Car bombs, the Witness Protection Program, and the mosque!

Quick summary of the last few episodes: Tony pulled off the biggest and most shocking heel turn since Andre the Giant ripped Hulk Hogan's crucifix off his neck on an episode of Piper's Pit. Kim came back and reconciled with her father, though she didn't put up much of a fight when he insisted on dying, even though she could have saved him with her stem cells. Larry bit the dust (although he did NOT receive the silent clock - hmm...), and Renee pretty much confirmed what we all suspected: the two of them had done the horizontal mambo at some point.

Olivia Taylor (who looks like she could pass for Reese Witherspoon's stunt double - you know, if Reese Witherspoon did action films) was really upset about her mother's deal with Jonas Hodges, and she decided to take matters into her own hands. And there's some group of conspirators who only communicate via chatroom ("#EvilCabalOfMercenaries" on IRC), although we know one of them was the guy who played Coach Yoast in Remember the Titans. Evidently, he was VERY upset about his demotion in favor of Denzel Washington's character. He convinces the others to follow Tony's and his new girlfriend's (who doesn't hold a candle to Michelle, by the way) plan to use their lone remaining canister to attack immediately.


This week's episode of 24:

Tony and his friends are inside Jibraan Al-Zarian's apartment. Cara is working on planting evidence on Jibraan's computer while Tony threatens him and tells him to cooperate. He gingerly removes the piece of duct tape from Jibraan's mouth, which is good because his mustache and beard could have made that really painful. See? Tony would understand. He's got the evil beard thing going for him. Tony then gives Jibraan some lines to memorize for his anti-America propaganda video. Janis continues to give Jack attitude and accuses him of being a racist. Well, considering that Jonas told Jack that they were going to use Muslim extremists, then it kind of makes sense, right? I mean, if they were looking at right-wing militia groups, then they'd just be wasting everyone's time, don't you think?

Sure enough, Jack lays the verbal smackdown on Janis and puts her in her place. Considering Janeane Garofalo's politics, I wonder if they wrote her character like that on purpose. Chloe realizes Jack is dying, and she becomes genuinely emotional. Jack tells her to stay strong, and tries his hardest not to break down in front of her. Chloe agrees to go back to work, and Jack looks sad after she leaves. This was actually a touching and a very well-acted scene. Kudos to both actors. By the way, how much do you want to bet that it's Chloe that calls up Kim and shames her for not insisting on helping her dad?

Jibraan is shooting his anti-America video (not bad, he memorized his lines in less than 10 minutes), but the cops show up. Obviously, Tony tells Jibraan to get rid of the cops, or else. Jibraan looks clearly distraught when he tells them that his now-gone friends were making a lot of noise, but the cops take him at his word. They don't ask to come in, nor do they do much else except to tell him to keep it down. Good to see the cops in D.C. are lazy. Chloe finds out about Jibraan, and Jack decides to track down his Imam. Renee then asks Jack if he is capable of being in the field, but Jack says he needs to see this through. Renee gives him a sad look before giving her assent. Aaron ushers in some unsavory-looking fellow who is supposed to help Olivia kill Hodges. The guy who plays him was a doctor on ER and a snitch on NYPD Blue. Nice resumé. Anyway, Olivia wants Hodges dead, she wants his family dead, and she wants his house burned to the ground. Okay, maybe just the first thing.

Hodges meets with the U.S. Marshall who will be taking him into Witness Protection. His new name is "Robert Tippett," and Hodges is less than thrilled about it. It could be worse. It could be "Oliver Clothesov" or "Mike Rotch." I was hoping they'd go with "Richard Croft," "Bud Kilmer," or "Luke Martin" in a nod to some of Jon Voight's greatest roles. Anyway, Hodges thinks the agent is giving him attitude and Hodges gives him a lecture about everything that he's lost. Like when he threw his best friend over a guardrail, and was more worried about cleaning the blood off his shirt. That cracked me up. Jack and Renee arrive at the mosque, and the first thing Jack does is pull out his gun. This is not going to end well for the Imam... The Imam gives Renee attitude, and Jack then gets in his face. Janis calls and tells Renee that a police officer has responded to the APB. Jack then drags the Imam with them because he doesn't want him to tip Jibraan off. I give the Imam a 30% chance of living. I guess religious figures can be redshirts, too.

Jibraan has to convince his brother that he's really a terrorist. His brother buys it hook, line, and sinker, and actually spits in Jibraan's face. I guess he didn't know Jibraan as well as he thought he did. Olivia gets the account information from the hitman and she's prepared to transfer $250K into his offshore account. $250K? That's pretty cheap, don't you think? Especially for a high-value target in federal custody like Hodges. Where did she find the deal? Priceline.com? "You can name your price on everything from airline tickets to hotels to hitmen!" Olivia decides not to go through with it, and doesn't transfer the money. I'm sure that's not going to backfire on her. Chloe discovers that the money and the evidence on Jibraan's computer were backdated. Man, Cara is not a good planter-of-evidence, is she? Jack realizes that Jibraan was being set up, and he apologizes to the Imam. The Imam and Jack have a heart-to-heart, and the Imam tries to get Jack to convert. Yeah, that's likely. He'll come back next season as Mustafa Asad.

Hodges stares at photos of his family and his daughter in the picture looks nothing like Angelina Jolie. He doesn't respond when the Marshall calls him by his new name. Luckily, Hodges responds before the Marshall has to take a page from The Simpsons, by saying "When I say: 'Hello, Mr. Tippett' and press down on your foot... smile and nod, okay?" Of course, Hodges' car then blows up and it looks like Olivia couldn't stop the hit in time. Then again, we don't know who actually had him killed, just yet. Plus, there's no silent clock for Hodges, so he might not even be dead... Olivia freaks out when she finds out about Hodges. She calls her contact and he tells her not to talk on the phone. Yeah, Olivia... you know calls out of the White House are all recorded. Anyway, he wants to meet up, and she agrees. She then composes herself and walks calmly past Aaron, who looks like he knows something is up. She better not get Aaron killed, that's all I got to say.

Jack's logic once again rears its head. He tells Renee that Tony and his men are clearly using the brother as leverage because that's what he would do. The Imam then finds about Jack's condition, and he starts to sympathize. Like that 70s Senator and Larry Moss, he's now Jack's buddy, apparently. Well, we know what happened to those two. Jack and the team break in and try to subdue the hostile. In the confusion, the brother breaks off a piece of glass from the mirror and tries to kill the hostile. Great move, dumbass. Now they won't be able to get the guy to talk if he bleeds out. Maybe the brother was in on it all along? Man, I've been watching too much of this show. Tony and Jibraan enter a van, and it looks like they're targeting the Metro. All you early commuters are in for a rude awakening. See? It pays to be late to work.