Death and related thoughts about Grandma
Last night, I constructed an unlikely scenario (NOT a dream!) in my head involving my being at the townhouse when my cousin Lillian called from Hong Kong to inform us that Grandma had passed away. In this scenario, my parents and Jon were out (of town?) and my sister had JUST gone out to do something, so I had to call her back in: there would only be one reason why Lillian was on the phone. Then we cried and wondered how to tell the rest of our family and friends... :(
I guess this is similar to what my sister said on the weekend about her crying herself to sleep because of her bad feeling that Grandma won't survive this trip to Hong Kong to get her eyes fixed. That may have been the last goodbye ever... we hope not, but you never know. She might decide that her mission (to see cousin Aaron married) is accomplished, so that she can die in peace... she's seen her great-granddaughter Andrea too, after all.
My sister wondered if I ever got sad wondering about that... sure, but I don't really say anything about it. I guess if she reads this, she'll know... because I sure as heck don't feel like saying it out loud since I might cry again, heh. I know I'll have the support of family / friends / church people when the inevitable happens, though... Grandma IS getting up there, at 86 years of age!
I'm not sure how to feel about these emotions and feelings: maybe I'll just let today be a sad day, and then cheer up tomorrow on what is sure to be a random car ride with Eric, haha. Then again, I also have to ask him for a ride on Sunday since my sister's doing the wheelchair thing... we'll see how that goes!
I'd go out for some comfort food (hot and sour soup / wonton mein), but it's all rainy and blah outside. At least the weather matches my mood, even if I don't feel like going out. I guess it's Ben and Jerry's ice cream for me... I have three different kinds here, after all. ;)
Hmm. There's a Blogger outage scheduled for 8:23 AM... that's an odd hour. Maybe 8 AM or 8:30, but not that. :P (Blogger Status)
I guess this is similar to what my sister said on the weekend about her crying herself to sleep because of her bad feeling that Grandma won't survive this trip to Hong Kong to get her eyes fixed. That may have been the last goodbye ever... we hope not, but you never know. She might decide that her mission (to see cousin Aaron married) is accomplished, so that she can die in peace... she's seen her great-granddaughter Andrea too, after all.
My sister wondered if I ever got sad wondering about that... sure, but I don't really say anything about it. I guess if she reads this, she'll know... because I sure as heck don't feel like saying it out loud since I might cry again, heh. I know I'll have the support of family / friends / church people when the inevitable happens, though... Grandma IS getting up there, at 86 years of age!
I'm not sure how to feel about these emotions and feelings: maybe I'll just let today be a sad day, and then cheer up tomorrow on what is sure to be a random car ride with Eric, haha. Then again, I also have to ask him for a ride on Sunday since my sister's doing the wheelchair thing... we'll see how that goes!
I'd go out for some comfort food (hot and sour soup / wonton mein), but it's all rainy and blah outside. At least the weather matches my mood, even if I don't feel like going out. I guess it's Ben and Jerry's ice cream for me... I have three different kinds here, after all. ;)
Hmm. There's a Blogger outage scheduled for 8:23 AM... that's an odd hour. Maybe 8 AM or 8:30, but not that. :P (Blogger Status)
Labels: aaron, andrea, ben and jerry's, blogger, chinese, church, crap, dreams, eric m., fellowship, friends, grandma, ice cream, jon, maxed-out tags limit, noodles, parents, random, sleep, steph
posted by Flami at 3:22:00 PM
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