Assad in icon form / Jack Bauer makes onions cry.

I have two new 24-related icons, hehe. Jack Bauer and an explosion, and the terrorist Hamri Al-Assad being hot. :D




Jack Bauer Facts!

I'll post these in parts of about 100 each, haha.

1. Jack Bauer does not let women on top during sex. Why? Because Jack Bauer never f*cks up.
2. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something, then you better f*cking do it.
3. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina.
4. Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way.
5. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like "violent."
6. Jack needed a well-earned holiday after season 5. Drugged, captured, beaten, and tortured in a cargo hold surrounded by Chinese agents eager for revenge is just his preferred method of travel - otherwise, he tends to get bored on long trips.
7. Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.
8. When asked what he got on his S.A.T's, Jack Bauer promptly responded "Blood."
9. Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.
10. The "Smoothie" was invented when Jack Bauer needed information from a banana.
11. Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
12. In high school, Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."
13. Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.
14. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days' time. Wait, that is a real fact.
15. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
16. The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.
17. There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.
18. Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer."
19. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.
20. Osama Bin Laden hides under the covers in his bedroom every Monday night from 9 to 10 and cries.
21. If an airplane carrying Jack Bauer went down over Africa, the lion would no longer be "king of the jungle."
22. When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer."
23. If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
24. If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
25. Jack Bauer brought sexy back, then shot Justin Timberlake for trying to take the credit.
26. The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.
27. When Jack Bauer took a stress test, the test failed.
28. Jack has broken Tony's leg, knocked Curtis out, and shot George Mason with a tranquilizer dart. Temporary incapacitation is Jack Bauer's way of saying, "let's be friends."
29. Jack Bauer does not need to use a silencer... he just tells his gun to be quiet.
30. Kim Bauer only exists because they don't make Kevlar condoms.
31. To Jack Bauer, the question is not whether the glass is half empty or half full. It's that somebody drank half his damn water, and now they will have a face full of glass.
32. Jack Bauer went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.
33. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
34. Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.
35. Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.
36. Jack Bauer once opened a crate containing Weapons of Mass Destruction and all it had in it was a mirror.
37. During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives and solves their crimes.
38. When playing Truth or Dare, Jack Bauer dares you not to tell him the truth.
39. No matter how or when you die, the last thing you see will be Jack Bauer.
40. There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
41. When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
42. Don't beg Jack Bauer to shoot you. He will simply shoot your wife. No man tells Jack Bauer what to do.
43. If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer.
44. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
45. "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm f*cked."
46. The answer is Jack Bauer, the question doesn't matter.
47. When David Palmer took the oath of office, he raised his right hand and placed his left hand on Jack Bauer.
48. Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
49. Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
50. Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
51. Jack Bauer once called the Vice President "Mr. President," but realized his mistake and shot the President. Jack Bauer is never wrong.
52. Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep.
53. When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
54. When Jack Bauer is running, you'd better f*cking run as well. If he's chasing you, you should just shoot yourself.
55. When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
56. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
57. It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
58. Jack Bauer doesn't make threats. He makes facts.
59. Never use the phrase, "I feel half-dead," around Jack Bauer; he never leaves a job unfinished.
60. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.
61. Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
62. When you go to hell, it's just a room with you and Jack.
63. Jack Bauer slept with Nina who slept with Tony who slept with Michelle which explains why she was immune to the virus.
64. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
65. Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.
66. You never see Jack Bauer go to the bathroom. That's because nothing escapes Jack Bauer.
67. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
68. When Jack Bauer looks in the mirror, he doesn't see his reflection. Because there can only be one Jack Bauer.
69. The safety on Jack's gun isn't there to protect Jack. It's there to protect the gun.
70. Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
71. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
72. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
73. If you have information Jack Bauer needs, make sure your wife is sitting next to you.
74. Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.
75. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
76. If Jack Bauer lived next door to Kramer, Kramer would knock before entering.
77. Jack Bauer often stands in front of his microwave and yells, "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!" while waiting for his Top Ramen to cook.
78. During the 18 months Jack Bauer was believed dead, CTU saved over $1 billion on ammunition.
79. G.I. Joe has Jack Bauer action figures.
80. Jack Bauer only wears body armor to protect the men behind him.
81. Michael Jackson once told Jack Bauer to "beat it," and Jack Bauer beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral.
82. 24 Season DVDs cannot be copied because Jack Bauer will not be burned.
83. Jack Bauer doesn't eat honey. He chews bees.
84. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
85. After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
86. Get one thing straight, the only reason that container ship is still afloat is that Jack Bauer doesn't feel like swimming all the way to China.
87. The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
88. Jack Bauer makes onions cry.
89. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
90. Jack Bauer ended The Never Ending Story.
91. Jack Bauer once tortured and killed a man using only shadow puppets.
92. My parents told my little brother and me that Jack Bauer was "just a television character." We are now orphans.
93. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
94. In one episode, there was an assassin who had the ability to throw Jack Bauer to the ground and break his rib. I hate how unrealistic 24 is sometimes.
95. When Jack Bauer turns on an Xbox, the screen just says "You Win" and turns itself off again.
96. Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
97. All men are created equal. They are all vastly inferior to Jack Bauer.
98. Anything is a weapon of mass destruction in the hands of Jack Bauer.
99. The only reason David Palmer is dead was because when faced with a national threat, he called the First Lady instead of Jack Bauer. Idiot.
100. The only difference between Jack Bauer and the electric chair is that Jack Bauer makes you talk first.