Banjo, Beethoven, Brittyn, and Buckaroo

What do you know... this thing restarted yet AGAIN!

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.


B

Badger: Angry, furry varmint known for its violent temper.

Baja: Sliver of land off the mainland coast of Mexico. Hideaway for celebrities and rock stars. Exception to the rule: if you dream of a child who knows how to get you backstage.

Balthazar: One of the original three kings who visited upon Mary and Joseph sometime in the late winter. History is uncertain as to whether Balthazar carried and delivered the gold, frankincense, or myrrh. Exceptions to the rule: if your last name is Gold, Frankincense, or Myrrh.

Banjo: Stringed instrument generally played in a duel prior to departing on weekend river trip in the South.

Barclay: Meadow of birch trees.

Barney: Large purple dinosaur adored by children, and despised by parents.

Bartleby: Often mistaken for a cheap whiskey or circus clown. Exception to the rule: if your last name is Jones, and young Bartleby has two daddies.

Basil: A green, leafy herb generally wilting if not used within three days of purchase.

Beavis: Along with Butthead, the animated television stars blamed for many double-wides going up in flames. Their rude behavior led to the cancellation of their television series, but their legacy lives on through unlicensed and poorly-produced T-shirts sold in truck stops and minimarts along the interstate.

Beethoven: A large and mischievous Saint Bernard.

Benjamin: Action of Rastafarian after inhaling the sensimilla.

Bliss: A temporary state of ecstasy usually characterized by wide eyes and an ear-to-ear grin. A more permanent condition often goes hand-in-hand with members of cults and large missionary-driven religious organizations.

Bond: A chemical agent that serves to hold together various materials. Also, a loose but attractive agent from the UK who is known for his sexy demeanor and gimmicky technology.

Boris: A short Russian spy who has an affinity for lanky Soviet models. Child may be plagued by frequent nightmares involving both moose and squirrels. Exceptions to the rule: if your last name is Karloff or Wazngoodenoff.

Brady: One who actually gets along well with stepsiblings and stepparents. Warning: Brady brothers may have an attraction to Brady sisters, and mothers... when the cameras stop rolling.

Braedon: Activity of winding three bunches of hair together, usually undertaken by teenage girls while speaking endlessly about what they were "like" after who said what to whom.

Brandon: A Vermont town famous for birdhouses. The child will likely be described as a delicate boy with large jowls.

Braun: A hefty, absorbent paper towel. Also, a supplier of travel accessories best known for its razors and nose hair trimmers.

Brendan: Fighter of mummies. Child's appearance on People magazine's shortlist of the sexiest men will be shortlived.

Brian: Mistaken Messiah. Around 1 BC, Brian was accidentally vilified by Roman soldiers looking for a different Jew. On the positive side, your child may always look on the bright side.

Briley (BREYE-lee) - The rough texture of parasites found on the underside of ships' hulls and the top side of whales' median notches.

Brittyn: The once-powerful United Kingdom, whose philosophy of "divide and conquer" made it the smallest and most powerful island in the world, at least until George W. Bush was elected. Last-name exceptions to the rule include Ie and Ish.

Bryce: A canyon in southern Utah.

Buckaroo: A hero resembling Peter Weller, who did battle with an army of alien forces all named John, across the eighth dimension. Exception to the rule: if your last name is Banzai.

Bud: Springtime precursor to a flower or leaf. Organic substance used initally in high school to heighten understanding of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Exception to the rule: if you want your child to be surrounded by a lot of giggling every time someone says his name in college.

Bullock: A castrated bull. See also Angus.

Bus: Vehicle used for public transportation. Generally dirty, greasy, and undesirable for use.

Busta: A rhymer, a rapper, and a candlestick maker.

Buster: Caucasian form of Busta.

Butch: A skinny boy with a big Adam's apple, or a short fat woman with a crew cut and a penchant for driving muscle cars.