Jack Bauer has more extra lives than Super Mario.

Jack Bauer Facts!

I'll post these in parts of about 100 each, haha.

1. After each day of saving the world, Jack visits the cemetery to leave a bouquet of flowers at Teri's grave and empty a clip into Nina's.
2. Kim Bauer's dad can beat up your dad.
3. Sony had Jack Bauer beta-test the 24 video game. As soon as he had Chloe widen the parameters, the game was beaten in 60 minutes.
4. Jack Bauer won the Indy 500 in a Ford Explorer.
5. Chained to a chair, tortured, and with the threat of death hanging over him, Jack just wanted something to eat.
6. Jack Bauer can type 90 words per minute. On his cell phone.
7. The Angel of Death has Jack Bauer on speed dial.
8. Walt Cummings really had read Jack Bauer's file. That's why he killed himself.
9. The French surrendered to Jack Bauer. Twice.
10. If there is a will, there is a way. And if that way is through Jack Bauer, you are f*cked.
11. Jack Bauer doesn't need money. "I give you my word" is enough.
12. By special request, Trojan condoms now come in more sizes: regular, large, extra large, and Jack Bauer.
13. Jack Bauer can beat a royal flush.
14. Jack Bauer would vote for Hillary Clinton to be president just so he could assassinate her.
15. Jack Bauer can unhook your bra while blindfolded and handcuffed to a pole.
16. Jack Bauer once lost his TV remote, but managed to regain control by calmly telling the television what to do.
17. Jack Bauer went to the Bermuda triangle once. It disappeared.
18. When he was a kid, Jack Bauer didn't play 'red light, green light.' Every light is green for Jack Bauer.
19. Siskel and Ebert once gave Jack Bauer two thumbs down. Siskel is dead. Ebert no longer has thumbs.
20. Whenever your significant other uses the line "It's not you, it's me"... it was really Jack Bauer.
21. Every day is the longest day of Jack Bauer's life. For terrorists, the shortest.
22. Never bring Jack Bauer into your home. You will be arrested for possession of a weapon of mass destruction.
23. Spider-Man kissed Mary Jane upside-down. Jack Bauer would have gotten a bl*wjob.
24. Creators of the 24 video game were shocked to find that everyone who played their game wound up getting shot above the knee. Nobody pushes Jack Bauer's buttons.
25. Jack Bauer rents videos and never rewinds them, ever.
26. Swiss cheese didn't used to have holes in it until Jack Bauer thought it was a terrorist.
27. David Palmer did not get that horrible burn on his hand from a biological agent. He got it after he high-fived Jack.
28. Jack toilet-trained Kim at gunpoint.
29. Deathly afraid of Jack Bauer, Minute Rice will fully cook itself in 15 seconds flat.
30. The Earth is only turning because Jack Bauer walks on it.
31. The earth rotates because it's trying to run from Jack Bauer.
32. One time, at band camp, Jack Bauer killed a guy with a flute.
33. James Bond's "License to Kill" was given to him by Jack Bauer.
34. Jack Bauer doesn't swim in shark-infested waters because it wouldn't be fair to them.
35. Jack Bauer once shot his ex-boss' wife in the kneecap just to prove her wrong when she said: "You're not going to shoot me, Jack." Wait, this is a real fact.
36. Jack Bauer doesn't follow protocol. Protocol follows Jack Bauer.
37. When the other kids were making paper airplanes, Jack Bauer was making paper torture devices.
38. Daylight savings time was created to give Jack Bauer an extra hour one day a year with which to kill terrorists.
39. Jack Bauer's favorite reality show is 24.
40. Because of Jack Bauer, the life expectancy of all Middle Eastern countries has been shortened by fifty years.
41. When Jack Bauer "goes dark," all black women in the world are immediately brought to orgasm.
42. If the show was called Bauer: Texas Ranger, the show would still be in production.
43. Jack Bauer has more extra lives than Super Mario.
44. Jack Bauer once made a blind man see again, then promptly threatened to cut out his eyes if he didn't give him the information he wanted.
45. Any man can piss on the floor. Jack Bauer sh*ts on the ceiling.
46. It takes 46 shots for Kobe Bryant to score 81 points. It takes Jack Bauer 46 shots to kill 46 terrorists.
47. Consenting to be Jack Bauer's partner automatically makes your life insurance null and void.
48. The sole job of the Verizon wireless "can you hear me now" guy is to make sure Jack Bauer always has cell phone reception. The fate of the US and all of the free world depends upon it.
49. Jack Bauer often has to deal with Canadian terrorists, but these events are not televised. If they were, the show would be called 2.
50. Shakira's hips don't lie because Jack Bauer interrogates them continuously.
51. Shakira's hips used to lie, until they met Jack Bauer.
52. Jack Bauer put money in a parking meter and got change.
53. During the childhood game "Duck, Duck, Goose," no one "goosed" Jack Bauer. Ever.
54. Jack Bauer is the reason Enrique Iglesias no longer has that thing on his face. Jack Bauer f*cking hates moles.
55. Jack Bauer has killed more men than he has spoken to.
56. The quickest way to the endangered species list is Jack Bauer.
57. Jack Bauer refused the Godfather's offer.
58. Kim Bauer does not need a guard dog. Instead, she has a sign on her fence that reads, "Beware of Dad."
59. Police label anyone attacking Jack Bauer as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
60. The Devil sold his soul to Jack Bauer.
61. Why did the terrorist cross the street? To get hit by a car before Jack Bauer could get him.
62. Henderson's men actually took cover behind a water tank. Unfortunately, when Jack Bauer wants an explosion, water turns into natural gas.
63. Jack Bauer yells at his cell phone to recharge it.
64. The last man on Earth will be Jack Bauer, only because he has run out of people to kill.
65. Jack Bauer's hood protects him from corrosive nerve gas and makes him invisible to terrorists.
66. Jack Bauer didn't do heroin for the feeling. He just wanted to make sure he can kill terrorists in any situation. He can.
67. When Jack stares into the sun, the sun flinches.
68. Before Austin 3:16 and John 3:16, there was Jack 3:16... "You will tell me what I need to know, it's just a matter of how much you want it to hurt."
69. It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
70. Jack Bauer doesn't get an *rection, he sets up a perimeter in his pants.
71. Normal people have trouble killing two birds with one stone. Jack Bauer can kill thirteen birds simultaneously with a dull pencil.
72. Jack Bauer is awfully sorry about what happened to your two children tonight, but you really shouldn't have dressed them up as terrorists for Halloween.
73. If Jack Bauer were in Rocky VI, there would be no Rocky VII.
74. Capital One doesn't want to know what's in Jack Bauer's wallet.
75. If Jack Bauer started having sex with men, we'd all be gay for having sex with women.
76. In honor of Jack Bauer's saving L.A. for the fifth straight season, Kobe Bryant has changed his jersey number from 8 to 24.
77. Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
78. There must be balance in the world. When Jack Bauer was created, it was necessary to take the masculinity from one for the good of many. And this is why President Logan is such a pussy.
79. Jack Bauer is the reason the housewives are desperate.
80. Jack Bauer once kicked Paris Hilton so hard she got her virginity back.
81. The most valuable thing in the world is Jack Bauer's word. If Jack Bauer gives you his word, you can go to the bank and take out a $10,000,000 loan, no questions asked.
82. David Spade always says 'yes' to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
83. It only took 3 minutes for Jack Bauer to find out Victoria's secret.
84. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Jack Bauer in the face. Jack blinked.
85. Life is all fun and games. That is, unless Jack Bauer finds you playing it. Then it's game over.
86. Jack Bauer once hit two home runs on the same pitch.
87. Jack Bauer is like Achilles without heels.
88. When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.
89. Jack Bauer spends an hour each morning practicing saying "NOW!!!"
90. Did you know there was a national disaster last night while you were sleeping? Of course you didn't. Jack Bauer was on duty.
91. If Jack Bauer says he's in a "Flank 2 position" while you are beside him, you are f*cked.
92. Only Jack Bauer can be reinstated on a provisional basis four times.
93. Once, Jack Bauer thought he was wrong. But he was mistaken.
94. The term "power hour" has been replaced by "Bauer hour."
95. Before Heroin, Jack Bauer tried becoming addicted to speed... but it only slowed him down.
96. Jack Bauer found and killed the last 0.1% of odor-causing bacteria.
97. "The Following Takes Place Between"... Whenever the f*ck Jack Bauer wants it to.
98. Jack Bauer didn't invent fear, but he does hold the patent.
99. The producers of 24 force Jack Bauer to use a stunt double. Not to ensure Jack's safety, but to ensure the safety of the set and its actors.
100. Kiefer Sutherland doesn't play Jack Bauer in 24. Jack Bauer plays Kiefer Sutherland all the time.