Hard-won intimacy and Spoz's opinion

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANIEL.. I hope you have a good one today! :) It's been awesome knowing your friendship.. yay!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILY.. I hope you have a good one today! :) It has been nice knowing you as a friend.

finally got that package Candy was talking about..
(it was originally sent at the beginning of February...
was sent back in late March because it was "unclaimed"...
and I got it today... at least eight weeks?!)
wish I could open it now, but I can't.. having discussions..
maybe later on, but that's something I WILL anticipate!
I feel a swirl of emotions, but we will work through this..
somehow, someday.. talking it out is perhaps good..
currently being amused by Sam's Icons Gallery..
zany pictures there from a loveable nerdy dork, yay! ;)
always love talking to him.. we'll keep each other updated..
we know that Spoz rocks for having a great sense of humor..
warm fuzzy platonic feelings are definitely the best, yo!
Canuck playoffs go tonight too.. we are psyched..
let's hope we dispatch those nasty Calgary Flames.. hehe!


certain things come easier late at night..
the weird thoughts your brain has are articulated..
we had somewhat hard-won intimacy on Saturday night..
in the cold light of morning, I find it's not so smooth..
I still believe I care about him in some way..
perhaps not in the way he seems to about me..
everything right now is new and very strange..
at least I confessed to Group Hug.. will it get accepted?
guess I'll have to see about that next week if I remember!
Spoz's words of wisdom will always remain in my mind..
cheers for them, dude.. you helped me through 3 guys! [John, Stephen, and someone else]
(even though you don't know it.. love you anyhow :P)


interestin' to note that online situation.. which I find odd.. coz I always treat online.. as like a "drama-free" zone.. friends, yes.. hanging out.. goofin' around.. you betcha.. am I gonna bother having emotional hangups about anything online.. hell no.. coz there's a reality barrier there.. I exist within it.. yet.. I don't accept online as a real world.. inhabited by real people.. not on a deep psychological level.. on a factual level, yes.. so.. yeah, I guess when I read about people gettin' married on the Internet.. and so forth.. I think, "huh?!?".. that's my take on the situation.. how deep can an emotion be.. expressed merely in text, forum chats, and emoticons?


I know it works for some people, evidently..
don't know if it works for ME, but it is all right..
good thing he never reads this, or even knows of it..
the last person knew of it, and read it obsessively..
it's refreshing to have openness and bounciness..
some fresh air and a different perspective is needed..
we'll see how / where this goes, even with struggles..
trying to convince myself it's true.. posting it in comments..
online IS fraught with peril.. maybe this will be good?
no idea right now. but the journey should be interesting..

the whole thing with him seems so new / strange..
certain things are out in the open now, that's for sure..
he says I drive him crazy, make his pulse race, wants touch..
do I really feel the same way about him? I have no idea..
that's bad, I know.. but I do seriously care about him..
suppose that's a start, though.. we'll see how things go!


additional worries and issues are crowding my brainspace..
I'm not going to get into them now, but here's the summary:
am I doing enough to keep up my end of the bargain?
definitely there will be complications, but I'm committed..
should people be my raison d'être, even if I love them?
nothing to worry about with old friends or otherwise..
there are pros and cons, and admittedly it's scarifying..
I do need Stephen, even if I'm oddly aloof and need some time to warm up to him...

the Memphis Blues Singles Night Out is a good tradition..
odds are that it won't be continued next year, but we'll see..
besides, I'm not exactly single anymore.. dunno about next year, so creative excuses will be coming up!
if things are still going on next year, I can always use Dave's cool exemption for Phil: "the best of both worlds relationship-wise"..
I don't know if I will, though.. might be feeling guilty about it..
but we'll see about all this stuff in about ten months, aye? ;)