Savannah, Shazzanna, Sleeza, and Swayze

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

S

Sabbath: The greatest heavy metal band of all time! And that time the lead singer bit the head off a bat was really all just a big misunderstanding, you see, because he thought it wasn't real.

Sabre: A long, sharp, slightly curved sword that somewhat resembles the teeth of a large cat driven into extinction by our caveman ancestors.

Sachet: The way a gay cowboy walks. Also, a scented knickknack for an undergarment drawer.

Saffron: Subject and object of obsession in the '60s classic I'm Just Mad About Saffron. Also, the world's most expensive spice, derived from the crocus flower.

Saga: An interminable story involving giants and fire and mead. Just buy the Cliffs Notes.

Saige: A plant whose aroma, when in bloom, has been likened to perfume... deep in the heart of Texas.

Samantha: A name popular with transsexuals and white witches. Also, the sitcom character most likely to get an STD.

Savannah: A low-lying coastal Georgian city. Most people who name their daughters this have never been there.

SeaBreeze: A really bad women's perfume (but effective facial wipe) from the '80s.

Season: To flavor food with grains, flakes, or seeds.

Shazzam: An eight-foot-tall genie who plays centre for the L.A. Lakers.

Shazzanna: Younger sister and impetuous crime-fighting sidekick of Shazzam.

Shelagh (SHEE-law) - Celtic word meaning "blind." With any luck, she'll be a triplet. You can name her sisters Bodhar (deaf) and Balbh (dumb), and her brother Tommy.

Shenandoah: A mighty river and the subject of the '70s musical about manifest destiny.

Sienna: The ugliest crayon.

Sierra: Spanish for "mountain range." A child with this name will feel very in touch with the environment, choose not to shower or shave her armpits, and obsessively follow a "groovy" band around the country in a dilapidated VW van.

Skye: The expanse of air covering the earth. The heavens. A child with this name will, no doubt, be as vacant and prone to wind as that region.

Skylar: Fabled hostess of the mile-high club.

Sleeza: A sexually promiscuous female. Children with this name will be able to choose from a wide array of careers including pole dancer, masseuse, and prostitute.

Star (If you can read it, you can say it.) - A luminous celestial body. A celebrity. A child with this name will be neither of these things, and will most likely end up living in a trailer park, lamenting missed chances at fame and fortune.

Stormy: Affected by storms. Tempestuous. Emotionally unstable. See also Tempest.

Sugar: A powdered substance, white when pure. Unfortunately, with a name like Sugar, she won't stay pure for very long.

Sumner: A fort in New Mexico where thousands of Apache and Navajo Indians were held prisoner in the 1800s. Many died. Thanks for bringing that up.

Sunny: Exposed to or abounding in the death-giving rays of the sun. See also Sunshine.

Sunshine: The light from the sun. These irritating rays are known to cause cancer and severe burns. A child with this name may not cause cancer, but will definitely be irritating.

Swayze: The mullet-bedecked star of films such as Dirty Dancing or Roadhouse. Though this child may meet with success early in life, a series of bad choices will cause her to disappear into oblivion while still in her prime.