Helga, Hestia, Imogene, and Isadora

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

H

Hana: Beautiful town on the eastern side of Maui that was destroyed by a tsunami. The best part about Hana is the road there.

Hailey: A weather condition characterized by hard, frozen ice balls falling from the sky.

Hallah Lujah: A name popular in the South. Exception to the rule: if she'll have a sibling named Amen.

Halo: Angelic, often left behind, video game. Also, a Southern greeting.

Hannah: Truly a name for a homely girl, somehow made popular in the '90s.

Harlem: Manhattan neighborhood currently subject to extreme gentrification.

Harlequin: Will have an unexplainable urge to wear skintight, diamond-patterned bodysuits and pointy shoes.

Hebe: High-school nickname for many Jewish-American students living outside New York or Los Angeles.

Hedwig: Currently immortalized as a not-quite-transgendered individual.

Helga: Will wear a helmet with horns, and serve pitchers of mead to warriors.

Heloise: Will annoy other children by offering unsolicited but helpful household hints such as how to deep-clean a kitchen sink with an old pair of pantyhose and white vinegar. Also used as a greeting for asthmatics.

Henrietta: A small cat with a speech impediment and apparent domestic partner of X the Owl. [Mr. Rogers]

Hereditary: What you name a daughter when your best friend picks your first choice, Genetic.

Hestia: A virtual unknown in Greek mythology. If you're going to pick a classical name, why not pick a better-known goddess?

Hilda: Will keep a small flock of goats and wear lederhosen. Also, has an inoperable facial mole.

Hilary: Some will perceive her as assertive, others simply as a bitch.

Honey: A sweet, sticky liquid alternative to sugar. Also, a pole dancer.

Hosana: Subject of a popular pioneer song that speaks of western expansion.

Hydra: In Greek mythology, a multi-headed water snake with a dog's body and the uncanny ability to regrow two heads in the place of one. Have "the talk" with this one early on.


I

Icy: Frozen slushy drink available at discount stores. Stain is impossible to remove when it falls on car seats.

Ida: A common contraction. "If Ida known you were coming, Ida baked a cake."

Iman: Likely to be a famous model who married a rock star.

Imari: A type of Japanese porcelain.

Imogene: A popular entertainer who endorses denture adhesive.

Isabella: A beautiful Italian actress whose film credits range from Blue Velvet to Roger Dodger.

Isadora: Prone to wearing long scarves, riding in open convertibles, and interpreting complex emotions through the dance.

Isis: Egyptian goddess and '70s female empowerment superheroine.

Ivaloo: UK usage to explain that your house has indoor plumbing.