Parkarelle, Pebbles, Prudence, and Quorum

I got up to go to the bathroom, and this thing restarted! Yes, I heard it!

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

P

Pagan: Lead character in the '80s romance novel Lace by Shirley Conran. In the movie version, Phoebe Cates (as a famous, orphaned porn star) posed the famous question "Which one of you bitches is my mother?" to Pagan and her two friends from finishing school. (I read that book when I was about 11 or 12... my mother's fault for leaving it lying around! :P)

Panache: A sense of flamboyant style.

Panda: A large, black-and-white fuzzy animal that eats bamboo shoots, and never looks at people in the zoo.

Pandora: One who unleashes a pox upon the world when she loses her virginity.

Pansy: As long as this name is for a daughter, fine. Never, but never use a spring flower name for a son... unless it's Snapdragon and you live in Chelsea.

Paradise: Let's just say it. Name a child Paradise, and you raise a stripper.

Paris: The capital of France that, while beautiful, festers with poor personal hygiene, ethnocentrism, and dog poo. Also, a hotel heiress known for her skills as an amateur videographer.

Parkarette: A tiny but strangely comfortable valet parking lot.

Passion: An intense emotion. Also, the signature perfume of an over-the-hill actress. (Elizabeth Taylor)

Patchouli: The hideous-smelling signature perfume of the hippie.

Patsi: A daughter who always takes the brunt of her brothers' cruel jokes.

Peace: A sense of calm. Also, a section of cake.

Peaches: Fruits, a term of endearment, another headline stripper.

Pearl: A highly valued white or black gem created by the irritation of foreign matter within the shell of a mollusk.

Pebbles: Daughter of Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Also, a '70s singer best known for her hit Do You Want to Ride in My Mercedes, Boy?

Polly: A naive child.

Pork Chop: A portion of meat cut from the flesh of a pig. Delicious when served with applesauce on Yom Kippur.

Porsche: A car popular with the midlife-crisis set. Expensive to procure and cost-prohibitive to maintain. Remarkable for the whiny note of its exhaust.

Portia: One of the satellites of Uranus.

Precious: A child so highly valued by those around her that it will lead to strife. It will not be uncommon to hear shouts of "No, I wants to hold the Precious!"

Princess: A high-maintenance child given to tea parties, tantrums, and ordering the execution of her dollies for their insolence.

Prudence: A cautious Pilgrim most comfortable when clad in a bodice and floor-length skirt.

Purity: The state of being pure.

Pussy: Though an endearing term for a cat, when this name is applied to a man's physical prowess or the anatomy of a woman, it is less than endearing. This name should be avoided at all cost!


Q

Queen: A man who enjoys dressing as a woman and performing dance numbers in front of small crowds while lip-synching to songs by Cher and Abba.

Queenie: An obese cat that has developed a taste for tuna fish and is unable to walk four steps without passing out from exhaustion. (The latter part is also a good description of my ex! HA!)

Quorum: Similar to a minion, only not as many Jews.