365 Stupidest Things Ever Said: July 2007

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said: July 2007

These stupid quotes are from The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar 2007.

Page-A-Day Calendars

It's been way too long since I've done one of these! :P

Sunday, July 1: Clumsy Clichés

"We'll cross that bridge when we fall off it." - Canadian prime minister Lester Pearson


Monday, July 2: No Comment Department

"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees." - horse racing announcer Stewart Machin, on jockey Tony McCoy


Tuesday, July 3: You Mean It's Not Sara Lee?

Host: Which First Lady was forced to flee the White House when the British invaded Washington, D.C., during the Revolutionary War? Hint: She makes great snack cakes!
Caller: Little Debbie?
- on the WQXI radio show 2 Live Stews in Atlanta, Georgia (the correct answer, of course, is Dolley Madison; thanks to Mike Ramer)


Wednesday, July 4: Let's Let Senators Be Senators, And Rock Lyricists, Rock Lyricists

America rocks! America rocks!
From its busy bustling cities
To it's quiet country walks
It's totally cool, it's totally hot
I mean, it's like right there at the top
America rocks! America rocks! America rocks!

- lyrics from a song by Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), which he described as a "patriotic rock song for children"


Thursday, July 5: Really Quite Talented Dogs

WANTED
DOG
MALE PREFERRED
MUST BE OF COLLIE STRAIN, AND BE ABLE TO LIP-READ AND BE BILINGUAL
- ad in the Macon (Missouri) Chronicle-Herald


Friday, July 6: Thanks For The Clarification

A Thursday story incorrectly quoted Councilman Stewart Clifton as calling mayor Bill Boner a "squeeze-bag." Clifton called Boner a "sleaze-bag." - from the Nashville (Tennessee) Banner


Saturday, July 7: Gender Confusion

"He's like a female Natalie Coughlin." - NBC Olympics commentator, comparing US swimmer Michael Phelps to a teammate. (thanks to Katherine Johnson)


Sunday, July 8: Uncommunicative Communications Departments

COMMUNICATIONS DEPARTMENT
NO TALKING
UPON ENTERING
- sign on door in San Diego (California) company


Monday, July 9: That's One Way of Looking at It

"We are in a three-way split decision for third place." - Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-Connecticut), on his fifth place finish in the New Hampshire presidential primary


Tuesday, July 10: Brit, Shut Up

"I kinda think [Mona Lisa's] like my alter ego. Whenever I feel like being mean or bustin' people to get stuff right, it's kinda easier to be called Mona Lisa instead of Britney." - singer Britney Spears


Wednesday, July 11: Thanks For Spelling It Out

"The sun rose promptly at dawn." - in bestselling author Tom Clancy's novel The Teeth of the Tiger (thanks to Louise Murphy)


Thursday, July 12: Love Those Bureaucrats!

"A person shall not be treated as suffering from physical disablement such as that he is either unable to walk or virtually unable to do so if he is not unable or virtually unable to walk with a prosthesis or an artificial aid which he habitually wears or uses or if he would not be unable or virtually unable to walk if he habitually wore or used a prosthesis or an artificial aid which is suitable in his case." - from a Department of Health and Social Services report, explaining mobility allowances for the disabled


Friday, July 13: Guess Dad Was Even More Excited

STUDENT EXCITED DAD GOT HEAD JOB - headline in the University (of Kansas) Daily Kansan


Saturday, July 14: We Don't Quite Trust His Assessment

"Lombardo speaks much better English than what people realize." - Crystal Palace soccer team owner Mark Goldberg


Sunday, July 15: Obviously Mad Mad Doctors

Young woman: Oh, here comes Dr. Carruthers! Hello, Doctor.
Mad doctor: Hello, Mary! I took a shortcut from my laboratory through a garden hedge!
- from The Devil Bat (1943)


Monday, July 16: We Give Up

"Is the south boundary of the north half of the southeast quarter of the northwest quarter the same line as the north boundary of the south half of the southeast quarter of the northwest quarter?" - asked by a lawyer, as recorded in court testimony


Tuesday, July 17: What A Unique Concept!

"Justice ought to be fair." - President George W. Bush, speaking at the White House Economic Conference


Wednesday, July 18: Warm and Friendly Restaurants

"WARNING: Tips for waitress not privilege off customer, and not optional to do! Is custimarry and IS THE LAW for leave tips, otherwise is possibul to face prostection by law! Please be responsivele, leave tip, and no go jail! Have a nice day!" - sign on tables in a Chinese restaurant, New York City


Thursday, July 19: Indeed We Are...

"We are all in the same bucket." - soccer player / coach Bobby Robson


Friday, July 20: He Was Always A Lukewarm Kinda Guy...

"Frank Sinkwich, the 1942 Heisman Trophy winner from Georgia, died early today at his Athens home. He was 70 degrees. [a little later] We have a correction. Frank Sinkwich, who died early today at his home in Athens was 70 degrees." - newscaster Paul Shields, Channel 5 Eyewitness News


Saturday, July 21: Enlightened Males

"I want things my way, but it doesn't preclude having things the woman's way if that's what I want." - actor Timothy Dalton


Sunday, July 22: Precocious Turtles

"The patient lives at home with his mother, father and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." - recorded on a hospital medical chart, as reported in Nursing magazine


Monday, July 23: Computer Users With Zero IQs

* Is that the letter zero or the number zero?
* How do you type an uppercase zero?
- actual questions asked by callers to computer tech support lines


Tuesday, July 24: Let's Not Go There

"The Red Sox can't afford to have a pitcher go down on them right now." - broadcaster covering Game 4 of the Yankees-Red Sox ALCS playoffs (thanks to Matt Saltzberg)


Wednesday, July 25: Insights of the Governator

"[With gay marriage] all of a sudden... we see riots, we see protests, we see people clashing. The next thing we know, there is injured or there is dead people. We don't want to get to that extent." - California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, on the dangers posed by gay marriage


Thursday, July 26: We Prefer Branford Marsala

JAZZ RECORDINGS
BY JAZZ LEGEND
MOLES DAVIS
- on a Russian CD label


Friday, July 27: The Press Made It Sound Worse Than THAT?!?

"It doesn't take a ****ing genius to realize that if you get ****ed up on Thursday and Friday, Saturday, Sunday, have to recover on Monday and Tuesday, leaving the only day you have left for work Wednesday, then you're an addictive personality. But, still, my drug usage wasn't as bad as the press has built it up to be." - actor Don Johnson


Saturday, July 28: Curious Italian Directions For Dogs In Trains

"In consented the transport of small dogs that beyond that in baskets or other packings, they could travel untied and always that the travellers allow it. Is consented also the admission in the trains of dogs of big dimension, but only to those that drives the blinds and those from shoot. The dogs of blinds have admitted to the free transport in reason of a dog for each reason. In each case, the dog must be fortified by muzzle." - from a sign in the Pompeii train station (thanks to Lt. JG Ryan Barone, USCG)


Sunday, July 29: Literally Racing Hearts

"My heart was beating about 150 miles per hour." - Marlins catcher Paul Lo Duca, on scoring a run (thanks to Richard Oberholzer)


Monday, July 30: Kind of Important Corrections

"The following corrects errors in the July 17 geographical agent and broker listing:

INTERNATIONAL: Aberdeen is in Scotland, not Saudi Arabia; Antwerp is in Belgium, not Barbados; Belfast is in Northern Ireland, not Nigeria; Cardiff is in Wales, not Vietnam; Helsinki is in Finland, not Fiji; Moscow is in Russia, not Qatar." - correction in Business Insurance magazine


Tuesday, July 31: Snobby Non-Snobs

"One must not be a name-dropper, as Her Majesty remarked to me at luncheon yesterday..." - British arts minister Norman St. John-Stevas