Don't be jealous when she beats you at card games!

This thing just restarted!

Edit, twenty minutes later: And AGAIN! How am I supposed to get anything done before I have to leave, I ask you?!

These tips are from The Husband Book: A Guy's Guide To Marriage by Harry Harrison Junior, which I plan to give to my brother for his wedding.

Home and Home Repair

It doesn't really matter if you're king of the castle. It's her castle.

Don't try to impress her by installing the dishwasher. Hire a plumber.

If she's convinced the house has to be remodeled next week, go get a loan.

Invariably, she'll want to hang pictures whenever there's a tied game with two minutes remaining. Turn up the volume.

Get her to believe that when you've changed a light bulb, you've accomplished something significant.

Smile and nod whenever you find yourself in a furniture store. Even if you're nodding at a ten-thousand-dollar bed. Smile and nod.

No matter how easy it looks, don't wallpaper a room yourself.

You may not think the room needs painting. Smile and nod.

You may not like the color Harvest Peach. Smile and nod.

She will never understand your primal need for a wall-sized, high-definition TV with a quadrophonic surround-sound system. Help her with this.

Realize, of course, she may never let you turn it on.

Incredibly, she will prefer a washer-dryer combo over a big screen. You'll never figure this one out.

Buy her a computer of her own.


Entertainment

Remember these words: "I think I've watched enough football today. What would you like to do?"

Try doing different things at night: chess, Monopoly, even reading. After you have kids, sleep will be a highly-prized form of entertainment.

Just because you grew up playing hockey doesn't mean she shares your passion.

Don't be jealous when she beats you at card games.

Take her out on a picnic. For some reason, women love them.

Be willing to break the routine every now and then.

Don't think she's interested in only hundred-dollar dinners. Most wives are content with a simple meal and just being with you.

Invest in a hot tub. (See "Sex.")

Don't be afraid of thinking of things she might shoot down. It's part of the communication process. And she will surprise you often.

Learn to really and truly love antique hunting.

Do not think for even one minute that she will ever enjoy a monster-truck pull.

Remember that a marriage is made up of two individuals: one who might like hockey on Friday night with his friends, and another who might like movies on Saturday with hers.

Learn these words: "Yes, I think this painting will look great in our living room."

Remember, doubles tennis is NEVER recommended to strengthen a marriage.

When you play together, hold your criticism.

She doesn't really care about winning. She just wants to have fun and be with you. This is a foreign concept to most men.

Don't use golf as a reason to be gone five hours a day, three times a week.

Invest in a croquet set.

Buy her a bicycle. Buy yourself one, too.