Past hilarious quotes, 2004 to mid-2005

No, I don't know why I haven't had a "quote collection" post in quite some time. Here they all are for your amusement:

WAY BACK:

Mom, on Van Halen's Panama: "Did they say GRANDMA?! Why are they singing about her?!"
Hahahaha... NO! I doubt the boys know my granny personally!

Mom, on the video for Our Lady Peace's song Clumsy: "Do they all have mental problems?! Everything is floating around in WATER!!!"
(my siblings and I concluded that Mom definitely isn't too PC!)

Mom and Dad, on the Sex Pistols: "Are you looking up PORN on the family computer?!"
HAHAHAHA, no. IF that were ever to happen (which it won't!), I'd do that on my own computer!


May 18, 2005: (Wednesday)

Mom to me: "Are you sure you don't want to move back home and pay us rent? That way, I can be sure that you don't go into... other professions! You never know about this Internet friend of yours. Jayson might drug you and then rape you... and then make you do other things that you don't want! He could be a primp!" My sister and I just laughed at her for being too paranoid, and for mangling English.

Mom, upon half-listening to my comment to Steph about finally emailing her a link to Palmer's picture: "You're going to pick up Jason Yeasting? Your Internet friend is going to pick you up?! Who's Palmer?!" (My sister explained that Palmer was his onscreen name, and that our conversation had nothing to do with our friend Jason. She doesn't think that Palmer's the dude she saw on the TV show who was wanted for harassing girls on the Vancouver Dateline thing!)

Dad, upon hearing my sister's future plans with Jessica and Margaret: "You're going to watch a show called America's Next Topless Model?!" My siblings and I laughed at him for THAT one! It's America's Next Top Model, NOT that thing! :P

This next batch (the numbered ones) are all from my sister's Xanga:

1. Dawn, on how she'd like to die: "I'd like to die while surrounded by family, biting into a nice piece of steak and suddenly just croak."


2. Last November [2004], my mom took a nutrition management exam as a part of her job. So she complained to me about the wordiness...

Her: "How come they call it MASTICATION when they can just say CHEWING? I will remember it because it sounds like MASTURBATION."

Me: "Yeah, Mum... it's the same thing as URINATION and peeing; and DEFECATION and pooing."

Her: "Hah??? I thought it was when you got your head cut off?!?!"

Me: "NO Mum, that's DECAPITATION."

I was so totally unamused! Oh, and Mum still cannot pronounce "anus"... she pronounces it like "ann-uss" and the male genitalia as "penn-iss." There was this one time she got so confused when we went to some pasta house, and my sister ordered a plate of penne... yeah. o_O

(Which reminds me of the time that Spoz thought "decaplets" were twins born with no heads... HAHAHAHAHAHA! How can you be born without a head?!)


3. My mom's idea of matchmaking, while on the phone to my sister in November 2004:

Mom: So, any of your girliefriends interested in Jon yet?
Steph: Um, not really...
Mom: Ha??? Have you asked them? Maybe you should introduce him to your friends!
Steph: I told my friends about him. But they're not interested.
Mom: HOW COME?! Jon is a GOOD boy!
Steph: They don't know him, Mum. He barely goes to our church!
Mom: Hmm. Well, you should try your best to help out your brother. You know, I still like *****, *****, and ********. Do they have boyfriends?
Steph: Nope!
Mom: Oh, gooooooooooooooooood. Maybe something will happen when he's here for Christmas.

What's funnier is that my DAD got into it too! (and he almost never does!)

Good thing Mom doesn't know about the entry in which Steph put out an open application for Jon's future wife. ;) She'd love the suggestions there, hahaha.

(Now accepting all applications...

It's Jon's birthday next week. I know this is gonna make me seem like a freak (erm, freakier?) but the only decent and meaningful gift I can think of is... a sister-in-law for myself! Ooo. I think I've spent too long with my mum, I'm becoming her double. Anyway, the more I think about it (and yes, I do think about it), the more I have certain people in mind. Hmm. I'd rather not risk those friendships by proclaiming who my ideal sis-in-law would be, but in case any of them is reading this post (hehe, and some of them do read this hehehehehehehe)... Jonathan is a very decent young man. He can play music to swoon you (although I don't think he's very romantic... and I don't really wanna know , he's not that ugly (despite his nickname) and he's got the cooooooolest sisters and a very fun mother! Oh, he has a father too, but no adjective for him... he's just not as fun as us Ng women... Anyway, contact me if interested... I would be pleased to arrange any get togethers. I only ask a couple things... crack the whip on his tardiness, and don't be a meanie! No awkward family dinners are allowed.

Welcome to the family! Ceci, Viv Lui, Becca, Melia, Cindy, or Becky!!! Hehe, one can only hope!)

As for what really happened when he was over here for Christmas break, the poor boy had a gastrointestinal incident. He had to spend Christmas and half of Boxing Day in the hospital. :(


4. Mum: We're going to Uncle Ken and Auntie Ada's house for dinner on Thursday.
Steph: Who are they?
Mum: You know. Bernadette's parents!
Jon: Um... I think you mean Benedict.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


5. So my mum was writing a Christmas card for an old family friend... good thing Jon decided to proofread it. Instead of "Ngs crazy bunch," it said: "love from Ngs crazy butch"...

Nice. Real nice.
________________________________________________

Mum to my sister: Can you have a baby girl before I'm 60?
Erm... that gives her 3.5 years to produce. Eeek.

________________________________________________

Closely related to the above:

Mom to me: Don't go and get pregnant by the first guy that's nice to you!

The very next day:

Mom to me: I want you to give me GRANDCHILDREN as soon as possible!


Uh... talk about mixed messages THERE.... o_O
________________________________________________

Steph: Ew, Mum, did you just fart???
Mum: Noooo. I was only passing gas!

Hahaha... yeah, what's the difference? Oh, Mummy...


6. Mum: I think pink makes me look too fleshy.
________________________________________________________
Dad: Are those your Anne Frank socks?

(he meant Paul Frank!)


7. In March 2005, after my sister got a speeding ticket going to a non-existent football game / practice:

Steph: Oh Mum, guess what happened to me on Saturday!
Mum: You got a boyfriend?!!!
Steph: Uh, no. I got a speeding ticket.
Mum: HA??? Aiya, how much was it? Aiya!
Steph: Fifty-two bucks...
Mum: AIYA... so expensive! You're a dangerous driver!!!
Dad: Ha, what happened?
Steph: I got a speeding ticket.
Dad: Oh, haha. How much?
Steph: Fifty-two bucks...
Dad: Oh! So cheap!!! ... *five seconds pass* ... Anyway, I think it is time for you to settle down and get yourself a boyfriend.

My parents are funny. They're so opposite, but so alike at the same time.


8. From an April 2005 phone conversation my sister had with the parents:

Dad: Now, do you have a boyfriend yet? (read: How can you still be single?!)
Steph: No, Dad!
Dad: Ha? How come?! Aren't there any good boys at your church?
Steph: Uhhh....
Dad: That's ridiculous. I should send your mother over. Maybe she can make something happen for you! *pause* Maybe I should come by myself!

BAHAHAHAHA. MCBC boys, consider yourselves warned!


Mom: Steph, I've been thinking about *******. He is a very nice boy. What do you think about him??? Is he good enough to be your boyfriend???
Steph: Uhhh....
Mom: I have already been praying for the two of you. Hopefully, he will spark a conversation with you when you're home!
Steph: Uhhh... *thinks I NEED HELP!*


There's more where that came from!

Sometime in early 2005:

Karen and Vivian, at lunch: "Can we have an extra bowl for our large #9?"
Waitress: "What do you mean?"
Karen and Vivian: "We want to split a bowl of noodles!"
Waitress: "I don't understand!"
Karen and Vivian: "Okay, can we have two #9s? Only for one of them, can you leave the noodles and soup and meat OUT of it?"

(speak their language, and they'll eventually understand you!)

Feb. 27, 2005: (Sunday)

Jen, ordering Pho at lunch: "I'll have a #69, please." (grass jelly drink with ice)
Nathan: *makes a bunch of sex jokes that fly over her head*
Dawn and me: "Don't look it up on the Internet! The text should be enough! You actually don't need to know what exactly it is... just don't do a Google search for it, or even a general Net search!"
Jen: "It has something to do with sex, right?"
Nathan: "Yes! Just think about how the 69 is formed!"
Citrus: "NATHAN! Don't tell her that!"


May 21, 2005: (Saturday)

Mom, to me: "Did you make OFF with Palmer?!"
(NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!)

Four silly quotes from (Sunday) July 17, 2005:

1. Dad, at the restaurant: "Put the plate on the turntable!" (he meant the LAZY SUSAN, and insisted that the two were the same thing: my sister and I just gave each other a look)

2. Mom: "Take the garbage out... it's so STINGY!" (I told her that "stinky" and "stingy" were different things, and then she questioned the existence of Dictionary.com ... I would have showed her the site, but the wireless network was down, and my sister's laptop gave me a blue screen of death when I tried starting Mozilla)

3. Mom: "Aren't you concerned about your future daughter-in-law?" (uh, my brother's future wife would be my SISTER-in-law... I'll worry about my future daughter-in-law when I'm married and have a son, thanks!)

4. Mom: "You are my lover... you are my lovely daughter..." (she sings stuff like this ALL THE TIME, so I tried telling her that "lover" wasn't the right word AT ALL to use in that context... she agrees incest is wrong, but insisted that "lover" didn't ALWAYS mean its real meaning... yeah right!)


On Oct. 17, 2005 (Saturday) after I got home from the Awana Leadership Conference:

Mom: I'm having curry fishballs for dinner. Are you hungry?
Me: No, Mom... I just ate dinner and I had a big lunch.
Mom: What did you have?
Me: Stuff from the Bread Garden... cookies, chips, pasta salad, wraps...
Mom: Ha?! You had RATS for lunch?! Aiya!
Me: No, Mom... WRAPS!!! You know, where they put a bunch of stuff inside a wrap thing. They have those at your work! (she works as a dietary supervisor in the hospital system)
Mom: OH! Okay.... I thought you actually had rats for lunch!
Me: Of course not, Mom! Aiya!


Sometime mid-2005:

Dad: "When did you go to sleep?"
Jon: "Oh, 4-5 AM."
Dad: "What were you doing, reading people's blobs?"
Jon: "Blogs..."
Dad: "You should just call them blobs."

Sounds appropriate enough for me, as a lot of blogwriting does consist of people writing their thoughts down into one big blob of an entry. However, I do take time to see if my writing is clear, grammatically correct, and free of spelling errors. In other words, it takes time for me to type up a full entry.

(reminds me of when Adam Frey called me a "literal formless blob" because we were chatting over the Internet, hahaha)

Relationships, alphabet game, shaving, and more

I'm not doing the sexually-themed meme, haha.


1. Would you rather have a fun fling or a lasting relationship? The lasting relationship.
2. What was your longest relationship? Over a year.
3. What is your favorite personality trait? Humor!
4. What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do? Surprise me with a candlelight dinner. Sounds cliché, but it's true!
5. When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you? Their honest trust.
6. Do you like pet names? (ex: baby, sweetheart...) Yes.
7. What is your ideal night out with a significant other? Dinner, followed by perhaps a movie.
8. What is your ideal night in with a significant other? Cuddling and watching TV / movies.
9. Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it? I guess so.
10. Do you like relationships that involve serious commitments? That's what I'm aiming for...
11. If you ever got engaged, how would you want it to happen? Over dinner at a suitably romantic restaurant.
12. If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible? Well, we'd need time to plan the wedding... so maybe not RIGHT AWAY, but when we were prepared!
13. Do you like to talk about the future when in a serious relationship? On the odd occasion.
14. Do you prefer a sensitive open relationship, or a strong silent type? A sensitive open one. (I used to think I'd prefer the latter, but... NO!)
15. When in a relationship, do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis? If possible, unless circumstances dictate otherwise.
16. Do you like public displays of affection? I draw the line at little kisses.
17. Is there anything you won't tolerate while in a relationship? Abuse and control.
18. What is one thing that you value most in a relationship? Communication. Yes, I could work on it.
19. Would you ever be able to handle a long-distance situation? I used to think so, but now... I'm just not so sure of myself.
20. Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Funny, Eric and I were just talking about this. I'd say an unequivocal NO, but it may be a good idea to see how compatible you are in handling certain everyday situations.


Name the six funniest people you know (RL or celebrities):
1. Spoz.
2. Jeremy.
3. Corey.
4. Nathan.
5. Sean.
6. Erin.

Give six reasons why each these people are awesome (six reasons per person):
1. Wordplay, impossible situations, obscure references, quirkiness, drunkenness, and craziness.
2. Grinning, wordplay, obscure references, physical humor, quirkiness, and tone.
3. Putting things in a certain way, wordplay, references, quirkiness, craziness, and knowing when to stop a joke.
4. CAMELS, being very tired, tone, quirkiness, references, and impossible situations.
5. "Innocence," tone, forgetfulness, physical humor, craziness, and knowing what is funny!
6. "Innocence," tone, asking obvious questions, embarrassing stories, references, and quirkiness!

Name your six favorite quotes from each of these people (one quote per person):
1. "Aren't decaplets.. twins born with no heads?"
2. "Let's see how fast you can get red on MY beer!" (hahaha, very funny... but I love him anyway :P)
3. "You need to get eight hours of sleep every night, or else your brain explodes."
4. "Isn't Cordia Citrus' COUSIN?!" (no, she's his sister :P)
5. "Hey, do you think it would be a good idea if I went to the schools in Mississippi or Alabama since they're so hick, and my smartness would improve them?" OR "Hey, this Caesar salad at the Cactus Club is SO GOOD! It gave me an orgasm!" (way too many to choose from...)
6. "Are you SURE it's where you say it was? I could get LOST, man!"


A is for age: 31.
B is for beer of choice: Whatever Jeremy or Jon serves - I'm not picky, haha.
C is for something you crave: Chocolate chip cookies!
D is for your dog's name: N/A.
E is for essential item you use every day: Computer!
F is for favorite TV show at the moment: The Olympics? Haha.
G is for favorite game: Wordscraper!
H is for hometown: Richmond.
I is for instruments you play: Used to be the clarinet and piano.
J is for favorite juice: Apple.
K is for kicking ass: Being sweet and thoughtful.
L is for last place you ate: Hmm. Good question. Now that I don't have to worry about something anymore, I'd have to say Pho.
M is for marriage: Maybe someday.
N is for your full name: Leslie Chi Wah Ng.
O is for overnight hospital stays: A few.
P Is for favorite place: Nathan's basement!
Q is for quote: "Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
R is for biggest regret: Life's too short for 'em.
S is for status: In limbo!
T is for time you woke up today: 8 AM, mainly because of the sun.
U is for underwear you have on now: Black panties.
V is for vegetable you love: Hmm... bok choy?
W is for worst habit: Pulling hair out.
X is for X-rays you've had: Some at the dentist, and possibly some at the hospital too.
Y is for yummy food you ate today: Tuna macaroni with sauce.
Z is for the zodiac sign: Virgo, or Dragon in the Chinese zodiac.


You're feeling: Okay.
To your left: The garbage can.
On your mind: STUPID MICE!
Last meal included: White cheddar cheese.
You sometimes find it hard to: Make up my mind entirely.
The weather: Is hot and sunny!
Something you have a collection of: Books.
A smell that cheers you up: Good home food.
A smell that can ruin your mood: SKUNK!
How long since you last shaved: Dunno... weeks, probably.
The current state of your hair: Disheveled, haha.
The largest item on your desk / workspace (not computer): A big binder.
Your skill with chopsticks: Middling! (but Harmony holds them like a pencil, heh)
Which section you head for first in a bookstore: TRUE CRIME!
Something you're craving: I'd have to say COFFEE! What's with all these "craving" questions? :P
Your general thoughts on the presidential race: I hope the best man wins.
How many times have you been hospitalized this year: None.
Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: The park across the road!
You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: trivia contestant.
Something that freaks you out a little: The thought of not being there for someone important!
Something you've eaten too much of lately: Fries.
You have never: para-sailed.
You never want to: get lost in the woods.
Where is your cell phone? NOT HERE. IT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your significant other? Not here either.
Your hair? Black.
Your mother? Kitty.
Your father? Alan.
Your favorite thing? Downtime.
Your dream last night? Scattered images of people rushing me everywhere!
Your favorite drink? Bubble tea.
Your dream / goal? To be the best I can be!
The room you're in? Tidier than before.
Your ex? Who knows.
Your fear? Being stuck somewhere with no hope of rescue.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Out of here, perhaps.
Where were you last night? Fellowship.
What you're not? CULTURED.
Muffins? YES!
One of your wish list items? A new computer (tower).
Where you grew up? Richmond.
The last thing you did? Made something to eat.
What are you wearing? Shirt, socks, glasses, underwear, pants, hat.
Your TV? Is off.
Your pets? Non-existent.
Your computer? Still working!
Your life? Routine.
Your mood? Indescribable.
Missing someone? Sort of.
Your car? Non-existent.
Something you're not wearing? A tiara.
Favorite store? Chapters!
Your summer? Chill and relaxing.
Like someone? Maybe.
Your favorite color? Blue, purple, black.
When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday, at something Eric said.
Last time you cried? Yesterday, while talking to Candy on the phone.

Various random observations / memories about kids, Wikipedia, and multiple births

I remember kids in elementary school named Aura, Mitchell, and Sebastian. Wonder what they're doing now, heh. (I also remember a counsellor I had named Peggy, and a kid at the pool named Larisa)

After reading Facts About Multiples some more this afternoon, I've come to the conclusion that I'd definitely NOT like to have septuplets / octuplets / nonuplets / decaplets / undecaplets / duodecaplets / tridecaplets / quadecaplets / quindecaplets! (that's 7 to 15 babies / fetuses at a time!)

I've been busy creating new memories sections over the past couple of days... now Facts About Multiples and Wikipedia have been added to my ever-burgeoning list of journal memories! Certain other sections (like Weird Stuff / Corey / Other Convos / Rants / Dreams / Books / Music) have been fleshed out as well... I love my journal upkeep, as well as having the time to do it in the first place! :D

Editing tags, OCDL, multiples

I decided that I was tired of all the "0 uses" on my LJ tags page where those tags were actually used once on previously-filtered entries. Originally, I thought of deleting them... but then I figured I could add those tags to pre-existing entries: one entry for each letter of the alphabet where "0 uses" was found, and one for non-alphabetic characters. Then I also spent some time deleting a bunch of misspelled tags, and tags that weren't even used. I told you that I was OCDL about my journal, even if these mini-projects are a lot of work. :P

I need to check Facts About Multiples soon, since it's recently been updated. That info is gonna rock, haha. (quadruplets, multiple multiples, world lists of quads / quints / conjoined twins... not likely the twins, triplets, sextuplets, septuplets, octuplets, nonuplets, decaplets, and quindecaplets will be updated!)

Past hilarious quotes: 2000 to May 2003

Instead of making a squillion backdated entries containing past hilarious quotes posted on my blog (which used to have a peripatetic "Hilarious Quotes!" feature) before it became Cross-Post Central, I'll condense them all here.

Hmm.. I should have the section back again... maybe later. :D


"Canadian ARMPIT?!" -- Mom to the three of us on the way to the church's 25th anniversary banquet. (Friday, 3 March 2000) [we were discussing the MuchMusic Top 30, and figured that the only good Canadian R&B artist was Deborah Cox... later, we said that Mom's mishearing was actually a pretty good analogy for the state of Canadian R&B, haha]

"Isn't Cordia Citrus' COUSIN?!" -- Nathan to a room full of 50 people at Hannah's Hong Kong farewell party... he was looking at Citrus' photo album from his extensive three-week family road trip vacation to San Francisco / Boston / Maine / P.E.I. / Nova Scotia / New Brunswick / Quebec / Calgary / other places. (Monday, 19 August 2000) [no, she's his SISTER... Erin remarked that she'd been away at Waterloo for THREE YEARS, and even SHE knew her people better than he did!]

"They're so brown!" -- Justin C., upon looking at one of my brother's Mexico pictures featuring a bunch of Mexican students. (Sunday, 9 March 2003) [no, he's not racist or anything.. he's just given to blurting out random things like this ALL THE TIME.. and what DID he expect, anyhow?]

"dude.. wot's with the weird name? why with such a weird title?" -- Spoz, finally commenting on some MSN name I'd had up for three days. {"Nathan: Bathroom Reader BOOK! Danielle: Collective Soul CD!"} (Tuesday, 11 March 2003) [both these friends of mine are on MSN, and I wanted my stuff back; at least I got the CD back from Danielle on March 16!]

"How do you call Canada? Your phone number looks the same as ours do down here!" -- Sarah Moore, wondering how to make a US-Canada phone call. (Tuesday, 18 March 2003) [just dial like a regular phone call with the area code :P]

"Adela, don't you think I'm voluptuous?" -- Sean, wanting to get in touch with his feminine side and asking his then-girlfriend about it. (Friday, 21 March 2003) [no, she didn't.. neither did Citrus]

"just say "yo baby I'm down with yall wantin' ta get wit me n' all, but yo lissen up: yo married man. I can't be messin with no married man cause we don't do that round where I be chillin." " -- Corey, offering his opinion on what I should have said in my email response back to a certain someone.. instead of "stuff that sounds like a business proposal.. you won't get to each other's feelings that way." (hey, I get a formal letter; I try to respond in kind) (Sunday, 23 March 2003) [he wishes me to note that this is NOT the way he talks all the time.. duly noted :) ]

"aren't decaplets.. twins born with no heads? no surprise you'd run riot with me mentioning twins [really octuplets and upwards] in a post, though.." -- Spoz, trying to figure out names for the highest of higher-order multiples.. and jokingly bugging me about multiples (Tuesday, 25 March 2003) [decaplets have nothing to do with decapitation, though I can understand why he might think that.. still, how can you be born with no head?]

"Just tell him: "Well, I'm surprised that an open-minded guy like you won't open your mind up to religious ideas.. are you afraid your mind will open up TOO much?" That'll work.." -- Karen to Dylan, jokingly suggesting a comeback to a guy who keeps telling him: "I'm surprised you're religious.. and you're such a logical guy, too!" (Friday, 28 March 2003)

"You must be up so early because you want to talk to Spoz.." -- Jon to me, trying to figure out why I'd be up at 6:30 AM after getting home at midnight. [in fact, I had a stomachache, and didn't sleep well even when I did go back to bed at 6:45.. Spoz had absolutely nothing to do with it :P] (Saturday, 29 March 2003)

"hang on.. very distracted today.. got shiny new digicam toy.. so won't be all that focused.. focused? digital camera? AHAHAHAHA.." -- Spoz, explaining why there'd be long lag times.. and reminding me of the "dead serious" joke I made to him once, entirely on purpose. (Friday, 4 April 2003)

"Spoz listens to Matt Good?" -- my brother (Jon) to me, after I told him how Spoz had helped me bypass the autorun of the enhanced features on the Avalanche CD. (Tuesday, 8 April 2003) [and no.. Spoz has never listened to Matt Good ever, in his entire life.. he just seems to think I'm obsessed with Matt Good for some bizarre reason :P]

"I'm a peripheral of your computer?" -- Cerowyn, after I told him that he was an important part of the computer.. luckily, he got what I meant a little later on. (Wednesday, 9 April 2003)

"What keeps me going is the optimistic hope that I'll be reincarnated as my dog." -- Adam, while we were talking about my apparent sunny cheer despite what I've been through / his current misanthropy. (Sunday, 13 April 2003) [I'm sure he was being completely serious, and this inclusion isn't meant to make fun of him or the dog.. but it just struck me as funny enough to put in here]


Since Citrus' MSN lines deserve their own category, here they are (those that I remember, anyhow):

CITRUS' MSN "DODGY PICK-UP LINES"

1. "Excuse me, I forgot my Bible. Can I share with you?"
2. "Wanna do some one-on-one Bible Study? Only after you finish your work."
3. "You say I'm crazy? Yes, I am.. crazy for YOU!"
4. "Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid? I think I hurt myself falling for you."


"Who? To Spoz?" -- Sarah Moore, upon my telling her that it took me at least 45 minutes to compose an email to someone. (Tuesday, 15 April 2003) [I have NEVER taken 45 minutes to compose an email to that dude.. in fact, the email was to my friend Bill Zollinger :P]

"dude.. you're having a weird reminiscing moment.. SNAP OUT'VE IT :P" -- Spoz, judging my reaction to his prank "Hot or Not" picture.. hey, allow me my memories of Eric M. and the sun shining upon him in a truly beautiful way! (Wednesday, 16 April 2003)

"You were praying for a basket of oranges once, and you got Citrus instead!" -- Nathan to Danielle, while we were discussing weird / amazing answers to prayer. (Friday, 18 April 2003) [that was definitely not true :P]

"Violence in hockey doesn't make sense because it's not part of the game, but fighting in football does.. there, it IS part of the game!" -- Alan, trying to "prove" that violence is somehow different when applied to different sports. (Friday, 18 April 2003)

"It makes more sense to celebrate Easter while you're in bed sleeping!" -- Shannon (a decided non-churchy person), when she learned that I was debating whether or not to actually go to the Sunrise service. (Saturday, Apr. 19) [no.. it doesn't really.. besides, it was enriching :P]

"I'm an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church, and I keep meaning to go tell the school to list me as a reverend.. it would be interesting to see what would happen in a class if they called out my name like that." -- Corey, telling me why it was all right that his mother slept in today and missed Easter service. (Sunday, 20 April 2003.. like I really believe that, even though he tells me you can go to some supposedly legit site and have your credentials downloaded from there :P)

"Our laundry powder has little flecks of blue in it.. they make me feel special.. coz.. they're blue and stuff.." -- Spoz, while we were discussing various white powders (flour, sugar, salt, laundry detergent, and snow). (Monday, 21 April 2003) [this grew out of a comment I made about how my brother thinks I'm on crack whenever I go into "berserk lunatic laughter mode"]

"Spoz! They've imported Spoz from Australia to sing the national anthems at the hockey game!" -- Jon, to me and Eric M. while we were listening to the hockey game in the Parisienne.. they were about to do the pre-game anthems (Friday, 25 April 2003) [yup, I *had* to tell Jon that Mark Donnelly looks like Spoz.. just because he LOOKS like Spoz, doesn't mean he IS Spoz! :P]

"It must have been a shower thing." -- Derek to Dylan, remarking on Karen and Jenny's discussion of the (pretty darned funny) "maxipad fashion show" video at Winnie's bridal shower of late July 2001. (Friday, 25 April 2003) [um, yes.. where else would you find a video of maxipads stuck on people's clothing as various fashion accessories {belt, headband, bracelet, etc.}?]

"Did you just breathe in my hair?" -- Nathan to Eric H. (Friday, 25 April 2003) [no.. Eric had just yawned, and nowhere near Nathan's hair.. a "yawn of power," as Jen termed it]

"literal ears of a pig.. cooked, of course.. ----> damn.. that's a name for ya.." -- Spoz, while we were discussing pig ears and what I had for dinner earlier that evening. (Friday, 2 May 2003) [this one was SO hilarious, it made me laugh in my sleep.. and yes, I did change my MSN name to that; got a thumbs-up, too :P]

"You know, I had to scroll a bit to see the entirety of that status message. You had me oddly intrigued when I could only read, 'I eat dic..' " -- Josh Adams, trying to twist my YM status messages (as per the usual when he sees me log on). (Wednesday, 7 May 2003) [for the record, the entirety of that one read: "I eat dictionaries" .. and NOT something else! :P]

"I want Spoz on the UB.. he needs some blueberry syrup!" -- Sarah Moore, discussing her shtick for the UnaBoard "newbie welcome thread".. and mentioning how great it would be to have Spoz there. (Wednesday, 14 May 2003) [for the record, he said no.. coz he posts on some other forums already, and adding another message board would seriously cut into his actual life]

"I find it interesting that you'll have barbecued chicken hearts, but you won't have haggis.." -- Jon to Steph, while we were eating a late meal at Richmond Sushi. (Wednesday, 14 May 2003) [they tasted all right, I suppose..]

"wot da heck?!? you keep records of this crap? (I have this odd image now.. that somehow I form the basis of some kinda behavioral thesis you're working on..)" -- Spoz, wondering at my memory for months-old MSN chats. (Tuesday, 20 May 2003) [no, I don't keep records of any chats.. and no, I'm not working on any thesis, let alone THAT kind :P]

"What are you printing out? THAT's music?!?" -- my dad, walking into the room whilst I was attempting to listen to an extremely choppy version of Subwoofer's Screaming Dementia. (Saturday, 24 May 2003) [no, it was NOT a printout, and indeed it was music.. it just sorta sounded like a bad print job gone horribly wrong :P I tried listening to another download of it later, and it sounded just fine... go figure!]

"Her name's Melody.. I can imagine you in a few years: yeah, we met at a funeral service.." -- Adela to Justin L., teasing him about some girl he saw at the funeral service for Uncle Benny the previous day. (Sunday, 25 May 2003) [that's not where you normally meet people.. try a wedding instead :P]

"Isn't Michael J. Fox the person who had cancer and lost his leg?" -- my mom, asking me and my sister about someone who a local high school / theater was named for. (Sunday, 25 May 2003) [no, that was TERRY Fox.. Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's Disease :P]

"(you should keep a tally of how many times you ask me, "read blog?" or "check my blog.. I think it's busted..") .. you'd almost think you had a webcounter on it or something.." -- Spoz, suggesting blog advice. (Tuesday, 27 May 2003) [I don't think I ask him such things THAT often, so a tally wouldn't really be justifiable.. and no, I do NOT have a webcounter or anything similar on this site.. it's just that he's the one person I really trust as far as checking blog for weird stuff goes :P]

"people from Asian countries seem to think that my picture is too handsome to be real or whatever :P" -- Corey, telling me how some people react to his picture when he sends it to them. (Friday, 30 May 2003) [he emailed it to me, and while it DOES look handsome.. I don't know about it not being real, or about it being a cutout from a magazine coz the photo quality is too poor]

"Quick! Do we have any plastic bags? There's all this dog shit in the grass, and we don't want the kids to step in it!" -- Zoe's mom, during the Awana picnic. (Saturday, 31 May 2003) [she said this (no censoring herself) in a medium-loud voice, with 50+ children within hearing distance.. she's from Hong Kong, and we seriously suspect that she learned her English from the movies :P] (Note: We also kept the kids from seeing the gay people in the park.. rainbow flags and such from a distance might not be TOO bad, but the man-woman taking off his / her shirt and going topless to cheers from that group? No way, man! This was a church function.. wouldn't want the kids going home corrupted, after all. Thank God they left before we did. :P)

Hilarious quotes!

I forgot about these! I'm just surfing through my sister's site now because I'm bored, and found these amusing gems. I'm too lazy to fix the variant spellings of "Mom / Mum." Live with it. :P


1. Dawn, on how she'd like to die: "I'd like to die while surrounded by family, biting into a nice piece of steak and suddenly just croak."


2. Last November, my mom took a nutrition management exam as a part of her job. So she complained to me about the wordiness...

Her: "How come they call it MASTICATION when they can just say CHEWING? I will remember it because it sounds like MASTURBATION."

Me: "Yeah, Mum... it's the same thing as URINATION and peeing; and DEFECATION and pooing."

Her: "Hah??? I thought it was when you got your head cut off?!?!"

Me: "NO Mum, that's DECAPITATION."

I was so totally unamused! Oh, and Mum still cannot pronounce "anus"... she says it like "ann-uss" and the male genitalia as "penn-iss." There was this one time she got so confused when we went to some pasta house, and my sister ordered a plate of penne... yeah. o_O

(which reminds me of the time Spoz thought "decaplets" were twins born with no heads... HAHAHA!)


3. My mom's idea of matchmaking, while on the phone to my sister in November:

Mom: So, any of your girliefriends interested in Jon yet?
Steph: Um, not really...
Mom: Ha??? Have you asked them? Maybe you should introduce him to your friends!
Steph: I told my friends about him. But they're not interested.
Mom: HOW COME?! Jon is a GOOD boy!
Steph: They don't know him, Mum. He barely goes to our church!
Mom: Hmm. Well, you should try your best to help out your brother. You know, I still like *****, *****, and ********. Do they have boyfriends?
Steph: Nope!
Mom: Oh, gooooooooooooooooood. Maybe something will happen when he's here for Christmas.

What's funnier is that my DAD got into it too! (and he almost never does!)

Good thing Mom doesn't know about the entry in which Steph put out an open application for Jon's future wife. ;) She'd love the suggestions there, hahaha.

(Now accepting all applications...

It's Jon's birthday next week. I know this is gonna make me seem like a freak (erm, freakier?) but the only decent and meaningful gift I can think of is... a sister-in-law for myself! Ooo. I think I've spent too long with my mum, I'm becoming her double. Anyway, the more I think about it (and yes, I do think about it), the more I have certain people in mind. Hmm. I'd rather not risk those friendships by proclaiming who my ideal sis-in-law would be, but in case any of them is reading this post (hehe, and some of them do read this hehehehehehehe)... Jonathan is a very decent young man. He can play music to swoon you (although I don't think he's very romantic... and I don't really wanna know , he's not that ugly (despite his nickname) and he's got the cooooooolest sisters and a very fun mother! Oh, he has a father too, but no adjective for him... he's just not as fun as us Ng women... Anyway, contact me if interested... I would be pleased to arrange any get togethers. I only ask a couple things... crack the whip on his tardiness, and don't be a meanie! No awkward family dinners are allowed.

Welcome to the family! Ceci, Viv Lui, Becca, Melia, Cindy, or Becky!!! Hehe, one can only hope!)

As for what happened when he was over here for Christmas, the poor boy had a gastrointestinal incident. He had to spend Christmas and half of Boxing Day in the hospital. :(


4. Mum: We're going to Uncle Ken and Auntie Ada's house for dinner on Thursday.
Steph: Who are they?
Mum: You know. Bernadette's parents!
Jon: Um... I think you mean Benedict.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


5. So my mum was writing a Christmas card for an old family friend... good thing Jon decided to proofread it. Instead of "Ngs crazy bunch," it said: "love from Ngs crazy butch"...

Nice. Real nice.
________________________________________________

Mum to my sister: Can you have a baby girl before I'm 60?
Erm... that gives her 3.5 years to produce. Eeek.

________________________________________________

Closely related to the above:

Mom to me: Don't go and get pregnant by the first guy that's nice to you!

The very next day:

Mom: I want you to give me GRANDCHILDREN as soon as possible!


Uh... talk about mixed messages THERE.... o_O
________________________________________________

Steph: Ew, Mum, did you just fart???
Mum: Noooo. I was only passing gas!

Hahaha... yeah, what's the difference? Oh, Mummy...


6. Mum: I think pink makes me look too fleshy.
________________________________________________________
Dad: Are those your Anne Frank socks?

(he meant Paul Frank!)


7. In March, after my sister got a speeding ticket going to a non-existent football game / practice:

Steph: Oh Mum, guess what happened to me on Saturday!
Mum: You got a boyfriend?!!!
Steph: Uh, no. I got a speeding ticket.
Mum: HA??? Aiya, how much was it? Aiya!
Steph: Fifty-two bucks...
Mum: AIYA... so expensive! You're a dangerous driver!!!
Dad: Ha, what happened?
Steph: I got a speeding ticket.
Dad: Oh, haha. How much?
Steph: Fifty-two bucks...
Dad: Oh! So cheap!!! ... *five seconds pass* ... Anyway, I think it is time for you to settle down and get yourself a boyfriend.

My parents are funny. They're so opposite, but so alike at the same time.


8. From an April phone conversation my sister had with the parents:

Dad: Now, do you have a boyfriend yet? (read: How can you still be single?!)
Steph: No, Dad!
Dad: Ha? How come?! Aren't there any good boys at your church?
Steph: Uhhh....
Dad: That's ridiculous. I should send your mother over. Maybe she can make something happen for you! *pause* Maybe I should come by myself!

BAHAHAHAHA. MCBC boys, consider yourselves warned!


Mom: Steph, I've been thinking about *******. He is a very nice boy. What do you think about him???
Steph: Uhhh....
Mom: I have already been praying for the two of you. Hopefully, he will spark a conversation with you when you're home!
Steph: Uhhh... *thinks I NEED HELP!*

Funny quotes and weird first introductions

Well, here they are.. the funniest quotes of the week:

HILARIOUS QUOTES OF THE WEEK (3)

"aren't decaplets.. twins born with no heads? no surprise you'd run riot with me mentioning twins [really octuplets and upwards] in a post, though.." -- Spoz, trying to figure out names for the highest of higher-order multiples.. and jokingly bugging me about multiples (Tuesday, March 25) [decaplets have nothing to do with decapitation, though I can understand why he might think that.. still, how can you be born with no head?]

"Just tell him: "Well, I'm surprised that an open-minded guy like you won't open your mind up to religious ideas.. are you afraid your mind will open up TOO much?" That'll work.." -- Karen to Dylan, jokingly suggesting a comeback to a guy who keeps telling him: "I'm surprised you're religious.. and you're such a logical guy, too!" (Friday, March 28)

"You must be up so early because you want to talk to Spoz.." -- Jon to me, trying to figure out why I'd be up at 6:30 AM after getting home at midnight. [in fact, I had a stomachache, and didn't sleep well even when I did go back to bed at 6:45.. Spoz had absolutely nothing to do with it :P] (Saturday, March 29)


Church was semi-interesting today. Little Nathan waved to me, and told me: "I'm Nathan, and I'm three!" Now.. I knew this already, but it's cool he's talking to me now. (in the past, he wouldn't really.. he'd try to hide) He's a cute kid, too. :)

Then again, my brother also chose to introduce me to somebody this way in the morning: "Hey, this is my sister [giving my name]. She chews a lot of gum, and remembers everyone's birthdays." Nathan and I were exchanging very bewildered looks.. What kind of intro is THAT?!? The birthday part, I can see after a more conventional introduction. (we've done that to a few people, most recently Danielle) But the gum part? While it may be true that I chew / give out a lot of gum, I'm not exactly sure that's material for a "first introduction".. Surely my own brother can come up with something more to the point than "she chews a lot of gum".. for example, "she really likes kids / reading" might do. My brother is one *weird* dude, I tell ya..

Facts About Multiples stuff

This whole long post is inspired by a line I was reading just now: "a woman in the USA gives birth to octuplets, nineplets.. or if they can even find a word for it.. 10 kids upwards.. " (and for those of you who are wondering how I can make a long post out of just one line.. that's just me :P) So here's your information.. whether you like it or not! Twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, and sextuplets are definitely lesser than these really super births! (all fraught with peril, of course...)

The word for having nine babies at a single birth is nonuplets. Close, but no cigar. :D

They can definitely find a word for ten kids and upwards at a single birth: decaplets (10) / undecaplets (11) / duodecaplets (12) / tridecaplets (13) / quadecaplets (14) / quindecaplets (15)..

This is the information I have for septuplets (7 babies at a single birth) and higher:

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Septuplets (7)

FIRST SETS
A woman named Edith Bonham (who died in 1469) reportedly gave birth to septuplets with none surviving.

The first births of septuplets I have heard of were to Britt Louise Ericson of Sweden in 1964, the Verhaege-Denayer set in 1966 in Belgium, the Cwihielnik's had 4 boys and 3 girls in 1966 in Massachusetts, and the Jusuf's in Ethiopia in 1969. I assume none survived from any of these sets, or many were miscarried.

LIVING SETS
The McCaughey's of Iowa had Kenneth Robert (3lbs 4ozs), Alexis May (2lbs 11ozs), Natalie Sue (2lbs 10ozs), Kelsey Ann (2lbs 5ozs), Brandon James (2lbs 14ozs), Nathan Roy (3lbs 3ozs), and Joel Steven (2lbs 15ozs). The babies were born on November 19, 1997; they were the first US set to survive, and the first set in the world to survive. They were conceived on the fertility drug Metrodin. Nathan and Alexis have cerebral palsy, but both walk with the aid of walkers.

Hasna Mohammed Humair and her husband Abdullah Ibn Mohammed Sammam have 4 boys and 3 girls born in Saudi Arabia on January 14, 1998; named Fahd (boy), Salman (boy), Sultan (boy), and Al-Anoud (boy), Hind (girl), Naif (girl), and Noura (girl) . The mother was told to expect 4 babies and has 6 other children, and was not trying to get pregnant. She had been given a fertility drug to regulate her menstrual cycle. The father has two other wives and nine other children.

A woman in India gave birth to all male septuplets on September 20, 2002. No word on how many survive.

In addition, there is a set of 7 surviving octuplets, born to Usa Nkem Chukwu in December of 1998. See the section on octuplets for more information.

FIRST US SET
The first set ever born in the US where there were survivors, were the Frustaci septuplets. They were born on May 21, 1985; there were 4 boys and 3 girls. Only three survived. They are Patricia Ann, Richard Charles, and Stephen Earl. Christina Elizabeth was stillborn; Bonnie Marie, James Martin, and David Anthony died shortly after birth. The mother Patti later had a set of twins; Jaclyn and Jordan were born on December 21, 1991.

OTHER SETS
A set was born in Pakistan on July 2, 1985; I am not sure if any of the babies survive.

Susan Halton of England gave birth to septuplets (4 girls, 3 boys) on August 15, 1987. Their names were Ben, Leah, Liam, Christy, Erin, Laura, and Kane. The last survivor, Kane (1lb 8ozs), died on August 31, 1987.

A set was born in India on June 4, 1988.

A set was born in Italy on May 20, 1989.. with none surviving.

Lidia Santartia of Italy had 4 girls and 3 boys on October 23, 1992.. with 5 surviving.

Maria Rocio Diaz Carrillo of Mexico had septuplets (5 girls, 2 boys: Fernando Fabian, Dylan Emmanuel, Yuziri Dayanara [girl], Perla Karina, Rocio Astrid, Daniela Abigail, and Yalanda Iris) on January 21, 1997.. with none surviving.

A woman in Saudi Arabia had septuplets (in September 1997) with one surviving.

The Zapata-Smalls of New Jersey miscarried all 7 of her septuplets on January 30, 2000 at 19 weeks due to a bacterial infection that invaded the womb. The babies were all delivered, but were too small to survive. There were 4 girls and 3 boys.

A Saudi Arabian woman from Virginia gave birth to 5 boys and 2 girls (6 surviving) in Washington DC on July 12, 2001; at 28 weeks. The father is Fahad al-Qahtani, the mother has not been named. The babies are Bandar (boy), Naif (boy), Abdallah (boy), Abdulaziz (boy), Sultan (boy), Haifa (girl), and Shamma (girl). One of the babies died in December 2001 of kidney and liver problems. Three others were still in hospital at that time.

Octuplets

The Louis octuplets were born to Usa Nkem Chukwu and her husband Iyke Louis Udobi of Texas. One baby girl was born December 8, 1998; the rest (5 girls, 2 boys) were born December 20. Their names are Ebuka (girl) 1lb 6ozs, Chidi (girl) 1lb 8.4 ozs, Echerem (girl) 1lb 9.7ozs, Chima (girl) 1lb 7.5ozs, Odera (girl) 10.3ozs, Ikem (boy) 1lb, Jioke (boy) 1lb 10ozs, and Gorom (girl) 1lb 7ozs. The smallest of the Louis babies, Odera, died December 27, 1998. They have a younger sibling (Favor) born in 2002.

An Italian woman, Mariella Mazzara Pirerra, gave birth to octuplets, with four (3 girls, 1 boy) currently surviving. She gave birth to one, a girl named Margherita (died October 10), on September 13, 2000.. and Michele (boy), Angelo Gabriele (boy; died September 17), Cristina (died September 18), Girolamo (boy; died September 20), Rosa Maria, Marta, and Connie on September 17th.

There has been only nine other births of octuplets; none where all 8 babies survived:

A set was born in Mexico (4 girls, 4 boys) on December 3, 1967.. but none survived.
Katerina Zerbini of Greece had octuplets on July 9, 1977; 5 girls and 3 boys.. all of whom died within 3 days of birth.
There are 2 surviving octuplets that were born in Italy to the Chianese family on August 16, 1979. The two surviving girls (of 5 girls, 3 boys) are Silvana and Anna. Valentina was the last girl to die, and two boys were named Luca and Francesco. The family had conceived and lost a set of sextuplets before this.
A Turkish woman, Sevil Capan, gave birth to octuplets (5 boys, 3 girls) on December 20, 1985.. but all 8 died within 3 days.
Rosario Clavijo (of Huelva, Spain) had octuplets on December 5, 1996.. with 6 (4 boys, 2 girls) surviving. Their names are David, Angel (boy), Miguel, Andres, Belen (girl) and Blanca.
Mandy Allwood, of England, was pregnant with octuplets (6 boys, 2 girls) in 1996. The first three were boys born on September 30 at only 19 weeks. The other five (3 boys and 2 girls) were born on October 2. None survived.

Octuplets were also recorded in Australia (1971), in Greece (1977), and in Salvador (1996).

A woman in Alaska was pregnant with octuplets in 1985, and was reduced to twins.

Nonuplets

A 29-year-old woman in Malaysia gave birth to nonuplets on March 26, 1999.. but none of the 5 boys and 4 girls survived more than 6 hours. The babies were named Adam, Nuh (boy), Idris (boy), Soleh (boy), Hud, Aishah (girl), Khadijah (girl), Fatimah (girl), and Umi Kalsom (girl). The mother, Zurina Mat Saad, had been using fertility drugs and was told she was having sextuplets before she delivered the nine babies at 21 weeks.

Mrs. Geraldine Broderick of Australia had nonuplets on June 13, 1971. There were 5 boys and 4 girls. Two males were stillborn, and baby Richard (12 ozs) lived 6 days. None survived.

There were also nonuplets reported in Philadelphia on May 29, 1972 with none surviving; England in 1976 (none survived); in Bangladesh on May 11, 1977 to a 30-year-old mother (none survived); and Italy in 1979. (this might actually be the Chianese family who had octuplets)

A Sudanese woman is pregnant with nonuplets. She is 2 months along as of July 2002, and is currently in a Saudi Arabian hospital.

Decaplets (10), Undecaplets (11), Duodecaplets (12), Tridecaplets (13), Quadecaplets (14), Quindecaplets (15) +

The highest number of babies reported at a single birth were decaplets (10) to a woman in Brazil on April 22, 1946. There were two boys and eight girls, but it wasn't listed how many (if any) survived. There were also decaplets reported in Spain in 1924; and in China on May 12, 1936.

A woman named Zoe Efsthatiou of Cyprus was 23 at the time she conceived 11 babies in 1996 after using fertility drugs. She elected to undergo selective reduction and reduce to 4. I am not sure of the outcome.

In 1988, a woman in Switzerland miscarried 12 fetuses.

Quindecaplets (15) were reportedly removed from the womb of a 35-year-old woman in Rome on July 22, 1971. The fetuses were 10 girls and 5 boys. Fertility drugs were responsible.
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There.. hope that answers everything. ;)

(note: all info mostly taken from the "septuplets and higher" link of Facts About Multiples)