Saturday, March 29, 2003

No Awana because of SARS

Well, there was no Awana today (nor will there be next week) because of SARS. It's just a precaution.. no air circulation in the church, and with a good percentage of the 500 church people being children and seniors (with their weaker immune systems), we certainly don't want to take any chances! (there's one isolated case in the hospital here, and 12 other suspected ones around the city)

Maybe it'll make it somewhat easier to get to the proposed dinner next week featuring Bob and Zyada. (then again, I might go to a bridal shower for Lauren earlier in the day, too..) We'll see what happens with that one..

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MSN name suggestions from Spoz

Last night was certainly fun.. hung out at the church till 11:40 PM. (way later than usual) Ate a lot of popcorn chicken, the chips with salsa, a spring roll, and various other foodstuffs. Had a great time with my friends as well. I'm feeling sleepy now, as I didn't sleep well last night at all. Hopefully, things will be all right soon.

I'm pleased to announce that my present search for MSN / Yahoo names is over, thanks to Spoz. Sure.. he is way too drunk right now, but I don't care.. makes things more interesting, dunnit? He provided these suggestions:

Lung Butter
Ostrich Bob
Head Cheese
Doughnut Expletive
Turtle Implosion

I used the last two, and will keep the other three in mind for later. My own creative block is still stymied, but hopefully some things will happen to inspire it. Thanks again.. you rock! :)

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Friday, March 28, 2003

Creative slumps

Damn creative slump.. not feeling any more creative now than I was yesterday. I've started a little thread about it over at the Unaboard.. predictably, it has gotten no replies so far. Oh well.. there better be input in the thread when I get back tonight. If not.. never mind. And yes.. I *was* going to ask the resident goofball, but didn't have time. Maybe later on tonight..

My sister got on MSN and buzzed me with: "input: fartlardix!" Somehow, I really don't think so.. when I rejected her suggestion, I got this in return: "how rude!" (yes, just like Stephanie / Michelle on the TV show Full House)

So.. does anybody else have any (good) ideas?

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Thursday, March 27, 2003

Finding a new MSN name

Been trying to find a new MSN name. Somehow, "don't YOU be calling me a pinhead :P" wasn't really doing it for me anymore.. especially as it was an inside-jokey reference with limited currency. I could go with the Richmond Crew jokes, but names based on themes of booty / bombing (NOT the kind you're all thinking of) / chubs / farts might not do it. Here are some of the suggestions I've received so far:

Flamsterette ("just so I know who you are.. and find something you're happy with for at least a week, so I don't get seriously confused.." .. sorry, probably not going to happen.. though I did have "Nate: Bathroom Reader BOOK! Danielle: Collective Soul CD!" or variations thereof up for two weeks very recently..)

Boogerhead / Boogerhead 2003 (I don't *think* so..)

Snot ("it's shorter!" .. I don't care about the length.. but I'm still not going to take that one)

BrolxAlenaFlami (nope.. too similar to my AIM identity.. there's a reason why it's AlenaBrolxFlami; mainly having to do with it being in alphabetical order, and it just sounds better that way, too :P)

My Flaming Hamster Will Roast You in the Fires of Hell (nah.. had that one up for at least a couple of months last year, and it might be a bit too extreme for a church-going girl like me ;) )

Hamster Beeeee-Yaaaaaaatch (definitely not.. that's WAY too extreme for me, and the real-life friends on my list might comment.. certainly not a good thing when we all go to church)

Hamster With A Vengeance ("I know you're not that vengeful, but it sounds COOOOOOOOL!!" .. I think I'll definitely take that one under advisement)

Picky, picky! (nah.. reminds me of the cat in the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary.. while those books were good when I read them a LONG time ago, I don't think that would serve me well now)

Eh.. maybe I'll wait till certain goofball opinions come down the pipeline.. tomorrow, perhaps? ;)

Thanks to John for all his suggestions, though! :)

(note: the first suggestion was from Kambuckta)

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Doozies of excuses from the #15 Bathroom Reader

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DONALD.. hope you have a good one! :) I remember when you were four or five years old, and would always call me "turkey".. I really hope you and your family found a church home that was closer to Pitt Meadows than Vancouver was.

Here are some stories of people who came up with some doozies of excuses when caught red-handed doing things they shouldn't. It's probably better just to fess up and take your lumps.. these people would have done well to follow Uncle John's advice. (yes, this is something I found in Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader (#15).. these books are lifesavers, I tell ya! :P)

Posted in LJ / GJ on April 19, 2006.


In August 1996 in Tampa (Florida), police arrested Robert Meier and charged him with credit fraud for marrying his comatose girlfriend only hours before she died.. so he could rack up more than $20,000 in charges on her credit cards. Meier's excuse: It was his girlfriend's dog's fault.

According to a police spokesperson, "He said the dog told him she would want him to have a better life, so it would be OK to use her credit cards."


In February 1997, Cathleen Byers (former manager of the Oregon Urban Royal Credit Union) was arrested for embezzlement. Was she guilty? Byers admitted stealing $630,000 over six years, but claimed that she wasn't really guilty because she suffers from multiple personality disorder. One of her other personalities -- Ava, Joy, Elizabeth, Tillie, Claudia, C.J., Katy, Roman, Cookie, Mariah, Frogger, Chrissy, or Colleen -- must have done it without her knowledge. An expert testified that whichever alter-personality took the money didn't know right from wrong, and that Byers wasn't even aware of what her alter-self was up to. The judge didn't buy it, saying that Byers "should have been clued in by the new house and the luxury cars."


After only one month on the job, Calgary (Alberta) school bus driver Marvin Franks was arrested for driving his bus while under the influence of alcohol. Police pulled Franks' bus over and administered a breath test after a terrified student called 911 using her cell phone. The bus driver was found to have a blood-alcohol level three times the legal limit. In an interview with the Calgary Sun, Franks admitted to having two beers before starting his route, on top of being a bit hungover from drinking the night before. But he blamed his drinking on job stress, which he blamed on the kids he drives to school. "If you had those kids on your bus, you'd drink too," he explained.


In March 2002, 47-year-old Susan Wallace (who's a former British Airways flight attendant) was convicted of animal cruelty after she threw Igwig (her three-foot-long iguana) at a doorman and then later at a policeman following an altercation at a pub. Wallace maintains that she is innocent because Igwig acted of his own volition. "He probably jumped in defense of me. He's done that before," she said. (Igwig is now banned from the pub.)


In May 2001, David Duyst who's of Grand Rapids (Michigan) was convicted of murdering his wife.. and was then sentenced to life without parole. Yet to this day, Duyst insists that he's not guilty.. despite a mountain of forensic evidence against him. So how'd she die? According to Duyst, she committed suicide by shooting herself.. twice, in the back of her head.


In October 2001, professional boxer Waxxem Fikes, 35, served five days in an Akron (Ohio) jail after assaulting a waiter at the Swenson's restaurant. According to testimony, Fikes was "aggressively complaining" that the onions on his double cheeseburger were unsatisfactory. "I told him that I expect the onions to be crisp, tender, and succulent.. and bursting with flavor," Fikes testified. "They were not. My hands are lethal weapons or whatever, I know that. But he had no compassion for what I was talking about."


In March 2001, a woman in Munich, Germany, saw a neighbor carrying a dead body into his apartment. She called the police. When the suspect answered the door in a "very surprised and disturbed state," officers thought for sure they had a murderer on their hands. Not quite. As the embarrassed man explained, the "dead body" was actually a life-sized silicon doll that he'd just bought at an adult bookstore.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Loony laws from the #11 Bathroom Reader

Reposted in LJ / GJ under the title "Strange Laws."

Ah, thank goodness I have so many books about weird stuff. I've been staring at this browser window for over an hour while reading some of my weird books, and wondering what to post.. I think I found something.

Here are some loony laws that I discovered in one of my Bathroom Readers (Uncle John's Great Big Bathroom Reader (#11)):

In Kentucky, it's against the law to throw eggs at a public speaker.
In Shawnee, Oklahoma.. it's illegal for three or more dogs to "meet" on private property without the consent of the owner.
In Hartford, Connecticut.. transporting a cadaver by taxi is punishable by a $5 fine.
In Michigan, it's illegal for a woman to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
You can ride your bike on main streets in Forgan, Oklahoma.. but it's against the law to ride them backwards.
If you tie your elephant to a parking meter in Orlando, Florida.. you have to feed the meter just as if the elephant were a car.
California law forbids sleeping in the kitchen.. but allows cooking in the bedroom.
It's a felony in Montana for a wife to open a telegram addressed to her husband. (It's not a crime for the husband to open telegrams addressed to his wife.)
You can gargle in Louisiana if you want to, but it's against the law to do it in public.
In Maryland, it's against the law for grandchildren to marry their grandparents. (this is one which I thought would have been rather.. self-explanatory, given incest and everything else.. who would WANT to marry their grandparents, anyway? besides little kids who are a bit hilariously mixed up, I mean..)
It's against the law to anchor your boat to the train tracks in Jefferson City, Missouri.
In Columbis, Montana.. it's a misdemeanor to pass the Mayor on the street without tipping your hat.'
It's illegal to throw an onion in Princeton, Texas.
Kentucky law requires that every person in the state take a bath at least once a year.
It's against the law to pawn your wooden leg in Delaware.

And I just heard that contractors here are now building houses specifically for marijuana grow operations. Guess I'm not really surprised.. there IS a lot of pot / grow-ops stuff around here. (BC bud, anyone?) Thought I must say I've never tried the stuff myself. So picture your ordinary-looking house on the outside.. once you step inside, there's nothing but pot cultivation going on inside. Dunno if this is a good thing or not, though..

Oh, and if you're into anagrams.. try The Internet Anagram Server. I got a bunch of different things for my usual screen name (stuff having to do with text, flame, and leaves), and only a relatively few things for my real name (stuff having to do with legs, gels, and lines..).

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Multiples websites

Today is the VanSickle quads' (Jeanette, Jennifer, Jimmie, and Joshua) birthday, and they're turning 10.. so have a good one! :)
Also.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RON... I hope you have a rocking one! :) It's definitely been good knowing you, all right.

For those of you wondering how I know all this stuff.. I used to haunt multiples websites with a vengeance. Heck, there was a time (and Eric M. will certainly back me up on this) when I was looking up multiples on Google with frightening regularity / frequency. ;) So yes.. no idea if some of the sites are even around anymore (the Web being as ephemeral as it is), but that's what I did, and sometimes still do. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.. :P

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Tuesday, March 25, 2003

Ozzy Osbourne in town?!

I heard Ozzy Osbourne was in town this afternoon. People spotted him at various places around town, and wondered what he was doing. (he plays GM Place on June 1, but that's still a couple of months away) Turns out he had to hole up at the Pan Pacific Hotel and take care of some visa business with the consulate before heading home to Los Angeles. He couldn't enter the United States without a clear visa or some such. (renewal of British visa, I hear)

Interesting stuff.. but then Vancouver's a spot for the celebrities in "Hollywood North." Heck, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn live here because their son Wyatt plays hockey with a Richmond team) Fidel Castro was in Richmond a few weeks ago, too: he can't enter the States because of the trade embargo they have against Cuba. (or something) That doesn't even take into account all the celebrity sightings that crop up because people are shooting movies here, either. Don't know if I've ever seen one, though.

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Facts About Multiples stuff

This whole long post is inspired by a line I was reading just now: "a woman in the USA gives birth to octuplets, nineplets.. or if they can even find a word for it.. 10 kids upwards.. " (and for those of you who are wondering how I can make a long post out of just one line.. that's just me :P) So here's your information.. whether you like it or not! Twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, and sextuplets are definitely lesser than these really super births! (all fraught with peril, of course...)

The word for having nine babies at a single birth is nonuplets. Close, but no cigar. :D

They can definitely find a word for ten kids and upwards at a single birth: decaplets (10) / undecaplets (11) / duodecaplets (12) / tridecaplets (13) / quadecaplets (14) / quindecaplets (15)..

This is the information I have for septuplets (7 babies at a single birth) and higher:

Septuplets (7)

A woman named Edith Bonham (who died in 1469) reportedly gave birth to septuplets with none surviving.

The first births of septuplets I have heard of were to Britt Louise Ericson of Sweden in 1964, the Verhaege-Denayer set in 1966 in Belgium, the Cwihielnik's had 4 boys and 3 girls in 1966 in Massachusetts, and the Jusuf's in Ethiopia in 1969. I assume none survived from any of these sets, or many were miscarried.

The McCaughey's of Iowa had Kenneth Robert (3lbs 4ozs), Alexis May (2lbs 11ozs), Natalie Sue (2lbs 10ozs), Kelsey Ann (2lbs 5ozs), Brandon James (2lbs 14ozs), Nathan Roy (3lbs 3ozs), and Joel Steven (2lbs 15ozs). The babies were born on November 19, 1997; they were the first US set to survive, and the first set in the world to survive. They were conceived on the fertility drug Metrodin. Nathan and Alexis have cerebral palsy, but both walk with the aid of walkers.

Hasna Mohammed Humair and her husband Abdullah Ibn Mohammed Sammam have 4 boys and 3 girls born in Saudi Arabia on January 14, 1998; named Fahd (boy), Salman (boy), Sultan (boy), and Al-Anoud (boy), Hind (girl), Naif (girl), and Noura (girl) . The mother was told to expect 4 babies and has 6 other children, and was not trying to get pregnant. She had been given a fertility drug to regulate her menstrual cycle. The father has two other wives and nine other children.

A woman in India gave birth to all male septuplets on September 20, 2002. No word on how many survive.

In addition, there is a set of 7 surviving octuplets, born to Usa Nkem Chukwu in December of 1998. See the section on octuplets for more information.

The first set ever born in the US where there were survivors, were the Frustaci septuplets. They were born on May 21, 1985; there were 4 boys and 3 girls. Only three survived. They are Patricia Ann, Richard Charles, and Stephen Earl. Christina Elizabeth was stillborn; Bonnie Marie, James Martin, and David Anthony died shortly after birth. The mother Patti later had a set of twins; Jaclyn and Jordan were born on December 21, 1991.

A set was born in Pakistan on July 2, 1985; I am not sure if any of the babies survive.

Susan Halton of England gave birth to septuplets (4 girls, 3 boys) on August 15, 1987. Their names were Ben, Leah, Liam, Christy, Erin, Laura, and Kane. The last survivor, Kane (1lb 8ozs), died on August 31, 1987.

A set was born in India on June 4, 1988.

A set was born in Italy on May 20, 1989.. with none surviving.

Lidia Santartia of Italy had 4 girls and 3 boys on October 23, 1992.. with 5 surviving.

Maria Rocio Diaz Carrillo of Mexico had septuplets (5 girls, 2 boys: Fernando Fabian, Dylan Emmanuel, Yuziri Dayanara [girl], Perla Karina, Rocio Astrid, Daniela Abigail, and Yalanda Iris) on January 21, 1997.. with none surviving.

A woman in Saudi Arabia had septuplets (in September 1997) with one surviving.

The Zapata-Smalls of New Jersey miscarried all 7 of her septuplets on January 30, 2000 at 19 weeks due to a bacterial infection that invaded the womb. The babies were all delivered, but were too small to survive. There were 4 girls and 3 boys.

A Saudi Arabian woman from Virginia gave birth to 5 boys and 2 girls (6 surviving) in Washington DC on July 12, 2001; at 28 weeks. The father is Fahad al-Qahtani, the mother has not been named. The babies are Bandar (boy), Naif (boy), Abdallah (boy), Abdulaziz (boy), Sultan (boy), Haifa (girl), and Shamma (girl). One of the babies died in December 2001 of kidney and liver problems. Three others were still in hospital at that time.


The Louis octuplets were born to Usa Nkem Chukwu and her husband Iyke Louis Udobi of Texas. One baby girl was born December 8, 1998; the rest (5 girls, 2 boys) were born December 20. Their names are Ebuka (girl) 1lb 6ozs, Chidi (girl) 1lb 8.4 ozs, Echerem (girl) 1lb 9.7ozs, Chima (girl) 1lb 7.5ozs, Odera (girl) 10.3ozs, Ikem (boy) 1lb, Jioke (boy) 1lb 10ozs, and Gorom (girl) 1lb 7ozs. The smallest of the Louis babies, Odera, died December 27, 1998. They have a younger sibling (Favor) born in 2002.

An Italian woman, Mariella Mazzara Pirerra, gave birth to octuplets, with four (3 girls, 1 boy) currently surviving. She gave birth to one, a girl named Margherita (died October 10), on September 13, 2000.. and Michele (boy), Angelo Gabriele (boy; died September 17), Cristina (died September 18), Girolamo (boy; died September 20), Rosa Maria, Marta, and Connie on September 17th.

There has been only nine other births of octuplets; none where all 8 babies survived:

A set was born in Mexico (4 girls, 4 boys) on December 3, 1967.. but none survived.
Katerina Zerbini of Greece had octuplets on July 9, 1977; 5 girls and 3 boys.. all of whom died within 3 days of birth.
There are 2 surviving octuplets that were born in Italy to the Chianese family on August 16, 1979. The two surviving girls (of 5 girls, 3 boys) are Silvana and Anna. Valentina was the last girl to die, and two boys were named Luca and Francesco. The family had conceived and lost a set of sextuplets before this.
A Turkish woman, Sevil Capan, gave birth to octuplets (5 boys, 3 girls) on December 20, 1985.. but all 8 died within 3 days.
Rosario Clavijo (of Huelva, Spain) had octuplets on December 5, 1996.. with 6 (4 boys, 2 girls) surviving. Their names are David, Angel (boy), Miguel, Andres, Belen (girl) and Blanca.
Mandy Allwood, of England, was pregnant with octuplets (6 boys, 2 girls) in 1996. The first three were boys born on September 30 at only 19 weeks. The other five (3 boys and 2 girls) were born on October 2. None survived.

Octuplets were also recorded in Australia (1971), in Greece (1977), and in Salvador (1996).

A woman in Alaska was pregnant with octuplets in 1985, and was reduced to twins.


A 29-year-old woman in Malaysia gave birth to nonuplets on March 26, 1999.. but none of the 5 boys and 4 girls survived more than 6 hours. The babies were named Adam, Nuh (boy), Idris (boy), Soleh (boy), Hud, Aishah (girl), Khadijah (girl), Fatimah (girl), and Umi Kalsom (girl). The mother, Zurina Mat Saad, had been using fertility drugs and was told she was having sextuplets before she delivered the nine babies at 21 weeks.

Mrs. Geraldine Broderick of Australia had nonuplets on June 13, 1971. There were 5 boys and 4 girls. Two males were stillborn, and baby Richard (12 ozs) lived 6 days. None survived.

There were also nonuplets reported in Philadelphia on May 29, 1972 with none surviving; England in 1976 (none survived); in Bangladesh on May 11, 1977 to a 30-year-old mother (none survived); and Italy in 1979. (this might actually be the Chianese family who had octuplets)

A Sudanese woman is pregnant with nonuplets. She is 2 months along as of July 2002, and is currently in a Saudi Arabian hospital.

Decaplets (10), Undecaplets (11), Duodecaplets (12), Tridecaplets (13), Quadecaplets (14), Quindecaplets (15) +

The highest number of babies reported at a single birth were decaplets (10) to a woman in Brazil on April 22, 1946. There were two boys and eight girls, but it wasn't listed how many (if any) survived. There were also decaplets reported in Spain in 1924; and in China on May 12, 1936.

A woman named Zoe Efsthatiou of Cyprus was 23 at the time she conceived 11 babies in 1996 after using fertility drugs. She elected to undergo selective reduction and reduce to 4. I am not sure of the outcome.

In 1988, a woman in Switzerland miscarried 12 fetuses.

Quindecaplets (15) were reportedly removed from the womb of a 35-year-old woman in Rome on July 22, 1971. The fetuses were 10 girls and 5 boys. Fertility drugs were responsible.

There.. hope that answers everything. ;)

(note: all info mostly taken from the "septuplets and higher" link of Facts About Multiples)

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Monday, March 24, 2003

Formality poem

Do I really need this formality?
It was fine for a day or so..
But now it's straining / killing me.
Then again, maybe it's what he needs.

Might be a way to rebuild our relationship,
But talking informally could be done, too..
It could very well be a barrier to true feelings;
That is what I don't think is needed..

I will test it on the morrow,
Definitely see how he responds.
Keeping your heart close to your sleeve
Doesn't necessarily require strained formality!

Of course, that doesn't mean that I'll be an open book;
Sure, he didn't mean any harm.. but I have a need
To keep my own heart somewhat closed for now..
Reflection in deep thought is what I'll do best.

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Kempy cheering me up (Kemporalia)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EDITH.. hope you have an awesome day! :) I have lots of church-related memories, like the time Timothy Fellowship went to your place for lunch once and Buffy decided to eat half of the cake that was on a chair. Bad dog, indeed..

Eh.. I'll make it public. Kempy cheered me up on Friday afternoon just before I went out; he thanked me for giving my own version of the Kemporalia, and said it was sweet. Diversion and craziness with my friends was great as well. When I got back to my brother's afterwards, I found an email from Mike thanking me for the birthday ecard I'd sent him. That cheered me up even further. Thanks, you two! :)

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Sunday, March 23, 2003

Funny quotes about calling Canada, voluptuousness, and married men


"How do you call Canada? Your phone number looks the same as ours do down here!" -- lel, wondering how to make a US-Canada phone call. (Tuesday, March 18) [just dial like a regular phone call with the area code :P]

"Adela, don't you think I'm voluptuous?" -- Sean, wanting to get in touch with his feminine side. (Friday, March 21) [no, she didn't.. neither did Citrus]

"just say "yo baby I'm down with yall wantin' ta get wit me n' all, but yo lissen up: yo married man. I can't be messin with no married man cause we don't do that round where I be chillin." " -- Corey, offering his opinion on what I should have said in my email response back to that person.. instead of "stuff that sounds like a business proposal.. you won't get to each other's feelings that way." (hey, I get a formal letter; I try to respond in kind) (very early this morning) [he wishes me to note that this is NOT the way he talks all the time.. duly noted :) ]

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When Jack Bauer was born, terrorists began suicide bombing.

Jack Bauer Facts!

I'll post these in parts of about 100 each, haha.

1. Jack Bauer is the 8th, 9th, and 10th wonder of the world.
2. Someone once told Jack Bauer that "gullible" was written on the ceiling. When Jack Bauer looked up, "gullible" WAS written on the ceiling.
3. Jack Bauer has once made a lie detector lie. He then proceeded to torture it until it told the truth.
4. Jack Bauer can stare directly at the sun.
5. GO passes Jack Bauer to give him 200 dollars.
6. The painting The Scream is actually a picture from Jack's camera phone.
7. Since 2001, the year 24 premiered, terrorist deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
8. When women are asked what they see in Jack, they respond: "24." They're not talking about the show, either.
9. Jack Bauer didn't temporarily die from being tortured. He was getting bored of the terrorists' antics, and decided to take a nap before killing them.
10. When Jack Bauer owes Tony Soprano money, Tony says nothing.
11. Jack Bauer's intestines don't digest food. They beat the sh*t out of it until it drags itself away.
12. Jack Bauer never parks in handicap parking spots. He does, however, make sure that there are plenty of crippled people to use them.
13. 24 is getting stupid. Jack Bauer had to hold his breath so he wouldn't breathe in gas. Since when does Jack Bauer need to breathe? Jack Bauer lives off killing people, not oxygen.
14. The laws of physics and thermodynamics are only intact because Jack Bauer hasn't gotten around to breaking them, yet.
15. Don't come out of the closet. Jack Bauer will find you and put you back.
16. Jack Bauer is a very exceptional gardener. He was able to clip the entire Drazen family tree.
17. Did you ever see the documentary of when Jack Bauer took a day off? It's called Black Hawk Down.
18. The only correct answer to the question, "Who's your daddy?" is "Jack Bauer," no matter who you are.
19. 24 is not a show, it's a way of life.
20. Jack Bauer once worked at Burger King. In 24 hours, they changed their slogan to "Have it Jack Bauer's Way."
21. If Jack Bauer had been flying the plane in Top Gun, Goose wouldn't have died.
22. If Jack Bauer says: "I need a hacksaw," get him a hacksaw. And while you are at it, get him some sort of bag to put whatever appendage Jack's about to cut into. He'll like your initiative... and someday, that may save your life.
23. While playing baseball, if someone tried to steal a base, Jack Bauer shot them. Nobody steals from Jack Bauer.
24. Jack Bauer can't stick it to the man. He is the man.
25. Jack Bauer is allowed to take the tags off mattresses.
26. Jack Bauer got a 1600 on his SATs, just by putting his name down.
27. Jack Bauer competes as his own country in the Olympics. And wins it.
28. Sure, Jack Bauer cut off his partner Chase's hand - the hand that touched his daughter.
29. Reading facts about Jack Bauer is more addictive than heroin.
30. Jack Bauer never gets pop-ups. Ever.
31. Priests confess to Jack Bauer.
32. The U.S. government fruitlessly searching for Osama Bin Laden for five years: $6 billion. The U.S. fruitlessly searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq: $6 billion. Jack Bauer bringing down four major terrorists in four days: Priceless.
33. The game known as Jacks was actually named Pick Em Up until Jack Bauer picked up all the pieces, disarmed a bomb, and killed 10 terrorists in one turn.
34. Jack Bauer delivered himself by Cesarean section.
35. Jack Bauer beats Minesweeper in expert mode with one click every time.
36. Jack Bauer once poked the Pillsbury Doughboy, and it died.
37. Jack Bauer already knew where the nerve gas was. He just threatened to cut out Walt Cummings' eye for fun.
38. Jack Bauer can fold a piece of paper more than eight times.
39. Jack's birthday is very important to him, for it marks the first time he ever caused someone a great deal of pain.
40. The human body is approximately 60% water. Jack Bauer is 100% bad ass.
41. When Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead, the dog actually died.
42. When Jack Bauer requested a cookie in kindergarten, his teacher told him "no" and laughed. Jack replied by saying, "Look lady, I have crushed three ribcages since recess, rigged the fire alarm to go off right before the spelling test, and stolen a total of $7.50 in lunch money. So maybe you should be a little more scared of the situation you're in and just give me a goddamn cookie."
43. Step-by-step on how to beat Jack Bauer: 1. Don't try.
44. Jack Bauer once killed a man claiming to be Jesus. Jack knew he was lying, because there couldn't possibly be two Sons of God standing in the same room together.
45. Jack Bauer washes colors and whites together.
46. Jack Bauer would win American Idol by literally blowing away the competition with every round.
47. Jack Bauer sank your battleship.
48. When Jack Bauer was born, terrorists began suicide bombing.
49. Crosswalks weren't made for Jack Bauer. If a car doesn't stop for him, the car loses.
50. When given the choice, Japan chose the A-Bomb over Jack Bauer.
51. Jack Bauer gives his State of the Union every Monday night at 9 PM.
52. The Hulk wouldn't like Jack Bauer when he's angry.
53. Marines are often referred to as Alpha Company because they begin things. Jack Bauer is known as Omega Company because he ends them.
54. Jack Bauer's sperm do not fertilize eggs; they beat the shit out of them and demand a baby.
55. On each page of Jack Bauer's dayplanner are the words: Save the world, again.
56. Jack Bauer learned alchemy to turn gold into lead. You can never have too many bullets.
57. The reason Mexico is having a major economic recovery is because Jack Bauer spent 18 months there.
58. "This man has more lives than a cat." - Ramon Salazar, Season 3
59. Jack Bauer doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar.
60. Wolverine tried to stab Jack Bauer with his claws once. Wolverine's claws now come out of somewhere other than his hands.
61. When Jack Bauer goes paintballing, he uses a real gun.
62. Barbie dumped Ken for Jack Bauer.
63. Pi runs on forever in fear of Jack Bauer.
64. Jack Bauer doesn't like killing people. He loves it.
65. Jack Bauer plays golf without golf clubs. He stands over the ball, stares at it, and scares it into the hole.
66. The day will soon come when kids in the playground argue over which one of them is going to be Jack Bauer in their schoolyard game. F*ck Superman.
67. Jack Bauer does not push the pedestrian walk sign button. He gets a "walk" signal by approaching the street.
68. Switzerland chose to be neutral to make sure they were always on Jack Bauer's good side.
69. Jack Bauer doesn't need a belt. He demands that his pants stay up.
70. If Jack Bauer was black, his name would be Curtis.
71. When Jack Bauer hears a police siren, he doesn't pull over. The cop does, and lets Jack Bauer handle it.
72. Phone Booth was really about Jack Bauer's day off.
73. Jack Bauer can clap with one hand.
74. In one day, Jack Bauer has had to bury David Palmer, Michelle Dessler, Edgar Stiles, and Tony Almeida. Because of this, anybody who claims to be having a bad day will have a towel shoved down their throat and their stomach lining removed.
75. Jack Bauer didn't write a college application essay for UCLA. He simply sent a picture of his furious look along with a dead terrorist.
76. If Jack Bauer says "your constitutional rights no longer apply," not even the President can overturn his decision.
77. Jack Bauer can kill 17 people with a six-shooter without reloading.
78. One time, at band camp, Jack Bauer took a flute and jammed it into a counselor's neck.
79. Audrey Raines' nose is crooked because Jack Bauer once gave her a facial.
80. Once, a man told Jack Bauer he was better than him. Just kidding. No one is that stupid.
81. Jack Bauer's cell phone would work even if he was a mile underground beneath the desert in the middle of nowhere... because it knows what's good for it.
83. If the government made public the fact that Jack Bauer is still alive, China would no longer be the world's most populous country.
84. Jack Bauer does not get revenge, he is revenge itself.
85. Jack Bauer can assemble the entire contents of an IKEA store without instructions or an Alan key.
86. Jack Bauer does not have enemies, just people who he has to kill.
87. The real reason the U.S. Government sold the shipping operations to Dubai Ports was to give Jack Bauer a fresh, readily-accessible supply of terrorists to kill.
88. Texas doesn't mess with Jack Bauer.
89. The new best-selling bumper sticker reads: "Jack Bauer will beat the crap out of your Honor Student."
90. When Jack Bauer played Duck Hunt as a kid, he shot a hole through the TV with the Zapper.
91. Agent Pierce is 62% as tough as Jack Bauer, easily making Agent Pierce the second toughest man in the universe.
92. When Jack Bauer says, "I think he broke a couple of ribs," it roughly translates to, "Hmmm, that kind of stung."
93. Jack Bauer has only cried once, and that was because he ran out of asses to kick.
94. Jack Bauer attracts terrorists like his daughter attracts psychos and mountain lions.
95. Jack Bauer once worked on a oil rig. During that time period, the oil crisis was solved.
96. Jack Bauer is so badass, his gun reloads itself out of fear.
97. Jack Bauer once went hunting. Alabama is now mounted on his wall.
98. Jack Bauer kills time for fun.
99. If you are not wearing underwear at this moment, then you are "going Jack Bauer."
100. Jack Bauer could win the Boston Marathon. However, he feels the 1 hour and 40 minutes it would take him could be better spent killing terrorists.

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Dedicated research efforts

Turns out last Sunday was only an aberration in terms of feeling refreshed. I didn't even do any Awana yesterday, either.. guess I'm a little more refreshed than usual, which is still good. Eh well.. at least I got to zone out, watch TV, and talk to a bunch of very wonderful people. Let's hope this week goes more smoothly than last.. AND that Nate gives me back my Bathroom Reader! (though he was this close to bringing it on Friday) We can only hope for the best, after all..

Thanks to the dedicated research efforts of Spoz, I now have Kempy's email address.. be very afraid. ;) (just kidding.. I don't spam people with massive forwards and crap like SOME do..)

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Finding my way through the stramash

Two straight hours of Primetime was very good to me tonight. A parasitic twin, headspins, a freebase jumper, the human seal, swimming in icy cold waters at the Arctic Circle, the world's most advanced bionic man, the world's smallest dog (NOT a Chihuahua, but a Yorkshire Terrier :P), the world's fattest pig, blowing bubble gum through the nose.. ah, now that was sweet. :)

In other news, I have found my way clear through the stramash and talked briefly to the person who did do me some wrong this week. It's not nearly as much wrong / hurt as he claims it is (though it is still more than a passing hurt), but at least we're talking about it instead of writing letters back and forth. (which is what a friend of mine advised me earlier tonight.. you rock and are hilarious to boot.. thanks, Corey!) So we shall see how this goes.. I hope that it continues to go reasonably well, and that nothing of this nature happens again.

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