What have I done?!
I have just done one of the worst things possible. I don't know how I'll rectify it, since I may not have occasion to. Actually, I might... but I shouldn't be rude. Someone is right about that, at least. Talk of loss, upset, attention, priorities, negativity, stubbornness, cutting remarks, and everything else... it's all combined to make me angrier than I should be, and perhaps really glad for the distraction tomorrow's activities will bring. I'm not excusing myself, but I should have been calmer. Guess I gave someone some satisfaction - dammit, I shouldn't have done that! Stupid temper getting the better of me - pit bulls, news, and racism, indeed!
*hangs head* I'd ask "why me?" but I know the answer to that. If I lose him over this and other things, I'm not sure what will happen. Perhaps we'll remain friends, I can't say. (no, this is not a breakup via blog post - that would be REALLY LOW!) Just when snaking tendrils of love were finding their way into my heart... *sigh* It was an excellent thing I didn't tell Chuck that earlier, or he'd have teased me BUT GOOD! Not sure what to do... I still love the person in question, for sure.
He wanted to know whether I wanted to go over there for New Year's, or stay here and do something with my friends. I was thinking that if I was going to lose him, then there was really no point in asking the question! Yes, I got very pessimistic. I was really tired too, which didn't help matters. But I told him that I'd think about that rather than say something straight away. K tried reassuring me that the pit bulls were relatively harmless, and then his cousin got on the phone - this is where things REALLY got shot to hell. The cousin intimated that I watched the news every day (which I don't - but I don't expect HIM to know that!) and listened to what the news said about pit bulls and black people. I had said nothing about black people, preferring to keep the discussion on topic: PIT BULLS!
When the cousin said something like "you DO watch the news every day, and hear what it says about black people!" ... that's when I lost it. I should have kept my calm and not been rude (as K later said), but things got to be too much. I told the cousin evenly that I in fact did not watch the news every day, and had a reasonable (or so I thought!) question for him: "If I believe the things that the news says about black people, what am I doing dating your cousin?" The response I got was "I wonder..." I admit that I may give in to the media perception of pit bulls, not knowing any better. But don't imply I'm racist when I'm not! I screamed "WHAT?!" as I'd been doing to Korey on and off all night - he said I needed to CALM DOWN since this was an apartment and both our sets of neighbors could hear the "deliberate" high pitch in my voice! I then told him that I was dating his cousin for a REASON, and further informed him that the conversation was OVER, then hanging up on him. Yeah, I was pretty damn upset! If I were actually racist, that would be ONE thing... but I AM NOT!
Korey called back to say I'd been rude - he's not rude to my family even if they dislike him! I know - I should have been calmer and said that it didn't matter to me what the color of his skin was. (killing them with kindness, indeed... I fail at that) I'll probably have to see them at some point - Korey also said that he wasn't mad (because that's what he has to deal with), and that he still loves me. He asked if I were still upset: the lack of an answer certainly told him something! Finally, he said that he'd talk to me later - fine by me! I'd write him an email, but I've spent far too long on this entry for a Saturday / Sunday. Maybe before I leave tomorrow, but I don't think that'll happen... now it's time to see if I get any sleep what with these things running through my head! Then again, I can't sleep - email time it is!
*hangs head* I'd ask "why me?" but I know the answer to that. If I lose him over this and other things, I'm not sure what will happen. Perhaps we'll remain friends, I can't say. (no, this is not a breakup via blog post - that would be REALLY LOW!) Just when snaking tendrils of love were finding their way into my heart... *sigh* It was an excellent thing I didn't tell Chuck that earlier, or he'd have teased me BUT GOOD! Not sure what to do... I still love the person in question, for sure.
He wanted to know whether I wanted to go over there for New Year's, or stay here and do something with my friends. I was thinking that if I was going to lose him, then there was really no point in asking the question! Yes, I got very pessimistic. I was really tired too, which didn't help matters. But I told him that I'd think about that rather than say something straight away. K tried reassuring me that the pit bulls were relatively harmless, and then his cousin got on the phone - this is where things REALLY got shot to hell. The cousin intimated that I watched the news every day (which I don't - but I don't expect HIM to know that!) and listened to what the news said about pit bulls and black people. I had said nothing about black people, preferring to keep the discussion on topic: PIT BULLS!
When the cousin said something like "you DO watch the news every day, and hear what it says about black people!" ... that's when I lost it. I should have kept my calm and not been rude (as K later said), but things got to be too much. I told the cousin evenly that I in fact did not watch the news every day, and had a reasonable (or so I thought!) question for him: "If I believe the things that the news says about black people, what am I doing dating your cousin?" The response I got was "I wonder..." I admit that I may give in to the media perception of pit bulls, not knowing any better. But don't imply I'm racist when I'm not! I screamed "WHAT?!" as I'd been doing to Korey on and off all night - he said I needed to CALM DOWN since this was an apartment and both our sets of neighbors could hear the "deliberate" high pitch in my voice! I then told him that I was dating his cousin for a REASON, and further informed him that the conversation was OVER, then hanging up on him. Yeah, I was pretty damn upset! If I were actually racist, that would be ONE thing... but I AM NOT!
Korey called back to say I'd been rude - he's not rude to my family even if they dislike him! I know - I should have been calmer and said that it didn't matter to me what the color of his skin was. (killing them with kindness, indeed... I fail at that) I'll probably have to see them at some point - Korey also said that he wasn't mad (because that's what he has to deal with), and that he still loves me. He asked if I were still upset: the lack of an answer certainly told him something! Finally, he said that he'd talk to me later - fine by me! I'd write him an email, but I've spent far too long on this entry for a Saturday / Sunday. Maybe before I leave tomorrow, but I don't think that'll happen... now it's time to see if I get any sleep what with these things running through my head! Then again, I can't sleep - email time it is!
Labels: annoyances, chuck, crap, emails, family, holidays, korey, news, phone calls, rants, sleep, stupid idiots
posted by Flami at 1:31:00 AM
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