Fun apparently involves chocolate, winning, and beer...

This thing just restarted AGAIN! I might go out later... I don't know.

These are from my copy of America's Dumbest Dates: Over 500 Tales of Fumbled Flirtations.

Fun Times

"We drove to Montreal, just to explore the city. We took a carriage ride and ate in the old part of the city. It was nice. Romantic. But when it was time to go, he had no idea where he'd parked. I hadn't paid attention; he was driving. We walked all over, looking for his car. Our feet ached. Finally, we went to a rooftop bar in the vicinity of where we'd parked, hoping to be able to spot it from above. But by the time we got up there, it was too dark to see anything. We sat up all night, drinking, waiting for dawn, when we wandered the streets until we found the car. By then, we weren't speaking. It was a long drive home." - Marianne, age 28.

"We're at my best buddy's wedding, and she loses her heirloom emerald ring. Of course, they have to stop the dancing and turn up the house lights to have everyone search. Guys in tuxes and women in gowns are on the floor on their hands and knees, searching. That night, she finds it in her purse. Apparently, she put it there when she washed her hands." - Mike, age 27.

"According to Jeannie, if it didn't cost a couple of hundred dollars, it wasn't fun." - Ken, age 24.

"She wasn't impressed that I was a track star in college. So I stopped at a field and decided to show her a high jump. The rest of the evening was spent in the emergency room, setting my ankle. She wasn't impressed with that, either." - Marv, age 33.

"He took me to the races. He won a big bet and was so ecstatic that he started handing out $5 bills to strangers. But then he lost three in a row, got depressed, and took me home before dinner." - Felicia, age 33.

"We parked a few blocks from the restaurant for my friend's wedding reception. I'd spent half the day getting my hair done and was wearing a satin gown. Halfway there, there's a cloudburst. I mean, a sudden dumping of buckets of water right on our heads. Derek started laughing and we ran for cover but, when we walked into the party, Derek looked like a drowned rat. And he looked a lot better than I did." - Jill, age 23.

"He stood up, banged his spoon against a glass, and announced to the whole restaurant that it was my birthday. He called upon a whole roomful of strangers to sing Happy Birthday to me. I wanted to die, but not until I'd killed him. Oh, and it was NOT my birthday." - Megan, age 29.

"Spring weekend. Formal dance. I go to the bathroom, and forget that my gown has a long sash in back. When I get off the toilet, it's drenched. I don't know what to do. I can't walk around with a peed-on sash, but I can't take it off because it's sewn into the gown. So I twist and turn and wash it in the sink, but by then the whole gown's soaking. I turn on the hand dryer and try to blow it dry. This takes like an hour and a half - maybe two - and it's exhausting. When I finally get back to the party, I can't find my date. He's been looking all over for me, figures I've ditched him. When I finally find him, I'm too embarrassed to tell him what happened. Besides, he's too mad to listen. The whole weekend, not just the sash, was a wash." - Claire, age 26.

"Mostly, he liked to hang out naked in the mountains - some kind of primitive, back-to-nature thing. Walking bare-assed through the trees, among thorns and poison ivy - this was, to him, a perfect date." - Marcia, age 33.

"I went to use the bathroom in Wes' apartment. He didn't tell me that he had a boa constrictor in his bathtub. He waited to hear me scream. He thought that was a hoot." - Rita, age 43.

"I asked Bill if he wanted to go skiing. He said, "Great." He didn't mention that he'd never skied anything but bunny slopes before, so he expected me to stay with him there. When I wanted to go on more advanced trails, he stayed in the ski lodge sulking and drinking the rest of the weekend." - Sharon, age 27.

"Fun to Denise had to involve food, preferably chocolate." - Brad, age 28.

"Fun, for Cindy, has to be about winning. She's the most competitive person I've ever met. Everything's in terms of winning and losing. Not just bowling or poker. It's a contest to see who can eat or drink more, get hornier, perform better in bed. I have no problem letting her win." - Tony, age 27.

"Chuck thinks fun is synonymous with sixpack. And the more fun, the better." - Dahlia, age 23.

"Fun for John had to have shock value. That could mean anything from belching loudly during the romantic part of a movie to showing up at a formal affair with no shirt, only a tux. Or sliding his finger under the table and up my skirt while we're at lunch with his mother." - Catherine, age 24.

"Hank asked me to a football game. On the way home, he casually mentioned that he had to drop something off at his grandfather's house and said we'd only stay a minute. When we got there, his entire family was waiting for him - four generations, wearing fancy dresses and suits - to celebrate his grandmother's 90th birthday. There were places for us at the table. He'd neglected to mention any of this to me. But it seemed he'd told them all about me. They toasted us, and wished us the best of luck, welcoming me as if they were under the impression that we were just about engaged." - Kathy, age 33.

"Matthew loves to play his violin for me. It is the single sorriest sound I've ever heard in my entire life. I'd rather listen to an evening of nails scratching a blackboard. Seriously." - Mavis, age 39.

"I asked Evie on a study date. She brought books, as if she intended to study. And, here's the weird part: We did." - Nate, age 20.

"The only thing Leslie enjoys is arguing. It doesn't matter what the subject is, as long as we're on opposite sides. If I agree with her, she changes her opinion, just for the sake of argument. She thinks playing devil's advocate is a parlor game." - Stu, age 32.

"Larry wouldn't stop playing the kazoo. All evening. When there was a peaceful moment in the conversation, I'd think: "Maybe he's going to kiss me." But no. He'd blow his kazoo. It was literally spine-tingling." - Marilyn, age 30.

"On our way to a concert, we're stopped, pulled over by the police. Seems we're driving a stolen vehicle. Seems Leroy forgot to tell his roommate he was borrowing his car." - Keera, age 19.

"Tim took me to see his grandparents. I thought it was sweet. But his grandfather dozed off and slept the whole time we were there. And his grandmother had no idea who he was." - Louise, age 30.

"Craig was a wrestler. He wanted to practice his holds. Every so often, out of the blue, he'd lock my head under his arm. Or, I was sitting on the floor and he suddenly pounced on me. He twisted me into a pretzel and said, "Okay, Doreen, say hello to your knees." " - Doreen, age 22.

"He insisted on going to his favorite spots. Everywhere we went, he was like a celebrity. He'd stop to talk to everyone. It would take an hour to get to our table, and then people would keep stopping by to say hi. You'd think he was, like, the mayor. Or the leader of the mob." - Trina, age 29.

"I'm a beautician. When he got to my place, he asked if I could cut his hair before we stepped out. I told him that I didn't bring my work home. He complained that, since he was paying for dinner, I should buy him a trim." - Chantelle, age 24.

"Frank took me to a World Series game. Our seats were so high up that you needed binoculars to see the players. He apologized for having only one pair, but he gave me a play-by-play description of what he saw." - Constance, age 27.

"We went to a baseball game. A night game. I'm hoping Amanda will want me to stay over. But we get back to her place, and she realizes she doesn't have her purse. She left it somewhere in the stands. So I drive her back to the stadium. We get a guard to take us through the stands to where we were sitting. Of course it's not there. So I start going through trash cans in the parking lot. Wet trash. I was touching things you don't want to think about. Wads of it. At about midnight, I actually find the thing. No money, but the purse. I take her home and she won't even let me in. She won't even kiss me goodnight. In fact, she tells me to go home and take a shower." - Richard, age 28.

"Hope's favorite thing is to crack her gum. It's like an art form to her." - Mitch, age 31.

"Wilson yodeled. At a party, right in front of people." - Eunice, age 40.

"Tamara's favorite thing to do is complaining. It's also what she does best. It's her talent." - Leon, age 34.

"I take Peg out to the country, drive forty miles to a state park. It's a perfect day, crisp, sunny. I've got wine and cheese and cold chicken and fresh strawberries. I've got a tablecloth, good crystal glasses, and cloth napkins. We get there, I set up everything, and she gets weird. Before we even eat anything, she says she has to go back - now. Turns out she's got her period. It's all over her clothes. She won't just go to a ladies' room somewhere or a drugstore. Nothing will do but going home. So I pack up and drive her home. She sat wrapped in my tablecloth the whole way, which (by the way) she kept." - Neal, age 23.

"She took me to her folk-dancing club. Wanted to polka together." - Jordan, age 24.

"Kevin sang to himself the whole time. That Beatles song Ob La Di, Ob La Da. In the car, in line, in our seats before the show. Probably during, too, but I couldn't hear it. But it was Ob La Di, Ob La Da the whole night. And the whole next day - no, the whole next WEEK - I couldn't get that damn song out of my head. In fact, now, just talking about it, it's starting again." - Claire, age 20.

"Fun, for Frank, had to be dangerous. This could mean running red lights, eating too many hot dogs, skiing the expert slopes, drinking too much beer, making me mad. Anything to test a limit." - Andrea, age 32.

"He brought his six-year-old son along. That was all right; he only got to see his kid on weekends. But he also let his son decide where we'd go - the arcade. He let his son pick the restaurant and order our food. Pizza, pizza, pizza. When we went home, he let his son pick out a video for us to watch. Then he went to bathe him and read him a story. I sat in the living room, waiting for an opportunity to ask him to take me home. When he came back downstairs though, he didn't want to leave his son alone, so he thought I should spend the night." - Sophie, age 35.

"It snowed for three days and everything was closed - businesses, courts, schools, everything. I was snowed in and lonely, so I trekked two miles in knee-deep snow to Bob's apartment to surprise him. It took me all afternoon to get there, and I was freezing and tired. But when I got there, he wasn't in. So I trekked back. When I got home, I found a note on my mailbox. He'd trekked two miles to my house, looking for me. We must have passed each other. Of course, by the time I got the note, it was too late, and I was too cold and tired to go back. Next time, I'll call first." - Dierdre, age 30.

"When Harry asked me out, he said we'd grab a bite with friends. He didn't mention that we were going to make a condolence call. I didn't know the people. I didn't know the deceased, his name, his age, how he died, or anything about him. It was very sad, though. Everyone was broken up, crying softly. Young people, old people, friends, family - everyone adored him. He must've been a great guy. I was sad for days afterward. What a loss." - Faith, age 22.