88 Lines about 44 Monarchs and a Lord Protector

Hahahahaha! This is the best thing I've read today! Royalty, here we come! :D

Apparently, there's a song out there called 88 Lines About 44 Women. Someone linked to a parody version of that. The parody version just happens to be about one of my interests: royalty! (yes, I should read more about royalty... but that'll come in time, hahaha) I'll link to the parody version, but also have it down for reference. :D

Link to parody version


88 Lines about 44 Monarchs and a Lord Protector

Edward the Confessor built the Abbey and healed scrofula
Harold fought at Hastings, got an arrow through the macula
William came from Normandy and gave the Saxon kings the boot
William Rufus went out hunting, died 'cause someone couldn't shoot

Henry First reformed the treasury (though his peers did not applaud)
Stephen was the Duke of Normandy, seized the throne and fought with Maud
Henry Two got pissed and had St. Thomas Becket put on ice
Richard Lionheart, the Crusader, thought the King of France was nice

John Lackland signed the Magna Carta, got in trouble with the Church
Henry Third was bad at war, but still left Montfort in the lurch
Edward Longshanks fought with Scotland, had some trouble with the Bruce
Edward Second fell for Gaveston, got a poker up the caboose

Edward Third reigned fifty years, and for the crown of France attacked
Richard Second got deposed and then got killed at Pontefract
Henry Fourth felt kinda guilty, couldn't go on his Crusade
Henry Fifth kicked French behind, at Agincourt his fortune made

Henry Sixth was a good guy, but nonetheless kind of a dork
Edward Fourth reclaimed the crown and gave it to the House of York
Edward Fifth was just a kid when he was smothered in his sleep
Richard Third (so Shakespeare says) was just an evil hunchbacked creep

Henry Tudor stopped the wars and everyone thought that was great
Henry the Eighth had many wives and still he couldn't procreate
Edward Sixth had lousy health and in a few years he was dead
Lady Jane was elected queen, but in nine days she lost her head

Mary was traditional and wanted back the Latin Mass
Elizabeth, the Virgin Queen, faced the Armada, kicked some ass
James the First authorized the Bible, also had Guy Fawkes dispatched
Charles the First fought the Civil War and couldn't keep his head attached

Uh-uh, not Charles.

Cromwell ran the Interregnum and dissolved the Parliament
Charles the Second got restored when they told Cromwell to get bent
James the Second was a Catholic -- Parliament didn't like that much
William Third and Mary Second then took over (double Dutch!)

Anne witnessed the Act of Union, wouldn't make the Pretender heir
George the First of Hanover didn't speak English, didn't care
George the Second whupped Prince Charlie, kept his court with Caroline
George Third lost America, and then he slowly lost his mind
George the Fourth pissed off his dad, hung out with Whigs and dumped his Queen
William Fourth allowed the middle class to join the voting scene
Victoria, though prim and proper, was sometimes known as Mrs. Brown
Edward Seventh fought the Boer War and often slept around
George the Fifth was pretty boring, so there's not much here to say
Edward the Eighth was never crowned, with Mrs. Simpson ran away
George the Sixth stayed at home although the place was getting blitzed
Elizabeth Two is Queen today, and so with her we end this list

88 lines about 44 monarchs.