Debts, spending, security, anger, and the Psalms
These tips are from The Husband Book: A Guy's Guide To Marriage by Harry Harrison Junior, which I plan to give to my brother for his wedding.
Money and Finances
Spend below your means.
Remember, the most important thing you can offer her besides love is security.
Be home for dinner. Even if you have to drive back to the office after you eat.
If she's home raising children, remember it is as exhausting / frustrating / exasperating as your job. Only with no retirement plan.
Buy an insurance policy. Make sure she can live on the proceeds.
Accept the fact that you'll never feel like you've made enough.
Realize her natural instinct is to "make" the home. And this requires things that cost money.
Don't ever succumb to the belief that if she gets this one more thing - like a new couch - she won't want anything for another year.
If you want to know where the money goes, go grocery shopping sometime.
Invest in checkbook software, such as Quicken. It's a marriage saver because it tells you where all the money's going... which might surprise you.
Realize some of your stupidest fights will be over money, so try to avoid them.
Both of you should have some allotted "mad money" that you can do anything with, without worrying what the other one will say.
If you think her expensive obsession with her clothes is odd, just how weird is smoking ten-dollar cigars?
Get a financial counselor that both of you respect.
Don't blame her for spending everything. If she's doing the food shopping, buying the children's clothes, and paying the bills, it's a real possibility that she IS spending everything.
Pray to God for wisdom about money.
Remember that God has a plan for you, and even though it may differ from your plan, it will fill you with wonder and awe if you talk to Him about it regularly.
Some women make more than their husbands. Instead of feeling guilty, enjoy it.
Don't think you have to tell her everything that's on your mind.
If the stock market crashes, come home with flowers.
Make sure she has credit cards, checkbooks, and money. At all times.
Before you question her spending, take a long look at yours.
Start a retirement plan. Today. It will make her feel better.
Seek her counsel on the family attorney, the stockbroker, the banker.
She'll honestly tell you that you work too hard. She'll be secretly grateful, too.
No matter what, don't let yourself feel like a bad provider. That's just the kind of thing that ends marriages.
Let her manage the checkbook.
If money is tight, pay the bills together. It's less scary.
Give her an IRA of her own. Every year.
If you can't talk to your wife about money or sex, your marriage has zero chance of making it.
She'll do without a lot of things so her kids can have everything. It's up to you to bring some balance here.
She'll drive around town to save $1.50. Enjoy the ride.
Once or twice a year, take her on an expensive shopping trip.
Seek her guidance about all things financial. You're in this as a team.
Remember, businesses come and go. Investments go south. The smartest bankers routinely make bad decisions. Money problems don't have to be the end of the world... or a marriage.
No matter how hard you try, there will be some times when you just don't make enough. Don't feel guilty.
Even when money is tight, figure out a way to give back to God. This is a spiritual requirement.
She doesn't want as big a house as you think. Or might want yourself.
She'll spend all the money on the kids, then tell you that you have to make more money because she doesn't have any. Smile and nod.
Money Troubles
The fear that you will lose your job will keep her awake at night. You'll never understand why.
If you do lose your job, don't retreat from her. Tell her what's going on with you, and what you are doing about it.
Failing cash to solve a problem, have a plan B.
Don't let her feel she has to figure it all out. Because she thinks she does.
It doesn't matter if you have lived well for twenty years. You're going to feel like the worst provider in the world during these times. Limit your self-pity. Get moving.
She's going to fall apart the first time the kids have to do without. Logic and history won't help here. Solutions will.
While you don't want to think about money problems, she wants to talk about them at 2:30 AM. Avoid a fight. Talk about it.
Agree with her on a time every week when you can go over all the bills, the debts, and the prospects. Stick to it.
Realize there will still be back-to-school clothes, soccer dues, and electricity bills. Just saying no isn't going to work. Make a plan.
During this time, don't beat yourself up about putting everything on a credit card.
She may blame you for everything at these times. Forgive her.
Remind her that you can go through everything together.
Get on your knees and give this problem to God every morning. This is as much a spiritual issue as it is a fiscal issue.
Don't lie around the house. Get up every morning, go for interviews, network, attack the problem.
Realize when she gets the most scared is when she feels the most powerless.
When this is all over, do not holds her anger or her words or her fear against her.
Read Psalm 91 together every night. It will sink in after a while.
If you have a once-in-a-lifetime event planned and suddenly you lose your job, don't cancel your plans. Go. Even if you have to charge the whole thing. Go.
This is absolutely not the time to start drinking.
Accept the fact that sometimes God wants us to do something different. So if we can't take a hint, he just gets our attention.
Agree to go for a drive if she needs to cry or yell.
Don't keep your children in the dark. They can tell something's wrong.
Don't be embarrassed to downsize. She'll be more for it than you think.
Don't lose your inner joy.
Trust that God will take care of you and her. Let her know this is at the core of your being.
Don't count on money from her parents. Or yours.
If you have to sell your Rolex to make the mortgage payment, sell the Rolex.
If she's depressed during these times, don't let her stay in misery. Do what you can to lighten the mood.
When it's all over, she'll tell you that she never lost faith. Smile and nod.
Money and Finances
Spend below your means.
Remember, the most important thing you can offer her besides love is security.
Be home for dinner. Even if you have to drive back to the office after you eat.
If she's home raising children, remember it is as exhausting / frustrating / exasperating as your job. Only with no retirement plan.
Buy an insurance policy. Make sure she can live on the proceeds.
Accept the fact that you'll never feel like you've made enough.
Realize her natural instinct is to "make" the home. And this requires things that cost money.
Don't ever succumb to the belief that if she gets this one more thing - like a new couch - she won't want anything for another year.
If you want to know where the money goes, go grocery shopping sometime.
Invest in checkbook software, such as Quicken. It's a marriage saver because it tells you where all the money's going... which might surprise you.
Realize some of your stupidest fights will be over money, so try to avoid them.
Both of you should have some allotted "mad money" that you can do anything with, without worrying what the other one will say.
If you think her expensive obsession with her clothes is odd, just how weird is smoking ten-dollar cigars?
Get a financial counselor that both of you respect.
Don't blame her for spending everything. If she's doing the food shopping, buying the children's clothes, and paying the bills, it's a real possibility that she IS spending everything.
Pray to God for wisdom about money.
Remember that God has a plan for you, and even though it may differ from your plan, it will fill you with wonder and awe if you talk to Him about it regularly.
Some women make more than their husbands. Instead of feeling guilty, enjoy it.
Don't think you have to tell her everything that's on your mind.
If the stock market crashes, come home with flowers.
Make sure she has credit cards, checkbooks, and money. At all times.
Before you question her spending, take a long look at yours.
Start a retirement plan. Today. It will make her feel better.
Seek her counsel on the family attorney, the stockbroker, the banker.
She'll honestly tell you that you work too hard. She'll be secretly grateful, too.
No matter what, don't let yourself feel like a bad provider. That's just the kind of thing that ends marriages.
Let her manage the checkbook.
If money is tight, pay the bills together. It's less scary.
Give her an IRA of her own. Every year.
If you can't talk to your wife about money or sex, your marriage has zero chance of making it.
She'll do without a lot of things so her kids can have everything. It's up to you to bring some balance here.
She'll drive around town to save $1.50. Enjoy the ride.
Once or twice a year, take her on an expensive shopping trip.
Seek her guidance about all things financial. You're in this as a team.
Remember, businesses come and go. Investments go south. The smartest bankers routinely make bad decisions. Money problems don't have to be the end of the world... or a marriage.
No matter how hard you try, there will be some times when you just don't make enough. Don't feel guilty.
Even when money is tight, figure out a way to give back to God. This is a spiritual requirement.
She doesn't want as big a house as you think. Or might want yourself.
She'll spend all the money on the kids, then tell you that you have to make more money because she doesn't have any. Smile and nod.
Money Troubles
The fear that you will lose your job will keep her awake at night. You'll never understand why.
If you do lose your job, don't retreat from her. Tell her what's going on with you, and what you are doing about it.
Failing cash to solve a problem, have a plan B.
Don't let her feel she has to figure it all out. Because she thinks she does.
It doesn't matter if you have lived well for twenty years. You're going to feel like the worst provider in the world during these times. Limit your self-pity. Get moving.
She's going to fall apart the first time the kids have to do without. Logic and history won't help here. Solutions will.
While you don't want to think about money problems, she wants to talk about them at 2:30 AM. Avoid a fight. Talk about it.
Agree with her on a time every week when you can go over all the bills, the debts, and the prospects. Stick to it.
Realize there will still be back-to-school clothes, soccer dues, and electricity bills. Just saying no isn't going to work. Make a plan.
During this time, don't beat yourself up about putting everything on a credit card.
She may blame you for everything at these times. Forgive her.
Remind her that you can go through everything together.
Get on your knees and give this problem to God every morning. This is as much a spiritual issue as it is a fiscal issue.
Don't lie around the house. Get up every morning, go for interviews, network, attack the problem.
Realize when she gets the most scared is when she feels the most powerless.
When this is all over, do not holds her anger or her words or her fear against her.
Read Psalm 91 together every night. It will sink in after a while.
If you have a once-in-a-lifetime event planned and suddenly you lose your job, don't cancel your plans. Go. Even if you have to charge the whole thing. Go.
This is absolutely not the time to start drinking.
Accept the fact that sometimes God wants us to do something different. So if we can't take a hint, he just gets our attention.
Agree to go for a drive if she needs to cry or yell.
Don't keep your children in the dark. They can tell something's wrong.
Don't be embarrassed to downsize. She'll be more for it than you think.
Don't lose your inner joy.
Trust that God will take care of you and her. Let her know this is at the core of your being.
Don't count on money from her parents. Or yours.
If you have to sell your Rolex to make the mortgage payment, sell the Rolex.
If she's depressed during these times, don't let her stay in misery. Do what you can to lighten the mood.
When it's all over, she'll tell you that she never lost faith. Smile and nod.
Labels: 2002, bible, books, cards, crap, dinners, dreams, food, harmony, history, jon, kids, life, maxed-out tags limit, money, plans, school, shopping, weddings, words
posted by Flami at 9:10:00 AM
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