Odysseus, Orpheus, Peerless, and Philbert

Some chick named "Jazmin Linares" added me to Facebook overnight. No idea who that is, but it could be the Sunday morning fogginess as well...

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

O

Octavius: Latin for the eighth-born. Exception to the rule: if you're headed for number eight, we salute you. Just think of the gladiatorial-themed birthday parties you could host!

Odo: Original version of the expression of surprise best voiced by Homer Simpson.

Odysseus: A Greek leader in the Trojan War, famed for his trickery. Prepare for a child who could lash himself to the bottom of a sheep to escape your clutches, or tie himself and his sailors to a mast to avoid the lure of the Sirens. And those are only two of the tricks up his sleeve...

Omari: Didn't your grandmother collect this type of Japanese porcelain?

Omen: A sign from the great beyond. Black cats and crows will flock to your child.

Orpheus: A mythological poet and a master of the lyre, who played so beautifully that objects (animate and inanimate) followed him wherever he went. Are you ready for a grunge band in the garage, complete with groupies?

Oscar: A golden statuette coveted by members of the Hollywood community. An unpleasant, green-haired Muppet, who chooses to make his home in a trash receptacle.

Osgood: If you're looking to raise an NFL linebacker, this is NOT the name to choose.

Osmond: Member of a talented family of Mormon performers. Your child will most likely be both a little bit "country" and a little bit "rock n' roll."

Oswald: A studious bookworm, remarkable for his political activism and accuracy with a high-powered rifle.

Otto: If you're looking for a palindromic name, this is a good pick.

Owen: The one with the crooked nose. Also, child may experience a lifetime of feeling indebted to others.


P

Packer: One who packs meat or cheese and serves as the namesake for a football dynasty whose followers are identified by their garish green-and-yellow attire and triangular headwear.

Parker: A valet. Also, a hearty boy. The one who doesn't sing.

Patrick / Pat: A sexually-ambiguous child.

Peerless: One whose ability to make fine faucets is beyond compare.

Pentium: A very fast, but occasionally unreliable processor used for completing multiple mathematics equations that generally leads to gamer's thumb.

Percival: A person born as dumb as a stump, whose childlike innocence and naivete will somehow allow him to stumble into a position of great responsibility.

Peter: Another phallic name. Also, one with severe marital problems and an obsession for pumpkin-flavored foods.

Pharoah: An ancient Egyptian ruler prone to draining the checking account to buy excessive jewelry and wrapping the household pets in toilet paper.

Philander: Greek lover of mankind. A command to cheat on one's spouse or significant other.

Philbert: A hard nut to crack, but tasty on casseroles.

Phillip: The swirl of whipped cream topping on a hot fudge sundae. Will get a giggle anytime the phrase "fill up" is used.

Pierre: A beret-wearing frog with a disagreeable demeanor.

Pleather: Inexpensive, non-breathable material often used for hooker ensembles. See also Vinyl.

Polo: The appropriate response to the call "Marco" when assisting a visually-impaired swimmer.

Prince: A nobleman who aspires to be king, but will most likely see all of his foibles printed for the whole world to see in newspapers best known for their coverage of UFOs.

Pucci: Italian designer of fabulous, mod-style prints. A common nickname for dogs of mixed breeding.