We have one daughter, Haley Matisse. We're trying to decide which girl name to use next....
The list we can agree on (at least to consider) follows: *Alyssa
*Anneleise
*Caitlin
*Carrigan
*Gentry
*Makenna / McKenna
*Merrigan
*Mia
*Reese
We'd like to use Shaye, Grace, Raine, or Catherine as the middle name if possible.
Oh where to start!?
a) 20 bucks says if you asked Haley Matisse's mom, "Like the painter?", she'd have no clue what you were talking about. Much like Monet, it has become trendy.
b) She neglects the obvious names: Pablyn Picasso, Markenna Chagall, JoAhn Miro.
c) Merrigan is definitely a new one for me. I prefer Mexigan - it sounds so much more confused.
d) Gentry. (sigh.) MyddleKlas? Boodgewassey? (I'd suggest Hegemony, but I'm afraid someone will take me up on it.)
Lucida Grande Zenobia for a girl (plus you can use Zoe, Bea, or Zen as nicknames) and Japheth for a boy (jay fit)
The Mocha Lucida Grande Zenobia - now available at Starbucks.
Helpful reader codeman38 points out little Lucy - oh, I'm sorry, is the most obvious nickname too common? - OK, little Rande is also the default font for Mac OSX. You can download her, as perverted as that sounds, here.
I really like the name Giovanni for a girl, but it means John in English. We have not decided on a middle name yet, but are thinking about Page (my grandmother's maiden name), Sun (which means cheerful and calm), or Rose. (which my husband really likes) The boy name that we have chosen is Dawson Alexander. What do you all think?
And another A+ for multicultural research. I just did a web search for "Giovanni baby name girl," and immediately got the feminine versions: Gianina and Giovanna.
Meanwhile, I think it's time to say a few words about gushing about a name's "meaning." Some meanings originate because the name evolved from real words (usually in a foreign language). And so their meanings are somewhat interesting.
And then some names have arbitrary meanings that for all I can tell were pulled out of a dead monkey's ass. For example, check out my good buddies the Kabalarians, who have insightful (cough) "meanings" for classy names like Beer and Toilet. I love the Kabalarians, because every one of their name analyses reads even more vague and general than the astrology listings in the newspaper.
And then some names don't have secret "meanings" because they are (dum dum DUM!) ALREADY WORDS. Sure, it'd be one hell of an irony if the name Sun meant "ugly fat pockmarked bastard," but I think it's a fair guess in English it means ... um ... wait, give me a second ... oh yeah, "sun." As in the giant ball of warmth and light that makes life possible for trees and flowers and baby bunnies and such.
Recently spotted on bulletin boards:
Ramses
Willoughby
Real scary to me, but lots of people on the board thought they were "Wonderful!"
Well, it looks like someone missed this Spring's traditional showing of The Ten Commandments, probably because they were watching Sense & Sensibility again. But missed the scene where it's made clear Willoughby is the dashing cad's last name. Oh, and that Willoughby's a total bastard.
With more girls getting boys' names, and more boys getting wuss names, I'm thinking we're moving toward a society where men and women will be equal: a bunch of dainty nancies. It's names like Willoughby that give "Gay Mafia" conspiracy theorists food for thought.
I am a new mother, just found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago, and my boyfriend has already thought of names, and I just wanted to see what other people thought about them. Tequila AnJanette and Angel Jade or Matthew Dillian.
I am the owner of a website that makes fun of bad baby names, and I've been at this for about a year and I really like run-on sentences that make me sound like I'm 14, and perhaps live in mid-Appalachia like in eastern Kentucky maybe, or western West Virginia, and have been on a meth jag for seven or eight days and haven't slept, and the walls are melting and sometimes the carpet starts talking to me and tells me to name my kids after the booze that helped conceive them, or maybe ugly trinkets like my mom collects from QVC.
Let's play Spot the Issue. See if you can guess what my problems are going to be with the following essay in its abridged form.
(a)
(My daughter) Wellsley is named for Wellesley College in Mass.
(b) I wanted to spell it with the middle "e," but we had close relatives "test-spell" it, and they repeatedly left out the "e."
(c) Understand that we live in [the antithesis of New England] where very few people have ever heard of the college.
(d) So, much to my personal disappointment, we decided to spell it Wellsley.
(e) I must say, I love my daughter's name,
(f) but I broke one of my golden rules by using a variant spelling, and I've regretted it ever since. ...
(g)One of my biggies
(h)and this is just a personal opinion,
(g cont.) is that variant spellings tend to look uneducated,
(i)and I have been concerned that my daughter will
(j) eventually broaden her horizons beyond [where we live] and she will
(k) appear to have a mother who didn't know how to spell "Wellesley."
... But here's the thing - - Wellsley starts kindergarten next fall.
(l)If ever the time is right to make the change, it's now. ... So, given all of that data, what would you do???"
Parts I have issue with (score along at home): (a) duh. (c) also duh. (d) half credit. (e) Oh, must you? (f) see d. (h) "I don't want to offend anyone by acting like I really disagree." (i) concerned? (j) wouldn't that be awful. (k) So it's all about you now? (l) So she's five, and you haven't taught her to write her name? Yep, I think now's the time to shut the barn door.
Other comments: (b) strikes me as a good idea. (d) gets half-credit because she's actually right, but doesn't put her foot down. (g) is entirely correct. Damn you, irony!
The girls names my husband and I have decided on... ~ Legend Amaya ~ Malaijah (malaya) Jayne For boys, he and I have no clue. What do you think of these for first names? ~ Kamden ~ Raiden ~ Macen ~ Justice ~ Austin We like these for middle names........ ~ Clor ~ Ryo ~ Liam
I just spent 45 minutes under my desk shivering because of this one. I hope you're happy, little Malalalalaijah Raiden Clortrimiton!
(Side note: My boyfriend has just informed me Raiden is a Japanese thunder god, but is more commonly known in the West as a character from the Mortal Kombat games. Malalalalaijah Raiden Clortrimiton wins! FATALITY!!!!)
Come on, everyone, it's Forehead Slapping Time!
Hit yourself hard enough, and you'll be as smart as these people!
Vienna - Does anyone like it? I thought it was kinda pretty. The little girl is 4 who has this name. It's an Italian name.... and I thought it was pretty. What do you guys think?
Among the responses:
- " It's a pretty name. I thought of Italy right when I saw it."
- " It's pretty... I think of Vienna, Italy - the place - right away"
- "It's kinda pretty, but it is very Italian-sounding, though."
- "Pretty name, thought of Switzerland instantly!!"
- "Not bad, but I do automatically think ... of Vienna sausages. Vienna is also a city in Austria, but I kind of like "place" names, so that works for me. I just can't get past the sausage reference."
Finally! A winner! (In a way.)
Dakota Diane or Sequoia Rose??? I am trying to conceive and I would like your input on the names Dakota Diane and Seqouia Rose. I have 4 other children with somewhat unusual names... at least, my first two have unique names. Their names are: Khassendra Keeliey-Morgan, Malachi Elzer, StevenJerald, Kegan Andrew It's hypnotic. I can't stop looking at it. Khassendra. Keeliey. My God.... it's full of vowels!
We already have an Emmet Moon and Gus (Gustav) Star (5-year-old twins) and Abe (Abraham) Kodiak. So what should Gus, Emmet and Abe's new sibling be called? Is "The Plaintiff" already taken? I was thinking of Silas Rain, Silas Jasper, or Jasper Rain for a boy and Hazel Rain, Hazel Sunshine, Pearl Magnolia, or Pearl Sunshine for a girl.. We chose (so far) Boys 1. Skyler Nicholas 2. Sawyer Angus ... Girls 1. Sailor Catherine 2. Summer Judy 3. Sunday Mae (Sunday is a family name) 4. Sierra Rebekah 5. Shelby Chandra Uh oh, I smell Deadheads! I hope there's enough room in the vanagon for the trip to the Phish concert in Waukeegan.
We have a daughter, Payton Isabel and a son, Cade Andrew. We don't know the sex of the baby, but like unusual names. We have been tossing around Golden as a middle name for a girl, but we are at a standstill for first names. We have talked about Maddox (boy) and Storey (girl), but would love some other ideas. Oh yeah, I remember Storey Golden Books. I think I had their 25¢ version of the Pokey Little Puppy Goes Rabid.
I have a daughter named Ryan Sue and I am pregnant with #2. ... I like unusual names too, but not too out there, so here are some names I like: BOYS Cole, Cale, Casen, Alden, Kellen, Jackson ...GIRLS Campbell (maybe nickname Ella??), Callahan (nickname Callie), Delaney (nickname Laney??), Piper, Kendall, Addison, Raegan, Avery, Linden, Kennedy, Trinity, Carson Ow! Son of a... Reading off all those K sounds made my epiglottis fall off!
Girls: Ainslie, Annistyn, Brinley, Baylie, Bryony, Brylie, Camden, Kennedi, Macy, Tatum, Kinsey, Kinslie, Makenna, Rylie, Kylie, Cambria, Brynn Boys: Ethan, Chase, Bennett, Ryder, Cyder - Cy - rhymes with fly, Avrett, Hunter, Bryce In honor of this entry, and all the other entries painfully similar, I've written a song. (Just guess at a tune. It's jauntier that way!) I'm in love with Y's! They make my poor heart fly! Nothing makes me sigh like a name that's crammed with Y's! As you can surmise, for me, Y's, they hypnotize! I'm in love with Y's! Without Y's, I would die! For me, Y's take the prize, no matter who or where or why! I like Y's super-sized like an order of French fries! (bridge) Last names for first, they're the only kind for me. But without a bunch of Y's, they lack a certain joi de vivre. Y's have been neglected, their mistreatment is so petty. I'll throw them around like so much New Year's confetti! (Everybody!) I'm in love with Y's! They make my poor heart fly! Nothing makes me sigh like a name that's crammed with Y's! As you can surmise, for me, Y's, they hypnotize! (Take it home now!) I'm in love with Y's! Without Y's, I would die! For me, Y's take the prize, no matter who or where or why! I like Y's super-sized like an or! der! of! French! friiiiiiiiiiiies!
girls - Ireland, Adaire, Lorelei, Windsor, Honor (I love!), Winslow, Wetherly, Waverly, Ellery, Maryn, Larson, Delaney, Rainer, Landry, Greer boys - Afton, Jarrett, Mills, Pierson, Langdon, Locke, Linc, Asher, Stanton, Sadler, Calder, Rafe, Rans, Jantzen, Slater, Ames, Sorry, this doesn't get a song. Just a steely gaze of pure hatred.
I am having my second son a week from today, and his name is Maddox. He will be joining his big brother Jackson. My favorite unique girl names are Scout and Piper. Boys names = middleweight boxers. Girls names = types of turbo-prop airplanes.
In response to the question, "What are some of these people smoking?" some wacky namers ever-so-kindly explain why f*ed-up names are the most bestest of all. ... I didn't want to name my children the same name as everyone else. I am proud that my children are individuals, and they are very proud of their names. Most people say, "I love that! What name book did you get that name from?" My kids' names are: Wesson, Colt, Nika and Axel. ... and they're especially proud to be named after consumer goods! (Another writer, on teasing) ... My friend just named her daughter Orchid Willow, but she is going to be homeschooled. Her son's name is Sage Wolfgang, which is very fitting for him. Do I really have to say anything about this? I mean, really? If you didn't just see at least three reasons to drop your jaw to the floor with a prodigious clang, you're not allowed to read my website any more. Thank you for coming. I think it is wonderful that they have such great imagination, and discover such unique names. ... Kids will take any name and make fun of them. Most likely, the unusual names will not be joked about. It is the names you can rhyme with that are made fun of. ... My name is Diana. When I was in 5th grade, the Michael Jackson song Dirty Diana came out. Oh, but I was never teased because 10-year-olds aren't smart enough to come up with taunts that involve "banana" or "Guyana." (Phew!)
Once you've repeated a name so many times, you can't tell if it sounds right. Which of these "flo"? We get mixed reactions from friends and family, mostly frowns. Thanks again.Ivory Jayde Searra Capri Cassidy Raine "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not the same..."Check that - none of these things are like the other. Ivory = Bone. White. Jade (no matter how you spell it): Rock. Shade of green. Sierra = Mountains. US. Capri = Island. Other side of the planet. "Flo" = the waitress on Alice. "Flow" - Actual word. "Pain" - what I'm currently experiencing. "Medication" = what we both need.
I am going to become a mother in July to a baby girl, and I am having trouble deciding on a name. My husband and I have come up with several so far, but my favorite is Journey Kate. What does everyone think of this? Damn it, now I've got Wheel in the Sky in my head! Multiply that by 10,000 and that's what her life will be like.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet my arch-nemesis: My hubby got on a kick of the names rhyming, believing we would have no more. Lol, we are due in November! So, I am in a tight place. My daughter is Kaesyn Paige (Jason with a "K"), and my son is Richard Brycin. (goes by middle name) If this baby is a girl, her name will be Adecyn Shai (Addison Shay)... I need a name with the "sin" sound, not the spelling! Lol! I am not fond of Jaxon, but my husband likes Aryxon (Erikson), and I am fond of Tycen. ... New naming rule: If in typing the name out, you have to follow it immediately with another version in parentheses, because otherwise no one would have the slightest clue this was supposed to be a name and not Klingon for "Wax my forehead, supple wench," this is a bad, bad, whoa bad bad name. Labels: 2002, 2003, amusement, andrew, babies, baby's named a bad bad thing, danielle, gay, isabel, john, kids, links, maxed-out tags limit, names, peter, ryan, spelling, teunis, visitors, weird stuff
Bad Baby Names, Part 13: Fellow Collectors
Part 13: Fellow Collectors
I get lots and lots of emails from people with one or two weird names they've seen or heard, but rarely do I meet another person who collects them like other people collect stamps or baseball cards. I think we should start a club, and demand caconomenology - the study of ugly names - be recognized as a serious hobby, if not an Olympic sport.
Which brings us to Lauren. Lauren's a college student from Tennessee who has joined the fight against silly baby names. Ever since she worked in the baby department at Old Navy, she has been cataloging bad baby names in a Bad Name of the Day email.
Her hunting grounds are even more unfortunate than mine - while I tend toward online bulletin boards, where pregnant ladies fish for ideas and maybe, MAYBE can be dissuaded, Lauren scours birth announcements and yearbooks, meaning the kids ALREADY have been saddled with these names and there's no turning back.
After seeing the copious lists she's got compiled, I just HAD to give her her own page. (She's also asked me to plug her Web site, where she addresses another vital issue of cluelessness: the mullet.)
I've tried to sort them by type of insanity, but some of them just plain defy explanation. I've left most joke-free, because sometimes, especially with a list this long and horrifying, it's hard to say something funnier than the name itself.
(Yup, I've gotten so busy - or lazy, take your pick - I'm collecting names AND jokes from readers. Sad, really.)
Keerazee cpellyngz
Jaxson AbelardoAdyn Bridger
Antwon Lydell
This one drives me crazy. Antoine is a perfectly good name - if you really don't think people can pronounce it, pick something else. Otherwise it looks like the results of Ant vs. Rubbertree. Yup, Ant won.
Skylar Makinzy
Jayden Mokol
Cleo Janene
Kittie Catheryn
Despite her allergies, Mom was determined to have a pet cat by one means or another. - Katie
Karryllinne Sweet
I must've stared at this for five minutes before I figured out it's just Caroline.
Cornelius Donyell
Trebor Dallas
Schuylar Daymen Dominick Kaaynen Duglass Link
Kenadeigh Aiden
I never, in a million years, would have thought someone would have screwed with 'Kennedy.' Yes, caconomenology is a field of limitless surprises.
Jarret Kaylub
Nicklaus Santana
Destin Booth
Syllable exchange program
Kapsidee FaithKeilynn Patrina
Deshawn Dewayne
De pain! De pain!
Zoe BreleeCharnecia Essence Joycelin Corin
Keryona Shaleen
Jevonnie Cortez
Myan Asher
Tabeley Hayden
... coz Mom's a tabeley dancer!
Kaimen Haze
I'm guessing that was dad's contribution to the conception. - SaintHedju
Camden Mayze
My people call it 'Camden Corn.'
Jamanda Erynn
Tylette Rasheen
... or perhaps Tylette Brush or Tylette Duck.
Kayjia Deejai Kaeden Jeremy Ryker Taybe
McKenna Jayden
Nico Kishawn Bralyn Delmaiah Zaviana Nykova
Nouns, celebrities, and other random words
Emmaleigh Rayven
Mailbu Cheyenne
Question: Does Mom have a basic atlas? Answer: Malibu Cheyenne.
Delta Eta
I remember this frat from college! They had the BEST parties!
At least, I think it was them, I don't really remember... there was something about a keg and a sheep...
- Tobi
Ram Thorne
OK, show of hands. How many vote "romance novel character"? And how many vote, "mid-sized truck with four-wheel drive"? OK, put your hands down, I can't actually see them, you know.
Diamond Caprice
Sapphire Begonia Impala Sedan
No. This must be a joke. The "place of conception" naming trend has gone pretty far, but this, this is fake... right? Pretty please?
However, I hear she has a roomy backseat. - Katie
Xenia Starr
July Kaeleigh
Captain Bonar
The new comic book mascot for Viagra.
Marigold Pasture
Lexus Deshay Aspen Nyckolle
Gunnar Blayz
Says Lauren: This one sounds like an 80s arcade game.
Slade ClaxtonSantana Key Coral Oceana
Ink Brinley
Perry White's successor as the Daily Planet's editor.
Nova Payge
Odessa Mari
Isn't she Cala's sister? - Shawn
Stetson Colone
More from Lauren: "I used to babysit these 3 kids, and the oldest used to come home from school crying because the kids made fun of his name, and his mother 'just couldn't understand why they'd do such a thing!'"
Ford Lightning
Available with 4-wheel drive, anti-lock brakes, GPS navigator, and tremendous ego. - Katie
Celestial Rage
"Hello, I'm Celestial Rage! My mom's fifteen and she has black hair, black fingernails, a tattoo of a dragon on her ass, and she plays in a garage band. Will you be my friend?"
Saxon Darvun
Aaliyah Angelic
McCall Jada
Affleck Lamar
Well, there go two years of hypnotherapy down the drain. Do you have any idea how much it cost me to block out the memory of having seen Armageddon??
Sierra Reese
Kage Rodan
The people of Japan have tried for years to kage Rodan ever since he escaped Monster Island.
Steele Gage
What gage of steele should they make the kage out of?
Cambo Gage
Of course! They should use cambo gage steele to kage Rodan!
Snootily snootful Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of My, But Your Ascot is Smashing This Polo Season, presented by the Yale Class of 1914 Gilbert & Sullivan Society.
Cooper Harrison
Chandler Moore
Devon Jasper
Xander Dru
Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan Shannon points out these are two of the show's characters. Xander is a lovable "a loser vampire hunter who lives in his parents' basement," and Dru is "an insane female vampire who loves killing, sex, and being spooky, in that order." So does this name engender any.... um.... conflict? Yes. Does this name show that people who watch too much of the WB need targeted contraceptive assistance? Definitely.
Maddux Bryce
Harper Bennett
Lennox Dane
Guenther Bronwyn
Trayton Vance
Porter Starling
Gayden Sledge
Brock Cain
Enil Lionel
Brady Perrin
Blakely Grayben
Maston Greene
Young Quinley
Brighton Dade
Brigdon Krewe
Payton Dawson
Philena Gayle
Kace Grayson
Kylie Haven
Lansing Wade
Mason Rex
Preston Price
Knox Scott
Ryland Colton
Thurston Rafe
Foyle Trever
Total Freakin' Mysteries
JaCobi TerriyonKenAira LaTissa De'Zonia Vianca Crimson Tobias
Seneca Ray-shun
Renyhia Teaunna La'Renta Ramon
Dayzunique Tylettrell Deiondrianiece
Sloe Harlotte
... and her sister, Retarded Prostitute. - Natalie
Brogdon Fynn Haidyn Elyssah
Phaire Ayven
Sing-a-long time! "Ain't Miss Phaire Ayven, I'm savin' all my love for yooooou!"
Quielle Delashawndra
Kimper Daylin
Daanan Blaise
Oralia Shari
Sisson Pairote Dyce Hanley
Only a sucker would play craps with Dyce Hanley.
Azontay Kevon
Tavian Emerland Paytrus Cornelius
Dotan Mathias
Blant Mykah Dagan Gore
Guess That Name! Yes, it's time for Guess That Name, the fabulous game show where we show you the outlandish spelling for a common name, and you stab wildly in the dark trying to figure out what the hell it is! Ready? OK, let's go!
ElyzibytheGinapher Krystofer Mikol Suezynn Pstephen Sydnyee, Cidne Silest Labels: 2002, 2003, amusement, babies, baby's named a bad bad thing, cindy, elizabeth, katie, kids, links, lists, maxed-out tags limit, michael, names, spelling, stephen, susan, teunis, visitors, weird stuff
Bad Baby Names, Part 12: Bad combos
Part 12: Bad combos
Along with reports of bad baby names (almost always from distressed teachers or concerned sisters-in-law), my email is filled with reports of people who gave their kids a name that was fine... until it was combined with their last name, resulting in comedy.Granted, they aren't bad baby names, but definitely keep with the tradition of "should have known better."
Some have seeped into the realm of urban legend. Sometimes the stories behind the spottings are wrong or can't be proven, but each and every name has nevertheless been confirmed real.
My mother also used to work as a secretary for a large railroad in Texas, and she was the one who was doing the charts of who was staying and who was leaving after the merger. She came across a guy named Harold Bahls. I hope he didn't go by Harry.
Danielle in Texas
My mother's neighbors in the "old" neighborhood:
Last name: Warner. Baby boy's first name: Luke. (Not Lucas.) And in keeping with always choosing a "Tibetan" middle name for their children: Skye. Luke Skye Warner. When I asked, they swore they had never even SEEN any of the Star Wars movies. Yeah, right.
Not a baby, but my professor in college had the worst name. I didn't catch it at first, then it sank in... Dr. Harry Fullwood. Honest!
There's a strong hitter in the Cleveland Indians' farm club named Angel Bastardo.
Hi, I have a couple of names for you. The first one was the brother of a friend of mine in high school. Their last name was Tush. (pronounced Tuhsh) His name was Harry, but if someone didn't know how to pronounce their last name, it would end up being pronounced like that of someone with a hairy backside.
The other names were a brother and sister I once met. His name was Braxton Splan (sounds like a good German dish), and her name was Elspeth Splan. Poor kid was going to spit on people all of her life whenver she introduced herself. ;)
Harry Tush (a different Harry Tush, mind you) is credited with co-writing the song Oh! You La! La! (with Lew Brown and Ed Moran) in 1918. I am dying to find the lyrics, just to know what the heck the title means.
While looking for Elspeth Splan, the first item I found was for traditional Scottish harpist Elspeth Smellie. She's available for concerts and events in the Scottish borders region. (She played when the Dalai Lama visited Scotland! That is about the coolest mixing of cultures I can think of!)
From the obits page: "Virgin Person." Female (of course!). Age 85.
The Archbishop of Manila is Jaime Lachica Sin. He was made an archbishop in 1972, but was elevated four years later, making him: Cardinal Sin!
The parents of an acquaintance of mine named her kid Mercedes... their last name is Binns.
Confirmed! And how was it confirmed? S/he (I'm still not sure which) was named to the second All-American Pop Warner team in 1999, as listed on the Web site of a person frequently mentioned in emails to this site: Dick Butkus!
Anyways I am not sure if this counts, but my best friend's little brother is named Harry Cox III. The thing that impresses me the most, he isn't Harry Cox the 1st, Little Harry Cox Junior, he is Harry Cox the THIRD! His name is like an urban legend around here. Whenever I mention my friend's little brother, they all say "You actually KNOW Harry Cox???" Like it is like knowing Santa Claus.
- Nicole
Somewhere a few months ago, I got an email about a guy on an HGTV program named Timber Dick. Soon afterwards on my first, pop-up heavy bulletin board, intrepid reader Bob gave us the lowdown on Timber Dick, and I followed up with some research.
Timber Dick has a brother-in-law named Dick Swett, who has served as a Congressman from New Hampshire as well as U.S. Ambassador to Denmark. Each married a daughter of Tom Lantos, who represented California's 12th District in the U.S. House of Representatives for 27 years, before passing away in Feb. 2008. Lantos, who was profiled in the Oscar-winning film The Last Days, escaped from a Nazi labor camp as a teenager, and joined the Hungarian underground - he was the only Holocaust survivor to serve in Congress. Between his two daughters and their respective Dicks, he had 17 grandchildren. I voted for him twice.
And there's even more political connections - Dick's mother, Nancy, was Colorado's first female lieutenant governor.
Sadly, Timber Dick passed away in April '08 from burns he sustained in a car crash.
Update!: Not one, but two of Timber Dick's kids have contacted me saying yep, he's real, and a great dad. Turns out he and his brother-in-law were roommates, and both families have a penchant for unconventional names. Included in their combined clans are Keaton, Levi, Chanteclaire, Tomicah, Charity, Kismet, Atticus, Kimber, Zenith, Sunday, and Sunny.
My supervisor's fiancée's name is Misty Bush. His last name is Green. If she hyphenates her name after the marriage, it will be Misty Green-Bush!
I went to school with a girl named Sally Mullallay.
I'm a prosecutor. I had a defendant on my caseload named Harry Beaver. As if that isn't bad enough... he was the 4th generation of Harry Beavers. Evil parents, I tell you... naming your child Harry Beaver IV. It's just not right.
I found at least 49 Harold Beavers listed in the phone book in the U.S. And before you even ask, there are at least 190 Mike Hunts in the U.S., including at least one in Beaverton, OR; 32 Mike Hocks; and two guys named Mike Rotch.
Writes Angie:
I was calling in our town to ask people to sign a petition. One of the names on my list was "Mr. Odor." Not wanting to offend, I asked if I could speak to Mr. Oh-dor (trying to stress the "oh"). He said, "No, it's "odor" like a smell." I told him I could understand his having to explain, my maiden name was Herford, which is a type of cow. He told me, "That's nothing. My first name is Ivan!" Ivan Odor. How mean was that?By the way, my great-grandmother's name was Clara Herford, and my grandmother is Isabelle Herford. I was dating a guy with the last name of Mazure, but becoming a Herford-Mazure would have put me over the edge. I'd been mooed at enough!!
I both confirmed Ivan Odor AND confirmed he lives near enough Angie for me to believe her story. (Aren't White Pages wonderful?)
You reminded me... I went to school with Pete Maas and Candy Kane.
Pete Maas - MIT graduate, Physics lecturer, University of StrathclydeCandy Kane - asst. swimming coach at Niagara University
Recent Immigrants to Canada find that fine and proper names in their homeland do not go over so well in Canada.
A teacher friend of mine always brings up her favourite: a lovely little girl from South Asia, who will likely be changing her name, or entering a post-traumatic stress disorder clinic, from all the teasing she'll get in about grade 5 or so.
The poor thing's name: Rammit Deep.
A. Quinn, Toronto
My friend's father works with a guy named Richard Glasscock.
Apparently, his "friends" do, indeed, call him "Dick."
-- Steve
I found no fewer than 18 Richard Glasscocks in the U.S.
I don't know this firsthand, but I know several people who claimed they went to school (all of them lived in the same area) with a girl named Edith Mycock. Some of them didn't learn much in school, but they never forgot that name.
Confirmed! It's probably not the same one, but I found an Edith Mycock in Britain. She's in charge of accomodations at Lower Berkamsytch Farm, Bottom House (quit laughing!) near Leek (I mean it!) in England's Peak District. The farm has cottages for rent if you feel like staying on a (and I quote) "small stock rearing farm" which, being a city person, I assume means they raise baby sheep and teach them to drive in NASCAR rallies.
Or maybe Edith Mycock is just what they tell snide Yank tourist city wankers like myself. Labels: 2002, 2003, amusement, babies, baby's named a bad bad thing, canada, candy, ivan, kids, links, lucas, maxed-out tags limit, names, nicole, sex, spelling, teunis, visitors, weird stuff, wikipedia
Bad Baby Names, Part 11: Even More Bad Names From You!
Part 11: Even More Bad Names From You!
In this edition, we put on our sleuthin' hat and take a closer look at some of the amazing names submitted by readers. Can we separate fact from fiction? Will we be able to determine what is joke and what is real? Can Batman escape the Penguin in time? There's only one way to find out!
My former roommate had a girlfriend named Luv Seamon. Actually, her full name was Luv Joy Seamon.
Confirmed! Looks like she went to Emory.
I worked in Human Resources for a company with stores in the south. I did come across some interesting names, and I swear these are true.
One girl was named DeVodka. I always wondered if it came up in conversation like "How did you let yourself get pregnant?" "Well I guess it was de vodka" "Hey, sounds like a nice name!"
Also, there was a Velveeta too. Maybe she had a sister named Brie?
I'm having trouble finding a Velveeta, but considering how many emails I got from people personally attesting to having met a Velveeta, I'd say it's true. (And if it weren't for the processed cheese-food angle, it's sort of pretty in its own way.) I can, however, totally confirm the existence of Mrs. Devodka Warren of North Carolina.
When I was in college, I worked for two years for the District of Columbia Department of Public Welfare in the Public Assistance Division as a summer employee. My supervisor's name was Quo Vadis Jones. Mrs. Jones was a middle-aged married woman who supervised about 40 social workers who administered Aid to Dependent Children programs. I do not know what her maiden name was, but it would be interesting to know. Her name prompted me to go out and read the book of that name.
I couldn't locate this Quo Vadis Jones, but I did find ANOTHER Quo Vadis Jones. Mrs. Jones was a native of Hannibal, Mo., (yes, she lived in a town that was also named after something anciently Roman), and worked as the cafeteria manager at Pettibone School for 20 years. She passed away in 2000 at the age of 91, leaving behind a goodly sized family, including 15 great-grandchildren and a great-great grandchild.
#1: The other horror someone I know told me of was a lady a friend's mom knew growing up. Nancy Ann. That's okay, right?
Nancy Ann Seancey. And she never went by just Nancy, as if Nancy Seancey wouldn't be bad enough. Nancy-ancy-ancy.
#2: The mayor of Providence, RI, was Vincent "Buddy" Cianci, until recently. (indictment / trial / conviction) And his ex-wife's name (as I have heard) was Nancy Ann. I wonder if she just went by Mrs. Buddy, or if she enjoyed being Nancy Ann Cianci.
"Seancey" and "Seancy" are pretty uncommon last names, but it is possible there is a Nancy Ann Seancey out there. There definitely is at least one Nancy Cianci out there, but she is not the former wife of Providence mayor Buddy Cianci, who was found guilty of one count of racketeering conspiracy in June 2002.
Thanks to reader Marjorie for confirming / adding to Cianci lore I hit in the course of my research: namely that a) Buddy assaulted his then-wife Sheila's alleged lover in 1984 with (according to the Providence Journal) "a lit cigarette, a fireplace log, and an ashtray," forcing his resignation. He was re-elected in 1990.
b) Local tales say the lit cigarette wound was to a VERY private male area;
c) (Unsubstantiated) Rumors also say Mayor Buddy's attack ended with him peeing on his foe;
d) The NYC Fringe Festival production of 'Buddy Cianci: The Musical' was lacking in all things, including pee lore. And quality.
OK, enough with my fascination with corrupt city officials. Back to the names!
I had a friend who did his pediatrics residency at a largely indigent hospital in Memphis, and kept a list of his favourite baby names. I wish I could remember more of them, but the funniest family was the White family, with children Purest and Snowy. I seem to recall a third child, Bright or something like that.
There were the usual stupid-spelling names like Antwaan, and the best all-round stupid name of something along the lines of Tom Jones Junior III, whose father was Tom Jones Junior II, grandfather was Tom Jones Junior and great-grandfather was Tom Jones.
I liked the anagrammatic twins Lakeesha and Lasheeka.
I couldn't find Purest, Snowy, and Bright (even after I checked the laundry detergent aisle!), but I did find a lot of people have cats named Snowy and Bright. (no Purests, though) Nor could I find the twins or Tom Jones Junior III; however, I did find someone named Robert Trent Jones Junior II who designed a golf course at a resort on Hainan island, China. His cousin, maybe?
I have some friends, Larry and Wanda. Their boys are Dary from the last two letters of each, and Larwan from the first three letters of each...
Searches for 'Dary' turn up a lot of pages in Czech. If anyone knows what it means, let me (and Larry and Wanda) know.
Update! Jennifer (Zhenia) Olson of the University of Toronto Department of Slavic Languages and Literatures writes:
"Dary" in Czech is the plural form of "dar." A "dar" can be a gift, a handout, or a talent for something.
I did actually find some information on Dary and Larwan themselves: Their dad helped start an all-deaf students soccer team when they were kids, and Larwan plays for Gallaudet. Dary is a high-achieving student who got to meet the governor's wife.
I have a distant relative [Tom] whose father's name is Pershing. When said Tom and his wife had a child, they named her Pershelle Adrienne. Pershelle. This tiny, blond girl. We were all hoping they'd call her Adrienne, but no. "Love, Tom, Sharon, and Pershelle." I hope she insists on going by Perry or something once she can speak.
Not confirmed, but Pershell is often a last name.
And then, some.. special.. names around campus / work:
Ashtia [Ashtia Jewell.]
Confirmed! And she's done musical comedy!
Caysie / Kacie
Arwen
Either her parents are Tolkien fans or she's a Liv Tyler fan.
Kayti / Caity
According to Google, there are over a thousand 'Katyi's.
Bard [He's faculty. w00t. Bard Suvakrop. Being an opera singer, I guess it's okay to have a name like Bard.]
Actually, it's Suverkrop. He's a bass.
Tobin Moss [No, HE doesn't have a hobbit name.]
Golder [also faculty]
Jennipher and Stefanie [sisters]
According to Google, there are slightly more 'Jenniphers' than Katyis, but not by much.
Laynard [except he's actually Alan. and goes by Laynard.]
I've found some Laynards, mostly as a last name or a misspelling of "lanyard."
Brunetta
Not an uncommon Italian last name, described as "extremely rare" as a first name by a French baby naming site.
Zaq [actually Zachary, not Zaiquiri.]
Sloane-Rachael
Confirmed! and she's.... another one into musical theater! (I'm detecting a pattern. Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be theatre geeks.)
Edrie [faculty]
Shahaadah
Disqualified! 'Shahaadah' is the first pillar of Islam, where you testify Allah is God and Mohammad his true prophet. So obviously, for a Muslim, this is a beautiful and meaningful name. (like a Christian being named "Faith") But for a white guy from Ottawa - very, very silly.
Update! We've heard back from our operative at Shenandoah University who reports Shahaadah is a Christian, complete with WWJD bracelet. So we can put this one back in the WTF column.
Your website is a piece of work! I howled. I wet my pants laughing. If they gave Pulitzers for funny websites, you'd be the hands-down favorite. The names are bad enough, but your comments are what really make the site. Where does this stuff come from? Are you on drugs? Do you sleep under a pyramid? I'm sending your site's URL to all my emapcipated female friends AND my three children, one of whom has already produced Kestrel Rain who, oddly enough, does sound a bit like a hawk when she screeches.
Answers: Hell no, and sometimes. Thanks.Meanwhile, I can confirm another Kestrel Rain, this one a boy - maybe they could marry! Actually, Kestrel is his middle name. His first name is Cadao. Searches for "Cadao" turn up many sites in Vietnamese, which I don't speak. If you've got any information, drop me a line.
My grandmother's first name was Birdelle. Apparently her mother let the doctor name her, and that's what he picked. (I really don't know which part of that sentence is worse.) ...
Incidentally, I have heard of exactly one other instance of this name. Turns out my husband had a great-aunt named Birdelle, so it wasn't completely made up as I had always assumed.
Nope, Birdelle is a real name. I can't track down its origin, but judging from ages and dates, it appears to have waned in popularity around the turn of the last century.
I heard the daughter of the man behind Lear aviation was named Shanda Lear.
True! For once, it's not an urban legend. Ms. Lear is a multi-talented woman; her Web site details her life as an entertainer, motivational teacher, business woman, and lactation consultant. She has a new CD out called Dancin' and Romancin' where she sings some old romantic standards. (And before you ask, yes, she has done an album of "flying themed" songs.)
The principal at Cherry Hill High School was named Richard Head, I would have loved to have gone to that school. "My principal is a Dick Head, really!!"
I can't find any former Cherry Hill High School principals named Richard Head, but there are plenty of other Richard Heads out there: I found 51 Richard Heads listed in 24 states. (not counting past Richard Heads, such as Richard Head Welles, father of Orson)
The Dick Head capital of the U.S. is Tennessee. It has 7.
I used to teach 4th graders. Best names: twins named "Daryl" and "LaDaryl," and a boy called "Loinsworth." I am not making this up!
I can't confirm Daryl and LaDaryl being twins, but I've found families with both names. I can't find evidence of anyone crazy enough to give their kids the first name Loinsworth, but it is a real last name. Someone, somewhere, got an idea in their head, and that's when the evil started.
When I was working in the Career Services of my undergraduate University, we of course had files on everyone who had come in looking for work. (which was just about everyone at some point) We were privy to a lot of really odd names. Anyway, when I was working through a day of 'pre interviews' ... I suddenly realized I was faced with a bad bad name to try to call out in a crowded room: Kynda Boring. Giving her the benefit of a doubt, I called out with the pronunciation "Kin-da," and left the last name off. She corrected me as she came into the interview room, "No, it's pronounced 'Kind-a'." Ooooook, I just left it at that and suppressed my internal laughter and did the interview. I was filing paperwork later in the day and came across her name in the files, and lo and behold, there's a twin sister there. Her name was ..... Michelle.
Can't find Kynda Boring, but in searching, I found many Michelle Borings, my favorite being one who plays (played) on a softball team with Sunny Bush and a Kenyotta.
To be fair, I've met not one, but multiple people with the last name Boring, and know they take enough crap to know, generally, not to call their kids Kynda.
Some names from my daughter's classmates:Summerlee (ick)
Casara (casserole??)
Kyrie (yup, as in Elaison)
Nacole (pronounced NAY-cole) And my all-time very favorite ----
NIKI RICARDO!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHHAAA!
Confirmed used as first names: Summerlee, Nacole. Kyrie, as in "Kyrie Eleison," Greek for "Lord have mercy," which is invoked in Catholic and especially Eastern rites, seems to be slowly gaining popularity, whether the parents know what it means or not. (Somehow, I blame Kylie Minogue for this.)
I also found Casara. She's the Civil Air Search and Rescue Association, Canada's volunteer emergency aviation squad. Good for her!
Unconfirmed (to my great shame): Niki Ricardo.
#1: When I worked as a paralegal, I had to review some really old contracts. There was a family named Christmas, with several children, including a daughter named Mary. Mary grew up and went on to get married. Her married name: Mary Christmas Holliday.
#2 I'd like to point out that parents can be atrocious with normal names, too. I knew an accountant in Chicago a few years back named Mary Chris Smith.
Partly confirmed! Mary Chris Smith is working with the SLA! (That's the Showmen's League of America, a carnival / circus organization, not the Symbionese Liberation Army.) This may or may not be the same Mary Chris Smith who graduated Ole Miss in 1986. (Mary, if you're out there, the alumni association's looking for you!)
I know of a lady who named her darling little child Mikayleigh. The girl is now 4, and her name is still longer than she is tall.
Also, in my line of work (I'm a 911 dispatcher), I occasionally see interesting names pop up on my screen. My most memorable? "LaPleasure." I am not making this up.
Mikayleigh = confirmed!
LaPleasure = also a beach in Ghana, and (surprise!) a porn index.Labels: 2002, 2003, alan, amusement, babies, baby's named a bad bad thing, chris, jennifer, kids, larry, links, mary, maxed-out tags limit, michelle, names, spelling, teunis, twins, visitors, weird stuff
Bad Baby Names, Part 10.1: Mailbag!
Part 10.1: Mailbag!
Eagle-eyed and iron-stomached reader Virginia directed me to what may be the Necronomicon of Bad Baby Names, the pitch-black pit from which all bad names emerge: Unique Baby Names. The page is part of Baby-Names-Etc.com, which appears to be one of the hundred and hundreds of poorly-put-together and apparently abandoned baby name sites on the web. There's no way to tell if it's an offshoot of a commercial site, someone's hobby, or what. Whatever it is, it's pretty cheap..... and EVIL!
I have written to the owners of the site demanding an explanation for the following article, as well as writing to the standing U.N. war crimes tribunal in the Hague, but have not received a reply from either.
UPDATE! Reader Lisa recognized this passage as familiar, and says the baby-names-etc.com people plagarized it in full from New Age Baby Name Book by Sue Browder. I suppose this explains the typos, but it doesn't explain the Conspiracy of Evil clearly afoot: Someone wrote something awful, someone edited it, someone published it, someone distributed it, someone bought it, and someone liked it so much they took the time to plagiarize it. Maybe Browder's lawyers can hash it out.
Here is the page, quoted in its entirety, complete with snotty comments, because I can't resist.
Unique baby names are fun, and unique baby names can be created in several ways. The ways to make a unique baby name is only limited by your imagination.
Wow. Comprehensive discussion as to why to create a name from scratch. "It's fun." Thanks.
- Anagrams: To create an anagram of an existing name, take the tile letters from the game Scrabble and combine them in different ways.
"I like Ohnj for a boy and Aejn for a girl." -
Telescoping: Drop letters from a word until you find a baby name that is suitable. Kahlil Gibran can be changed to Kabran. Schuyler can become Sky.
Whoa... Kahlil Gibran isn't unique enough? I really like cars, so I used this technique and have decided to name my first son Autobile. I also like the films of Frederico Fellini, so I may name my first daughter Fedco Felin. -
From the father's name: A boy can be named "Junior," but you can be more creative. Donald can become Doni or for a girl, Donie. John can become Jonette, Jonille, Jonalee.
... or Itmightbeyourkidlyn. You'remypropertyIownyouette. -
From the mother's name: A popular way to name a boy after his mother is to use her maiden name if it was Ward, Grey, Parker, Davis, Ross, Cole, Taylor, Williams - or an equivalent. Or the mother's name can be transformed to a boy's name. Mary can become Martin, Marle, Marwin, Marson, Marren, etc. For a girl, it can be Mari, Marina, etc.
I can't put my finger on why, but the first sentence, about "equivalent"(?) last names strikes me as racist. Oh yeah, it's because those are white white snowy white names. So I'm naming my son Kleinman Yamaguchi Chan-Jackson Hernandez Mangosuthu Rajagopal. Smith. -
Combinations: Take the mother's and father's names, and combine to create a new baby name. Mary and John could be Marjon; Daniel and Susan would be Dansan; David and Sally could be Dally, not Salad! Alan and Mary make a very nice girl's name: Alray.
Marjon: a low-calorie spread. I can't believe it's not Marjon! Dansan - maybe if you're huge Cheers fans. Dally - as a middle name. First name: Dilly. Alray - makers of fine face creams. I had fun with this. I put my own parents' names (Mark & Susan - they're so very proud) in the Name Super Collider! and came up with: Marsan, Masu, Markan, Musan, Mausa, Sark, Sumar, Sarsan, Suma, Surk, Susar, Sum, Susam, Susamar. None of which I'd name my dog. OK, I'd name a cat Mausa. Or Carl. There's just something funny about animals with mundane human names. -
Re-Spellings: Take a name like Marianne and make it MariAnne to create a new baby name. Arlene becomes ArLene. Catlin becomes CaitLin. Make Janet J'Net or J'Nette.
Oh, for cripe's sake! Is there a single person out there, a single, solitary person who thinks Marianne and MariAnne are different names? Could I get a show of hands? Anyone else thinking of SanDeE* in L.A. Story? Second question: Does anyone think J'Net or J'Nette are pronounced "Janet" ("JA-net") and not "Jeanette" ("gin-ET")? Seeing as how an apostrophe is a lingual blank, and not, as many people think, accents. If I ever parlay this site into a wacky candid camera show, I'm going to sic Monsieur Martin, my incredibly aggressive former French teacher, on people to teach them a thing or two about accent marks. After three hours of him yelling, "C'est circumflex! N'est pas accent grande! Jamais!" the parents will be filing the name change paperwork themselves. And crying. When it comes to unique baby names, anything goes! Names are everywhere, from designer tags to colors, like Azure, Rudby, Burgundy and Gray. Months like April and June are easy names for girls. States provide names like Dakota and Carolina. But be careful when you select a name. Careful like you were when you typed in "Ruby"? Complicated names that are impossible to pronounce will only bring grief from teachers, and teasing from classmates. Names that are difficult to spell will be misspelled throughout the child's entire life, and while it makes them unique, the aggravation can be a This from a site that just suggested Jonille? And here's a dire warning on giving a boy a girl's name and vice versa: It's a setup for disaster in the school yard. Howard O'Brien is now Anne Rice, author of the famous vampire books. She was given a boy's name because her folks wanted a boy! So be kind to your baby. Choose unique baby names with care. So if I give my kid an f'ed up name, they'll become a fabulously popular, though not overwhelmingly talented writer of gothy best-seller-list demi-porn? Susamar Rudby-Aejn Rajagopal it is! First of all, I have to comment on the Oleo name. While it is very similar to the Oreo brand name of sandwich cookies, any good crossword enthusiast will tell you that oleo is another name for margarine. It is analogous to naming your child "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" which, I might add, I found to be a ridiculous thing to name margarine. Two instances from my own experience of over-the-top names. I know a family with three children. The boys are Holland and Scotland and the daughter is Britannia. Britannia at least has precedence and is vaguely similar to Brittany. Scotland could, when he so chooses, go by the more standard Scott. But what of poor Holland? And then do these children grow up and name their children London, Oslo, Edinburgh, and Amsterdam? Another family with three children I know of gave their children names from the Bible. That is certainly not a new practice. However, instead of naming their children Peter and Paul, they gave their children Biblical place names. Their daughters are Canaan (Kay none) and Eden and their son is Jericho. Canaan was the land promised by God to the Israelites, the land flowing with milk and honey. Eden, of course, being the garden Adam and Eve were placed in and thrown out of after eating the forbidden fruit. Jericho is the city (coincidentally in the land of Canaan) conquered by Joshua and the people of Israel by marching around the city seven times and blowing trumpets. The nicknames I have heard them sometimes referred to by grandparents and whomever else are Caycay (KK), Edie, and Coco respectively. (being as these are nicknames, I have no knowledge of their spelling, having only heard them) Excerpts from the battle of Jericho (Joshua, Chapter 6) "... and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat, so that the people went up into the city, every man straight before him, and they took the city... And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. ... And they burnt the city with fire, and all that was therein: only the silver, and the gold, and the vessels of brass and of iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the LORD. Um, nice. It's also STILL being fought over fiercely, so in some ways naming your kid Jericho is a political statement, like "Kashmir" or "Belfast." Laurie Hickson-Smith, the red-haired hater of ceiling fans on TLC's Trading Spaces, gave birth this year to a son. Gibson Witherspoon. Even if he only carries "Smith" as a last name, this is a child who will be beaten up a lot. Jennifer (the net name spy!) spotted this one: Q: Ma'ire is a unique and beautiful name. How do you pronounce it? Does it have a meaning in another language? A: Thank you, I worked 9 months on that name. LOL. It is pronounced Mary, and it is the Gaelic spelling. (my family ancestry) I figured with a name like my momma gave me, I needed to keep up the tradition! -- Branwyn So the name's not because of your ancestry or anything, so much as the continued appearance of it. Ah. Actually, Branwyn's close, but no cigarillo. Maire (no apostrophe) or Máire (with accent) are Gaelic versions of Mary, as are Molly and Mairi. (Let's also remember that Gaelic spellings and English spellings have been drifting apart for the last 600 years or so, which is why they often have a variety of spellings for foreign words.) You also may be interested to know that Maire is French for "mayor." From Cynthia: I grew up in Hawaii, where parents could get pretty creative with naming children, with some disastrous results: In my high school alone, there were two sisters named Blessing and Gaiety (I know they had another sister, but can't remember the name). Another girl was named Blue Hawaii. In my culture (I won't name it, for fear that people can poke further fun), parents like to meld their names together when naming their child. As you can imagine, there can be a lot of original and unique names: Argyle (Gil and Arceli -- I used to kid him about being named after a sock...) Arleigh (Argyle and Leilani -- conglomeration of his older sister and brother. I saw this name pop up at the USS Arizona memorial. However, I don't think the parents had a clue.) Mariecon (My sister, melding after my mother's two first names... "maricon" in Spanish just happens to be a slang term for homosexual.) JoMar (Joe and Maria) I think I may have shared too many clues to remain anonymous. :-) Well, I found a bunch of Mariecons, mostly Filipino. (a ha! Nice try, Cynthia!) I only mention this because the Philippines was a Spanish colony for over 300 years - apparently, the term 'maricon' (and it is a very rude term) developed sometime after 1898. And this is a really obscure comment, but the name JoMar makes me immediately think of the masterwork of film Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964). In this cinematic triumph, most of the Martians' names end with -mar (for Martian! Get it?!): Bomar, Momar, Girmar (played by Pia Zadora!), etc. I've gotten a few emails about the name Latrina, so I thought I'd do some research. Well, it should come to no one's surprise that 'latrina' in Italian means... latrine. According to the Kabalarians, who come up with (cough) meanings for every weird-ass name out there: "Your first name of Latrina has given you a quick-minded, sensitive nature. It gives you a creative ability in art, music, singing, or fancywork, and an appreciation for refined surroundings." This appreciation of surroundings must make life extra tough for the first two Latrinas I found, both of whom are in prison and looking for pen-pals, possibly more. (Both are up for parole pretty soon, gents!) Latrina 4458B is in prison in Connecticut for selling drugs, and will get out in 2006. She's looking for a man who is willing to look past her previous mistakes, and likes sports and kids. Latrina F6312 is in jail in Arkansas, and is looking for someone sensual to write to her until her release in 2004. Her interests include "swimming, fishing, camping, and romantic getaways." ... far, far away from this stinking prison. You'll be happy to know both are willing to relocate for the right man. I had the misfortune last year, of doing some work at a private religious schooling facility near where I lived. Amongst the students was a girl called Deztini. Bleach-blonde little girl about 11 years old, spoilt by her folks (her mother seems to have been far too influenced by the Krystyl Dolfin era of kewl grrl namezz!1!1!!), blasted rap music without having a clue what the words were. ... And her freaking name was *Deztini*, of course, pronounced as 'destiny.' The pain, the pain. Surprise, surprise, all searches I did for "Deztini" turned up porn sites, porn stars, and escorts. My cousin had a little girl a few months ago...they called her Perryn. I could handle that... but her big brother's name is....*ack*... Garland. My cousin named his daughter Paisley Miquel. My aunt and uncle were terrified when they had a son after. They were relieved when he and his wife settled on Matthew. Lol! Oh and I knew a girl in Japan who named her daughter Maekenzee Reenae. She liked e's, I guess. I was an elementary school teacher for many years -- here are some of the most memorable names. Alpachino Baines -- he told me his father was a big fan of the actor -- everyone called him Chino. Then there was a boy named Marvelous, and his brother Dominant. And let's not forget brother and sister Prince and Queen. But the one that takes the cake -- a little girl named Tajshma. You guessed it, her last name is Hall! Here are some lessons to be learned. #1. Marvelous Marvin Haggler's first name wasn't Marvelous. #2. Queen Latifah's first name isn't Queen. #3. Prince's real first name wasn't.... damn! It actually was Prince! Son of a ....! My favorite thing in this one (besides Alpachino, about which I honestly don't know where to start - how 'bout it's spelled wrong?) is that in searching the Web for Tajshma or Tashma Hall, all I turned up were sites of people who actually think that is how to spell "Taj Mahal." VFW Hall, Oddfellow's Hall, Tajshma Hall.... it all makes sense. My co-worker's last name is [the same as a popular TV character]. Of course, that name opens up a world of teasing. You think she'd name her sons fairly neutral names to keep the weirdness to a minimum. Alas, no such luck. The boys are Whitbread (family last name), Festus (yet another family name), and Aengus. (they added the e to make the spelling more Celtic) Wee Festus TV-Last-Name really has his hands full if he runs into TV fans of a certain age, or anyone with the TV Land cable channel. As they explain on their Web site regarding Gunsmoke: As Dodge City's Deputy Marshal, Festus is the pride of the Haggen family, a clan of no-account hillbillies who may have less than 32 teeth among them. Although illiterate and often incoherent, the dog-eared Deputy has earned the respect of Dodge's townspeople as a capable lawman. And he is easily the most colorful resident of this frontier town. Festus is fiercely loyal to Matt Dillon and counts Matt as one of his two best friends - the other is his mule. His meager salary as a deputy forces him to do odd jobs to make ends meet, so when he's not covering Marshal Dillon's back, he's most likely painting a barn or digging a well to earn extra income. Festus is a bachelor, which should come as no surprise given his educational background and lack of personal hygiene. In his spare time, he can be found at the Long Branch Saloon, waiting for someone to buy him a drink. I absolutely love this website! I woke up my whole family at 2 AM with my hysterical laughter. I have a contribution. I saw this name on the bulletin board at work, and cringed. And then laughed. I haven't the faintest idea how to pronounce this, but somebody named their child Treoganeke. I have a cousin named Carrianne [deleted] in Minnesota. She married a man named [deleted] Baird that is a Canadian citizen. They named their two daughters [First name] Koala Baird and [First name] Panda Baird. This one made me go a little berserk. Not because the first names are bad names. They're very nice (though increasingly trendy) names. Or even that Koala and Panda are much too cuddly to be used as middle names. Or even that they're paired with Baird, to up the cuddly factor 100-fold and make the kids sound like characters in a children's book (with accompanying line of plush toys.) Or the prospect that the girls are going to grow up into dark, petulent teenagers / young adults who smoke cloves, listen to German industrial, and read the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Oh no. It's that koalas aren't bears. They're freaking marsupials. That's how high my bad baby name tolerance has gotten. Update! In the last few days, I have been deluged with emails about how pandas aren't bears, either - they're closer to raccoons. Obviously, this required me to put on my safari hat and do lots of unnecessary research into panda physiology and behavior. Because... um... yeah. After reading a lot of looooong articles, one entirely about panda penises - the things I do for my readers! - it appears (drum roll) they are bears. Sort of. If they are, they're not very good at it. Scientists are still debating what the heck is with the panda, seeing as they look like bears, are built like bears, and are genetically close to bears, but do almost no bear things at all. They eat their veggies, they're really slow, don't hibernate, don't like caves, and have a mini-thumb and a nose like a kitten. Plus, red pandas look exactly like raccoons after a day at the beauty parlor. (I know, I know, red pandas and giant pandas aren't closely related. But I love red pandas, and couldn't leave them out.) What does this mean for the world of bad baby names? I'm not sure. I'm still confused from all the bear dick articles. But you just learned something, and damn it, I'm here to educate as well as entertain. When I was in college (in Santa Cruz), I worked for the food service. I got to see everybody's names, as we had lists. Bear in mind, this was in the '80s, so there weren't quite so many, um, inventive names then. I did see my share of unusual names and interesting combinations. (Jay Walker is a good example) But the winner (I swear this really is true) was the beautiful young woman named Velveeta. And I never had the guts to ask her about the origin of the name when she finally walked into the office to get her ID card recoded. I've regretted it ever since. I've gotten a few emails about Velveetas, but finding them has been nearly impossible. If you are or know a Velveeta, please drop me a line... we're all a little curious. (I promise not to call your name "cheesy.") Many years ago, when I was pregnant and going to a local hospital for the usual blood tests and such, I passed by the nursery with all the infants in their clear glass (plastic) baby buckets. (well, beds, but they look like little rectangular buckets) They had the first and middle name of each child proudly displayed on a tag, and one little girl had the misfortune, apparently, to be named by parents who'd dropped just a few too many hits of acid in their youth. Her name, and I swear before all that is holy, I am NOT making this up: Serenity Ambrosia. Somewhere in the vicinity of Rockford, Illinois, there is a teenaged girl who probably dresses all in black and scowls at everyone, and hates her parents. I have a cousin who named her first child Ansonetta Wynette. Her husband's mother, who was dead, had left a letter asking that her first grandchild be named that, because she thought it was the prettiest name on earth. Oh yeah - punishing a child for the wishes of a dead woman who never met her. At least the first grandchild wasn't a boy! When I was pregnant, I emailed someone that we were considering the name "Ryan" if we had a boy. I typed "Ryna" by mistake, and my friend asked people in her office if they'd ever heard of the name "Ryna." Someone liked it, and named her child that. Good thing I didn't accidentally write "ryno." Ryna's not such a bad name. It's also good for your sinuses: Ryna 12-S There are so many bad, unusual baby names, but how about naming your baby after a dog? I have relatives who named their two sons Buddy and Buster. I know a couple who has the last name Sherlock. They named their daughter Eilish. Forget about saying it ten times fast. Try saying it ONCE! My children's names are Caitlen Mekare and Arica Ashton. I am pregnant, and expecting a boy whose name will be Kai Thomas Orion. (I know, you are cringing here!) Now to my first daughter's middle name - and I warn you now: this is really twisted if you actually know where the name came from. Personally, I just liked the way the name sounded with her first name - strong, but still feminine. However, the novel it came from was Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned. The character Mekare (mah-CARE) is one of the twins who defeats the queen, and at the very end, Mekare kills the queen and eats her, becoming the queen of the damned herself. I know, just plain weird, but it is a pretty name just the same! On a side note, my brother has also read the book, and is set on the name Akasha if he ever has a daughter - Akasha was the first queen .... so we really must be a twisted lot! Please feel free to use excerpts of this to poke fun at - after all, you can see that I do the same on occasion! What a bad mother I am! LOL Well, if you open the door, it'd be rude not to walk in. (On the other hand, inviting me to give you a hard time about your kids' names makes it really, really hard to come up with anything. Curse you and your reverse psychology!) I have one thought, though. DeVille Mekare would be a great character name in some Tales from the Crypt-style low-budget tale of a clichéd horror version of Faust. Bonus points if you can get Pacino to do it.
Okay, here is one from my husband's family, and one from mine to keep it fair -- both are girls: Sutter Lynn, and Lettice Catherine Oh man... Lettice (if it's pronounced "lettuce," as opposed to "Luh-TEES") is so close to those great urban legend names Lemonjello and Oranjello. She can marry a man named Tomate, and have kids named Onyon and Sesameseid Bunn. Update!: I've gotten a couple emails about Lettice Deveraux, countess of Essex and Leichester, cousin to Queen Elizabeth I, wife #3 of Robert Dudley and all-around neat person... not the kind of person to have a pretentious 21st century baby name! (Not that Lettice, as luh-TEES, is pretentious. I like it! "Lettuce" on the other hand...) But writing to me about Lettice Deveraux, no one mentioned other interesting historical bits like: - Mrs. Dudley #1 took a header down some stairs, and speculation persists to this day Dudley - who made a habit of repeatedly and publicly proposing to the queen - had "helped." (Whether or not he looked like Joseph Fiennes is also debatable.)
- Mrs. Dudley #2 was Douglas Howard. Yes, an Elizabethan woman named Douglas.
I work for Head Start and we have a pair of twins this year: Pookie Bair (like bear) and Poopsie Dier (like deer), both girls! A few years ago, we had a set of twins who were named: Hunter and Fischer (Fisher), and their last names was Farmer! Ugh! Yes, but going back to the neolithic era, we see Hunter Farmers are more advanced than Hunter Gatherers. And Pookie and Poopsie. Were there ever two kids who needed Head Start more? I think we should take up a collection for them. A couple I know wanted their sons to have names beginning with "A." After Adam, Anthony, and Andrew were born, the only name they could think of for #4 was Amadeus. That was 8 years ago. This kid is regularly beaten up at school and ridiculed wherever he goes. They couldn't have come up with Alan? Aiden? Alex? Albert? Arnie?? My best friend Andrea, a teacher, was recently trading "most outlandish kids' names" stories with fellow teachers at her new elementary school. Andrea's favorite, "Cassanova" was trumped by someone who said she had a first grader named "PamperMe." What's next, a kid named "W'ipeMyAss"?! Thanks for the huge laugh. I'm very pregnant right now, and we just discovered that we're going to have a boy. My husband now expects me to live up to my promise to name our first boy after his father. (We ducked the bullet twice already with girls) Our baby is going to be named... Elvio. It was a huge relief to find that amidst all the other wackily named kids that our poor little boy won't stand out nearly as much as I feared. -- Erica P.S. Okay, in Italy, it's not an unknown name and my husband's entire family comes from Italy. But for me, it's kind of up there with Jawarhalal, Taybree, Kason... or even "Steve." ;) My maternal grandfather was an OB/GYN in a rural area of Pennsylvania in the 1940s. He would tell stories of delivering babies to mothers who had never been to a doctor or heard the medical terms for body parts. He mentioned one or two women who had to be discouraged from naming their children "Uterus" or "Ovary." Kids named Uterus, Ovary, and especially Placenta are covered on this page from Snopes.com, the universe's best urban legends site. It traces the racist or classist subtext of many stories of women giving their children embarassing medical names: Click here to read the Snopes articleLabels: 2002, 2003, amusement, babies, baby's named a bad bad thing, books, daniel, kids, links, lisa, mark, mary, maxed-out tags limit, names, spelling, sue, susan, teunis, visitors, weird stuff
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