Bad Baby Names, Part IV: Babies or Blotter Acid?

Part IV: Babies or Blotter Acid?


Wren for a girl... What do you think?

Why not Mockingbird? Vulture? Lark? Raptor? Blue-footed Boobie?

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Hi, I would like some opinions on these two boy names for girls? I really like them.
Brandyn - I am really liking this name. Curious about different spellings? Brandon, Brandin? Branden?

Jayson - Also curious about different spellings? Jacen? Jaycen? Jaysen? Tyler?

This was actually written by Dr. Evil's father in a mad attempt to back up his claim that he invented the question mark. He used it for all punctuation, whether it was a question or not, until the authorities caught up with him. In his madness, he also thought T-Y-L-E-R was pronounced "Jason."

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How do you pronounce these names, and what do they mean?

Calaya

Fainne

Salome

Calaya = JAY-son

Fainne = JAY-son

Salome = cray-ZEE lay-DEE

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I heard the name Zavary today for a boy. I love it! What do you all think? I also heard the name Toka for a girl. What do you think of that name?

Hey, Toka! Wanna go for a smoke-a? How about some cocoa? She really likes mocha! Let's buy an artichoka! She lives la vida loca!

Zavary - sounds like Col. Klink discussing a gravy.

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These are some of my favorite boys and girls names, and I would sooo much appreciate any comments you have!!! Thanks! (or just pick out your faves from my list if you don't want to comment on them all!)

Girls:

Ariana (aw ree AH nuh)

Aubriana (aw bree AH nuh)

Ambria (am BREE uh)

Avery (AY vree)

Brinley (BRIN lee)

Charity (CHAIR it ee)

Demi (DEM ee)

Desirae (des er AY)

OK, I'll cut this off right here. This lady's crazy. She clearly sits around all day thinking up adorable names that work very well on cats. Scads and scads of them. Then she spells them phonetically VERY carefully, yet can't make a cohesive sentence on her own.

Havana (huh VAN uh)

Jade (JAYD)

Jerica (JAIR ick uh)

Kamrei (KAM ree)

Karis (kuh REESE)

Kaylana (kay LAW nuh)

Here, she gets mean. She dishes out some names that aren't even close to names, then insists they get pronounced in ways unlike they're spelled. I'll cut to the end.

Phoenix (FEE nicks)

Rhianyn (ree ANN in)

Shailyn (SHAY linn)

Siena (see EHN uh)

Trinity (TRIN it ee)

Valerie (VAL ehr ee)

Valerie? What the hell kind of name is that? Freak!

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I love the name Savannah pronounced sah-van-ah and sah-vah-na, but I like the 2nd one more. Since Savannah is so popular as the first pronunciation, I'd like to get a new spelling for it pronounced sah-vah-nah. I don't really like Savahnah, and can't think of really anything else. Any help?

Ask, and ye shall receive! (Again, someone makes the mistake that if they want to name their kid a popular name, they should misspell it to make them "special." [sound of forehead slap.]) Some of the many, many suggestions:

Sevahna, Sivahna, Savahna, Sevanah, Savanah, Savonna, Sivonna, Sevonna, Sevonah, Savonah, Sivonah, Savaunnah, Savaunah, Sivaunna, Sevaunah, Sevanah, Sivanna, Savana, Sovanna, Sabhanna, Sivaughna, Syvahnah.

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A foray into the mouth of madness. Let's go slowly:

Aiken

Please tell me your last name's Payne.

Breckin

Breckin the law! Breckin the laaaaaaaaaw!

Chance

(forehead slap)

Maxigan (I think I like this one)

Yeah, well, I think I love you. But what am I so afraid of? I think that I'm unsure of this love there is no cure for.

Attica

Or Sing-Sing. Or Tehatchapi. Or San Quentin. Or Alcatraz.

Callahan - I think it could work for a boy or girl, but they had it listed as girl.

Will she be a rogue cop tracking down a serial killer using a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, capable of blowing your head clean off? Well, will she, punk?

Kerrigan

Middle name: Comma. Last name: Nancy.

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I know a little boy (4 years old) called Orion. He has a little sister called Venus. I think it is original without being at all silly, like some 'unique' names can be.

Yeah. Silly. I'm feeling my ability to gauge silly and non-silly slipping fast.

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I'd like opinions, please. How does Summer Banner sound? I really love the name Summer, but don't know if it goes with our last name.

I like Runner Mummer Funner Tanner Dumber Gunner Bunter Punter. For a boy.

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My daughter-in-law would like to name the baby River Sunshine. That's the first and middle names. I think he's going to be teased in school.

Are you kidding? Boys love being called Sunshine. And it goes so well with the last name "Stankowski."

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We named our son Ty. People always ask, is it Tyler, or Tyrone, or Tyrus? No - just Ty. We have a long last name (Troutman), so we wanted to be sure that his name wasn't too long.

"Oh no! My fishing line's got loose!" (Woosh) "That's OK, Timmy, you just need to fasten the line better with a double-hitch knot!" "Wow! Thanks, Ty Trout Man!"

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My boyfriend and I put a lot of thought into our child's name, and the end result was great! Boy: Skyler Alexander Girl: Trinity Lauren

Everyone I have told seem to like them because they are different, but I don't really care what the rest of the world thinks of my baby's name because it is my baby!!!

Yes, but it's not YOUR name. You can't play with my toy! It's mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine! MOOOOOOOM! They're making fun of my pretentious designer baby naaaaaaaaame!

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I'm expecting triplets in April, and we've picked out the girls' names: Alexana Chenaur and Kia Nicasey. My husband wants to name the boy Richard Allen. I think it's a bit boring, and prefer Shaden Elijah. Last name Zane. What do you think? I prefer unusual, but not too far out.

Chenaur - She can grow up into a half-man, half-bull who roams the labirynth!

Update! Eagle-eyed reader Susan pointed out something I missed in my Chenaur-induced dementia. The proposed boy's name would be said "Shade Insane."

But then, aren't all the names here?

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My husband and I have already decided to name our son Cinsere. It's unique, and it will be the first name in our family that is non-traditional. Many of our family members disagree with our decision, but we have decided and nothing is going to change our minds. We appreciate their opinions, but it is our choice.

And again the spectre of mule-headedness raises its mule head. So why'd you ask for the family members' opinions if you don't actually give a crap what they say? Funny, that's not very (snicker) "cinsere."

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As a person of Scottish descent, I am just curious - are all you ladies naming your daughters Mackenzie (or Mykenzie, or Makenzy, etc.) out of some loyalty to Scotland? Or perhaps just a love for haggis? Just curious.

Do you honestly think someone naming their daughter Makenzy could find Scotland on a map?

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My name is Cheri, and my husband's name is Chris. Our firstborn is named after his father, Christopher. If I have a girl, her name will be Chloe Lynn. If it is a boy, I like the name (Shaun) Douglas, but I would like to spell it Chaun so that all our names start with "Ch." I noticed that it is not a listed spelling for that name. What do you think?

See, this is what Martha Stewart hath wrought. She's made people obssessed with having matched sets of things, even if it means scarring your kids.

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Cool Boy Names: Ruger, Hunter, Colt

Un-Cool Boy Names: Nigel, Gareth, Lance

Cool: Obssession with names that paint a picture of blood-soaked death.

Uncool: Foppish Brits what don't hunt and kill.

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I would like to know what is wrong with the name Lance? My son's name is Lance and he is very proud of it!

Is a name something one is proud of? I'm proud of achievements, not of being bold enough to have a name. Hell, it's a bolder move to NOT have a name.
But then again, with this person for a parent, Lance should be proud of any accomplishment he can find.

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What does anyone think about Phoenix Robert for a boy or Kamryn Taylor for a girl?

I think it's giving me heartburn.

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I have an unusual name (Abigail), and I've never had any problems.

Um. Yeah.

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I've looked at all these comments about people who hate certain spellings, pronunciations, and strategic placings. I just don't know what to think. When my wife and I had our first daughter, I was lucky enough to name her after a word I fell in love with from middle school. Terra was the word, but I chose not to go with the spelling, and "Tara" didn't appeal to me. I chose Taira, and my wife chose Rose for her middle name. "A flower of the earth."

My second daughter, blessed be, was a bit tougher. Many months went by, and finally, at Thanksgiving dinner, my mother suggested a name from Pippi Longstocking. With a few changes, we came up with Onika Marie. ... It's what special about these names that keep them alive. Would we ever think about changing their names? Not in a heartbeat. That'll be their decision in the future. We're just a guiding light.

"A flower of the earth." As opposed to those flowers that grow out in space. God, I hate Wiccans sometimes.

Oh yeah, and special names keep the kids alive, apparently.

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I am having a girl in March. The name is going to be Kali. Can't decide on middle name.

Isn't Kali some sort of Hindu underworld deity? A+ on research!

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I am thinkimg of naming my girl Oleo. But my husband has a different idea and wants to name her Rodana! What do you think?

Look at that name. Oleo. Look at it and try not to think of cookies. Try really hard. (I think this is a focused visualization technique used by Weight Watchers.)

Of course, if you're older or Southern, naming your kid Oleo is the same as naming them Land o'Lakes or Parkay, so there's no way to avoid your food issues, even if you wanted to.

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To the parent who is naming their son Rebecca ~ that is so horrible! What if their son growing up isn't all the brawny and muscular, too!! Think of what he would think! Um, wrong!!

P.S. I am 19

To the person writing about a boy named Rebecca - You're not reading at your grade level! That person never said that! And would it have made a difference if boy Rebecca were all femmy and gay, too!! Um, no!!

P.S. I could tell you're 19

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My fiance and I named our firstborn Cam'ron, I thougt at the time it was pretty unique, but the name was actually pretty common last May. Just different spellings.

Oh dear God, they've discovered random punctuation to go with random lettering. Any minute now, they're going to bust out the umlauts, and I've going to go into hiding.

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... and finally:

I wanted to name my girl Heaven, but I have been getting a lot of mixed reactions to it. Is it too weird?

No one liked my choice of "Solace" for my second daughter. I loved it for its meaning (comfort). It has grown on the rest of my family, though, and even strangers tell me what a beautiful unique name it is.

Really? Is that what "solace" meant? I thought it was part of a turkey for some reason. OK, that's it. I officially declare all nouns off-limits. No Heaven, no Destiny, no Solace. Too much pressure. You just know Heaven will be a miserable bitch, Destiny a welfare queen, and Solace in desparate need of Ritalin. No nouns. Not ever. No Hunter, no Colt, no Trinity, no Summer. No River, no Phoenix. No Attica, no Chance, no December. No Aria, no Legend, no goddamn Dakota. Have you ever been to either of the Dakotas? Yeah, there's a reason. It's the same reason no one names their kids Iowa, Nebraska, Idaho, or Wyoming.