Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Encourage her to take her hormones!

This thing restarted AGAIN!

These tips are from The Husband Book: A Guy's Guide To Marriage by Harry Harrison Junior, which I plan to give to my brother for his wedding.

Menopause

Remind yourself that millions of men have successfully lived through this experience.

Don't count on a lot of sleep after 3 AM until all this passes.

Be flexible. She will be hot. She will be cold. She will be suicidal. She will be ecstatic. And this will all be within a thirty-second period of time.

Remember these words: "It's my fault." Regardless of the facts.

Realize that during this time, photos will make her cry, school plays will make her cry, Toyota commercials will make her cry, and it won't help to try to explain how the commercial was just a fairy tale.

Don't be surprised when she talks about how warm she is, even though the temperature is hovering around 1.

Remember, this is a time when women tend to watch Oprah a lot. And cry.

Be ready to apologize instantly for the slightest infraction, like asking how she feels.

Talk about what you'd like to do when the kids have graduated, after you've retired. Stay on the same wavelength.

Approach her birthdays with caution. She may not want to mention them or, even worse, she may demand to be taken to Hawaii for treatment.

Don't expect her to be any happier on your birthdays.

Tell her how great she looks in reading glasses,

If she's in a fighting mood, leave.

Encourage her to take her hormones.

Get her to a doctor. For her sake. And yours.

Never, ever dismiss something she says with "It's just your hormone imbalance."

Become deaf to criticism. It's the best way.


Anniversaries

Thank God for every one of them.

Really celebrate the big ones. This will usually involve jewelry or a trip. Or both.

Most of the time, flowers will do fine. Even cheap flowers.

Failing flowers, a book of poems you would never read will do in a pinch.

Buy the mushiest, most sentimental card you can. If she cries, you've scored. (See "Sex.")

Don't even think of giving her two tickets to the game as an anniversary present.

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