Monday, March 22, 2010

Let's kill the probation officer while pretending not to be a mole, Dana...

CTU is reeling from the EMP, but the search lights on their rifles seem to work. I guess they're on battery power. There's some talk about drones crashing, but Arlo thinks they have some time before that happens. Bubba makes a big deal about making sure they don't fall out of the sky and cause any damage. You know, unlike those nuclear rods that can cause 100x as much damage. But who cares about them? Dana says Kayla Hassan is done with her medical. They did that in two minutes? Man, our health care system is already going downhill as a result of Obamacare.

Apparently, all satellite surveillance was routed to CTU, so NSA can't help Jack out with their surveillance. See what happens when you centralize intelligence gathering? If this had been before the Patriot Act, then the FBI, CIA, and NSA would all have their own satellites. Samir's henchman says CTU is "blind, deaf, and dumb." Well, he's certainly right about the last one. Tarin seems conflicted, but Samir assures him that he did the right thing. That's easy for him to say. He didn't get to know her like Tarin did.

An "Agent Henderson" is supposed to escort Kayla back to the UN. Hopefully, it's not Christopher Henderson. That would be a serious demotion for him. Kayla doesn't understand this EMP stuff, and that makes two of us. Well, she can watch Broken Arrow if she needs an explanation. The terrorists are handling their rods. They're also preparing their nuclear material for transport. They see an unmarked black SUV carrying Jack, Cole, Owen, and some guy we don't know. Jack and Cole have trouble getting reception on their phones, and Jack realizes that they're walking into a trap. That's a pretty big assumption. Maybe they just have really bad service.

Shootout at the East River. Tarin Id's Jack Bauer, and says he was one of their best agents. One of their best? That doesn't really do Jack any kind of justice, does it? Then again, it's slim pickings. Tony, Nina, and Henderson were all traitors. Michelle, Mason, Buchanan, Curtis, and Edgar are dead. Chase and Doyle are inactive. Erin Driscoll is at home mourning her daughter. Pretty much, it's between Jack and Chloe. Anyway, Samir and Tarin make a run for it, get into their motorboat, and get away with the rods. Jack sees a call box on the other side of the dock. Going for it would expose them to Samir's snipers, and would result in certain death. So I'm betting the unnamed fourth agent (who we'll call Agent Ricky for the time being) will be the one that bites the dust.

NSA is here, and I'm betting they'll play the usual role of the overbearing agents that get in everyone's way and slow everything down (à la Division). Of course, Bubba and the NSA guy immediately start stepping on each other's toes. Chloe is concerned about Jack, but Bubba is more worried about getting CTU up and running. Bubba does bring up a good point, though: "If anyone can take care of himself, it's Jack." Chloe pouts for effect, but it doesn't work on Bubba. I guess he, like everyone else at CTU: New York, only has eyes for Dana. You know, they should go to Miami next year so they can have CTU: Miami. They can even hire some guy who looks like David Caruso to play the head of CTU. Someone get Conan O'Brien on the phone.

NSA wants to rebuild the server from scratch. Chloe thinks she has a shortcut, but NSA guy is rude and tells her to make like a tree and get lost. Chloe pouts again, and that seems to have no effect on the NSA guy. She really needs to work on that. Finally! We get Renee! Woohoo! And it's not even my birthday. She's in Jack's apartment, but unfortunately, she has not been primping herself to look good for her man. Nor is she sprawled out on Jack's bed, waiting for him to finish saving the day. Oh well, she still looks good. Chloe calls and tells her that Jack is in danger. Renee springs into action, and don't we all wish we had someone who, at the drop of a hat, is willing to come save us from a bunch of terrorist snipers?

Dana takes time out of her busy schedule to talk to the probation officer Prady again. Conveniently, the EMP erased the videos he was looking for, so it looks like she is off the hook. Of course, since there are still 11 episodes left, I'm sure they'll drag this out even longer. Chloe tries to boss NSA guy around, first by being her usual charming self. That doesn't work, so she channels her best Jack... and pulls a gun on him. Awesome! Good to see that she's learned a thing or two after all these years. Like Jack, I bet this will have no adverse consequences for Chloe at all. Especially if she pulls it off.

Jack and his crew are still pinned down. Jack comes up with a plan for the four of them to cover themselves with cast-iron shields as they walk, in formation, to the call box. They have to stay in sync, though. Otherwise, it will leave the others exposed. The others agree, but Agent Ricky looks scared to death. They start moving, and sure enough, Agent Ricky freaks out and makes a run for it. He gets shot, and the others have to go running for cover. That's what you get for not listening to Jack. Agent Ricky is lying out in the open. He's still alive, but the snipers are using him for target practice. Cole and Owen want to go back for him, but Jack is willing to leave him for dead. Agent Ricky looks at Owen with the puppy dog eyes, and Owen falls for it. Owen runs out, and then takes one in the chest. Don't these guys know better than to disobey Jack? No silent clock for Idiot #1 and Idiot #2. Not like they deserve it.

Kayla is back at the UN, and has a tearful reunion with her parents. She apologizes to her father profusely. About running away with Tarin? Or about all the premarital sex? Bubba tries to get Chloe to come out of the server room. Apparently, tapping into the "trunk line" (whatever that is) could result in absolute disaster. Like flooding CTU with Sentox nerve gas. Or taking everyone back in time to Day 6. Just like the Hot Tub Time Machine. Chloe makes an impassioned speech to Bubba, and he actually goes along with it. Finally! It's only taken 13 episodes, but he's realized that listening to Jack and Chloe is the way to go. Hey, they keep surviving every season. Clearly, they're doing something right.

Chloe is working on the servers, and I'm betting all she does is press "CTRL-ALT-DELETE" a few times. Anyway, it works, and CTU is back up and running. Jack wastes time giving CPR to Owen when he really should have been going for the call box. Jack agrees to sacrifice himself for the mission so that Cole can get to the call box. No! I vote for Cole being the sacrificial lamb! No dice, as Jack makes Cole promise to make sure Bubba doesn't bring Renee back in. The law of action movie villains holds true as the snipers can't hit Jack, even though they outnumber him and have positional superiority. Jack takes out a few snipers before he finally gets hit. Luckily for him, he takes a couple of shots to his flak jacket. One of the snipers zeroes in on Jack's head and looks ready to fire, but not before Renee appears and shoots him. Sure, we all saw that coming, but it was a nice moment nonetheless. Renee is holding Jack as the choppers leave. Who says this show isn't romantic?

Prady goes over Dana's head, and tries to talk to Bubba. Instead, Dana comes in and confronts Prady. He promises to nail her ass, and that causes Dana to snap. I'm guessing she didn't like the way he phrased that. Prady could have used a better term, but Dana didn't have to strangle him with a wire as if she were Tony Soprano. She hides his body inside one of the vents, and I'm sure no one will notice that. In fact, I think that's where Jimmy Hoffa's body is buried. Well, this certainly makes her more interesting. I guess she's a psycho bitch who went off the deep end. I'm not sure I buy it, though. After all, she was off the hook with the video getting erased. There was no way the guy could prove his case, and I'm sure Bubba would back her up. Why kill the guy? Unless she's insane, in which case maybe she can do us all a favor and kill Cole.

Dana calls Samir, and it turns out she is a mole. Well, I guess that explains it. I'd prefer it if she were crazy, though. It would at least be more original than having yet another mole. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. CTU really needs to screen their employees better.

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