Shooting Iraqis with paintballs / Funeral realizations / Kiddy wisdom on love
From Corey: Shoot some idiot with paintballs! He's an Iraqi guy trying to make a statement about attacking people overseas or something.... he's in Chicago, and he's hardly ever in his room. It also looks like it's aimed to hit above everything in the room... if he's ever in there, he just ducks the whole time, and doesn't seem to get hit. You also can't even see the paintballs because they're the same color as everything in the room. He was in there a few minutes ago (as of 4:15), but it looks like he's gone again... there was a cameraman in there with him, too. Corey tried to shoot the cameraman. :P So his point is something about Americans being comfortable shooting an Iraqi from the safety of their homes.... yeah, he thinks you could put anyone in that room and they'd get shot as often as people could fire the thing. MAYBE if it was a very small child, people wouldn't shoot paintballs. He bets some people still would, though.)
I had a book like the below full of kids' quips a LONG time ago. Not sure where it went! Darn! Also, I just remembered that Henry's likely doing funeral stuff today, so he won't be calling me. Oh well, I showered anyhow. Plenty of time to finish my library book so maybe Jon can return it at the same time as those CDs on my card! (I threatened him with the usual yesterday afternoon if he didn't, and he said I was awesome... yeah, sure!)
Solid Advice on Marriage from Kids
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents." - Eric, Age 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, "I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me." Then she says, "Yes," but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out. - Anita, Age 9
How Does a Person Decide Whom to Marry??
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." - Kelly, Age 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." - Carolyn, Age 8
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, Age 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." - Bert, Age 5
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." - Freddie, age 6
How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." - Lottie, Age 9
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." - Jeremy, Age 8
What Do Most People do on a Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Martin, Age 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops and French fries and talk about love." - Craig, Age 9
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8.
When is it OK to Kiss Someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." - Allan, Age 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you.... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." - Kally, Age 9
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you... that's why I stopped doing it." - Jean, Age 10
"When they're rich." - Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." - Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." - Howard, age 8
The Great Debate: Is it Better to be Single or Married?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan." - Kirsten, Age 10
"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." - Anita, Age 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." - Will, Age 7
"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. If I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." - Kirsten, age 10
Concerning why Love Happens Between Two Particular People:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." - Jan, Age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." - Harlen, Age 8
How Can a Stranger Tell If Two People are Married?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." - Eddie, 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." - Derrick, age 8
What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common?
"Both don't want no more kids." - Lori, age 8
What Would You Do on a First Date That Was Turning Sour?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day, I would call all the newspapers to make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." - Craig, age 9
On What Falling in Love is Like:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." - Roger, Age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." - Leo, Age 7
On the Role of Good Looks in Love:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." - Jeanne, Age 8
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." - Gary, Age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." - Christine, Age 9
Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." - Dave, Age 8
Confidential Opinions About Love:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when The Simpsons is on television." - Anita, Age 6
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." - Bobby, Age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." - Regina, Age 10
The Personal Qualities Necessary to be a Good Lover:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." - Ava, Age 8
Some Surefire ways to Make a Person Fall in Love with You:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." - Del, Age 6
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." - Alonzo, Age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." - Bart, Age 9
How can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant are in Love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." - John, Age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." - Brad, Age 8
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." - Christine, Age 9
What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." - Michelle, Age 9
How a Person Learns to Kiss:
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." - Doug, Age 7
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." - Carin, Age 9
How to Make Love Endure:
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." - Ricky, age 10
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." - Tom, Age 7
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." - Randy, Age 8
How Would the World be Different if People Didn't Get Married?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" - Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." - Roberta, age 7
Other Bits of Kiddy Wisdom
Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. - Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. - Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. - Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. - Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the john when you dad's in the shower. - Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. - Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mom. - Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert. - Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat. - Laura, Age 13
Never spit when on a roller coaster. - Scott, Age 11
Never do pranks at a police station. - Sam, Age 10
Watch out for cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. - Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what
your mom told you to do. - Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. - Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. - Chelsey, Age 7
Stay away from prunes. - Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. - Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing. - Cynthia, Age 8
Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and grandma's house. - Joanne, Age 11
I had a book like the below full of kids' quips a LONG time ago. Not sure where it went! Darn! Also, I just remembered that Henry's likely doing funeral stuff today, so he won't be calling me. Oh well, I showered anyhow. Plenty of time to finish my library book so maybe Jon can return it at the same time as those CDs on my card! (I threatened him with the usual yesterday afternoon if he didn't, and he said I was awesome... yeah, sure!)
Solid Advice on Marriage from Kids
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents." - Eric, Age 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, "I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me." Then she says, "Yes," but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out. - Anita, Age 9
How Does a Person Decide Whom to Marry??
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." - Kelly, Age 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." - Carolyn, Age 8
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, Age 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." - Bert, Age 5
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." - Freddie, age 6
How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." - Lottie, Age 9
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." - Jeremy, Age 8
What Do Most People do on a Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Martin, Age 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops and French fries and talk about love." - Craig, Age 9
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8.
When is it OK to Kiss Someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." - Allan, Age 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you.... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." - Kally, Age 9
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you... that's why I stopped doing it." - Jean, Age 10
"When they're rich." - Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." - Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." - Howard, age 8
The Great Debate: Is it Better to be Single or Married?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan." - Kirsten, Age 10
"It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." - Anita, Age 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." - Will, Age 7
"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. If I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." - Kirsten, age 10
Concerning why Love Happens Between Two Particular People:
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." - Jan, Age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." - Harlen, Age 8
How Can a Stranger Tell If Two People are Married?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." - Eddie, 6
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." - Derrick, age 8
What Do You Think Your Mom and Dad Have in Common?
"Both don't want no more kids." - Lori, age 8
What Would You Do on a First Date That Was Turning Sour?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day, I would call all the newspapers to make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." - Craig, age 9
On What Falling in Love is Like:
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." - Roger, Age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." - Leo, Age 7
On the Role of Good Looks in Love:
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." - Jeanne, Age 8
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." - Gary, Age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." - Christine, Age 9
Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." - Dave, Age 8
Confidential Opinions About Love:
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when The Simpsons is on television." - Anita, Age 6
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." - Bobby, Age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." - Regina, Age 10
The Personal Qualities Necessary to be a Good Lover:
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." - Ava, Age 8
Some Surefire ways to Make a Person Fall in Love with You:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." - Del, Age 6
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." - Alonzo, Age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." - Bart, Age 9
How can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant are in Love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." - John, Age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." - Brad, Age 8
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." - Christine, Age 9
What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." - Michelle, Age 9
How a Person Learns to Kiss:
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." - Doug, Age 7
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." - Carin, Age 9
How to Make Love Endure:
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." - Ricky, age 10
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." - Tom, Age 7
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." - Randy, Age 8
How Would the World be Different if People Didn't Get Married?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" - Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." - Roberta, age 7
Other Bits of Kiddy Wisdom
Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. - Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. - Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. - Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. - Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the john when you dad's in the shower. - Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. - Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mom. - Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert. - Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat. - Laura, Age 13
Never spit when on a roller coaster. - Scott, Age 11
Never do pranks at a police station. - Sam, Age 10
Watch out for cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. - Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what
your mom told you to do. - Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. - Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. - Chelsey, Age 7
Stay away from prunes. - Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. - Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing. - Cynthia, Age 8
Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and grandma's house. - Joanne, Age 11
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