Hilarious quotes!

I forgot about these! I'm just surfing through my sister's site now because I'm bored, and found these amusing gems. I'm too lazy to fix the variant spellings of "Mom / Mum." Live with it. :P


1. Dawn, on how she'd like to die: "I'd like to die while surrounded by family, biting into a nice piece of steak and suddenly just croak."


2. Last November, my mom took a nutrition management exam as a part of her job. So she complained to me about the wordiness...

Her: "How come they call it MASTICATION when they can just say CHEWING? I will remember it because it sounds like MASTURBATION."

Me: "Yeah, Mum... it's the same thing as URINATION and peeing; and DEFECATION and pooing."

Her: "Hah??? I thought it was when you got your head cut off?!?!"

Me: "NO Mum, that's DECAPITATION."

I was so totally unamused! Oh, and Mum still cannot pronounce "anus"... she says it like "ann-uss" and the male genitalia as "penn-iss." There was this one time she got so confused when we went to some pasta house, and my sister ordered a plate of penne... yeah. o_O

(which reminds me of the time Spoz thought "decaplets" were twins born with no heads... HAHAHA!)


3. My mom's idea of matchmaking, while on the phone to my sister in November:

Mom: So, any of your girliefriends interested in Jon yet?
Steph: Um, not really...
Mom: Ha??? Have you asked them? Maybe you should introduce him to your friends!
Steph: I told my friends about him. But they're not interested.
Mom: HOW COME?! Jon is a GOOD boy!
Steph: They don't know him, Mum. He barely goes to our church!
Mom: Hmm. Well, you should try your best to help out your brother. You know, I still like *****, *****, and ********. Do they have boyfriends?
Steph: Nope!
Mom: Oh, gooooooooooooooooood. Maybe something will happen when he's here for Christmas.

What's funnier is that my DAD got into it too! (and he almost never does!)

Good thing Mom doesn't know about the entry in which Steph put out an open application for Jon's future wife. ;) She'd love the suggestions there, hahaha.

(Now accepting all applications...

It's Jon's birthday next week. I know this is gonna make me seem like a freak (erm, freakier?) but the only decent and meaningful gift I can think of is... a sister-in-law for myself! Ooo. I think I've spent too long with my mum, I'm becoming her double. Anyway, the more I think about it (and yes, I do think about it), the more I have certain people in mind. Hmm. I'd rather not risk those friendships by proclaiming who my ideal sis-in-law would be, but in case any of them is reading this post (hehe, and some of them do read this hehehehehehehe)... Jonathan is a very decent young man. He can play music to swoon you (although I don't think he's very romantic... and I don't really wanna know , he's not that ugly (despite his nickname) and he's got the cooooooolest sisters and a very fun mother! Oh, he has a father too, but no adjective for him... he's just not as fun as us Ng women... Anyway, contact me if interested... I would be pleased to arrange any get togethers. I only ask a couple things... crack the whip on his tardiness, and don't be a meanie! No awkward family dinners are allowed.

Welcome to the family! Ceci, Viv Lui, Becca, Melia, Cindy, or Becky!!! Hehe, one can only hope!)

As for what happened when he was over here for Christmas, the poor boy had a gastrointestinal incident. He had to spend Christmas and half of Boxing Day in the hospital. :(


4. Mum: We're going to Uncle Ken and Auntie Ada's house for dinner on Thursday.
Steph: Who are they?
Mum: You know. Bernadette's parents!
Jon: Um... I think you mean Benedict.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


5. So my mum was writing a Christmas card for an old family friend... good thing Jon decided to proofread it. Instead of "Ngs crazy bunch," it said: "love from Ngs crazy butch"...

Nice. Real nice.
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Mum to my sister: Can you have a baby girl before I'm 60?
Erm... that gives her 3.5 years to produce. Eeek.

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Closely related to the above:

Mom to me: Don't go and get pregnant by the first guy that's nice to you!

The very next day:

Mom: I want you to give me GRANDCHILDREN as soon as possible!


Uh... talk about mixed messages THERE.... o_O
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Steph: Ew, Mum, did you just fart???
Mum: Noooo. I was only passing gas!

Hahaha... yeah, what's the difference? Oh, Mummy...


6. Mum: I think pink makes me look too fleshy.
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Dad: Are those your Anne Frank socks?

(he meant Paul Frank!)


7. In March, after my sister got a speeding ticket going to a non-existent football game / practice:

Steph: Oh Mum, guess what happened to me on Saturday!
Mum: You got a boyfriend?!!!
Steph: Uh, no. I got a speeding ticket.
Mum: HA??? Aiya, how much was it? Aiya!
Steph: Fifty-two bucks...
Mum: AIYA... so expensive! You're a dangerous driver!!!
Dad: Ha, what happened?
Steph: I got a speeding ticket.
Dad: Oh, haha. How much?
Steph: Fifty-two bucks...
Dad: Oh! So cheap!!! ... *five seconds pass* ... Anyway, I think it is time for you to settle down and get yourself a boyfriend.

My parents are funny. They're so opposite, but so alike at the same time.


8. From an April phone conversation my sister had with the parents:

Dad: Now, do you have a boyfriend yet? (read: How can you still be single?!)
Steph: No, Dad!
Dad: Ha? How come?! Aren't there any good boys at your church?
Steph: Uhhh....
Dad: That's ridiculous. I should send your mother over. Maybe she can make something happen for you! *pause* Maybe I should come by myself!

BAHAHAHAHA. MCBC boys, consider yourselves warned!


Mom: Steph, I've been thinking about *******. He is a very nice boy. What do you think about him???
Steph: Uhhh....
Mom: I have already been praying for the two of you. Hopefully, he will spark a conversation with you when you're home!
Steph: Uhhh... *thinks I NEED HELP!*