Monday, February 22, 2010

Cole is following Dana, and then Dana runs to her dying ex-boyfriend!

Sark is at the dropoff while Jack is with Sergei. Jack wants Sergei to call Sark, and asks CTU to trace it. Which, of course, means that they won't get the trace. Jack tries to reason with Sark, but Sark isn't having it. You see, he's still pissed about his father killing his brother, and this is his way of getting even. Some kids refuse to clean their room, but Sark evidently thinks selling nuclear weapons behind his dad's back is the way to rebel. Also, Sark can't believe the government would roll over like that, and that makes two of us. Sark does a quick 180 and ultimately agrees to the deal, but Little Bro has snipers on him. Once Sark starts to leave, he gets shot and dies. And no, he does not get a silent clock, so that means he'll be back.

They get a match on Little Bro's voice, so at least something at CTU works. Chloe asks Jack how he's doing, but he just wants to know about Renee. Renee wants to know what Jack meant by her having him, and Jack plays it cool. Renee actually looks somewhat happy, and little hearts are forming over her head. Weiss, the ultimate armchair quarterback, gives Bubba crap about CTU's incompetence because, apparently, he didn't watch Seasons 1 through 6, and he tells Bubba to find a scapegoat. Weiss wants to hang Renee out to dry, and Bubba starts to stand up for her before realizing that his ass is on the line. Hey, you guys know that there are still fuel rods out there, right?

Another acting clinic with Cole and Arlo, and the Emmy voters are really going to have a tough choice here. Cole gets Dana's coordinates from Arlo, and Cole decides to go follow her because, once again, it's not like there are nuclear weapons on the loose or anything. Cole is showing his intense face throughout this whole exchange. Or maybe it's his angry face. Or maybe it's his "I need to go to the bathroom" face – I mean, no one ever goes on this show, right? Dana follows Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer's van, which pulled off to the side of the road. She pulls out her gun, and screws on the silencer. This may be overkill, but I'm really glad that our federal government has their priorities in order here.

The Justice Dept. is at CTU already. It's shocking how fast the government can work when you least expect them to. Bubba objects to hanging her out to dry, but ultimately decides to comply. Chloe wants to sit in on the interview with Renee, but Bubba pulls the "we have nuclear materials" card, and orders her back to her station. Yeah, because that's clearly the priority right now. Little Bro and his accomplice pull into – you guessed it – an abandoned warehouse. Little Bro's accomplice has an idea about what to do with the rods – namely, use them on America. Little Bro freaks out because he knows America would retaliate against Kamistan, but it looks like he's outnumbered here, so he ultimately complies. Who didn't see that coming? Same thing happened with the nerve gas.

Renee is being interrogated, and to say it's not going well for her is like saying Tiger Woods' marriage is on shaky ground. Prosecutor lady brings up Alan Wilson, and Renee looks like she's ready to crack. You know, I don't think they ever Mirandized her. Jack is back, and Chloe gives him the 411 on Renee. Of course, Jack realizes immediately what's going on. He uses his own pass to get into the secured room, and chokes prosecutor lady while trying to escort Renee out of the room. He tells the CTU guard to back off, and he does. Evidently, he knows better than to mess with Jack. Except that there are guards behind Jack, and they manage to subdue him with a taser! Wow! I can't believe it! The stupid CTU guards actually manage to get the drop on Jack?! This is a bigger upset than USA over Russia at Lake Placid. Do you believe in miracles?

Little Bro is suddenly gung-ho about the plan, and he volunteers to call on a professor to build a detonator for them. He goes to make the phone call, and brags about all the targets they can hit. Man, is he coming on too strong or what? I smell a double-cross here. Sure enough, he attacks one of the men and runs away. Jack and Bubba have a face-off, and Jack calls him on his BS. Jack threatens to call the President, but Bubba scoffs at him. "She put her own daughter in jail," he says, and Jack has no comeback to that. Man, Jack's having a bad hour, isn't he? Chloe says Little Bro is on the line, and Bubba is like "I don't care about that anymore!" Ultimately, he decides to take the call, and Little Bro wants a deal. What a shocker! I haven't done anything, but I feel like I should get in on this, too. Bubba tells Jack to leave, and I guess they're not going to charge him with assault on the guard and prosecutor. Every year, Jack beats up on some poor extras. And every year, he gets away with it. Is that justice?

Jed and Jethro are still partying it up in their van. Dana walks towards them with the gun in her hand, but heeeere's Cole. Dana finally comes clean and tells him about her past. Unfortunately, we won't get to hear about it because it's commercial time. Fine with me. The sooner they wrap this up, the better. Little Bro and his old accomplice (apparently his name is Samir) are still hiding. Bubba can't find Cole, so he taps Agent Owen for the mission, and he looks like he's barely out of college. Owen is surprisingly confident, and draws a scoff from Jack. Bubba, however, has his doubts about Owen, and asks Jack for his input. Jack agrees to lead the mission in exchange for Renee's freedom. Bubba hesitates because he doesn't want to go against the White House. Jack tells him he has more power than he thinks, and encourages him to do the right thing. He even tells Bubba that he has the juice, so I guess we know what was the last movie Jack watched. Bubba agrees, and Jack is back in the saddle.

Cole and Dana are still talking, and, man, she's really taking her time, isn't she? Apparently, one set of commercials wasn't enough to finish this conversation. Finally, Cole takes Dana's gun, and he's being all judgmental. You know, Cole, a real man would go and torture them until they agreed to leave her alone. Maybe there's hope for Cole yet. He starts to approach the van with intent on his face. Or maybe it's confusion. Or hunger – he hasn't eaten all season. Rather than torture them, Cole tries out his diplomatic skills. You know, if diplomats threatened each other with guns. Well actually, that's not far from the truth…

Kevin agrees to leave Dana alone, but Thing 2 wants to kill Cole. Kevin objects, and gets stabbed for his troubles. Thing 2 takes a gun and goes after Cole, but Kevin actually manages to warn them. Cole turns around and shoots Thing 2 dead. Dana then runs to Kevin as he dies, and that's not going to sit well with Cole. Cole and Dana are freaking out, but really, what's the big deal? Just throw them in the river. Will anyone really miss them?

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