Malva, Matilda, Medusa, and Mirage

Damn it! This thing restarted LITERALLY when I was about to go to bed! Seriously, I was turning the lights off and everything! UGH!

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

M

Maddeysen: A variation on the surname of our nation's fourth president, scion of a notable Virginia family. Sometimes striving to be different is just plain wrong.

Madge: A woman who frequently exclaims, "You're soaking in it!" with little additional esxplanation. Also, British tabloid, meaning "Madonna."

Magalita: Popular rum-based cocktail. Also, a mini-flashlight. Also, a stiff Mexican beverage plus the worm, minus the lime.

Mage: A powerful, if incredibly geeky, player of the game Dungeons & Dragons who wields the power of magic! Or so they say.

Magpie: A black-and-white cowbird attracted by shiny objects and dead animals on the side of the road.

Maia: Greek spring goddess. Also, Italian-American possessive, used by little Italian toddlers.

Malva: Greek, meaning "soft." Perilously close to Seinfeld's Mulva.

Marquessa: Host island of a reality show designed to see how long contestants can be stranded on an island and forced to vote one another off the show without going insane.

Marveline: Maker of fine motor oil that declared bankruptcy after failing to secure the lucrative NASCAR audience.

Mary: Gentiles only, please.

Mary Jane: Evokes wonderful memories of patent leather shoes, penny candies, and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.

Matilda: A rotund Australian woman descended from hearty penal-colony stock.

Mauvia: Though attractive, Mauvia always had a somewhat unhealthy hue to her complexion.

Meadow: A lovely, verdant field. Also the daughter of a psychopathic but strangely endearing television mob capo.

Mecca: Birthplace of Mohammed, and site of annual pilgrimage made by many famous boxers.

Medhina: Both funky and cold.

Medusa: A woman so terrifyingly ugly that one look at her would turn a man to stone. Have fun listening to her cry herself to sleep after four years of high school, and no boy has had the guts to ask her out.

Melga: A thick, persistent phlegm that often accompanies a bronchial infection.

Mercedes: High-end luxury automobile or Spanish dancer.

Mia: A very selfish Italian girl.

Mikelle: Is it Mike? Michelle? Exception to the rule: If one of you wanted a boy and the other one a girl, this compromise may be the only way to save your marriage.

Mirage: An optical illusion promising water in a desert. Also, a casino in Las Vegas.

Misty: Foggy, cloudy, and unclear. Also, on the verge of crying. "Every time I watch Beaches, I get all Misty."

Modesty: Quality of being humble, Also, a feminine hygiene product.

Monica: A cigar-smoking intern made irresistible by a blue dress.

Morgan: Unbelievable wife of a Saturday-night character.

Morona: Feminine form of Moron.

Mowicha: A sandwich made from lawn clippings.