"Hilarious" conflicts, "earthquake mode," Chocolate Hunt, and a bitter double OT loss

I reminded Teunis of the dinners taking place this week - he says this works for his scheduling; I don't want to know about that! Also discussed Jethro Tull, Committee Meeting conflicts with JACK BAUER and hockey (he finds that hilarious?!), the Music Animation Machine, not being able to have stuff, and more prior to his leaving earlier than me for a change - wow! I was pretty much ready when John called at 3:30, haha. On the way there, the boys were playing a game involving "earthquake mode," purple fireballs, attacks, teleportation, farts, and more. When we got to church, I helped Chrystal and Golden with dues while offering them chocolate. I said hi to Jordan, Midora, Antony (he has a real iPhone - unlike his siblings!), Winston, Rosenda, Julie C. (who offered me some pastel M&Ms), Margaret, and others. When I asked Joshua whether he liked his new baby sister Emma, he nodded - then I asked if she cried a lot; he shook his head and hid from me behind his dad Tim. (it was also nice to see his mom Maxine)

Auntie Vivian said that Auntie Rebecca was worried about year-end awards, but graciously left me out of the future post-Awana meeting to figure these things out since she assumed that I had to go home with my ride. This is actually true, since I don't know how I'd get home otherwise, and it also helps if there's something on like a hockey game! Then she said that there was watermelon in the kitchen if I wanted some after club, so I went in there and offered people my chocolate eggs. Mike LOVED the Lindt chocolate eggs and took some (as did Mary and others), and Stanley was VERY impressed that I'd received Mega Smarties in the mail. "You got SMARTIES in the mail?! I would LOVE to get those in the mail!" On the way home, the boys mostly played their game again; when they brought up shields and such, I said that I knew someone who actually does have swords / shields / axes / hammers / maces. I saw Ian's jaw DROP, hahaha! Then he thought that my friend actually was a dwarf (possibly because the dwarfs in SNOW WHITE carry axes to work), so I said that Jordan M. was a real man; I've met him twice now! Then we talked about my POO cards (which I can't find now), weird records, extreme Guinness records, civet cat coffee, and more.

After I got home, I decided to see whether I could find the Lindt eggs at the nearby London Drugs; they were totally out, but I was unwilling to waste my trip out. I got orange anti-bacterial detergent (it smells nice!) and two kinds of on-sale Easter eggs. There was way too much of a lineup at Shoppers Drug Mart; after checking the hand soap prices at both places, I figured that the Bath & Body Works offer of five for $20 is a reasonable buy! Then I decided to go to the huge London Drugs near Broadway Station, but also came up empty; I especially didn't want to waste the trip out there! I got Lays Honey Mustard / Cheddar and Sour Cream chips, two kinds of gum in the 60-count containers, and 100-count orange Tic-Tacs. I was glad I had the gum on my way home since my breath needed freshening - nothing works for me as well as gum does! When I got home, I put some Mega Smarties in a Ziploc bag for Stanley tomorrow, and a bunch of Lindt chocolate eggs in another Ziploc bag for Mike tomorrow.

Then I heard the DOUBLE overtime... it turned out the Predators got a goal with 67 seconds left in the game (OUCH), and ultimately got the winning goal. SO DISAPPOINTING! This was the longest game in Predators history, and the third-longest game in Canucks history. (the longest would be the quintuple OT playoff marathon in 2007 against the Dallas Stars; we won that one 5-4) I also got SLB scheduling emails from Steph; since she has Whitecaps tickets for 8 that night, she'd like it to be earlier, but knows that might be difficult for working types with more conventional schedules. According to Nathan, 5-5:30 works for him; it certainly works for me and Teunis! If Nate picks us up AND does it early enough, we can stop by London Drugs so he can take a picture of that model which reminds me of his girlfriend Ciel's pictures! Eric just tried to call me, but got no answer. I then got a series of MSN messages from him: "your phone is ringing - I need to do sound tomorrow, and we'll leave your place at 8:45 - this is NOT a joke!" Also, Mark Moreau wanted to add me to Facebook because of the Canucks fan page; at least he ASKED, so I'm more amenable to adding him!

100 Greatest Characters of the Last 20 Years

Entertainment Weekly's 100 Greatest Characters of the Last 20 Years... bold the ones you like.

100. Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights
99. The Bride from Kill Bill
98. Lisbeth Salander from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and its sequels
97. Violet Weston from August: Osage County
96. Bernie Mac from The Bernie Mac Show
95. Wilhelmina from Ugly Betty
94. Truman from The Truman Show
93. Game Boys: Nathan Drake from the Uncharted series; Kratos from the God of War series; and Niko Bellic from Grand Theft Auto IV
92. Christopher Boone from The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
91. Hancock from Hancock
90. Marge Gunderson from Fargo
89. Wikus van de Merwe from District 9
88. Napoleon Dynamite from Napoleon Dynamite
87. Tony Stark from the Iron Man series
86. Karen Walker and Jack McFarland from Will & Grace
85. Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood
84. Dr. Gregory House from House, M.D.
83. Jen Yu from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
82. Tracy Flick from Election
81. Amanda Woodward from Melrose Place
80. Gorillaz, the animated rock band
79. Elphaba from Wicked
78. Patty Hewes from Damages
77. Mimi Marquez from Rent
76. Tyler Durden from Fight Club
75. David Brent from The Office (original version)
74. Don Draper from Mad Men
73. Catherine Tramell from Basic Instinct
72. Kara "Starbuck" Thrace from Battlestar Galactica
71. Det. Alonzo Harris from Training Day
70. Mary Katherine Gallagher from Saturday Night Live
69. Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada
68. Effie White from Dreamgirls
67. Borat from Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
66. Allie and Noah from The Notebook
65. Lorelai and Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls
64. Maximus from Gladiator
63. John Locke from Lost
62. Jimmy Corrigan from Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth
61. Vic Mackey from The Shield
60. Mary Jones from Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
59. Master Chief from the Halo series
58. Thelma and Louise from Thelma & Louise
57. Clayton Bigsby from Chappelle's Show
56. Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother
55. Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock
54. Juno from Juno
53. Edward Cullen from the Twilight saga
52. Annie Wilkes from Misery
51. Omar Little from The Wire
50. Pearl the Landlord from FunnyorDie.com
49. Vivian Ward from Pretty Woman
48. Red from The Shawshank Redemption
47. Corky St. Clair from Waiting for Guffman
46. Jerry Maguire from Jerry Maguire
45. Stewie Griffin from Family Guy
44. Jack Bauer from 24
43. Cal Stephanides from Middlesex
42. Sydney Bristow from Alias
41. Harold and Kumar from the Harold & Kumar series
40. Ron Burgundy from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
39. Gob Bluth from Arrested Development
38. Elmo from Sesame Street
37. Keyser Söze from The Usual Suspects
36. Gollum from The Lord of the Rings
35. Dexter Morgan from Dexter
34. Cher from Clueless
33. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2: Judgment Day
32. Beavis and Butt-Head from Beavis and Butt-Head
31. Forrest Gump from Forrest Gump
30. "Stephen Colbert" from The Colbert Report
29. Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction
28. Madea from several Tyler Perry films and plays
27. Frasier from Frasier
26. Kavalier and Clay from The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay
25. Woody from the Toy Story series
24. Felicity Porter from Felicity
23. Austin Powers from the Austin Powers series
22. Eric Cartman from South Park
21. Roseanne Conner from Roseanne
20. Ally McBeal from Ally McBeal
19. Morpheus from The Matrix series
18. Sue Sylvester from Glee
17. Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider franchise
16. Bridget Jones from the Bridget Jones series
15. Shrek from the Shrek series
14. Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski from The Big Lebowski
13. Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean series
12. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully from The X-Files
11. Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld
10. SpongeBob SquarePants from SpongeBob SquarePants
9. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City
8. Hannibal Lecter from The Silence of the Lambs and its sequels
7. Edward Scissorhands from Edward Scissorhands
6. Rachel Green from Friends
5. The Joker from The Dark Knight
4. Tony Soprano from The Sopranos
3. Buffy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Harry Potter from the Harry Potter series
1. Homer Simpson from The Simpsons

I said more words to Randal than I did to my own parents tonight...

I got to Cambie / Jacombs early, but that was okay since I had my Russia novel with me. Eric came by a little later, and he wondered whether DARKWING had been on Facebook today or yesterday. So random! Then Eric wondered whether I ever talked to him on Facebook chat - nope, I seldom use it for ANYONE! After we talked about the LOST series finale (which he hasn't watched yet), IRON MAN 2 (which he saw yesterday after the UGM service project) and Tony Stark being narcissistic, he wondered what sort of desserts people were bringing; upon hearing that Randal and I seemed to cover dessert with Timbits and butter cookies, we went to Killarney Supermarket to get strawberries as a healthy option before going to Steph's.

Christon and Steph were cooking in the kitchen, and Christon told us about being a tourist in his own town today... North Vancouver, the Capilano Suspension Bridge, and the Grouse Grind would certainly qualify! Albert, Wesley, and Randal were there too. Isabel, my parents and Grandma, Jon and Harmony, and Vanessa all showed up later. I ignored my mom when she invaded my personal space to set down an ice pop wrapper by me - there was NO NEED to do that, even if there wasn't too much room on the table. Seriously - take it into the kitchen to put in the garbage can! I deliberately referred to Steph's smoldering oven mitt as a glove so I could correct myself while explaining to Randal what Steph's neighbor wanted at the door. (the tip of her oven mitt burned while she was trying to get something from the hot oven, so she left it outside the door to cool - we didn't know that it would smolder into ash while we ate and watched TV!) Some people played foosball, too. Steph said that Mom's bag of random stuff was in either of the bedrooms, so I grabbed it.

We watched some sports news - the Montreal Canadiens are now out of the playoffs, so it's Philadelphia and Chicago for the Stanley Cup. Then Mom wanted to try catching up on the last two weeks of the show in half an hour, which of course didn't work. We all laughed at her attempts to fast-forward through the commercial breaks, which resulted in her fast-forwarding through the entire episode instead! Then some of us tried explaining the general plot to others who hadn't watched it. I stayed at the dinner table with the casual / rookie viewers. Randal brought 20 chocolate Timbits, Isabel brought dessert from Terra Breads, Albert brought some Reese's Pieces ice cream, while Steph and Vanessa had a surprise birthday cake ready for Wesley - his 25th birthday is on Wednesday! Way too much dessert, even with the lettuce / tomatoes / steak / green salsa for the tacos, the pizza, Jon's snobby beer and spinach artichoke cheesy dip, plus the organic crackers and butter cookies! Nobody touched the butter cookies, but I can't return them since they spilled in my reusable bag... eh, I'll donate them to Sunday School snacks next week.

The JACK BAUER series finale was pretty good - I'm not sure what Grandma thought of it. However, she had no choice but to stay with us. Albert told us that after two to five minutes in a sleeper hold, you risk brain damage - interesting stuff. After the show was over (with a "4, 3, 2, 1, 0" countdown clock at the end), my parents and Grandma left - I could feel the air get lighter, haha. Jen was going to come, but Christon figured she wouldn't - and of course, Randal said he'd offered to give her a ride. Oh well. We watched one episode of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT that someone had brought along - even though I'd seen it before, it was still funny! Steph said that she didn't even have to be here for us to have a marathon night! Some people were so tense after the show that they needed to play intense foosball later for a debrief, haha. On the way home, Eric and I were mostly quiet except when he tried impersonating the lich king... I don't THINK so, buddy! He also thought that I could live in the Alderbridge Estates - I don't think I can afford it! Got home to catch up, blog, and wind down. Found out that Alex and Chrissy re-friended me on Facebook, so that's a good thing.

24 Series Finale: Ambushes, stopping peace, and more!

Cole breaks the law by talking on his cell phone while driving. Then again, that's hardly the most serious crime anyone affiliated with CTU has committed this year. Arlo gives him the grisly details of Jack's latest masterpiece. Arlo thinks that they need to take Jack down, and I'm thinking he's going to turn. Especially if Eden uses her charm on him. Cole pulls up to Michael Madsen's apartment. Madsen runs facial recognition on him, and starts to wipe his hard-drive before Cole can get to him. Of course, he's running a Dell, so he could just let it crash on its own.

Chloe is at the UN, and finds out that Reed has been arrested. Cole calls her, and tells her that Suvarov is the target. There's a backup recording (isn't there always), and Chloe wants to make sure that they get it before Jason does. Chloe decides to change Suvarov's route in order to buy them some time. You would think he would be wise to that trick now, especially after Logan did it to him in Season 5. Speaking of the devil, Logan is still shaken up when Jason approaches him. Logan decides to tell Taylor everything. He calls and assures her that he tried his best to "insulate" her. Again with the euphemisms. Logan tells Taylor about Novakovich, and assures her that Suvarov won't be asking any questions about Novakovich's "forced resignation." Taylor hangs up the phone so that she can go back to being "President."

Jason calls Eden, and finds out that Jack has been wounded. Jason is confident that they'll find Jack and, right on cue, Jack pops up in the back seat of his car. He makes Jason drive to the UN and tells him that, based on what he did to Pavel in a short amount of time, there's no telling what kind of fun he can have with Jason now that he has some time to play with. Jason looks truly frightened here, and I can't blame him. President-Select Hassan is informed that her daughter wants to talk to her, presumably to spill the beans about what Reed had told her. Before that, she gives Taylor a gift of a pen, which just furthers Taylor's guilt even more. Taylor looks like she's about to break down in tears, and I have to say that Cherry Jones did a good job in this scene.

Kayla tells President-Select Hassan about what Reed had said to her. Hassan agrees to call her, but I'm thinking she's going to be tough to reach. Apparently, the agent in charge is named Burke. It's not the same Burke that was in charge of distributing the sodium penthathol at CTU, is it? There's some friction between Burke and Cole because Cole is back in charge. Or maybe Burke is just upset because he watched Freddie Prinze Jr.'s last three movies.

Jason drives into the UN, and Jack takes some supplies out of the first aid kit. Jason goes through security and wants to tell them about Jack, but ultimately, he doesn't do it because, you know, he wants to live. Jack is bleeding like a stuck pig, and Jason tells him he won't make it. Jack knows he's right, and forces him to suture Jack up because apparently, one of Jason's skills is stitching people up.

Jason calls Jack a murderer, and Jack takes offense to that. Manson was a murderer. Gacy was a murderer. He's a patriot, dammit! He justifies his actions by saying that, by refusing to act, the President made him the judge, jury, and executioner. Well, that's one way to look at it. While this is going on, Jason makes, like, two stitches, and that's apparently enough to heal Jack. Jack then shows his gratitude by making Jason get on his knees. Jason starts begging for his life, and Jack hesitates before knocking him out with his gun.

President-Select Hassan can't reach Reed, and her Spidey sense is tingling. Hassan decides to meet with Taylor to inform her about Suvarov's involvement. We'll see how good Taylor's poker face is. Taylor is holding the pen when she finds out that Hassan wants to talk to her. Hassan comes in and tells her about Reed and the Russians. Taylor tries to play it off and reason with her, but Hassan refuses to sign the treaty until she speaks with Reed. Taylor then comes clean, and Hassan is not happy. You know, for someone who hated her husband's guts earlier in the day, Hassan's become quite attached to him. Hassan threatens to expose Taylor to the UN, and she doesn't want to play that game because Taylor says she'll use the nuclear rods as a pretense for attacking Kamistan. Speak softly and carry a big stick. Teddy Roosevelt would be proud.

Jack gets a room with a view of the UN, and gets a sniper rifle out of his bag. So, after all this time, he's going Lee Harvey Oswald on us? Can we assume Michael Madsen is hiding out in the grassy knoll? Hassan is upset, and wants to take this case to the Hague. She also thinks the UN can protect them. Man, is she naive – on both counts. She also thinks that they can reactivate their nuclear program, which would be exactly what her husband's enemies wanted all along.

Chloe realizes that Jack is inside the perimeter, and acts surprised that something like that could happen. I'm not even going to say anything. Chloe decides to go to Jack to talk him down, and she tells Cole to sound the alarm if she's not back in 20 minutes. Jack records a farewell message, presumably to his daughter. He keeps saying that he was close to Renee. Man, Jack sleeps with her once, and suddenly she's his soulmate. How much time did they actually spend together during these last few years?

Hassan comes down to greet Suvarov, and wouldn't it be something if she was the one that killed Suvarov instead of Jack? Hassan, Taylor, and Suvarov are about to sign the treaty and they stand on stage with Eriq La Salle, who is the UN Secretary General. Wow, he's come a long way since he ran Soul Glo. Cole orders Burke to send some men to the building where Jack is. Chloe finds Jack, and he puts her in the sleeper hold. Earl Hebner then comes in, and raises her arm to see if she's still conscious.

Logan gets a call from Jason's phone, and it's Jack. He has Logan in his crosshairs, and tells Logan to call Suvarov and get him to meet. Logan wants to know what to say to him, and Jack says: "Try the truth for a change" with a smirk. Not sure Logan knows how to do that. Suvarov sings Omar Hassan's praises, and his widow looks like she's going to puke. Suvarov picks up on Hassan's anger, and has a tense conversation with Taylor. He's interrupted by a phone call from Logan, and he doesn't look eager to take it. Logan can be quite needy, after all.

Cole gives the go-ahead for the team to go in and apprehend Jack. Meanwhile, Chloe tells Jack that Renee wouldn't want him to do this, and that seems to have an effect on him. He takes out his earpiece, and tells Chloe that she has to do exactly what he says. Jack gives the Chloe the audio file, and tells Chloe to shoot him. She refuses, and Jack yells at her to do it. Chloe won't, so Jack points the gun at his head. That forces Chloe to act, and she shoots Jack in the chest. Wow. That was a tense scene.

Chloe tells Cole about the recording, and tells him to send it to Arlo. Jack is still alive as EMTs are working on him. Chloe tries to leave, but Jason orders her to stay put. Jason gets a call from Logan, and finds out about the recording. Logan tasks him with recovering it, and warns him that they're all going down if that recording gets out there. Logan could just dispatch Miles to CTU, and have him erase the recording like he did during the nerve gas conspiracy.

Jason orders Chloe to empty her pockets, and even pats her down. I think he just wants to cop a feel. She moves her mouth while he pats her down, and it's clear that she must have stashed it under her tongue. Let's hope Jason doesn't give her a full cavity search. The EMT tells Jason that the shot went through without hitting any organs. That alerts Jason, and he starts to order Chloe arrested before Jack beckons Jason over to him. Jason leans over, and then Jack goes Mike Tyson on him by biting his ear. That was awesome. Chloe only manages to upload 22% of the recording before Burke stops her. They must not have upgraded to Google Chrome. He takes the recording and, because he's a mindless drone, calls Jason to tell him the good news.

Logan struts into Taylor's office, and produces the card. He's acting like he just made out with Heidi Klum or something. Logan says he's listened to it, and I was certain that it was really the recording he made for his daughter. Logan tries to convince Taylor to have Jack killed. Taylor seems conflicted, but doesn't say anything, even after Logan says that he already has a plan in motion. Logan doesn't even wait two seconds before saying that he would take Taylor's silence as tacit approval. He's like the guy who prays and says stuff like "Dear God, I want to eat this last piece of pie, even though I know I shouldn't. Please indicate your approval by remaining silent."

Taylor plays the recording and it is, indeed, the video he made for his daughter. Jack says peace has to be trustworthy, and says that this treaty is as phony as the Hitler / Stalin pact of 1939. Okay, he didn't say that, but he did say words to that effect. Logan and Jason are in a celebratory mood. Jason seems to be in fairly high spirits for someone who just lost part of his ear.

Secretary General Soul Glo (my brother came up with that and I had to steal – I mean – "appropriate" it) makes his introductory remarks as Hassan, Taylor, and Suvarov look like they're ready to reenact an episode of Jerry Springer and beat the crap out of each other until Steve steps in to break it up. Hassan hesitates before putting her Jane Hancock on the treaty. Suvarov signs, too, which means that it's down to Taylor. She takes out the pen that Hassan had given her earlier, and thinks twice before deciding not to sign. Instead, she decides to come clean, and walks out without signing. I guess all it took was Jack's video for her to come to her senses.

Taylor tells Tim to call CTU and tell them that Jack is about to be ambushed. We find that they're too late, and Jack's ambulance has already been taken out. Some men with gas masks then put a bag over Jack's head and take him away. Why didn't they just kill him? I'm sure they'll live to regret that. Secretary General Soul Glo makes a statement, and there's really no reason for me to type that, but I just wanted to refer to him as Secretary General Soul Glo one more time. Logan watches the press conference, and his phone starts ringing. He refuses to take the call before Jason convinces him otherwise. Logan tells him to pick up the phone, and he clocks Jason over the head with a bottle before calmly shooting him in the head. Wow, Logan has snapped, and he puts the gun under his chin. We hear a gunshot, and it seems like Logan has killed himself. Logan is still alive, but probably won't regain consciousness. Man, he can't even kill himself properly. What a screw-up! Taylor orders Chloe and Cole released. They try to find Jack with satellite surveillance, and they track him to some abandoned lot. Chloe doesn't think they'll get there in time, so she needs to think of another way to save Jack.

Jack is about to be executed when Taylor calls it off at the last minute. Jack says that he'll never stop, but Taylor tells him that she's withdrawn from the treaty, and will resign as President so that she can face the consequences of her actions. She tells Jack that he'll have to face the music, too. However, she then tells him to get out of the country before the Russians and American law enforcement can get to him. So much for facing the music. Finally, she says the words that we all knew were coming. "If I had listened to him, then none of this would have happened." Well, better late than never, I guess. Jack tells Chloe to protect Kim and her family. Jack then expresses his gratitude to Chloe, and thanks her for everything. Chloe breaks down and cries, while Jack turns and looks into the camera and smiles. Aww...

And like that, he's gone.

So, what did I think of the finale? Like the entire season, it was fairly underwhelming. I think we all knew that there would be no happy ending for Jack. He was not going to retire quietly to California with his daughter and granddaughter. Nor was he going to live happily ever with Renee. Instead, he'll have to go on the run because, once again, he couldn't stay away from the action. It's fair that he never gets to be happy, especially after all he's done. If you think about it, Jack Bauer could very well be one of the most depraved television characters ever created. He is completely amoral, and has no respect for the rule of law. He's patriotic, and will do anything to protect his country. However, as he's shown this year, that allegiance only goes so far. If you cross him, it doesn't matter who you are or what your reasons are. That makes him no different from Vic Mackey or Tony Soprano.

"Jack Bauer's Greatest Hits" (AKA "The Moments that Made Amnesty International Cringe")

Day 1: 10:00 AM-11:00 AM: Jack Bauer Goes Old School on Ted Cofell
Jack's family had been abducted by Ira Gaines, and he had traced all of his leads to Ted Cofell, a wealthy CEO with ties to the Drazens. Jack had switched places with Cofell's chauffeur, a change that had gone unnoticed by Cofell. See what happens when you ignore the help? Sure enough, Jack soon made his presence felt, and demonstrated extraordinary resourcefulness in light of the scarcity of effective "interrogative tools."

Jack Bauer: You ever heard of the Russian gulag?
Ted Cofell: What?
Jack Bauer: A string of prisons in Northern Siberia. Russians didn't have a lot of hi-tech equipment up there, so they had to make do with what was around, sort of like what I'm doing right now. You probably don't think I can force this towel down your throat, but trust me, I can, all the way. Except I hold onto this one little bit at the end. When your stomach starts to digest it, I pull it out, taking your stomach lining with it. Most people, they take about a week to die. It's very painful.
Ted Cofell: What kind of man are you?

Not a man you want to mess with, Ted.

Day 2: 8:00 AM-9:00 AM: Jack Farts in the General Direction of the Bill of Rights
Of course, that could describe Jack's entire attitude during the course of the show.

The entirety of Season Two is a testament to Jack's superhuman powers. Jack survives a plane crash, a nuclear bomb, nearly dying during an interrogation, and dealing with a daughter so incompetent that she gets stalked by a cougar and captured by Johnny Drama. The best moment, however, happens early on in the season. Jack is recalled to CTU to stop Second Wave from setting off an atomic bomb in L.A. He interrogates an inmate in federal custody for information, and decides that, rather than ask a bunch of stupid questions and getting some half-baked responses, he'll shoot the inmate in the chest and then cut off his head. And, in what soon becomes a 24 cliché, Jack gets away with it and suffers no repercussions whatsoever.

Well, the Constitution doesn't say anything about having the right to keep your head. Other than that life, liberty, and property part...

Day 3: 5:00 PM-6:00 PM: Jack Plays Russian Roulette in a Room Full of Armed Prisoners, and Somehow Manages to Escape
In a scene straight out of The Deer Hunter, Jack and Ramon Salazar are forced to play Russian Roulette in a room full of prisoners. Unlike the movie, there is no little Asian guy yelling "Mao!" at the participants in the game. Nor are there three bullets in the gun. Instead, Jack has to make do with just the one bullet, and that's more than enough for him. He shoots one of the prisoners, and then escapes with Ramon just as Chase Edmunds and his team hit the scene.

Jack also showed that he was an excellent Russian Roulette player. He passed the first round easily, and then knew he had a bullet in the chamber so that he could shoot the guard when it was his turn to go again. Clearly, he has a future on the pro circuit – especially if he has to leave the country after this season's killing spree. Then again, knowing this show, he'll probably just get a Presidential pardon.

Day 3: 2:00 AM-3:00 AM: Jack Follows Liam Neeson's Advice from Batman Begins and Minds his Surroundings
Also known as "Nina Gets What She Deserves." I never bought Nina as a villain. The plot twist in Season 1 where she was revealed as the mole in CTU after they spent much of the season building her up as a dutiful and loyal sidekick to Jack who was probably in love with him seemed forced. Plus, she was more of a desk agent, and didn't seem like someone who could hold her own in the field, unlike Henderson or Tony. As a result, the entire sequence where she deliberately jammed her head into a needle in order to escape from CTU just didn't seem realistic.

Still, there's no denying her ability to get under Jack's skin. You know, killing a guy's wife will do that. Jack managed to get Nina cornered, and knowing that someone was surely watching him, he stepped in the front of the surveillance camera and shot her to death. In his official report, he claimed Nina was going for her gun, even though she would have needed to have Inspector Gadget's go-go-gadget arms in order to reach it. All that was missing was Jack yelling out: "She's coming right for us!"

Day 3 11:00 AM-12:00 PM: Jack "Reasons" With Stephen Saunders
Just like his ability to heal from pesky stab and gunshot wounds, Jack seems to possess superhuman powers of persuasion. When his former partner, Stephen Saunders, turned up after years of being presumed dead, he was really pissed off at the world. Apparently, being presumed dead turns you into a bad guy. (just like it did for Tony) I would think that people would find it liberating, like Jack did when he was presumed dead. He seemed to have a nice life living with Diane Huxley and pretending to be an oil rigger.

Saunders, however, decided that he was going to deal with it by unleashing a dangerous virus in L.A. One of his underlings set off the virus in a hotel, causing the deaths of hundreds of unnamed extras, as well as Gael and several CTU agents. (though curiously, Michelle Dessler was fine) Jack eventually captured Saunders, and knew he wasn't going to break him in time to stop the second wave of attacks. So, he took Saunders' daughter and ordered Chase to take her into the hotel, thereby exposing her to the virus. Of course, what makes the scene is the sadistic smile on Jack's face as he tells Saunders: "When your daughter is infected, I'm gonna make you watch her die."

Saunders also marked the last time that 24> producers would have a villain that was much taller than Jack appear in the same frame as him. From then on, all villains would either be shorter (Abu Fayed, Tony) or would be shown crouched over, lying down, or sitting. (Henderson)

Day 4: 2:00 AM-3:00 AM: Jack Shows Us How to Deal with a Love Triangle
For some reason, Audrey Raines was still hung up on her wimpy, sniveling husband, Paul. When Jack had evidence linking Paul's company to Marwan, he cornered Paul in his hotel room and started to interrogate him. Because Paul didn't have the foresight to check into a CTU holding cell instead of a four-star hotel, Jack had to, once again, make do with his surroundings. This time, he took apart a lamp and used the wires to shock Paul until he got his answers.

Eventually, the two buried the hatchet, and Paul even saved Jack's life. However, Paul took a bullet, and Audrey started to feel sorry for him. So much so that she began to rethink her relationship with Jack. Now, Jack has been in enough love triangles to know that the best way to solve the problem is to cut the Gordian knot, so to speak. As such, he forced doctors to stop operating on Paul so that they could revive some Chinese terrorist who was involved with Marwan. Oh sure, Jack used national security to justify it, but let's not kid ourselves. He just wanted Audrey all to himself.

Day 4: 5:00 PM-6:00 PM: Jack Teaches Basic Human Anatomy
Never let it be said that Jack lacks compassion. When he learned that his old mentor, Christopher Henderson, was involved with the Sentox nerve gas conspiracy, he committed a home invasion burglary to get intel. When Henderson arrived home, Jack was ready, holding both him and his wife, Miriam, at gunpoint. He tried to get Henderson to talk, but he refused. As a result, Jack needed a different strategy.

Jack shoots Miriam Henderson in the leg
Jack: I shot her above the kneecap. She can still walk! You make me shoot her again, she'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life!

And, in keeping with the theme of this piece, Jack not only escaped blame, but even caused Miriam to be angrier at her husband after he refused to talk. That's talent.

Day 5: 5:00 AM-6:00 AM: Never Take Jack on a Submarine Tour
Jack's trip to the submarine was nothing short of a tour de force as he snuck onto the sub, talked an inexperienced crewman through cutting a guy's throat, fooled Henderson by giving him an empty gun, killed Vladimir Bierko with his legs, and then shot Henderson to death. Jack then went to President Logan's retreat so that he could hijack the Presidential helicopter and take Logan hostage. In other words, just another day at the office for Jack.

Day 6: 6:00 AM-7:00 AM: Jack Goes Hannibal Lecter on Some Extra
You would think that after being a captive of the Chinese government for two years (during which time he was subjected to endless torture) would make Jack as harmless as a little puppy. You would think that Jack would be so disillusioned after his government negotiated for his release for the sole purpose of turning him over to Abu Fayed that he would have as much fight left in him as a tranquilized panda bear.

You would be wrong.

Jack got away from Fayed by ripping out some redshirt terrorist's throat with his teeth. A few hours later, Jack finished the job by taking out Fayed's entire army before wrapping a chain around Fayed's neck and hanging him from the rafters of his warehouse. After Jack finished his one-man rampage, CTU agent Mike Doyle summed up how everyone felt by saying: "Damn, Jack!"

Day 8: Jack Goes to Extreme Measures to Retrieve a Sim Card
It is a pain in the ass to re-enter those contacts once you get a new phone. But that's what happens when you lose your sim card. Jack was damned if that was going to happen to him. When he captured Pavel, the Russian sniper who killed Renee, Jack burned him with a blowtorch, threw gasoline on the wound, and then performs emergency surgery on his stomach in order to retrieve the card.

You know, I'm sure most stores would have transferred your contacts for free, Jack.

Dream of JACK BAUER finale and cold air through windows / No elevator! / Coffee

Dreamed that my friends and I were watching the JACK BAUER finale - lots of shooting, people taking others hostage, and little kids being involved somehow when their mother (with jet-black hair and a really contrasting white top) was shot at through a glass window. In the car on the way there, my brother annoyed me by always leaving the window open just a bit, even though I said that it was COLD. Even my dad closed HIS window for a minute or so! Then I woke up and had a quick shower when my alarm went off. I think I know what caused this one: Auntie Teresa (AKA the second most annoying woman in the world) always leaving the screen door window open so AIR could get in (but it's SO COLD!), and the real series finale tomorrow.

Note to self: Do not use the church elevator today. Two weeks went by way too quickly (as usual), and now you're back to watching yours.

You Are a Basic Black Coffee Drinker

You are low maintenance, humble, and true to yourself. It's hard for you to get excited about the great next new thing, because it's usually not that new or that great. You are logical and responsible. You do what needs to be done, and you don't get swept away by your emotions. You think it's important to be reliable. You wish people were as steady as you are.

The Coffee Oracle

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

Evil people and bodies - penultimate Monday with JACK BAUER!

Logan gets his recognition, and he's grinning like the cat who swallowed the canary. Jason ruins the party by giving him the bad news about Pavel. (who is now dead, apparently) So, I guess Jack managed to kill him and escape before Jason arrived at the scene, all in the span of two minutes. Jack really is faster than a speeding bullet. Jason wanted Logan to "extricate" himself, but it's too late for that. Jason warns Logan that Jack really went to town on Pavel, slicing him open and cutting him up like a piece of meat.

President Taylor and President-Select Hassan are finishing up the longest "wrapping up of a treaty" ever. President-Select Hassan is suspicious of how Logan got the Russians to stay, but she says she trusts Taylor. She also trusted her husband to remain faithful – look how that turned out. Logan gives Taylor some more advice – this time, he tries to convince her to toss the First Amendment out the window, and stop Reed's newspaper from printing the story on national security grounds. Clearly, he didn't read the Pentagon Papers case. You need WAY more than that if you want to justify a prior restraint. Anyway, Logan retreats to an area where he is much more experienced – being a manipulative snake. He reminds Taylor about her predicament, and tells her that she could face criminal charges for her cover-up. Taylor is sorry she ever listened to him, but what's done is done.

Chloe and Arlo look at video footage of Pavel's body (or what's left of it), and Chloe still insists on helping Jack. They pull up Michael Madsen's file and, wouldn't you know it, he's officially deceased. Aren't they all? Madsen is concerned about hitting an ex-President, but that conflict only goes so far since he gives Jack the info he needs. Jack then tells Madsen he doesn't plan on coming back from the dark place he's about to go, and tells him to erase everything that could link him to Jack. Meanwhile, Kim and his granddaughter are waiting patiently in Los Angeles for him. So much for them.

Taylor talks to Tim Woods, and feeds him some BS about how Reed is about to publish false info that could result in a breach of national security. She wants Tim to seize Reed and detain her. Tim looks skeptical, but ultimately agrees. Reed calls into her editor, and they agree to meet. She tells him not to tell anyone, which of course means that he will. Logan and Minister Novakovich are talking, and Logan tries to reassure him that everything will be okay. Novakovich is seriously freaked out that Jack will come after him next, and he should be afraid… Very afraid.

But first, Jack has Logan in his sights. He starts firing at Logan's limo, and Logan seriously freaks out. I'm talking that guy on the boat in The Usual Suspects when he realized Keyser Soze was after him. "He's here! I know it's him! I'm telling you, it's Jack Bauer!" All they have to do is stay in the limo, since the windows are bulletproof. But Logan orders them out so that they can try and shoot him. That's a dumb move, as Jack easily takes the Secret Service agents out, kicks a hole in the windshield, and drops a tear-gas grenade into the limo. Logan has to exit the vehicle, and Jack grabs him. Well, that was easy.

Jason and Eden are upset about how their time in the champagne room was interrupted. Jason is also a little upset about how Jack managed to make a few Secret Service agents look like mall cops. Jason takes his team into the underground tunnel in hot pursuit of Jack. Jack asks Logan why Pavel called him, and Logan is like "Uh – it must have been a wrong number. I get Russians calling me all the time, asking me if I'm happy with my satellite television service." Jack applies some pressure, and Logan starts babbling like an idiot. He sings like a canary while blubbering for his life. That's actually fairly inconsistent with their prior confrontation from Season 5. Back then, Logan stood up to Jack, and said he was a lot tougher than he seemed. Now, he's a spineless jellyfish. I guess time really has mellowed him. Logan begs for his life, and Jack says he's not going to kill him. He then puts Logan in a simple headlock, and Logan is out cold. Man, that headlock would give Roddy Piper's sleeperhold a run for its money.

Chloe wants Cole released, but Eden gives her some flak. Chloe talks about how she wants him to run the UN detail, and that seems to placate Eden. Chloe also promised to let Eden dance to the song of her choice. Time to cue up Pour Some Sugar on Me and Panama. Reed is at a café, and she gets emotional watching footage of Hassan on the news. She then gets a call from her editor, who tells her that the FBI is already there, and they're doing their best Gestapo impersonation. Reed high-tails out of the café and, well, she doesn't know where she's going to go. Chloe takes Cole out of holding, and gives him his marching orders. She tells him to find Madsen, and he's down for some fun. Or maybe he's bitterly disappointed that he's been replaced by Pauly Shore (a far superior actor) for the next Scooby Doo movie.

Minister Novakovich is waiting to meet with President Suvarov, but he has another, more pressing appointment to tend to. Namely Jack, who arrives with his guns blazing. One of the bodyguards manages to sneak up on Jack and stab him, which shows that Jack isn't thinking clearly. How could he let a scrub like that get the better of him? Chloe questions whether Cole needs an arsenal to go after Jack. Uh – Chloe, you do know who you're dealing with, right? In fact, I think Cole was a little lightly armed to be heading towards a confrontation with Jack.

Kayla Hassan gets a call from Reed, and she spills the beans about the Russian conspiracy. Right after she gets off the phone, the FBI nabs her and gets the evidence. Woods tells Taylor that they have the data card, but I'm betting Reed hid the real one somewhere. Probably in a safe deposit box. Logan is on a stretcher again, and that's a position he's used to. Poor Logan. You almost feel sorry for the little guy. Logan tells Jason to warn Novakovich, but it looks like he's a little late. Novakovich has been impaled by a poker. That's right. He was poked by a poker. How poetic.

So who's next on Jack's hitlist? Please let it be Taylor! Maybe we can call in with our requests. Nope. It's going to be Suvarov. Apparently, he was the one behind all the Russian shenanigans. Man, that guy tricked us all into thinking he was a nice guy. I guess he was much more devious than we ever gave him credit for. US diplomats should keep that in mind when they deal with Putin. Logan assures him that Novakovich didn't give him up, but he doesn't notice the micro-recorder Jack planted on him. Man, he fell for that trick again? As Bugs Bunny would say: "What a maroon…"

Digging and shoving primates through age assumptions and baseball increases

High-scoring words of the night:

OAKEN (400 points) - against Judy M. [5W, 4W, 2W] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
DIG (107 points) - against Dana G.-G. [4W, 5W, hook off BI to make BIG]
PITEOUS (293 points) - against Linda H. [5W, 3W, hook off JOE for a plural]
SHOVE (390 points) - against Marian M. [two 5W, hook off ZEAL for a plural] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
PRIMATES (132 points) - against Tom B. [4W, 3W] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
OVERSMOKE (240 points; 3W, 5W; a good deficit-erasing word!), REGENT (120 points; 3W, 5W) - against Naomi E.


It's a good thing that I am mostly impervious to Grandma yelling at me in Chinese: "Are you stupid? Do you think I would eat a lot of rice out of a soup bowl? You've gone crazy!" Grandma, on my age and childhood: "I don't remember how old you are... are you 44? 47? I remember when I looked after you three things [me and siblings] when you were kids! Your mother and father both worked..." Thanks a lot, Grandma... she also ranted me out for being useless when I couldn't fix the video on her TV. At least you have the SOUND! Jon's said he'll be here around noonish tomorrow to take us out to lunch, and agrees with Steph that the TV shouldn't be too difficult to fix. Steph will be by around 6 to take us out for dinner, and we'll be home in time for JACK BAUER!

Trivia fact for Monday, May 17: When baseball phenom Barry Bonds joined the San Francisco Giants in 1993, he wore a size 42 uniform jersey. What size was the scandal-tainted slugger wearing ten years later? Size 52. During the same period, his shoe size increased from 10.5 to 13.

Voyeurism, translation, genetic screening, Pho lunch, buying fish, and more!

High-scoring words of the afternoon:

VOYEAR (249 points) - against Natalie M. [5W, 3W used twice, hook off YEA to make YEAR]
ACEROSE (160 points) - against Kristyn L. [two 4W]


Eric picked me and Grandma up, and it started a day of translation. We managed to talk about stuff in English since she wouldn't understand anyway, haha. He seemed to think that it would be easier if Steph and Grandma just joined us at Pho, which made sense. Yes of course I was ready for the lunch. Of course we could try parking in the "dungeon" (parkade) - we got there, and it was closed, so he was about to turn around when Grandma noticed it open. Man, it was practically empty! Then she muttered about some white guy on a bike, so I had to tell her that it was Bearded Man! (waved hello to him, too) Grandma was about to follow me into the sanctuary when she remembered that she had Sunday School. I sat in my usual spot, saying hi to Martin and Edmond via smiles - Chris says that Justin is basically okay, and that it was just a bump. It could have turned into a concussion or something worse, though... thank goodness it didn't. I knew Jeremy would come in soon, and he did... he said he was on target for the Sun Run, clocking in at just over an hour and two minutes. Said hi to Cindy, Yvonne, Dave, Connie, Grace, Phil, Nathan, and other people too. Jeremy figured that Nathan was upset since a new guy was sitting in his spot... yeah, but you can't really tell new people not to sit in people's usual spots unless you WANT to come off as a total bleeper, haha. Jordan and Thomas came in later to keep him company, though. Jeremy and I noticed some weirdly-titled lectures going on at Regent in the near future... MEETING STRANGERS: GENETIC SCREENING?! Hahaha! Glad we can share humor, which helped me through certain dark days!

After the service, I gave Steph her mail, which turned out to be a waste of paper and money - she should know where the polling stations are by now! Also gave Jon his mail; in exchange, Harmony gave me some toothpaste and Axe body wash. They're trying to clean up in preparation for moving by July - they haven't found a place yet, but have some appointments lined up, Jon also gave me a bunch of durian candy - I gave most of it to Sam later, since I don't think the kids in Sunday School (his joking suggestion) would appreciate it. It definitely stank later on when the guys decided to eat some! Jon, Steph, and Harmony teased me about not sitting near them since that's where Dave Wong normally sits - Jeremy was around, and knew what they were talking about. I said hi to Mattias outside near the snacks after I'd had some coffee, who wanted to give me his Chinese bulletin! He later gave it to Olivia in exchange for a pretzel, then took it back... same with Sarah. Margaret had some chocolate shampoo, she said. Olivia said she'd just enjoy the time when she was taller than the kids - Jonathan said that he could tell him in about ten years about his various stages of life, haha... but his mom Karen advised him NOT to.

Went upstairs after a while... Ramen, Shira, Conor, Harrison, Amos, Amanda, Esther, Mattias, and two new kids named Jonathan and Ashley were there. Jonathan and Amanda were talking about gross silly stuff that Conor didn't want to hear about - "I don't care if you eat your poo on paper or underwear!" was just one of the things they came up with. I just kept Conor company while he drew and made paper planes. It was an interesting class, all right. Afterwards, I went downstairs to find Eric, Jon, and Christon - Selwyn wondered if Grandma needed a ride home. We couldn't find her (washroom?), so we told him no. We all went to Pho, meeting Dylan / Deb / Albert / Steph / Jeremy / Kelvin / Fred / Harmony there. Originally, Eric and I sat with Christon at our own table since the big group was already taking up a lot of space, and we wanted to sit away from Steph and Grandma - eventually, we sat at Steph and Grandma's table, and Wesley came in too. Talked about the JACK BAUER party (on the 24th?!!!), inviting Mom (WTF), anniversary, JACK BAUER character development, the Arizona immigration paper law / racial profiling / passports, hockey pool stuff, and more. Jon asked me for a translation of "tomorrow" because Grandma got too impatient and was beating the heat by sitting at the bus stop. He told her that he'd take her out to lunch tomorrow since he was teaching in Richmond, and Steph said that her Phoenix flight was at 7 AM - she also said she'd take Grandma to dinner tomorrow.

Later, Grandma hijacked Eric again - this time, we went to some Chinese shops to get BBQ duck, fish, and veggies. She insisted on buying Eric something besides lunch, but he said he didn't need anything... the fish and such looked unappetizing! He ended up with a mango, but of course I didn't give it to him - it should be okay. Then she was trying to say "Am I taking up your time?" to him in Chinese - she knows he doesn't understand it! She wondered whether he wanted to have dinner with us, but of course he has to eat with his parents too! She wasn't impressed because the car doors had to be slammed loudly, but that's how it is! Discussed Chinese, Cantonese, Mandarin, French, Korean, Japanese, differences between languages, WORLD OF WARCRAFT / BREATH OF FIRE, and other things. I told him that inviting Dave Wong for dinner will make Grandma get the wrong idea - he said maybe she'd get the RIGHT idea. Har har har. Got home and discovered that redrum had started - good thing I pay attention to my body! I noted that Dave Wong had left a "?!?" comment on my joke status about diarrhea, but had deleted it - I had to write on his wall to say that I was kidding. No, I didn't ask him where he was this weekend... transportation is made more difficult due to flat tires and such, for sure!

I'm going to get that SIM card from your stomach!

Cole is in handcuffs as cops bring him up to the construction site. He is showing no ill effects of his encounter with the explosive device, naturally. He identifies the body, and it looks like Dana is really dead. He seems sad. Or confused. As I've said, it's hard to tell with Freddie Prinze, Jr. Jack looks at the tape, and Dana is talking to the Russian sniper. (who has the worst Russian accent I've heard in a long time – I'm talking Rod-Steiger-in-The-Specialist bad) Anyway, it's clear that Dana really did love Cole, and wanted him left out of the plot – which Dana, helpfully, recaps on the tape for a) anyone who wants to blow the lid off the conspiracy, and b) anyone who skipped the last few episodes. Jack calls Michael Madsen, and says he's coming in. I was wondering what happened to him.

Jason (Logan's Lackey) is giving out orders and spins tales about Jack being crazy, insane, and a danger to the community. Well, he's probably right about that. Anyway, Chloe asks about why Jack was at the bank, but Jason dismisses it. Maybe he was applying for a loan? Chloe tries to talk to Arlo into forming yet another shadow conspiracy within CTU, but Arlo says no. He'll come around soon. Chloe can't do it by herself, you know.

Michael Madsen wants to know what's going on, and he sees through Jack's BS about wanting to bring everyone to justice. Finally, Jack comes clean and tells him that this whole thing is a revenge mission. That's good enough for Madsen, and he gives Jack info on the sniper. His name is Pavel Something-ov. Jack then asks for a secure line. Who's he gonna call? Not Ghostbusters, apparently. Instead, he calls the blonde reporter that hooked up with Hassan. She's back at work, and her editor is praising her for her very heartfelt tribute to Hassan. She praised him for his strength, vigor, and steady hand. She also talked about his skills as a president. Jack calls her and tells her about the video evidence, and wants her help in bringing the Russian Conspiracy to light.

Cole is back at CTU, and Jason starts to interrogate him. Cole asks Jason if he's part of the conspiracy, and Jason flinches. He tries to appeal to Cole by talking about their shared military history, but that doesn't seem to work. Jason then tells Cole that Jack used him, and Cole looks hurt. First Dana and now Jack. Cole needs to stop letting himself get used like that. Love yourself first, Cole. Jason gets a call on his Bluetooth (I'm guessing all bad guys on the show are contractually obligated to wear one), and finds out that Arlo has intercepted a call from Bauer to Reed. So much for that secure line. Jason then immediately pulls Arlo off the task, and tells him to hand everything over to "Eden" – Jason's hot aide. Chloe smirks knowingly in the background. Either because she knows she's about to get Arlo into her shadow conspiracy, or because Jason's aide is named "Eden." What is she? A stripper? Eden shows her skills by decrypting the call and forwarding it to Logan during the commercial break. That makes her twice as efficient as anyone working at CTU.

Jason is bullish about their chances of taking down Jack, and is quite proud of himself. Jason then sees Chloe, and wants Eden to make the room "less public." Maybe he wants a private dance? This isn't the champagne room, Jason. It's an office! One that might have a rotting corpse somewhere in the wall panels. Seriously, he hasn't started to smell yet? Chloe sways Arlo by asking why CTU hasn't put their agents in place, and contacted local authorities to apprehend Jack. Uh – maybe because they're utterly incompetent and completely powerless to stop Jack? Arlo finally agrees to help, and tells Chloe that Jason has everything completely monitored within CTU. Chloe pulls a page out of the Keanu Reeves playbook, and wants to patch a loop into the video feed so that she can talk to Cole. She only has 90 seconds to do this, however.

Cole is upset with Jack, and won't help Chloe. Guess that short-lived bromance is officially over. Chloe appeals to Cole's sense of duty, and Cole finally gives Chloe info about Madsen, although he doesn't know who he is. Logan is watching FOX News, and learns that President Suvarov is coming into JFK soon. He immediately calls Pavel, and tells him to take out Reed as well. President Taylor and President-Select Hassan are going over the notes of the agreement, and Taylor excuses herself to talk to Logan. "We have an operation underway to reacquire him," Logan says. I love the way these people use euphemisms. Anyway, Logan wants credit for his role, and Taylor agrees. She should have used the "You played a role" line that Logan used on President Palmer in Season 4. That would have been awesome.

Reed is at the rendezvous point, and she somehow fails to notice all the people talking in Russian around her. Jack tries to shadow himself behind a tall guy, but he soon gets made by Jason, who is watching the live feed. Jason freaks out and yells at the Russians to take him out, but they can't get a clear shot on him. Finally, Pavel thinks he has a shot, but wouldn't you know it? Madsen sneaks up behind him and neutralizes him. (see, I can use euphemisms, too!) Jason sees Jack leave with Reed, and he orders the Russians to take him out. Jack then draws them into a firefight, and I think the Russians haven't been this big of an underdog since the gold medal game in basketball during the 1972 Olympics. Jack easily escapes, and Jason is finally starting to realize what he's gotten himself into. Not so smug now, are we?

Logan is picking out ties (and he even has each one of them shrink-wrapped in plastic – surely that says something about him) when he gets the bad news from Jason. Logan is not happy about this, but Jason tries to spin it by saying that Logan still has complete deniability. Jason advises Logan to "distance" himself. Logan doesn't want to "distance" himself, and seems sick of the euphemisms. "You keep using that phrase! What does that mean?" he wants to know. Anyway, Logan is not about to retreat, not when he's about to rehabilitate his image in one fell swoop. Logan wants Jason to "neutralize" Jack. Hey! That's my euphemism! Jason and Eden seem resigned to failure, but Jason wants to give it one last go. He's going to take a CTU swat team and set up a perimeter around the store. That'll be his second mistake.

Arlo thinks he can figure out who Jack is working with, and I have a sinking suspicion he's going to tell Jason about it. Jack takes Pavel into a warehouse, and decides to have some fun with him. Reed is upset because Jack used her, just like he used Cole. He's just using people left and right, isn't he? He's just a big old user! Jack ties Pavel up and wants to know who he's working for. Pavel tells him to go to hell, but Jack shows that he still has an impeccable sense of black-comedic timing when says "You first."

Reed is watching the video footage while Madsen keeps an eye on her. Jack tells Pavel that Renee was more than a friend, but Pavel already knows that because he's a voyeur. Jack asks him about his performance, and Pavel says something to the effect of how Jack must be like Superman because he was faster than a speeding bullet. Jack takes exception to that, and starts beating Pavel relentlessly before stumbling backwards. Jack seems to regret his actions, and looks like he's on the verge of breaking down. Well, so much for that. Jack goes back to Pavel and starts slicing him up. He takes a page out of Madsen's playbook, and squirts gasoline on Pavel's wounds. Maybe he should try slicing off an ear while dancing to bad 70s music.

It's blowtorch time, but Pavel stands up to that, too. Finally, he grabs Pavel's phone and realizes the SIM card is missing. He figures that Pavel must have swallowed it, so he decides to perform some impromptu surgery. Man, the lengths people go to to avoid re-entering all your contacts. Jack gets the card, and calls the last number. It's Logan's voicemail, although it's the automated variety. That's too bad. I was hoping Logan would have a greeting like "This is President Charles Logan. I'm sorry I missed your call, but I'm busy engaging in treasonous activities and capital crimes that could get me thrown in prison for the rest of my life, or worse. Please leave your message after the beep."

Email and restart annoyances / Greek Name

This thing just restarted, AND restarted overnight as well! I was in the middle of writing an email to Jeremy about the whole Raymond / Randal situation (Jon and Harmony probably didn't tell him what REALLY happened), and the computer restarted on me! UGH! Have also realized that I'll miss JACK BAUER tonight because of the Committee Meeting - oh well, Eric's lived with it for a while. I can always watch it at the townhouse tomorrow, haha. (I hope)

Edit at 1230: Email FINALLY sent!

Your Name is Basilia Lotus Stavros

Flatter the sea, but stand on earth when you do so.

What's Your Greek Name?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Pest control is probably incompetent / HOT Taiwan! / Marco Polo

Caught up on JACK BAUER posts, which is why you see a lot of entries from me in two hours. Speaking of which, Hester called me from another number while the show was on. Of course, I wasn't going to answer it since I had other priorities at the time, but did call her back after it was done. She says the "pest control guy" is going to come tomorrow morning... well, I really think he's incompetent, but we'll see what happens when he does come to the suite! Reminded her about the smoke detector problem AND the wall problem - and they want to increase rent when they've done NOTHING to solve these things?! Incredible. *sarcasm*

Corey messaged me about Taiwan:

[01:35:45] Corey: and I went to my kids school place today, and that place seems like a bad idea. they're not friendly, and they don't even speak English (the boss ladies there had to wait for the other foreign teacher to come, just so they could communicate at all with me)
[01:36:09] Corey: plus those kids are tiny.. pretty sure they're kindergarteners... nobody looks older than 4-5
[01:36:33] Corey: I'm living with a 5-year-old that goes to that school, so I have one for size reference :P
[01:42:18] Flami: yeah, I know that those kids can be quite small
[01:48:21] Corey: well, 5 and under is illegal
[01:48:29] Corey: I don't really feel like getting deported
[01:53:33] Flami: I wouldn't, either
[02:01:26] Corey: it's also fucking hot here
[02:01:48] Corey: it's probably not even hot compared to the summer... the other foreign teacher said they might turn the AC on in JUNE............
[02:05:15] Flami: how hot can it get?
[02:56:47] Corey: hot as hell, probably... it's like 90 today, and humid


Trivia fact for Tuesday, May 4: What world-famous early explorer's dying words were "I have only told the half of what I saw"? Marco Polo, who uttered these words to a priest who urged him to confess and retract his "fables."

Dana gets interrogated... well, waterhosed, if you know what I mean!

President-select Hassan lauds President Taylor for bringing peace in our time. You know, Neville Chamberlain thought that, too. President-select Hassan also thanks the American government for their efforts to rescue her husband. She doesn't seem too broken up about his death, though, and why should she? She got his job, custody of the child, and all his property, and didn't even need to hire a divorce attorney. Terry takes a call from Bledsoe, and then has a roundabout conversation with Logan about what to do with Dana after they extract the information. Terry clearly insinuates that they had all decided that Dana was to be killed, to which Logan agrees, but explicitly states that he "doesn't know what they're talking about – if you know what I mean." Not very subtle on his part. Usually, he just gives the Michael Corleone stare or plays dumb. He's usually not overtly sinister like this.

Bledsoe is waterboarding Dana, and she is adamant that she doesn't really have any proof. She holds up under the torture, which isn't a surprise. She had to act opposite Freddie Prinze Jr. all season. That will test anyone. Jack and Cole are at the location, and Jack tells Cole that they'll have to cut a deal with Dana. Cole doesn't seem happy about that, but Jack sells him on the idea of taking down the people in charge. Jack and Cole coordinate their offense, and Jack reveals to Cole that the gun he had handed to him back at the warehouse as a show of trust was actually empty. Cole realizes that he's been had, and looks a little ashamed of himself. Don't feel bad, Cole. Christopher Henderson fell for it, too. Chloe wants a psych evaluation for Jack when he arrives at CTU. Yeah, that's going to help.

Jack and Cole are trying to take out the guy on the roof. They should do the Three Amigos thing and throw a rock at him. He's standing so close to the edge of the roof that he'd just fall off. Instead, Jack insists on resorting to fisticuffs and – well – you don't need me to tell you what happens, do you? Jack and Cole enter the building, and they use a lot of hand signals. Jack draws the mercenaries away, then uses his skills of logical persuasion to get the guy running point to disclose Dana's location. Okay, he just puts his gun to the guy's nuts. Of course, Jack gets to Dana, but Bledsoe immediately puts his gun on Dana and threatens to blow her head off. Cole and Jack seem to be at a disadvantage, or at least Cole does. Jack shows his awesomeness by shooting Bledsoe in mid-threat. Even Cole looks dumbfounded. Or maybe he's excited. It's hard to tell with him. Chloe realizes that she's been had, and she puts out an APB on Jack. Yeah, that's smart – get the NYPD involved.

Jack wants the evidence in exchange for letting Dana go. Dana wants her immunity agreement, but that's not going to happen. Dana gets sassy with Jack, and that's a bad move. He pulls the car over, and throws Dana against a wall so that he can choke her. By the way, there's no one around, which would be fine if we weren't in Manhattan. She finally admits that her evidence is in a safety deposit box. Isn't it always? Maybe CTU should just start seizing everyone's safety deposit boxes. Chloe warns Cole that Jack is merely out for revenge, and her words seem to have an effect. He shoves Jack to the ground, and Jack pulls out his piece. They have a great conversation that goes something like this:
Cole: You were gonna shoot her, weren't you?
Jack: No, I wanted her to think that.
Cole: Really?
Jack: Really.
Cole: Pinky swear?
Jack: Cross my heart and hope to die.

You can tell the writers are just playing out the string right now.

President-select Hassan is still taking questions when President Taylor gets the bad news that Jack is on the loose. President Taylor also has an irate Logan on the phone, but Taylor gets even more irate because Logan has her on speaker. That's really rude, you know. Logan wants to put someone inside CTU – Terry. Oh, that's good. I thought he wanted to put another mole in CTU. Not that they would notice. Logan and the Russian minister have a sit-down, and Logan tells him about the Dana situation. Logan doesn't feel that Taylor has what it takes to take out Jack, so he wants the Russians to do his dirty work for him. Logan tells him that Terry is inside CTU, and will feed them information about Jack via an untraceable phone. The minister takes it, but looks disappointed that it's not an iPhone.

Jack lets Cole take Dana into the bank, and she continues to try to persuade him into letting her go. Meanwhile, Jack hangs out in the lobby, not looking at all suspicious. Chloe is spouting off a bunch of instructions, and Arlo is being negative. Just like Chloe used to be. I guess there's nice symmetry in that. Terry shows up, and he has a hot assistant with him that we haven't seen until now. We need to learn more about her, says I. Meanwhile, am I the only one concerned that there's still a rotting corpse somewhere inside the walls of CTU?

Dana gives her sob story to Cole, and recalls how she got recruited into the KGB. Dana tries to appeal to Cole's emotions, but Cole is not swayed. Or maybe he is. Or maybe he's just thinking about what he's going to do after this show goes off the air. Maybe She's All That 2: She's Still All That? Cole thinks he outsmarted Dana by insisting on opening the box, and finds a gun inside. He smirks, but his triumph is short-lived as there's also an explosive device. The bomb knocks Cole unconscious, and wouldn't you know it, it's the best acting he's done all season.

Dana calls 911, and tells them Jack is robbing the bank. That's not cool. Haven't enough cops been harmed today? CTU gets the call about Jack, and Terry wants absolute confirmation that it's really him. What does he want? A DNA sample, a sworn affidavit, and an ID from Jack's grandma? That's my Jack – always killing people and torturing terrorists. Terry then makes a call to the Russian hitman. He also gives explicit instructions for the hitman to take Jack out once he's in custody. And he does this on the floor! In full view of everyone! Hey, they didn't notice when Dana did the same thing, so I guess that's no shock. The cops have Jack – or do they? Jack easily subdues one of the cops, and he does the Joe Pesci thing by shooting the other one in the foot. That's what you get when you don't dance when Jack tells you to.

Dana walks out of the bank, and makes sure we know she's evil because she has a scowl on her face. Jack chases after her, and they decide to have a firefight on the streets of New York. She runs into a construction site to try and hide. Jack follows her in, and they keep playing. He tosses his jacket onto the staircase, and she falls for it like an idiot. She shoots at his jacket, and runs out of ammo in doing so. She gets the last laugh, though. After all, she totally ruined Jack's favorite leather jacket.

Jack wants the evidence, and Dana puts it on the ground. Now the only question is whether Jack will kill her. Dana tries to beg for her life, but Jack isn't having it. He shoots her, but it looks like she might still be alive. No silent clock, so I guess that answers our question. Everyone on Twitter seems to think she's dead. Not so fast, people. If there's one thing I've learned on this show, it's never to assume that anyone is really dead. I still think Terri Bauer is alive somewhere, and is going to come back for the finale. So what happened to Michael Madsen? Did he just disappear? Is he off somewhere with the other members of the DIVA Squad?

Flippy angina jaws, stupid obligations, slow computer, and nudges

High-scoring words of the night so far:

FLIPPY (104 points) - against Judi C. [4W, 2L on F] {a good deficit-erasing word!}
ANGINA (104 points) - against Millie F. [two 4W]
JAWS (130 points) - against Linda L. [5W used twice, hook off BENNE for a plural]


I figured that if I *had* to call my mother, I'd do it during a commercial break while JACK BAUER was on. Since I know she watches it rabidly, I also know she wouldn't want to talk past the break, which was only a couple minutes long in any event. Apparently, there IS dinner at the townhouse - I gave my excuse, saying that I had to leave early. She tried telling me that there were no dishes - THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE! I'd still rather do it over email, but there are times when I have to suck it up. *sigh* At least dinner is early? (apparently, Auntie Teresa is going to the airport or the community centre, and there are keys involved... I dunno, I wasn't listening!) Then Firefox decided to get really slow, so I installed Opera - no real improvement. Maybe it is the actual computer! Time to see who knows about hand-me-down computers!


Trivia fact for Tuesday, Apr. 27: Who originated the phrase "nudge, nudge, wink, wink"? Comedian Eric Idle, in a 1969 skit he wrote for the side-splitting British TV show Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Ethan resigns, Presidents Taylor and Logan connive, and there is insincerity

Jack is trying out for his next career as a helicopter traffic reporter. It's actually a great move for him, what with his ability to avoid rush hour traffic. Two Air Force choppers close in on him, but Jack manages to land his copter, and climbs down a fire escape. He easily eludes the NYPD by disappearing into a crowd. Chloe thinks Jack is going to get Dana or die trying. That may have been the original title of 50 Cent's debut album. Chloe wants Cole in the field, and methinks Cole wouldn't be too devastated if Jack managed to get to Dana after all.

Warden Norton tells Taylor that she could be impeached for covering up the Russians' involvement. Really? I may not be an expert on Constitutional Law, but I don't think THAT necessarily qualifies as grounds for impeachment. Now, if she and Warden Norton had engaged in oral sex while she was still married to Henry, then that would qualify. He tries to convince her to back out of the deal and grant Dana immunity, but Taylor still wants world peace. I guess that's the inner beauty queen in her. His words seem to have an impact on the President, and she agrees to withdraw from the accord.

Taylor has a meeting with Logan, and tells him about her decision. Of course, Logan has a solution up his sleeve. He recommends detaining Dana as an enemy combatant, and recommends a private security firm to do the job. Is it Starkwood? That would be appropriate. He also recommends torturing Dana to "acquire and control" the evidence. His words seem to have an effect, despite Taylor's earlier objections to torture. Man, Logan is a bad influence. At this rate, he'll get the President to rename the Washington Monument to the Logan Monument by the end of the week. So, Taylor is pretty much a vacillating and weak president who lets the men in her life influence her decisions. That's the lesson to take away here, kids.

Jack is on "25th and Cleveland" – where the hell is that in Manhattan? The Upper North Side? Anyway, Taylor wants Dana transferred to a safehouse by a private security firm, and Chloe immediately starts to question the order before agreeing to obey. That's brilliant, put Dana out in the open for Jack. Jack goes on a shopping spree at some electronics kiosk. He buys a cellphone, and says he doesn't need the charger. That's right, Jack doesn't need electricity! Jack asks Chloe to help him out, and warns her not to go against him. Chloe starts to stand up to Jack, but realizes how stupid that is. Instead, she gives him the info and tells him about the private security firm. Jack then throws away the phone. So that's why he didn't want a charger. Hopefully, he didn't splurge on a Blackberry.

Meanwhile, Michael Madsen is in some apartment that has more electronics in it than Times Square. I would hate to see his monthly bill. Jack asks him for help, and Mr. Blond reluctantly agrees since he owes him. What did Jack do? Help him beat the rap for torturing and disfiguring a cop? Save his life and put him in witness relocation so that he could avoid the wrath of The Bride? The private security person calls Terry (Logan's aide), and offers to kill Dana and make it look like she was trying to escape. Terry hesitates, which shows he is no Walt Cummings. Walt not only would have agreed to it, but he would have proposed it.

Chloe meets with the private security people, and discreetly copies the transfer order to a flash drive. Dana freaks out when they take her, and she knows she's a dead duck. Oh well. That's why moles don't have a very high life expectancy. Hopefully, she didn't put too much into her 401K. Chloe starts to give the info to Jack, but changes her mind. She calls Cole and tells him to bring Jack in. Cole sympathizes with Jack, but Chloe maintains that she's under orders. Wow, the Nuremberg Defense sounds weird coming from Chloe. After all, following orders has never been her forte. Unless they're from Jack, of course.

Jack pays a visit to Michael Madsen, and he hooks him up with some serious artillery and gadgets. Jack calls Chloe, and she gives him the info about Dana. I smell a trap. Sure enough, Cole is setting up at the address Chloe gave Jack, and he seems confident that they can take him by surprise. Do I even need to say anything? Warden Norton finishes his statement about pulling out of the peace accord, but Taylor breaks the bad news to him. Man, he did all that work for nothing? I'd be pissed. Taylor fills him in on her dirty deeds, and Warden Norton is understandably upset. He tries to play shrink, and tells the President she's trying to compensate for losing her family, but she tells him to be quiet. Taylor puts her foot down, but Warden Norton decides to resign. Taylor is upset, but Warden Norton is like "I'm just listening to my doctors," and brings up the fact that she has Logan now. He then says that there's only room for one of them. See? He's just jealous.

President-select Hassan (because she wasn't elected – get it?) is putting the final touches on her ascension when Kayla comes to see her. They make up and everything's hunky dory in the Hassan household. You know, besides the fact that Omar is dead. Jack calls Chloe, and she plays along. He should be able to hear that she's on the floor, right? That should be a tipoff. Jack takes some weapons out of his arsenal, but only needs one fist to take out the guard stationed outside the warehouse. Jack gets the drop on the others inside the warehouse by using the unconscious guard as a distraction. He tells Cole to call Chloe, and tell her that they have Jack locked up. Cole should use a CTU duress code, and tell Chloe that he's in a flank two position, but he isn't that smart.

Cole ties up his men under orders from Jack, and the two of them have a sitdown. Jack says he knows Cole well enough to know that he doesn't want any part of this. Really? He knows this because they've spent all of less than a day together? They're like long-lost soulmates that connect on a spiritual level. Anyway, they decide to team up and blow the lid off this conspiracy. So now, Cole is the "Robin" to Jack's "Batman." Or maybe he's the "Gary" to Jack's "Ace." Warden Norton and Logan have a confrontation. Logan insincerely wishes Norton well, and Norton sees right through it. Norton threatens to come after Logan if anything ever happens to Taylor, and pulls an Aaron Pierce by calling him "Charles." Logan has the last laugh, though, and smirks as he turns on the TV to watch Taylor's press conference which is about to start. Well, that sure shut Norton up. No one does false sincerity like Logan does.

The mercenaries have Dana, and they threaten her unless she gives up her evidence. She says she has no evidence, but that's just going to make things worse for her. Bledsoe (the head mercenary) gets ready for some torture, and actually seems quite happy at Dana's intransigence. First up – the Tara Reid movie marathon. Taylor has her press conference, and reaffirms her commitment to the peace process. Warden Norton sees this, and walks away. Meanwhile, the mercenaries tie up Dana, and start using Chinese water torture on her. See? In this day and age of advanced torture tactics, sometimes the old classics still work the best.

Jack is so devastated by Renee's death that he commandeers a helicopter!

Jack stares at Renee's corpse, and he looks absolutely devastated. The nurse asks Jack a bunch of questions about Renee, and Jack realizes he doesn't know anything about her, like her next of kin and whether her parents are still alive. Probably should have taken things slowly... huh, Jack? Something else that's been bothering me about last week's episode. So, Jack jumps right into bed with her, even though she had sex with that Russian dude earlier in the evening? I didn't see either of them reach into their night-stands for some protection. Still, if I were Jack, I wouldn't worry. After all, if the prion variant from last season couldn't kill him, I'm sure the clap would be nothing more than a cold for him. Where's Emerson when you need him? He could bring Renee back to life, just like he did for Tony.

Chloe calls, and Jack tries to get info from her. They inevitably clash, and Jack wants to interrogate Sergei Bazhaev - the really bad Russian dad from earlier in the season. Chloe hesitates and tries to pull rank, but Jack's powers of persuasion are too much for her. Warden Norton is back on his feet at the UN and flawlessly groomed – he was in a wheelchair and in hospital scrubs less than an hour ago. He's not sure about this Logan deal, even though he was the one who brought it up. He's also not a fan of Taylor's "Let's give the ball to Logan and hope for the best" strategy. Way to be a Monday Morning Quarterback, buddy. Logan rudely interrupts Minister Novakovich's lunch, and Logan accuses the minister of colluding with the IRK hard-liners. Logan claims he has evidence proving Novakovich's involvement, and agrees to keep it quiet as long as the Russians come back to the table. Logan orders an espresso, and then stiffs Novakovich on the bill. Remind me never to go out to lunch with him.

Bazhaev is being arraigned in federal court, and the judge butchers his name, which is a nice touch. The lawyer points out Bazhaev's family in the crowd, and the judge retorts that he doesn't see his sons in the audience. This judge is awesome! Anyway, Bazhaev is visibly unnerved when he sees Jack, and I would be too. The judge helpfully clears the courtroom so that Jack can threaten Bazhaev. This judge needs to be promoted! I hear there's an opening on the Supreme Court... Jack says he considered Renee to be his family. That was kind of creepy. Anyway, he threatens to kill Bazhaev's family, and even borrows a line from The Godfather, saying that he'll tell his family Bazhaev said hello. I'd say something about how the writers are stealing again, but I won't because I always loved that line. Bazhaev sings like a canary, and tells Jack that the Russian government planned it all, and that Dana was the one who helped them. Jack promises to give Bazhaev's family protection, and he won't tell them Bazhaev said hello. That's kind of rude, isn't it?

Logan talks to his aide, and it's the guy who played Detective Terry Crowley on The Shield – you know, the one Vic killed in the pilot. What's with all the Shield alums this year? Not that I'm complaining, of course. I still think Michael Chiklis would have made a great villain this season. Taylor calls Logan, and tells him the good news that the Russians are back in play. Logan pumps his fist ecstatically, which is a little weird to see, but shows his humanity, I guess. Warden Norton wants to know what Logan did, but Logan's going to take that to his grave. Jack tells Chloe about the info he got from Bazhaev, and Chloe agrees to let Jack talk to Dana. She then tells Cole to keep an eye on Jack in case things get out of hand. I have a feeling Cole wouldn't be too upset if Jack beat the crap out of Dana. He might even enjoy it. You know, if Freddie Prinze Jr. were capable of conveying emotion.

Logan is in the garage, and he throws a fit about one of his secret service agents. He wants him reassigned. What was the point of that? I have no idea. Maybe he's a mole, too? Only a good mole since Logan is bad? I don't know... Anyway, Terry (that's what we'll call Logan's aide since I don't know his name) tells Logan about Jack, and Logan is understandably freaked out. Apparently, Logan doesn't want Jack to find out about Dana and the Russian government, and he is determined to stop Jack. "He almost torpedoed my presidency," Logan said. Uh, almost? That's selling him a little short, don't you think? Jack is back at CTU. He starts smacking Dana around, and Chloe wants Cole to stop it. Cole, however, tells Chloe to let Jack do what he has to. Do I detect a slight smile from Freddie? Nah, that's outside of his range as an actor. The light was probably in his eyes or something. Dana claims she has an audio and video file, and wants her immunity deal back. Jack then whispers in her ear that he'll find her if she's lying to him. Didn't he do the same thing to Nina in Season 2?

Mrs. Hassan seems to have the votes lined up and, apparently, the Kamistan congress will install her as the next president. The idea of having a bunch of designated electors vote for the president rather than the general population is an affront to democracy! I mean, how can you subvert the will of the people like that? What happens if Mrs. Hassan loses the popular vote, but manages to steal the election with help from these electors? Where did they get the idea for this electoral system anyway? Logan is watching Fox News when Taylor comes in to see him. That's appropriate. Logan tells Taylor that she needs to stop Jack, but Taylor won't do it unless Logan tells her the truth. Logan finally tells Taylor about the Russians, and she is not happy that he withheld it. Logan says he needed leverage, and Taylor's reaction is pretty amusing. "Leverage, sure. Like a sex scandal or financial malfeasance. Not this!"

Warden Norton wants to walk away from the peace process, but Taylor is hesitant. Logan tries to convince her to go through with the peace process, while Warden Norton tries to argue against it. They slowly move towards her until Logan is just over her left shoulder, and Ethan is just over her right. She listens to both men, and it's like in the cartoons where someone has a crisis of conscience, and they see an angel on one side and devil on the other. Here, Taylor is clearly conflicted by the angel on her right (Warden Norton) and the devil on her left. (Logan) Logan actually makes a very compelling case for continuing with the process. I'm starting to see why he was such a good politician. He even had me going.

The president finally calls CTU and she asks to speak with Chloe, not Jack. She tells Chloe not to let Jack out of CTU. If that's the case, then whatever you do, don't set up a perimeter. Taylor makes an impromptu speech, and thanks CTU for their help. "Despite your incompetence and utter lack of ability, we were able to avert nuclear disaster and bring down the bad guys. So, thanks for nothing, guys." Okay, that wasn't her actual speech, but it would have been closer to the truth than what she actually said.

Jack is in Bubba's old office, and Taylor asks him to stand down. She won't let Jack question Dana, and won't give her immunity. They have a heated discussion, and Taylor says she believes the peace process is "the greater good," parroting Logan's language from earlier. Jack asks whether Mrs. Hassan knows about the Russians' involvement, and Taylor demurs. Well, now we know one way Jack can wreck the peace process. She's going to have Jack escorted to an air force base so he can't cause any more trouble. Yeah, like those guys are going to be able to keep him in custody. She could just turn him over to the Chinese. They won't let him get away. Taylor tells Chloe to make sure security is airtight. Uh – she knows this is CTU, right? Jack is being escorted to a helicopter, but he easily disarms the incompetent guard. Anyone who is shocked by this should just stop watching the show. Jack steals the helicopter, and Chloe tries to reason with him, but he won't back down. No, he won't back down.

OH SHIT, RENEE IS DEAD!

President Taylor gazes pensively outside the window of her office inside the United Nations building. Jack calls, and apologizes for failing. Luckily, Weiss isn't in on the call, otherwise he would have started berating Jack and blaming him for the end of the world. Taylor tells Jack not to blame himself, and then tells him that the peace process is probably dead. You see, without Hassan, the hardliners take over. Apparently, the IRK vice-president is even more useless than Dan Quayle. Samir is alive, but an EMT gazes suspiciously at the camera once Cole is done talking to him. Luckily for him, only the cameraman sees him, and he doesn't say anything. Man, that guy is really unreliable, isn't he? Sure enough, Evil EMT Guy injects Samir with some stuff. Even the EMTs are full of moles. Renee and Jack look sad. Well, there's one way they can cheer themselves up... Torture Samir when he regains consciousness. Man, they're going to be upset about what happened with the EMT.

Jack says he's done, and is going home. He shakes Cole's hand, and tells him he's a good agent. Just don't expect an Emmy nomination, Freddie. The Russian ambassador is stirring up trouble, and tries to enlist the help of the IRK's ambassador, the one who had been detained by Hassan earlier. The ambassador says he believes in Hassan's vision, and is determined to see it through. How magnanimous of him. The Russian ambassador calls the Evil EMT Guy, and it looks like they are part of the plot. What a shock. Evil Russian EMT Guy is worried Renee recognized him because, apparently, he dealt with her when she was undercover all those years ago. They're getting some mileage out of Russian Renee, aren't they?

Jamot (the IRK ambassador – I looked it up) and Taylor try to convince Mrs. Hassan to take the reins of power. Let's just say that she's not jumping for joy at the new job offer. With so many people out of work, you'd think she'd show a little more gratitude, right? She eventually agrees to take her late husband's place, and how soon until we find out that she was the one behind all of this? Hey, it beats running for election. Taylor's homeland security aide, Woods, calls Chloe directly, and tells her Bubba is being relieved because of his overall incompetence. Woods offers Chloe command of CTU, and she resists. Ultimately, she takes the job, and I have a bad feeling about this. How soon until she clashes with Jack? Chloe goes to talk to Bubba, and he handles it well. Actually seems relieved. Wouldn't you be? Finally! No more bumbling field agents that don't know how to maintain a perimeter! Now he can chase his dream of being a shrimp fisherman.

Jack and Renee are back at his place, and she lets down her hair. You know, because her hair was getting tired. Renee starts off by telling Jack he's off the hook for his promises to her. Jack doesn't say anything, and just starts kissing her. He picks her up, and carries her to his bedroom. Smooth! And they're done... Just kidding. How much respect would you have lost for Jack if that had happened? Evil Russian EMT Guy sets up shop across the street, and starts spying into Jack's bedroom. So, he's not just a murderer, he's also a voyeur. Just keep your hands where we can see them, buddy.

The Russian ambassador meets with Taylor, and wants to know how they'll continue with the peace process. Taylor says Mrs. Hassan will sign it in her husband's stead. After all, her name is Hassan, too. If the signatory line just says Hassan, then they're in business. The Russian ambassador is skeptical, and says he'll pull out of the agreement. Once again, Taylor voices her suspicions about the ambassador, and says she'll take it up with Suvarov himself. Hey! He's still the president, after all! Taylor meets with Warden Norton, and she fills him in on the details. Taylor asks Warden Norton for help, and he recommends Charles Logan. Apparently, he still has close relations with the Russians. You know, even though he handed 20 canisters of nerve gas to a gang of Russian separatists that spoke with English accents so that they could detonate them in Moscow.

Bubba says his goodbye, and tells Chloe he should have listened to her all along. He wishes Chloe luck, and leaves. Cole then calls, and tells Chloe that Samir is going into cardiac arrest. Chloe immediately shows off her chops, and theorizes that someone at the scene must have drugged him. Cole acts like this is such a revolutionary concept. You know, like having more than two facial expressions. No sign of Jack and Renee. Not even on the split screen welcoming us back from commercial. Man, those two are taking their time, aren't they? Mrs. Hassan tells Kayla that the party has decided to name her acting president, and Kayla isn't happy about it. The vice-president is really getting shafted, isn't he?

Logan is in the UN, and meets with Taylor in a conference room. Is it just me, or does it look like Charles has a black eye? Did Martha punch him out? Maybe it was Pierce? That would have been awesome! Anyway, Logan makes a snide comment about how the Russians appreciate him more than Americans do. He also makes some promises about how he'll get the Russians to go along with the peace agreement, and insinuates that he'll use any means necessary. They rehash some of Logan's past transgressions, and he seems somewhat defiant before taking responsibility for his treasonous actions from Season 5. Not sure how to read this scene. Unlike his appearance in Season 6 where he seemed sincere, he seemed a little disingenuous this time. Who knows? Maybe he'll come through. Either way, it's good to see Greg Itzin back. He's a hell of an actor.

Jack and Renee are engaging in pillow talk, and they seem happy. He seems out of breath, and even winces a bit when he gets out of bed. That's right. Stab wounds, gunshots, and torture don't bother him, but sex with Renee makes him weak? I guess we've found his kryptonite! Jack goes to get a drink, and Evil Russian EMT Guy sets up his rifle. Chloe calls Jack's cell, and Renee picks up. She tells Renee about Samir, and she immediately puts two and two together. Before she can say any more, she gets shot, and I don't know if I can handle this. Jack carries Renee out of his apartment, and waltzes by his window. Of course, Evil Russian EMT Guy can't hit him. Jack puts Renee in a taxi, and they head to the hospital. Probably better than calling the EMTs. After all, they're full of Russian moles.

They're already at the hospital, so either Jack lived really close to one, or there was no traffic in Manhattan. At 9 in the morning. Jack wants to know what Chloe and Renee were talking about. Chloe starts to tell him about it, but the doctors come out of the emergency room. That can't be good. Well, I'll look on the bright side. Maybe they were able to remove the bullet and stop her bleeding in less than 2 minutes. Hey, if Jack can beat rush hour traffic in Manhattan in 3 minutes, anything's possible, right? Silent clock. Noooo!!!!

President Hassan is dead, and he got a silent clock!

Weiss locks Warden Norton in his office, and goes to talk to his accomplice, the General. Weiss wants to get help for Warden Norton, but the General refuses. Taylor has a statement she wants Warden Norton to look over, and she asks if anyone's seen him. Weiss and the General look at each other conspiratorially while you hear that sound effect they use whenever someone realizes that a) there's a mole, b) there's a traitor, or c) there's a larger plot going on. Luckily for them, Taylor didn't hear it. President Hassan is upset, and doesn't want to be the cause of so many people losing their lives. Renee tries to talk to Jack about Hassan, but all she does is distract Jack long enough for Hassan to hit him in the back with a crowbar. Bobby "the Brain" Heenan would be proud. I'm guessing Jack will feel absolutely no ill effects from it, even though most people would have suffered a broken back. Hassan decides to turn himself over, and gives his gun to the soldier.

The General gets the good news, and tells Weiss to make the call. Weiss is still concerned about Warden Norton, but the General doesn't care. Man, what did Warden Norton do to the General? He must have put the General in solitary confinement for two months because the General called him "obtuse" or something. The General wants to know if Samir will call off the attack, but Samir hangs up on him. The General is outraged that Samir might be going back on his word, and feels violated. I mean, if you can't trust a terrorist with a nuclear bomb, then who can you trust? Tarin is seriously freaking out, but Samir calls 10 seconds before the bomb is supposed to go off, and tells him to shut it off. Tarin looks like he just got a stay of execution from the governor.

Sure enough, Jack's C-4 vertebrae is fine, and he smashes through a glass window with his elbow. He calls in to Chloe, and tells her to get a clean line to the President. Dana's mole sense is tingling, and she wanders over to find out what that was about, but Chloe tells her to make like a bee and buzz off. Jack tells Renee to take the Hassans back to President Taylor while he goes looking for President Hassan. Renee looks disappointed. She wanted to spend some more quality time in the field with Jack. After all, their entire relationship is built on shooting people and interrogating suspects, right? Jack hails a cab for Renee and the Hassans. That's not a good idea. After all, aren't the cabbies sympathetic to Samir?

Jack gives President Taylor the 411 about the plot. He then sees some guy get out of his car while leaving the engine running. Sure enough, it's as if Jack's like a kid in a candy store as he nonchalantly commandeers the vehicle and drives off. Chloe's nonplussed reaction as she watches Jack commit his 10th GTA is pretty funny. Hassan and the mercenary park somewhere on the Upper West Side, and I'm not even going to comment on how ridiculous it is that they found a space. Anyway, Tarin calls Hassan's cell phone. When Hassan asks if it's Tarin, Tarin looks a little embarrassed, and is about to lower his voice and go: "Uh, no, uh, this is, uh Mustafa..."

Tarin tells the mercenary ("Bishop") to get out of the car and walk towards the intersection. Tarin drops a set of keys on the sidewalk, and I'm surprised no one swoops them up. Bishop is looking around, trying to see who's talking to him, and he manages to miss the tall, hunky Kamistani walking past him. I guess Tarin's not his type. Bishop does, indeed, find the bomb. I guess Samir really is a man of his word. Why he went through the trouble of procuring the nuclear rods if he was just going to hand them over is beyond me. Secret Service breaks into Warden Norton's office, and find him on the couch. They arrest the General and Weiss, but first, Taylor wants a word with Weiss. He tries to justify his actions, but she slaps him in the face. She talks about how the peace process has gone down the toilet, but Weiss thinks New York City was worth saving. Ann Coulter would disagree.

CTU finally gets their lights back. Really? It took three hours to get the lights back? Bubba wants Dana and Chloe to locate Hassan, but Dana does the mole walk - turn your head to the side, look suspiciously into the camera, and walk towards the door with your head down. Luckily for her, no one picks up on it. Chloe calls Jack, and they try to set up a rescue operation for Hassan. Cole is back in CTU, and Dana makes an excuse to go see her Cole Slaw. She tries to make a call to Tarin, but Cole interrupts her. They make small talk about the probation officer, but Dana says she took care of it. See, that should have tipped off Cole. Earlier in the season, Dana couldn't find her way out of her own jacket without Cole's help. Now, she's taking care of everything on her own?

I know this is beating a dead horse, but Freddie Prinze Jr. is a horrible, horrible actor. He tries to reassure Dana that they'll get through this, and shoots her his "I'm being heartfelt and serious" look. In reality, he looks like someone just asked him what the square root of 294 was. Hassan tries to reason with Tarin, but Tarin isn't receptive. They have some kind of philosophical debate that's really kind of boring. So instead, I'll just point out that, even though they both come from "Kamistan," Hassan and Tarin have different accents. I guess they must be from different regions.

The medics take Warden Norton away, and Taylor wants him back at work as soon as possible. Go easy on the guy, Madame President! He just had a heart attack. Even W. let Cheney take time off from being President after he had his eighth heart attack. The President makes nice with Renee, and thanks her while alluding to some of her problems from the last season. Renee looks surprised when the President goes to shake her hand, but ultimately she looks relieved and somewhat proud. Cole has everyone in place, and has a great plan in place to retrieve Hassan. As such, we can expect everything to go exactly as planned. Dana makes an excuse to check out the "trunk line" and leaves. She brings up the satellite coverage on the computer, and is about to call the terrorists when Arlo catches her. He is suspicious of Dana, but is distracted, once again, by her – uh – computer skills. Arlo goes to doublecheck her work, and Dana grabs a cable and is about to strangle him like she did with the probation officer. I guess that's her M.O. Dana finally calls Tarin, and he freaks out. You know, he really isn't cut out for the whole terrorism gig. Stick to being a gigolo, Tarin.

Jack is following Tarin, and guess what? Only one of them is driving a stolen car – and it isn't Tarin. Tarin suddenly drives into a parking garage, and Jack follows him. Cole redistributes his troops, and has them set up a perimeter around the parking garage. I think we all know what's about to happen. Tarin keeps driving up towards the roof, and Jack is in hot pursuit. Tarin drives off the roof and crashes onto the ground below. Jack goes to the wreck and finds Tarin in the driver's seat, but Hassan is nowhere to be found. Deus ex machina time as, apparently, Tarin had the foresight to have accomplices inside that garage. Sure, why not? It's not nearly as implausible as some of the other stuff this show has pulled off over the years. They load Hassan into the trunk of a Honda hybrid. At least those terrorists are green-friendly. Jack tells Renee they have a mole in CTU, and she's shocked. Guess she hasn't been watching this show.

Dana is trying to leave, but she now has to show her pass before leaving per Bubba's new security protocol that he managed to institute despite devoting all this time to recovering Hassan. Isn't that like buying a ticket to get out of the movie theater? Dana tries to sweet-talk the guards, but to no avail. She should have said she needed her tampons or something. That would have sufficiently freaked out the guards. CTU updates President Taylor about their latest failure to maintain a perimeter. Just build a wall around New York and be done with it. Meanwhile, the Russians suddenly show up and want to talk to President Taylor. That can't be a good sign. They always bring bad news, at least on this show.

I wonder if Suvarov is still the leader of Russia. Or if he pulled a Putin and stepped down to be the "Premier," even though everyone knows he still calls the shots. The Russian ambassador wants to pull out of the treaty if Hassan dies, but Taylor goes off on him. She talks about how the Russians have been looking for a reason to do this, and I'm guessing we'll find out soon that the Russians were behind this all along. It would explain how they get Logan back on the show. Renee is with Chloe, and they talk about the mole issue. Chloe sounds surprised. I can't imagine why.

Dana goes to talk to Bubba, and finagles her way into Bubba's workstation. That's a lot of trouble to go through just to get out. She could just do what Jack does, and force her way out with a gun. Dana's been made, and sure enough, she did use the Jack method. She shoots a few guards, and tries to escape. Cole looks shocked. Now, it's CTU's turn to play the "Gang that Couldn't Shoot Straight" as they can't hit Dana. You know, Dana is a pretty good shot for someone who sits behind a desk all day. Dana manages to start her car and get away, but luckily Cole is there to stop her. He yells with a gun pointed at her, and asks her who she really is... Bubba tells him to let her go. This is exactly like the scene in the first season when Jack stopped Nina from escaping. She wants to talk to Bauer? What is she? Crazy? He has ways of torturing you that haven't even been written about yet.

Cole comes clean about Dana's past – well, except for the stuff about how he disposed of those two hillbillies. Cole wants to stay on duty, but Bubba isn't convinced even though he's been burned both personally and professionally. He sends Cole to be debriefed, and hopefully, that means we'll be free of Freddie for a few episodes. Jack tells Bubba that he's fulfilled his part of the deal by securing the nuclear rods. He's only here because he promised President Taylor he'd recover President Hassan. Oh, and because his contract stipulates he appear on all 24 episodes in the season. Jack goes in to talk to Dana. Of course, she wants immunity. Don't they all? Take a number, lady. Seriously, they could give them out at the DMV. If they can wait in line for hours, then they will have earned it.

Dana also wants to be compensated for the deal going south. Jack has his own way of negotiating, obviously, and introduces his hand to her neck. Dana tells Jack that Hassan is alive so that the terrorists can force him into reading a statement online. I doubt anyone would care, though. All the journalists are busy covering Tiger Woods at the Masters. Finally, Dana talks about how there have been enough screw-ups, and wants Jack to handle this. Well, she is right about that much. The conveniently-stationed terrorists take Hassan to an apartment. Good to see they're branching out and staying away from warehouses.

Samir is going to make Hassan read a statement, and broadcast it on the Internet. They have a face-to-face that goes something like this:
SAMIR: You betrayed our country!
HASSAN: No, you did!
SAMIR: No, you!
HASSAN: You!
SAMIR: You!
HASSAN: You!
SAMIR: You!
HASSAN: Me!
SAMIR: ME!! Me! I betrayed my country! Shoot me!

Okay, maybe that was a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Anyway, they inject Hassan with some stuff. I'm guessing sodium pentathol? I have no idea how that would help. I don't know of any other chemical compounds, though. Don't blame me. Taylor goes to visit Warden Norton, and you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. Warden Norton is coherent enough to talk about the Kamistani Constitution and the political situation in the African (?) / Middle Eastern (?) / East Asian (?) republic. Who knows? It's probably located in the Caribbean or something. Anyway, here's the gist of it: they're screwed if Hassan dies.

Arlo is upset that he didn't notice Dana's subterfuge. That's what happens when you spend more time looking at Dana's rack than her face. Arlo actually admits as much, and that's the first step to recovery. Chloe tells him to get over it, and clearly she's gearing up for the end of the show by transitioning to a career as a motivational speaker. Cole is upset that Dana has immunity, and goes off on Bubba. Jack has vouched for Cole, though, so Bubba agrees to take Cole off the bench for the mission. NO!!! Dana says Samir has about three men left because Jack killed the rest. Jack looks unimpressed. It's been a slow day for him.

Samir tortures Hassan, and tries to get him to agree to read the statement. Hassan tells him to kiss off, and Samir Tasers him. Samir needs another solution, and apparently, using CGI footage of Hassan from Slumdog Millionaire isn't an option. So... Samir goes online and talks about all of Hassan's crimes, and vows to carry out the appropriate sentence. Of course, he isn't man enough to show his face. Chloe figures out Hassan's exact location based on the angle of the light and some other stuff. She got all that from a window? And we're supposed to believe that she was actually having trouble earlier in the day with the new CTU software?

Jack tells Renee he wants her to stay behind him and do exactly as he says. Are they talking about the mission or something else? Samir is still rattling off the charges, and this is giving CTU valuable time to get in position. Just read the top charge, Samir. No one cares if you find him guilty of disorderly conduct. Jack sees a Muslim man in the hall, and shoots him. He declares that it's one of Samir's men, and removes a gun from the guy's vest. Or it could have been a cabbie. Oh well.

Jack and Renee enter the apartment, and see a Muslim woman and child. I'm guessing the terrorists aren't there – maybe they're really a few blocks away or something. Jack keeps hearing Samir rattling off the charges, and moves towards a secret room. Jack takes out the hostiles, and looks to have saved the day once again. But now he realizes that Hassan is already dead. Turns out the Internet feed was on a delay. I have to say, I didn't see that coming. So the terrorists are dead now, and there are still eight episodes or so. Who will be new villains? I'm guessing the Russians, which is kind of a cliche at this point. Still, at least it isn't the Chinese. Things are bad enough between the U.S. and China right now. We don't need this show to add fuel to the fire. Silent clock for Hassan. Guess he's really dead.