Dagger, Dent, Digger, and Duke

Computer restarted overnight... ugh! Called Henry about half an hour ago, who said he'd wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be there last week. The time for that would have been anytime before Thursday evening, dude! Of course I'll be at Awana in a couple of hours, so he better pick me up this week! Crazy person. :P (I hear he's also getting his sister Teresa addicted to JACK BAUER, hahaha!)

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

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Daaron: To encourage one to do something really, really stupid... like jumping off the roof to see if one can fly.

Dagger: A long, sharp knife most often used to stab people after they trustingly turn their backs to you.

Dajuan: Spanish pronunciation of "the one," as in "Yes, Officer... that's Dajuan who stole my purse."

Dakota: Twin states separated by an imaginary line. Also, daytime television star who, after unknowingly marrying his sister, drove off a cliff (tried to get a job in feature films), and then returned after plastic surgery to exact revenge on his stepfather.

Dalton: Pseudoclassy. Dalton's brothers and sisters will be Bentley, Tremayne, and Ashlee.

Darmarcius: Located west of the fens and south of the mountains, this area is swampy and host to malarial mosquitos.

Damien: A head-spinning child of the devil. Also, a priest who administered to lepers. Exceptions to the rule: if your last name is Thorn, Omentwo, or Finalconflict.

Dandrey: A flaky scalp condition often treated with medicated shampoo.

Daniel / Dan: Just call him the ad-lib boy. "Dan, Dan the (fill in the blank) man..."

D'ante: Creator of fiery infernos.

Darth: Treacherous father. Child's heavy breathing will make him an outcast and a perfect recruit for cults or other, lesser-known evil empires.

David: A stoic boy with an unusually large hand who enjoys just standing around without any clothes on. The little guy who is always ready to take on the big guys.

Dax: A strong industrial cleanser able to get out the toughest biohazard stains.

DeAaron: What one must do when the temperature inside reaches ungodly heights: put DeAaron. Also, what one must be sure to do before descending under the watery depths in a submarine.

De-Arse: British. One's rear end.

DeeWayne: The love child of the toughest cowboy who ever lived and the prissy girl from Grease.

Del Roy: Likely to pick up a strange-looking hitchhiker in the Nevada desert, who turns out to be either a reclusive billionaire or a space alien.

DeLawrence: It's de-lightful, it's de-lovely, it's DeLawrence!

De-Lewis: What the Multiple Dystrophy Society will do when they choose a new Labor Day telethon host.

DellBert: Unlike his brother, who found success in technology, DellBert continued his career in animal husbandry on the family farm.

De-Mario: To remove that very special essence of lasagna from a person, car, or house.

Demarkus: To delineate by a boundary. Also, to swear under one's breath, preferably at a teacher or family member.

DeMichael: Why is Michael such a dumbass? Why?

De-Morris: A person strongly opposed to finicky house pets.

Denim Levi: A textile magnate unable to wear comfortable blue garments.

Dent: A folded or flattened surface. This child's oddly-misshapen cranium will be the hit of the junior high school yearbook signing party.

De-Ole: Similar to "ye olde." Often used by grandpas talking about a movie from the past. "I'll show him De-Ole one-two punch."

DeRail: An interrupter. His citizenship marks will never be better than Unsatisfactory.

Derek: Machine consisting of cables and pulleys, used for moving heavy objects.

Derringer: A small, underpowered gun used by cheats and cowards.

Desert: A place where nothing can live but cactuses, bugs, and snakes. Name will often be misspelled and mistaken for its sweeter, postdinner cousin.

Dewight: A happy name adopted when a child can't say his L's.

Dewrangee: To make crazy, insane, or just plain nuts.

Dex: An accessible know-it-all in the West.

Dicy: Unstable and tentative. Also, associated with fuzzy mirror ornaments. May speak in nursery rhymes.

Diego: A fabulous zoo in Southern California. Exception to the rule: if your last name is Riverta, and you want people to wonder if your son is heir to a famous painter.

Digger: Nickname of Jock Ewing's business rival (and Miss Ellie's former love) on the '70s series Dallas. A great name for a dog, cemetery manager, or miner.

Dillinger: Midwestern criminal who was best known to the American public through his pictures on post office Wanted posters. Not a great name for a family in the banking industry.

Dionysus: The Greek god of wine, fertility, and drama. To protect him from the wrath of Zeus' wife, Dionysus was raised as a girly god by his caretakers.

Dirk: A sharp, short Scottish sword. In the same league as Bruce, Lance, and Steve.

D'Loaf: To make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, first take two slices from D'Loaf of bread.

Dock: A place on the bay where you sit and watch the tide roll away. Child will become tired of being asked, "What's up?"

Dominic: Failed the game played with one rectangular piece. Development was quickly halted when Dominic's cousin realized that the game was more fun when played with multiple tiles.

Doni: A wealthy, conceited real estate baron with bad hair... best known for firing employees.

D'Orr: Often confused with "door," as in "Don't let the D'Orr hit you in the arse on your way out."

Dragon: A mythical beast that breathes fire and kills noble knights to steal their loot. Also associated with severe halitosis and long fingernails.

Drakkar: Popular '80s cologne effective in covering the smell of smoke or marijuana.

Dred: Sibling of fear and loathing. Also a rolled, matted hairdo that makes use of cow manure.

Dude: The tragic subject of the Aerosmith song who will have gender identity issues. Will grow up to become a valet parking attendant.

Duffin: Hairdresser affectionately known as Muffin by his significant other, Aquaman.

Duke: A badass gunslinger. Also, a fluffy ruler in the UK. Teachers will find his cocksure swagger, Liberace style of dress, and tendency to call the other children "pilgrim" annoying and distracting.

Dull: Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. A child never invited to parties. An also-ran in the 2000 presidential election, and a spokesperson for a medical problem that men refuse to talk about.

Dylan: A hard-boiled Welsh poet who drank himself to death; a whiny '60s folk singer.