Past hilarious quotes: June 2003 to 2004

I decided to split the archives of hilarious quotes into two posts. Have fun and enjoy!


"Somehow, I don't think "Hit your butt!" would be an appropriate thing to say to Mrs. Wu." -- Jon to Steph, commenting on the second Mandarin phrase she learned from Becky.. and on our dad's opinion that she should speak Mandarin to this lady in the church because she was fluent in it herself. (Sunday, 1 June 2003) [talking with people in order to practice and improve your fluency in another language is all very well and good.. but at least be careful of what you say! :P]

"well, even if you don't know why.. you can still tell me! :) " -- Corey, when I was telling him of my feelings earlier in the week. (Saturday, 7 June 2003) [dude, if I knew why.. it would make it easier.. made a game try of it anyhow]

"Don't you live, like, very close to Steph?" -- Jackie to Citrus, causing us all to break into instant laughter. (Sunday, 8 June 2003) [no.. we're in Richmond, which is at least 45 minutes away from where Citrus is in Port Coquitlam]

"I hope you're not serving that." -- Jon to me on MSN, about my party. (Monday, 9 June 2003) ["that" being Tutti-O Frutti-O Booty-O.. of *course* I wouldn't serve it, especially as it's really a joint imaginative collaboration of Jon and Eric's]

"Thanks for the updates.. they helped me to remember when the service auction was, even though I was helping in it!" -- Tim in an email to me about the Fellowship announcements I sent out every week that Fellowship year, emailing myself in the process. (Tuesday, 10 June 2003) [shouldn't you remember anyhow? ;) ]

"good party trick!" -- Chironex, about my memory for birthdays. (Thursday, 12 June 2003) [like I *really* go up to my friends at parties and recite the birthdays of everybody in the room :P]

"You have to wash your hands first!" -- Erin to Jon, before he played her brand new guitar. (Sunday, 15 June 2003) [Jon says that she'll lose that sense of ownership *very* soon]

"It shows how good friends we are when we can read the papers at lunch, and none of us minds!" -- Nathan to the three of us at Chianti's. (Monday, 16 June 2003) [that's funny, but oh so true..]

"I didn't see anything else that related to me, and things about me are all that are ever important. Didn't they ever teach you that in school? Everything is about me, and it's all supposed to be good things only.. no bad stuff." -- Corey, after I asked what he thought of my blog. (Saturday, 21 June 2003) [dude.. not EVERYTHING on my blog can be about you, no matter how much you'd like it to be.. otherwise, I might as well rename it "The Corey Site" or something similar :P]

"Isn't her shirt forensic pink? And isn't that fragrant fruit called a foie gras?" -- my mom, asking weird questions at breakfast time. (Sunday, 22 June 2003) [my shirt was fluorescent pink.. and the fruit she was referring to was a guava, not duck liver.. yup, her English is REALLY top-notch sometimes.. :P]

"That was one intense Bible Quiz! There was screaming, there was yelling, there was cursing.." -- Ty, describing the Daniel Fellowship program to me from a newcomer's point of view. (Friday, 27 June 2003) [Nathan said that they might scare away the newcomers.. I would hope that doesn't happen!]

"Yeah, I proposed to Sarah right before we were going to watch A Walk To Remember on TV.. that way, we wouldn't HAVE to see that movie!" -- Vernon to my sister's friends, discussing his cleverly timed proposal. (Sunday, 29 June 2003) [privacy was good, too... especially since her family was due to come into town the next day!]

"The clock is still ticking.." -- Steph (my sister), trying to tell her friends that they still had plenty of time to watch movies after we had dinner. (Friday, 4 July 2003) [then I said, "the night is still young at 11.. yes.." .. which was the correct construct :P]

"You need to get eight hours of sleep every night, or else your brain explodes." -- Corey, explaining the virtues of an optimum amount of sleep. (Sunday, 6 July 2003) [I don't know about it literally exploding, but I can certainly understand the figurative sense!]

"Hmm. Actually, my Mandarin is so limited that I have no idea what that [Da lay goh pee-goo!] means. I hope it means, "Hey Adam, I'm doing fabulously and I live like a movie star!" " -- Adam, hoping that I had a more glamorous life. (Monday, 7 July 2003) [nah, it means "Hit your butt!".. though I wish I lived like a movie star at times.. it might be fun :P]

"You know what? I want to go to Winnipeg so my cousin can cut my hair." -- Yazmine, showing a really deep distrust of all the Vancouver hairdressers. (Tuesday, 8 July 2003) [she brought this up at least twice a month.. it seems a long way to go for just a haircut, even if her dad does have Air Canada guest passes that she can use to go anywhere she wants!]

"You won't be able to be bothered by me for a while." -- Corey, warning me about his trip. (Wednesday, 9 July 2003) [he'd told me of the trip before, and I missed him.. he's one of the few people whom I don't mind being bothered by, after all..]

"I want to do an uppercut and knock that guy's cigarette out of his mouth. That way, I can get the police over here and then play golf in jail.. coz they treat them like kings there!" -- Yazmine, showing a dislike of smokers / a perception of how prisoners are treated in our judicial system. (Friday, 11 July 2003) [I may not like smokers too much either, but I wouldn't do THAT.. besides, I can think of a few better places than jail to practice golf..]

"If you go there, don't eat any meat for a few days beforehand. You'll be getting plenty of meat to make up for it." -- Jon, telling Tracy about the "Memphis Blues prep routine." (Friday, 11 July 2003) [that is SO true, especially if you get an Elvis Platter..]

"I know you lead a dangerous lifestyle.. and it [Bill Baarschers' fake restraining order] would increase your street cred, so people will think you're raw and hard!" -- John (Snoopy), commenting on the time I hit Erika Fursevich on the head with a field hockey stick in Gr. 8 (plus the fake restraining order). (Wednesday, 16 July 2003) [perhaps.. but I'm not actively looking to build it up, y'know! :P]

"Isn't Sylvester a dog?" -- my dad, overhearing our discussion of Phil's friend Silvester. (Sunday, 20 July 2003) [no.. shouldn't everyone know from watching Looney Tunes that he's a CAT? :P]

"THIS is the wedding invitation?!" -- my mom, referring to a torn-out piece of paper that I'd written the Christian Reformed Church address on for Brad and Natalie's wedding. (Friday, 27 July 2003) [no, of COURSE not.. that would be the extreme in ultra-low-budget weddings, which they did NOT have!]

"You know, if my arm became separated from my body somehow.. they wouldn't be able to say: "This belongs to her," because I'm quasi-Filipino!" (NOT a racist statement!) -- Dianne, being morbid and also typically hyper. (Sunday, 27 July 2003) [yes, the skin on your arms is darker / more tanned because you're really pale otherwise.. we get it! :P]

"What? General audience / G-rated hanky-panky?!" -- Nathan to Adela, me, Citrus, and Danielle at the farewell BBQ for James and Sanne. (Sunday, 27 July 2003) [he hears stuff about hanky-panky all the time from old people.. we were having this great discussion about hugging and affection]

"Do they have strawberry here?" -- Eunice at Bubble World, sizing up the available flavors. (Saturday, 9 August 2003) [as Nathan said, "that's like asking a Chinese restaurant if they serve tea!"]

"D and D? They'll all think of Dungeons and Dragons!" -- Lily, trying to figure out a catchy name for an upcoming Fellowship program to get people to come out on Fridays. (Tuesday, 19 August 2003) [we decided that "D and D" would stand for "Dessert and Discussion," since food always draws people in]

"SEVEN times a WEEK?" -- my mom, mishearing Jon's remark to me and Steph that he'd teach Erin guitar at a set time each week. (Wednesday, 20 August 2003) [um, no.. that would be quite intensive, to say the least :P]

"Here's a funny quote for you: Mum asked me, 'Isn't Ottawa in Quebec?' when I was booking their flight to the Atlantic Provinces last week." -- Steph to me, very shocked at our mother's lack of Canadian geography knowledge. (Monday, 25 August 2003) [she's been in Canada for 30 years! -- and in case you don't know, Ottawa is in Ontario.. a TOTALLY different province :P]

"So is that what you're going to do for the whole 10 days? Rock out to stuff in your underwear?" -- Corey, asking me whether I'd continue my clothing choices at my brother's house. (Friday, 29 August 2003) [no.. I don't think I'll be having any "underwear parties," as I wouldn't want to freak Jon out, after all :P]

"Dude, you're using inefficient computer methods.. I'll save ya the suspense." -- Spoz, trying to help when I couldn't find a blog reference to his friend Heidi spilling red wine on her exposed motherboard. (Wednesday, 3 September 2003) [for some reason, Word couldn't find it even though I copied and pasted his entire blog to a brand new document.. but Spoz could, right enough!]

"We should go to a place where we can all keg it up!" -- Jon, expressing his opinion on where we should go for my birthday party. (Friday, 5 September 2003) [he didn't even like drinking very much at the time, yet wanted people to think that I'm an alkie.. go figure :P]

"Who's Lillian Lee?" -- my mom, upon overhearing my brother and me talk about Lily and Lee's then-upcoming wedding. (Tuesday, 9 September 2003) [she typically just half-listens to all our conversations, and that reminds me of the time she called Jason "East Hastings".. only because his last name rhymes with "stings," I'll bet :P]

"I think you have a 56K modem, making ours equal." -- Josh Gaines, trying to compare our computer speeds relative to each other. (Wednesday, 10 September 2003) [nope, my modem was much slower than that.. and I *still* somehow managed to run all this stuff on the sluggish machine :P]

"It's pretty exciting in here right now: my bird is running around on me.. and I have vampire fangs at the moment, too." -- Corey, who was giving me amusing incentives to view his brand new webcam on Yahoo. (Wednesday, 10 September 2003) [it eventually worked briefly after a couple of tries]

"It was Norman's birthday on Tuesday? Oh, crap!" -- Sean, finally figuring out when his good friend's birthday was. (Friday, 19 September 2003) [you'd think he would know Norman's birthday is Sept. 16 by now, seeing as how they GREW UP together :P]

"Why isn't the ceiling melting? I guess this is how my bathroom works.." -- Eunice, wondering about the heat-filled steam from the hot pot. (Saturday, 20 September 2003) [her random thoughts are truly scarier than Nathan's sometimes.. note to Eupinder: yes, that is *exactly* how your bathroom works! :P]

"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are good crunchy with mustard." -- Josh, reacting to my MSN name of "I am dragon, hear my fiery roar!" (Sunday, 21 September 2003) [that is a very surreal warning there, my friend]

"What?! Crunchy?! I think you need to take a shower!" -- Eric, reacting to my answer of "crunchy" when he asked how I was. (Friday, 26 September 2003) [no, it wasn't THAT kind of "crunchy".. I was just borrowing Spoz terminology ;) ]

"So what do I do when the person replies, asking me what I'm doing emailing them?" -- Corey, discussing our test email ideas. (Wednesday, 1 October 2003) [don't ask ME.. maybe they'll think it's spam and delete it unread, especially if it's about eating poop!]

"Honeydew peanuts?" -- my mom, trying to discuss honey-roasted peanuts with my brother. (Sunday, 5 October 2003) [no.. those would taste utterly gross :P]

"This fish smells fishy.." -- Sean, criticizing his sushi at Daimasu. (Friday, 10 October 2003) [and you were expecting WHAT, exactly? :P]

"What's every ten years called? A century?" -- Yazmine, getting her units of time *seriously* mixed up. (Tuesday, 14 October 2003) [nope, it's called a decade :P]

"You should fertilize people who don't agree with you." -- Corey, giving me amusing advice on how to deal with certain people. (Saturday, 25 October 2003) [yes, and where am I going to get enough poop to do THAT? :P]

"We should move the clock back an hour once every month." -- Nathan, discussing the end of Daylight Savings Time. (Sunday, 26 October 2003) [pretty soon, midnight would be during the day if you did that.. way topsy-turvy, man :P]

"You never send me money, or call to say: "Hi Corey, you're the best person in the world".. give me prizes, too." -- Corey, wondering why I didn't do anything with his telephone number or address then. (Wednesday, 29 October 2003) [that made me laugh for the first time on a bad day, so his prize was a virtual hug.. he picked it, so I'll owe him one when he gets here :P]

"I'll eat anything that's not human.. that isn't too ridiculous to my sanity.." -- Spoz, discussing vegans / vegetarians. (Wednesday, 29 October 2003) [that sounds like a good rule to live by, haha]

"What your brother wrote in her card makes him sound like he's two years old, dude!" -- Melia, reacting to Jon's written greetings in Vanessa's birthday card. (Sunday, 9 November 2003) [he used very bad spelling and grammar.. it might have been on purpose :P]

"Hey, do you think it would be a good idea if I went to the schools in Mississippi or Alabama since they're so hick, and my smartness would improve them?" -- Sean, unfortunately not using the brains God gave him. (Sunday, 9 November 2003) [no, because they'd lynch you immediately.. as per Brian :P]

"Always nice to have someone you can discuss violent horrific death with." -- Steve, reacting to what I said about being able to talk with Corey freely about horror. (Wednesday, 12 November 2003) [yeah, we've talked about a LOT of stuff indeed.. very much a terrific state of affairs]

"They should get laptops with Internet access in all the rooms.. just a TV would be SO boring!" -- Corey, discussing the general atmosphere of hospitals. (Tuesday, 18 November 2003) [being bored when you're sick is probably worse than being sick by itself, as he said to me about this!]

"I don't read the Bible because I'm a boy." -- little Nathan, telling us why he shouldn't read that book. (Sunday, 23 November 2003) [that is a very interesting angle on it, but both boys and girls do read their Bibles.. then again, he was then almost four years old :P]

"this is only an off-side comment here.. but Flami.. are you just commenting on everything to beat my post count here on these forums? ;) just wonderin' :D " -- Spoz, asking if my ultimate goal is to beat him in our respective post counts on those Subwoofer music forums. (Tuesday, Dec. 2) [nope, though I thought that I'd overtake the administrator dude eventually :P]

"you're having the AARP use their jets to paradrop you into my backyard sometime during the week?" -- Corey, trying to guess a surprise that I had for him that week. (Sunday, 7 December 2003) [nope, it was a Christmas card.. and he got it the next day :P]

"I have a small immune system.. my stomach is small." -- Yazmine at the Spicy Court Restaurant, trying to explain why she couldn't eat that much. (Monday, 15 December 2003) [hahaha.. that would be your DIGESTIVE system :P]

"Do I hafta read it? Your blog is kinda like one continuous birthday shout-out.. ;) " -- Spoz, questioning me on reading my blog. (Saturday, 24 January 2004) [it is SO not, dude! :P]