss you very much..
you'll always hold a special place in my heart!

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Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Cigarette smoke and Neil Young

why does this apartment smell like cigarette smoke?
I'm a non-smoker, and so are the rest of my friends..
thank goodness I'd never let SOMEONE in here now ;)
(though that would have been far in the future, if ever..)
there have been times when people smoke outside..
and the smell somehow permeates the CLOSED window?!
(I don't get it at all, either.. but it's happened..)
it's true that the halls sometimes smell like ciggie smoke..
I've checked, and the smell's wafted in under the door..
yay.. that'll be really pleasant to try to sleep to later..
that is, if the smell hasn't dissipated by bedtime..
certainly hope it will, or else it won't be the best!

making a fair amount of progress on Shakey..
I think I'll be ready to give it to Jon on his birthday..
it's a very interesting book, with lots of anecdotes..
information and pictures are a good thing, too..
yup, Neil Young's led an extremely varied life..
but that's just my opinion.. hopefully, Jon likes it!

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Cautious optimism

it seems the apology thread went well this time round..
my assessment is necessarily guarded, of course..
I don't want to get TOO happy over this happening ;)
there are people who (don't) care for me, or are neutral-ish..
publicly at least, they're forgiving me to say "well done"..
what they think in private could well be a different matter!
still, I don't think subscribing would be the best thing..
I'll just focus on the people who actually know me..
it came time to finally throw a certain something out, too ;)
again, cheers to the people who helped me through all this :)
don't know how I could ever repay you in future..
I'm sure we'll work some arrangements out, though ;)

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Monday, October 27, 2003

Ryan's advice about an apology... plus anonymous tripe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KENNY.. I hope you have a good one today! :) It's been good knowing you all these years.

I've been doing a bunch of thinking today..
someone advised me to make a big public apology..
since we spent 2+ hours on it, I decided to post it..
probably won't go over well, but naught I can do..
having no notifications is probably an excellent thing..
then I will take a break or something from it all..

I read certain notes, phoned people, discussed stuff..
no, I don't pull a "vanishing act" on things gone wrong..
why subject myself to reading a bunch of anonymous tripe?
that can be construed as such an act, sure.. eh well ;)
would I wish things back again at this late date?
honestly, I have no idea.. but perhaps not with everything..
understanding and true friends certainly rock my world..
even if they don't agree with what I've done, they're cool ;)

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Sunday, October 26, 2003

Support from people

I've had my support from the people who count..
cheers for it, as I really appreciate the understanding..
one of them did something she didn't have to..
that in itself meant a lot to me; the replies weren't good..
there are indeed certain things I can do without..
seriously thinking before I post would be good..
but I just wish the lot of them would disappear speedily..

I lost "friendships," I broke hearts, I dug holes..
I hurt people deeply.. but didn't set out to do so..
but since I did, I apologized.. nothing else to be done!
you can't really demand anything else from me after that!
spending more time with accepting people will be good ;)

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Fertilizing people who don't agree with you


"You should fertilize people who don't agree with you." -- Corey, giving me amusing advice on how to deal with certain people. (Saturday, Oct. 25) [yes, and where am I going to get enough poop to do THAT? :P]

"We should move the clock back an hour once every month." -- Nathan, discussing the end of Daylight Savings Time. (Sunday, Oct. 26) [pretty soon, midnight would be during the day if you did that.. way topsy-turvy, man :P]

church was pretty good, since I wasn't avoiding people..
talked to a bunch of my friends about stuff..
as long as they support me, I'm golden and loved ;)
(no matter what certain others might think of me)
Danielle wanted wonton mein, but that would take too long..
Citrus, Danielle, Nathan, Eric, and I went to Wendy's..
had to have lunch somewhere reasonably fast, after all..

we talked about the time change and how it affected us..
Nathan had nosebleed issues, so we discussed those..
lean your head forward.. don't tilt back and swallow blood..
Citrus said he wanted to bite Nathan.. vampire dude ;)
the meeting went reasonably well, and did end early..
I spent half an hour checking email and such, as well..
things with my true friends will definitely all be excellent..
is it any wonder why I love them and my supporters? :P

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An extra hour's sleep...

an extra hour's sleep is good..
probably didn't do quite enough..
but it certainly made me feel more refreshed..
it's a good thing Jon's going today..
I definitely need the foil of his presence..
the church AGM is today, as well..
hopefully, things will go smoothly and end early ;)
now, to time with friends and people who like me!

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Cindy's car was broken into!?

I let Jon check his email a while ago..
he got a not-so-good one from Norman..
Cindy Y.'s car was broken into yesterday..
apparently, everything was stolen..
she's worried about identity theft and such, too..
we haven't seen her in such a long time..
hopefully, things will work out for the good here..
maybe we should call her as well.. who knows..

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