Delightra, Dixie, Effie, and Evangeline

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

D

Dachele (duh-SHELL) - Source of processed fossil fuel, high-nitrate lunch meats, and gallon-sized carbonated beverages. "Where did you get dat 180-ounce soda and Slim Jim snack?" "Down at Dachele."

Daffodil: An early bloomer who leaves the farm to try to make it in the big city.

Daisy: A desirable country cow or front-parlor maid. All the boys will ask for a dollop of Daisy. Also, child will have a penchant for old Levis, cut at the crotch, several sizes too small.

DaNae: Vietnamese city known for its strategic location during the Tet Offensive.

Danetta: The lady who sets your grandmother's hair in little metal curlers.

Danielle: A bipolar rodeo queen. Do not call her Danny, or you'll have good reason to fear her wrath.

D'Ann: Friend of Pat, Chris, or Leslie. D'Ann will have gender identity confusion throughout her life.

Daquari: A frozen, rum-based alcoholic beverage best served poolside.

Darnese: A method of expressing exasperation. "Darnese kids! They keep trampling my flower bed."

D'Asia: Didn't you already name your child this? It just sounds so familiar.

Dee-Lee: Member of the male genitalia. Also, what's up or what's happening. "Don't touch his Dee-Lee." "What's the Dee-Lee, yo?"

Déja: I swear you already named a child this. Didn't you?

Delightra: A delicious substitute for sugar. May cause anal leakage.

Demeatrice: A second-rate S&M practitioner. Group discounts available.

Deputy: Will have hangdog eyes and big ears.

Destiny: Kismet, fate. Also, a stripper.

Divine: Loveable but scary transvestite. Looked best in a housecoat.

Dixie: Perfect for a shemale, whether an exhibitionist or voyeur.

D'Nay (duh-NYE) - To assert adamantly that something did not happen. Also, a river in Egypt.

Dodge: Children's playground game that leaves mental and physical scars.

Dominiqua: A small banana republic in Central America. The chief exports are coconuts, sisal, and tarantulas.

Drucilla: A great drag name, particularly if one is heading across the desert in a broken-down tour bus.


E

Eden: The garden from which life sprang with the creation of Adam and Eve. Home also of the wily serpent that offered Eve a taste of the forbidden fruit and led to the first eviction. Nice work, Eve.

Edna: The great-ant that comes to visit and takes over your room. The trade-off for the lingering old-lady smell is a crisp two-dollar bill.

Effie: Network censor who bleeps out all profanity for tape delay.

Elizabeth / Lizzy: An ax-wielding murderess and preteen star.

Elvira: Large-breasted, Gothic late-late-night talk show host.

Emeline: A thick, oil-based emollient used to remove mascara in the late '50s before it was discovered to have addictive properties and cause liver deterioration.

Erasmus: A holiday for the eradication of stray pencil marks.

Ernestine: Kick-ass, gum-chewing truck stop waitress who can serve the entire dinner shift without cracking a smile or running her support hose.

Europa: A slow, bovine girl with pretty eyes. Also, a specialized Starbucks blend.

Evangeline: Bus service notable for comfy seats and in-ride sermons.