Happy St. Patrick's Day! / Kemporalia style

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY to all of you (honorary) Irish people out there today! ;)


(note: this is my attempt to use the Kempy style while injecting my own personality into it.. of course, I realize Kempy is much less literal and factual than I am.. oh well)

He called me all these endearing terms
And paid me all these compliments..
It was all platonic, or so I thought;
Distance has a way of minimizing chances of seriousness, right?

He said that he'd posted some "I love you" blog entry about me;
It was all about the good qualities he thought I had..
I was funny / smart / joyful / incredibly sweet / rather cute,
And he had more than a bit of a crush on me.

I expressed shock and dismay (quite damn rightly too!);
He asked if he should delete the entry..
For some reason, I wanted to see it for myself;
So I told him to hang on while I read it (bad idea..)

I like getting compliments from friends of mine;
They make me feel loved and cared for / about..
But that was SO horribly embarrassing (his blog prediction)..
My face turned extremely red while reading it.

It was true that I asked (with maybe a bit of edge),
"How about I delete all mentions of you in my blog?"
He said "OK," but I had no idea he'd apparently take it
Like I didn't want to associate with him anymore..

He asked me again if he should delete what he wrote;
I don't know if I felt ready to deal with the situation..
Every neuron in my brain was screaming, "DELETE!"
But I somehow couldn't type that out to send..

After I had to take my own version of "time-out"
(ie. 15 minutes spent taking a much-needed shower)..
I went back to the computer with a clearer head;
All prepared to tell him to delete away..

In the interim, he'd apparently come to a decision..
When I told him to delete, he did, and said goodbye.
At first, I wanted him to stay.. to work things out..
Then I realized it was for the better if he logged off.

He did apologize a couple of times before he left;
I wasn't altogether unwilling to accept them,
But again couldn't make my fingers type those words.
I may need to apologize in my turn later, perhaps..

All these conflicting emotions.. sadness / annoyance;
Hurt / major embarrassment / a bit of anger at both of us;
Helplessness / loss / a wish to start over again / distancing..
What to do? I have NO idea.. we're both to blame, I'd guess..

Time might do a lot to heal things over, I hear..
This wound is still suppurating, raw, and WAAAAAAAAY too fresh;
The stubborn "I won't ever reinitiate contact first" mentality
Will do me no good.. but I don't want reminders now..

So no contact for me yet at all..
Give it a lot of time if it will happen.
And if not, then so be it..
This is awfully fatalistic, isn't it?

Guess we shall see what happens..
We can co-exist online maturely, I hope.
I have talked (and will talk) to people about this;
Oddly, I feel better.. but then again, not really.

This is the first time we've had conflict
And I don't think I like the feeling
Of this vast emotional hell I'm suddenly in,
But que sera sera, n'est ce pas?

Pretending he doesn't exist / blocking him?
If I really hated him, I might do so..
But I don't feel like that now at all;
Maybe I'll leave it all up to chance.. things *must* get better!

Probably he thinks I'm mad at him;
He's probably mad at ME..
I wouldn't blame him one bit..
Definitely not at all..

The thing is that I'm not, really..
Oh sure.. maybe a little bit annoyed.
Why did he tell me about the entry in the first place?
Who knows.. I'm not sure I would have seen it anyhow.

Oh well.. I'll let some time pass by before attempting to talk;
Hopefully, other distractions will enter both our minds.
Perhaps it'll be a few weeks or a little longer;
I don't want to leave this hanging forever or unresolved.