365 Stupidest Things Ever Said: April 2007
365 Stupidest Things Ever Said: April 2007
These stupid quotes are from The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar 2007.
Page-A-Day Calendars
Sunday, Apr. 1: Frightening Speeches
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - President George W. Bush (thanks to Vicki Denny)
Monday, Apr. 2: No WONDER The Sheets Were Singed
NEVER USE WHILE SLEEPING. - Warning on a propane blowtorch.
Tuesday, Apr. 3: You're A Dog Person, Aren't You?
"Great Danes are just, like, so great, aren't they? They're just, like, big dogs! I know! Yeah, yeah, Great Danes are great. Oh, my God. They just so are!" - actress Kate Bosworth
Wednesday, Apr. 4: Wow, What An Innovation!
MADE WITH REAL INGREDIENTS. - ad for grocery store-bakery scones, in the Wenatchee (Washington) World (thanks to Katherine Corbin)
Thursday, Apr. 5: Odd Government Auctions
"Sales of lost and unclaimed property: umbrellas by the thousands, handbags, briefcases, overcoats, Filofaxes, books, abandoned children, etc." - from the Government Auctions Guide
Friday, Apr. 6: 72-Hour Days
FILENE'S ONE-DAY SALE! THIS FRIDAY, SATURDAY, AND SUNDAY - Filene's department store ad, Connecticut (thanks to Judi Ieronimo)
Saturday, Apr. 7: Umm... Is Something Missing Here?
5-STAR SPECIAL APRICOT JAM
HOMEMADE
Ingredients: Sugar, Lemon, and Plum
- label on a jar of apricot jam from Kathmandu, Nepal
Sunday, Apr. 8: What About Bob?
EASTER SUNDAY CALL TO WORSHIP:
Pastor: Christ has risen!
People: Christ has risen indeed.
Pastor: Joe is alive!
People: Redemption is here.
- from a church bulletin in Denver, Colorado (thanks to Mrs. B. Williams, who adds that the church reprinted the bulletin)
Monday, Apr. 9: Excessive Literalness
Game show host Wink Martindale (asking questions of people on the street): The coast of California faces what ocean?
Woman: The one on that side.
Tuesday, Apr. 10: Sports Signals We'd Rather Not See
"He signals to the bench with his groin." - sports analyst Mark Bright
Wednesday, Apr. 11: Not Good Reasons for Appearing in a Television Commercial for a Military Contractor
"I'm the former chairman of the Ethics Committee. I know what's ethical and what isn't, and there is nothing unethical about this." - Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
Thursday, Apr. 12: Learned Rats
From a report on stem cell research on paralyzed rats: "For the last two years, he has shown dramatic video footage of the rats walking to scientific gatherings and during campaign events." - in the San Bernadino (California) Sun
Friday, Apr. 13: Is It Just Us, Or Does This Name Not Quite Work?
BEAUTY BRAIN'S FANTASTIC FANNIE - beauty salon near Chuo Rinkan station, Japan
Saturday, Apr. 14: Subtitles Which Are A Little Too Subtle For Us
"You're a bad guy. Where's your library card?" - English subtitle in a Hong Kong kung-fu movie
Sunday, Apr. 15: How Not To Win Votes In The Next Election
"We're not able to tax people as much as we would like to." - Macon, Georgia, mayor C. Josh Ellis, talking about how low-income-housing projects depend on both public and private funding
Monday, Apr. 16: Perhaps You'd Like To Rephrase That
"The rather beautiful-looking mulberry bush behind me is approximately 400 years old, and it's said that it's one of the finest examples around. One other that you can see, if you're lucky enough, is in the grounds of Buckingham Palace. But apparently, this is much bigger and grander than the Queen's bush." - feature reporter on British television
Tuesday, Apr. 17: Bovine Sheep
Game show host Richard Madeley: It stands in a field and it shouts moo.
Contestant: A sheep.
- on the game show You Say, We Pay
Wednesday, Apr. 18: Counting Problems
"That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres: two doubles and a triple." - San Diego Padres sportscaster Jerry Coleman
Thursday, Apr. 19: Abysmal Technological Foresight
"I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova, and in 1996, catastrophically collapse." - Ethernet inventor and 3Come founder Bob Metcalfe, in his Info World column, 1995
Friday, Apr. 20: We Disagree, President Bush
BUSH ARGUES THAT ECONOMY IS "FUNDAMENTALLY STRING" - headline in the Boston Globe Online
Saturday, Apr. 21: Extremely Inappropriate Fortune Cookies
CONSOLIDATE YOUR INTEREST WHILE THE LIGHTS ARE ACTIVE - fortune cookie saying (thanks to Tanya Maes)
Sunday, Apr. 22: Pretty Dismal Ecological Insights
"I applaud the people that are trying to save species that are endangered, but it might be good that we don't have dinosaurs now. We've gotten oil from dinosaurs. If we had preserved the dinosaur, we wouldn't have that oil." - Gretchen Borck, a lobbyist with the Washington Association of Wheat Growers (thanks to Emily Lauderdale)
Monday, Apr. 23: And It's A Pretty Big City, Too
"Australia is a beautiful city." - singer Taylor Hanson
Tuesday, Apr. 24: Better Than Looking With Your Feet
"And now I'm looking with my eyes..." - Yankee radio sportscaster, during Game 7 of the Red Sox-Yankees ALCS playoffs (thanks to Beth Scorzato)
Wednesday, April 25: Why Do We Think Ashley & Nephews Might Not Be Buying As Much Advertising Space?
"Due to a typographical error in last week's issue, the words "Con-Men" appeared on the border of an Ashley & Nephews advertisement. "Con-Men" was the headline of a story that was not used because of lack of space, and has absolutely nothing to do with and is in no way connected with Ashley & Nephews." - from the Enfield (England) Independent
Thursday, Apr. 26: Isn't That Kind of Hard?
"When cosmetic surgery turns fatal, here's what to ask your doctor first." - news tease on KABC-7, Los Angeles (thanks to Lin Malki)
Friday, Apr. 27: Males Who Probably Won't Be Invited to Address a NOW Convention
"One area of liberal phenomenon I support is female bisexuality: this apparent increased willingness of girls to bring along a friend. That's a pretty good thing.... [Women] want to be listened to, protected, and amused. And they want to be spanked vigorously every once in a while...." - political pundit Tucker Carlson
Saturday, Apr. 28: No, It's Moron Time
Tech support: Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.
Customer: Is that Eastern time?
- from a call to a computer tech support line
Sunday, Apr. 29: There's A Reason It's Called A Christening
"We want to have Brooklyn christened, but we are not sure into which religion!" - soccer star David Beckham, referring to his son Brooklyn
Monday, Apr. 30: We'd Prefer The Sashimi Platter, Thank You
WE SERVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU AS GOOD FOOD - sign at a restaurant in Japan
These stupid quotes are from The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar 2007.
Page-A-Day Calendars
Sunday, Apr. 1: Frightening Speeches
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - President George W. Bush (thanks to Vicki Denny)
Monday, Apr. 2: No WONDER The Sheets Were Singed
NEVER USE WHILE SLEEPING. - Warning on a propane blowtorch.
Tuesday, Apr. 3: You're A Dog Person, Aren't You?
"Great Danes are just, like, so great, aren't they? They're just, like, big dogs! I know! Yeah, yeah, Great Danes are great. Oh, my God. They just so are!" - actress Kate Bosworth
Wednesday, Apr. 4: Wow, What An Innovation!
MADE WITH REAL INGREDIENTS. - ad for grocery store-bakery scones, in the Wenatchee (Washington) World (thanks to Katherine Corbin)
Thursday, Apr. 5: Odd Government Auctions
"Sales of lost and unclaimed property: umbrellas by the thousands, handbags, briefcases, overcoats, Filofaxes, books, abandoned children, etc." - from the Government Auctions Guide
Friday, Apr. 6: 72-Hour Days
FILENE'S ONE-DAY SALE! THIS FRIDAY, SATURDAY, AND SUNDAY - Filene's department store ad, Connecticut (thanks to Judi Ieronimo)
Saturday, Apr. 7: Umm... Is Something Missing Here?
5-STAR SPECIAL APRICOT JAM
HOMEMADE
Ingredients: Sugar, Lemon, and Plum
- label on a jar of apricot jam from Kathmandu, Nepal
Sunday, Apr. 8: What About Bob?
EASTER SUNDAY CALL TO WORSHIP:
Pastor: Christ has risen!
People: Christ has risen indeed.
Pastor: Joe is alive!
People: Redemption is here.
- from a church bulletin in Denver, Colorado (thanks to Mrs. B. Williams, who adds that the church reprinted the bulletin)
Monday, Apr. 9: Excessive Literalness
Game show host Wink Martindale (asking questions of people on the street): The coast of California faces what ocean?
Woman: The one on that side.
Tuesday, Apr. 10: Sports Signals We'd Rather Not See
"He signals to the bench with his groin." - sports analyst Mark Bright
Wednesday, Apr. 11: Not Good Reasons for Appearing in a Television Commercial for a Military Contractor
"I'm the former chairman of the Ethics Committee. I know what's ethical and what isn't, and there is nothing unethical about this." - Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
Thursday, Apr. 12: Learned Rats
From a report on stem cell research on paralyzed rats: "For the last two years, he has shown dramatic video footage of the rats walking to scientific gatherings and during campaign events." - in the San Bernadino (California) Sun
Friday, Apr. 13: Is It Just Us, Or Does This Name Not Quite Work?
BEAUTY BRAIN'S FANTASTIC FANNIE - beauty salon near Chuo Rinkan station, Japan
Saturday, Apr. 14: Subtitles Which Are A Little Too Subtle For Us
"You're a bad guy. Where's your library card?" - English subtitle in a Hong Kong kung-fu movie
Sunday, Apr. 15: How Not To Win Votes In The Next Election
"We're not able to tax people as much as we would like to." - Macon, Georgia, mayor C. Josh Ellis, talking about how low-income-housing projects depend on both public and private funding
Monday, Apr. 16: Perhaps You'd Like To Rephrase That
"The rather beautiful-looking mulberry bush behind me is approximately 400 years old, and it's said that it's one of the finest examples around. One other that you can see, if you're lucky enough, is in the grounds of Buckingham Palace. But apparently, this is much bigger and grander than the Queen's bush." - feature reporter on British television
Tuesday, Apr. 17: Bovine Sheep
Game show host Richard Madeley: It stands in a field and it shouts moo.
Contestant: A sheep.
- on the game show You Say, We Pay
Wednesday, Apr. 18: Counting Problems
"That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres: two doubles and a triple." - San Diego Padres sportscaster Jerry Coleman
Thursday, Apr. 19: Abysmal Technological Foresight
"I predict the Internet will soon go spectacularly supernova, and in 1996, catastrophically collapse." - Ethernet inventor and 3Come founder Bob Metcalfe, in his Info World column, 1995
Friday, Apr. 20: We Disagree, President Bush
BUSH ARGUES THAT ECONOMY IS "FUNDAMENTALLY STRING" - headline in the Boston Globe Online
Saturday, Apr. 21: Extremely Inappropriate Fortune Cookies
CONSOLIDATE YOUR INTEREST WHILE THE LIGHTS ARE ACTIVE - fortune cookie saying (thanks to Tanya Maes)
Sunday, Apr. 22: Pretty Dismal Ecological Insights
"I applaud the people that are trying to save species that are endangered, but it might be good that we don't have dinosaurs now. We've gotten oil from dinosaurs. If we had preserved the dinosaur, we wouldn't have that oil." - Gretchen Borck, a lobbyist with the Washington Association of Wheat Growers (thanks to Emily Lauderdale)
Monday, Apr. 23: And It's A Pretty Big City, Too
"Australia is a beautiful city." - singer Taylor Hanson
Tuesday, Apr. 24: Better Than Looking With Your Feet
"And now I'm looking with my eyes..." - Yankee radio sportscaster, during Game 7 of the Red Sox-Yankees ALCS playoffs (thanks to Beth Scorzato)
Wednesday, April 25: Why Do We Think Ashley & Nephews Might Not Be Buying As Much Advertising Space?
"Due to a typographical error in last week's issue, the words "Con-Men" appeared on the border of an Ashley & Nephews advertisement. "Con-Men" was the headline of a story that was not used because of lack of space, and has absolutely nothing to do with and is in no way connected with Ashley & Nephews." - from the Enfield (England) Independent
Thursday, Apr. 26: Isn't That Kind of Hard?
"When cosmetic surgery turns fatal, here's what to ask your doctor first." - news tease on KABC-7, Los Angeles (thanks to Lin Malki)
Friday, Apr. 27: Males Who Probably Won't Be Invited to Address a NOW Convention
"One area of liberal phenomenon I support is female bisexuality: this apparent increased willingness of girls to bring along a friend. That's a pretty good thing.... [Women] want to be listened to, protected, and amused. And they want to be spanked vigorously every once in a while...." - political pundit Tucker Carlson
Saturday, Apr. 28: No, It's Moron Time
Tech support: Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours.
Customer: Is that Eastern time?
- from a call to a computer tech support line
Sunday, Apr. 29: There's A Reason It's Called A Christening
"We want to have Brooklyn christened, but we are not sure into which religion!" - soccer star David Beckham, referring to his son Brooklyn
Monday, Apr. 30: We'd Prefer The Sashimi Platter, Thank You
WE SERVE PEOPLE LIKE YOU AS GOOD FOOD - sign at a restaurant in Japan
Labels: 2007, australia, bob, computer, emily, food, games, george, japan, joe, josh, mark, maxed-out tags limit, movies, news, page-a-day, recipes, sports, stupid quotes, videos
posted by Flami at 9:17:00 PM
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