In which a CD is utterly destroyed by torture...

I caught up on blogs: Phil has crazy picture booth photos with him and his girlfriend, and crazy Sonic drive-in pictures. Gotta love the insanity you can get up to in photo booths... ah, good times. :D Jon had a post about graduation and memories: stuffing yourself silly at breakfast is NOT a good thing especially if you can't handle it anymore, haha. (sounds like me, actually) There was some girl sitting next to him at grad who also did her undergrad degree at UBC, lived in the same suburb (Richmond), and also went to the same incentive high school (Grades 8-10) as our younger sister! Very appropriate, considering the number of Vancouverites he's met in Toronto over the past 22 months...


Spoz had posts about CD reviews (Go! Team, Datarock, and The Knife), plus a post about CD #666 and destroying it... it's so funny that I have to reproduce it here.

CD #666 - THE DESTRUCTION OF THE BEAST

hiya peeps! a few weeks ago or so.. some of you dribbling baboons may've remembered me mentioning that.. after many years of hunting and gathering throughout the many record stores in this deadend a*seclown city, I'd finally amassed 665 CDs in my music collection.. leaving me one CD shy of 666 CDs.. the music collection of the beast (and you may've also remembered that crazy Satan animation that accompanied that particular blog post.. yeah.. y'know the one? the one that caused all manner of violent seizures and a flood of angry complaints to arrive in my email inbox? yeah.. those were the days, huh? good times.. goooood times :)



anyhoo.. the question came up as to what I should do for such a momentous occasion, since it's not every day your CD collection may possibly spawn the coming of the musical antichrist.. how should I pay homage? or better yet.. pay homage in such a way as to prevent an impending apocalypse and death to all my CD kind?

most of the suggestions given to me were along the lines of the obvious and cliche.. ie: I should go out and buy a suitably Satanic deathmetal CD.. something maybe along the lines of SLAYER, CANNIBAL CORPSE, MEGADETH, NAPALM DEATH (yeah, you can tell I really don't know me death metal, huh?) or maybe even a CD from those lunatic LORD OF THE RINGS rejects who won this year's EUROVISION contest, LORDI.. coz that sh*t would be really f*cked up..

but instead of that, I had a much sillier idea to find me a sacrifical CD to destroy on this day, the devil's day.. Tuesday the 6th of June, 2006 (6/6/06)

so, last Friday I hit JB's.. went looking thru the TOP 40 singles shelf and picked up one of the most obnoxious pieces of commercialist filth that $5 could buy..



yup, here we have a CD single featuring the infamous IZZY from NEIGHBOURS (yet ANOTHER freaking soapie star who thinks she can sing) performing with an utterly a*se-raping fascimile of a pop-punk electroclash act, the ROGUE TRADERS.. here to present us with their horrendous single WATCHING YOU.. arguably the WORST song ever to rape a signature 80's riff (this time stolen from THE KNACKS' MY SHARONA) since, well.. the last song to sample an 80's riff to try and sound cool (ie: pretty much EVERY top 40 d*ckhead anthem in the charts of late.. including that retarded song out from the UK recently ripping off BLUE MONDAY by NEW ORDER.. ack!)



and sure, I could've aimed for something by ASHLEE SIMPSON or the PUSSYCAT DOLLS instead.. but, wot the hey, I like to buy local :)



(oh, and you'd best familiarise yourself with those top 3 photos.. coz, we're about to inflict a whole WORLD of PAIN on this single.. oooooh, yes... OH YES, WE WILL :)

so, to start today's proceedings.. let's go for the KITCHEN KNIFE..



and sure.. this may only be ceremonial in its capability for carnage on something as inanimate as a CD single.. but DAMN, is it still fun to have at it anywaze ;)



STAB! STAB! KILL!! KILL!! AAAAUUAUAUUAUAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!



damn.. I could've taken an eye out with one of these pieces..



just so the damage isn't being unevenly distributed here, I flip it over to the other side and kill it some more.. KILL! KILL! KILL!! AAAAUAUUAUAAAAGGGHH!!



the knife's done all it could've and I'm proud of its handiwork, but it's time to kick things up a notch..

so, time to bring the next instrument into play.. the HAMMER! :)



NOW WE'RE TALKING!!



oooo.. look at da pretty chunks :)



hmmmm.. the hammer's not terribly accurate, now is it? (wot with me trying to bash the CD in one hand and take photos with the other) so lets try hitting it when it's standing upright, shall we?



uh oh.. do ya think it'll still play? ;)



obviously, we haven't nearly done enough here.. so it's time to bring in the next instrument of destruction.. THE MALLET!



WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! THIS IS FUN :)



damn.. I really thought that would've done more..



so, time then for the NEXT instrument..

presenting, the MORTAR and PESTLE!



(if only I could fit all the bits in the bowl?)



now THIS is wot I call a DJ "MASHUP" :)



do ya think this would make a nice mulch for the garden?



meanwhile, I've noticed the cover art has somehow slipped thru all my methods to destroy it.. so, I take it inside and let the kitchen stove play havoc on it..



*cough* damn, this makes for some messy cooking..



and thus, this here most damned CD hath been brought to foul and smelly ruination!



makes you kinda feel proud now, doesn't it? :)



oh and just because you're sacrificing your most unholy 666th CD sacrifice on the devil's day 6/6/06 doesn't mean you shouldn't act responsible for your acts of violence..

KEEP AUSTRALIA BEAUTIFUL, KIDDIES.. it's time to TAKE OUT THE TRASH!



thus ending wot might just be the BEST $5 I ever spent and cleansing my CD collection from evil spirits in the process.. aaaaaaaah :)

and who knows? perhaps I've stumbled upon a genius method to turn the tide on flagging CD sale profits worldwide.. coz hey, who WOULDN'T wanna destroy one of these f*cked up TOP 40 CDs? all this fun for only $5? f*ck.. they'd be lining up for miles for this (mental note: must patent this plan before anyone else does.. this sh*t would make me a freakin' millionaire.. OOOOOOYEAAAH!!)

comments? thoughts? CD requests? ;)

HAHAHAHAHA! Oddly enough, I had a dream last night about a bunch of people being possessed by midget birds flying at us... no, I haven't watched Charmed or The Birds lately (or at all), so I don't know what's up with that! I was also trying to organize my Christmas / special occasion cards in the dream: the room had a white slat closet. Very odd...