Feelings and football are mutually exclusive!

These tips are from The Husband Book: A Guy's Guide To Marriage by Harry Harrison Junior, which I plan to give to my brother for his wedding.


Start Here

Don't talk about your old girlfriends. It would be best not to invite them to the wedding, either.

Don't assume when you are married, things stay the same as when you were dating. Things change from the moment you say, "I do."

Agree from the beginning to never lie to each other.

Remember these words: "Your hair looks great."

Don't expect lifelong bliss, free from problems / quarrels / issues. You're guaranteed to be disappointed.

Realize from the beginning that love is a decision.

Don't be surprised when the woman who wants satin lingerie in her twenties wants cotton flannel PJs in her forties.

Remember no matter how much you love her, a wife cannot be your complete source of happiness or sorrow. Or else you will have nothing but sorrow.

Keep in mind that the two greatest obstacles to your happiness will be romance and finance.

Don't think that just because you're married, you have to do EVERYTHING together. In fact, it's important that you don't do everything together.

Remember, you're going to spend the next fifty or so years in conversation with her, interrupted by life.

Don't make the mistake of picking out your first apartment without her. In fact, don't make the mistake of making any major decisions without her.

Don't ever come between her and her hairdresser. Unless she comes home after spending $200, and looks no different.

Start praying from your first night of marriage together. As a couple.

Show her respect at all times. Even when you're furious with her.

Shower often.

Let her find a scented candle burning when she gets up in the morning. It sets the tone for the day.

For some reason, she'll think the pair of shoes that are the most uncomfortable look the best on her. Help her work through this.

Don't fantasize about other women. This falls into the "stupid" category.

Don't compare her to other women, mentally, verbally, now, or ever. This falls into the "I'm looking for a fight" category.

She will want you to read her mind. You will fail more often than not. Just accept this and move on.

She will want to talk about feelings. You will want to talk about football. Here's a perfect chance to learn the art of compromise.

Tell her that you love her more than you think you need to. Like four or five times a day. Incredibly, she will hear you MAYBE once a day, but that will be enough.

Take her shopping often, and buy her outfits she would never buy herself.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you'll be happy if only she'll be happy.

If and when she has a fight with her mother, do not take sides. In fact, go outside.

Send her flowers. With a truly sappy card. For some reason, women love this.

Talk about your plans and dreams with her. Listen to hers.

Flirt with her continually. Remember, that's how all this got started.

Realize you're not marrying a cook or a maid or a fantasy, but a woman with her own dreams and fears and expectations.

Start saving money.

If you don't know what to buy her, buy her jewelry.

Work on yourself.

Try as you might, you won't be able to buy her happiness. So have a plan B.

Wait to have children. They deserve to have stable parents who've worked the kinks out.

While you're young, travel all you can. Because when you're older, there'll be kids, obligations, and (let's face it) a lingering desire to catch up on your sleep.

Don't criticize her in front of others. This can have far-reaching consequences.

Don't try to change her.

Before you buy her chocolate, find out if she's allergic to it.

If a couple can successfully share one bathroom, one sink, one tub, and one shower, the odds are good they'll stay married.

Don't let her parents or your parents buy you too much. Gifts usually come with strings.

Get to know her mom, and send her flowers every now and then. (huge number of brownie points)

Remember, she married you to be with you. Not to get cellphone calls from the duck blind.

Buy her a diamond. Even if you have to wait twenty years to do so.

Let her buy you cologne.

Remember a lot of men are incapable of filling out forms. Let her.

If you have to introduce her to the world of sports, explain the rules. Many women find football as difficult to understand as men do La Bohème.

Be able to live without her. This way, you can love her without owning her.

Don't forget: She will never understand your fascination for bodily noises. Never.

Remember, you don't own her. She's your wife, not your possession. She's entitled to her own opinions, her own beliefs, even her own mistakes.

Don't make fun of her.

Accept the fact that she may not like all your friends. In fact, if she likes only one or two, consider yourself lucky.

Don't walk in front of her.

Help her chase her dreams. This could be going back to college, starting a company, or writing a book.

As often as you can, make her feel adored.

Remember, many women are not huge fans of Sylvester Stallone movies. Strange, but true.