Double Uterus / Error Messages / You Know You're Chinese When.... / R&M Quizzes
Read this article on twins born two months apart... their mother has a double uterus! Atom Smasher's Error Message Gallery is funny, too!
You Know You're Chinese When...
During a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out. If my mom sees this thing, she'll make me use my living room for such a purpose. As it is, she already wants me to use my living room to store all the junk that won't fit in the townhouse... I don't THINK so!
You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. If the family had one, we would! But it costs too much for one, so we had to do the dishes by hand.
You eat all meals in the kitchen. Usually.
You save grocery bags, tinfoil, and tin containers. Grocery bags, yes.. the other ones, sometimes.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage. Always, might as well reuse the bags at least once.
You always leave your shoes at the door. Yup, usually!
You have a piano in your living room. In the houses we've lived in, it was the living room... now, I think it's in my dad's study.
You twirl your pen around your fingers. Sometimes... I know Stella's really good at it!
Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. Usually!
You don't own any real Tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. Not really, but my parents have a lot of them.
You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses. Uh, no... that's just gross.
You've eaten a red bean Popsicle. Mom said it was frozen soup....
You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. My mom always does that, even when we eat with others in restaurants and they're paying for it!
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. You should see my mother's cupboard for such things!
Ditto for paper napkins. HAHAHAHA... oh yes!
You never order room service. Too true! Would cost too much extra money.
You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These travel snacks are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef / pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID). My mom sometimes does, and I should buy those things since they are YUMMY!
Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. Somewhat....
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law. We three never did.
You don't use measuring cups. No, I use measuring spoons. But my mom does use measuring cups, haha.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax. Of course!
You beat eggs with chopsticks. Never done that.
Your parents' house is always cold. Yes! When I complain, they say MY place is too hot! I should apparently also wear a sweater or jacket at all times.
Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club. We don't have a Mercedes, so whatever.
You have acquired a taste for bittermelon. Not really, but I'll eat it if I have to... my mom says it cleans the palate.
You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached -- it means they're fresh. Yes, and I eat the legs too!
You never call your parents just to say hi. Nope, only if I need something! Haha.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. I never liked Chinese medicine, but they did tell me that!
They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air. Yeet hei... oh yes, I remember all that!
Your parents send money to their relatives in China. No, my uncle's family is well off.
You use a face cloth. Yes, this is true.
Your parents use a clothes line. They never did... "Do you want the NEIGHBORS to see our bras and underwear?!"
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table. Very true!
You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat sushi. Yeah, very true.
You never discuss your love life with your parents. WHAT love life?! If anything, my parents MAKE UP a love life FOR me!
Your parents are never happy with your grades. They never were, no.
You keep most of your money in a savings account. True, although I go through it like mad.
Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin. Usually... can't waste it!
You love Chinese Martial Arts films. Sort of, yeah...
Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you. Shaolin monks!
You never order sweet-n-sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a Chinese restaurant. Even if they are gwei lo food, we order them. :P
You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging from your rear-view mirror. I don't drive, but my family never did.
You like to eat chicken feet. Yes! I should have some more, preferably the spicy kind.
You turn bright red after drinking two tablespoons of beer. Not usually, but that would aptly describe my mother.
You look like you are eighteen. Yup, that's the advantage to being Asian.. you either look really young, or really old!
You can't bear to throw things away. Precisely why my place has so much junk... sigh.
You drive around looking for the cheapest gas. HAHAHAHA... oh, to go back to the price-war days when it was like 40 cents a litre!
You've never seen your parents hug. Actually, that's not true... I even remember them kissing when I was a kid!
Your grandmother lives with you and your family. Yup, certainly!
You always have water when dining out. Most times, yes!
You say "aiya!" and "wah!" frequently. "Aiya!" more so than "wah!" ... "wah!" sounds like something Nathan would say, and I might pick it up!
You love to play mah jong. Not me, although I did have beginner's luck and won my very first game... my grandma LOVES it, though.
Your mother is strangely obsessed with plants. A definite yes!
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings. Definitely... we NEVER shut up! :P
You have two middle initials instead of one. Yes, mine sound like a Mexican dog. :P
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen. Nope.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas. Snow peas, yes... water chestnuts, I'm not so sure.
You have a lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time. Unmarried family friends, yes... and I may be that one for this generation! Aiya!
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions. Oh yeah, baby!
You cut your own hair... or had someone in your family do it. My mother fancies herself an amateur hairdresser, yes.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teeth... especially in front. Hmm.. not a LOT, but some!
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times. Not me, but my mom certainly does!
You never drank milk after eating cherries. Hmm.. don't think I did.
Your parents collect jade jewelry. Not really... my grandma has at least one jade bracelet, though.
You always drink tea after a meal. Not ALWAYS... but certainly in Chinese restaurants!
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden. Yeah, they grew stuff in the garden all right!
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks when you reached for food with your fingers. I don't remember that, but it probably did happen!
You're proud to be Chinese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Chinese friends! Hahaha, you bet!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
You are Charles VI of France, also known as Charles the Mad or Charles the Well-Beloved!
A fine, amiable and dreamy young man, skilled in horsemanship and archery, you were also from a long line of dribbling madmen. King at 12 and quickly married to your sweetheart, Bavarian Princess Isabeau, you enjoyed many happy months together before either of you could speak anything of the other's language. However, after illness, you became a tad unstable. When a raving lunatic ran up to your entourage spouting an incoherent prophecy of doom, you were unsettled enough to slaughter four of your best men when a page dropped a lance. Your hair and nails fell out. At a royal masquerade, you and your courtiers dressed as wild men, ending in tragedy when four of them accidentally caught fire and burned to death. You were saved by the timely intervention of the Duchess of Berry's underskirts.
This brought on another bout of sickness, which surgeons countered by drilling holes in your skull. The following months saw you suffer an exorcism, beg your friends to kill you, go into hyperactive fits of gaiety, run through your rooms to the point of exhaustion, hide from imaginary assassins, claim your name was Georges, deny that you were King, and fail to recognise your family. You smashed furniture and wet yourself at regular intervals. Passing briefly into erratic genius, you believed yourself to be made of glass, and demanded iron rods in your attire to prevent you breaking.
In 1405, you stopped bathing / shaving / changing your clothes. This went on until several men were hired to blacken their faces, hide, jump out and shout "boo!"... upon which you resumed basic hygiene. Despite this, your wife continued sleeping with you until 1407, when she hired a young beauty, Odette de Champdivers, to take her place. Isabeau then consoled herself, as it were, with your brother. Her lovers followed thick and fast while you became a pawn of your court, until you had her latest beau strangled and drowned.
A severe fever was fended off with oranges and pomegranates in vast quantities, but you succumbed again in 1422 and died. Your disease was most likely hereditary. Unfortunately, you had anywhere up to eleven children, who variously went on to develop capriciousness, great cruelty, insecurity, paranoia, revulsion towards food and, in one case, a phobia of bridges.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Dust off your flugelhorn and heat up the sausages, 'cause you're The Swiss!
Decked in neutrality for almost a billion years now, the Swiss are always the favourites to survive any nuclear conflict. Not only do they have the most amazing dress sense, but they've also got keen technical knowhow, a very logical cultural heritage, and seventeen extra feet which they keep in their heads.
The Swiss are stereotypically associated with cuckoo clocks, chocolate, fondue, and yodelling; it should be pointed out that they also enjoy running through the hills, goat-farming, and keeping the Earth safe from alien scum.
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
You're the "I'm So Drunk" drunk.
"I'm drunk." *pause* "I'm so-o-o-o drunk."
"I'm pissed."
"Drunk."
I've declared my inebriation with the above sign!
Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.
Congratulations, you're Pinochet!
You ruled Chile from 1973 to 1990, and are responsible for the abduction / torture / disappearance / execution of thousands upon thousands of political opponents. When you first took power in 1973, you embarked upon a programme delightfully named the Caravan of Death, which extracted prisoners from the country's jails and executed them. Victims were sodomised, blinded, starved and electrocuted (amongst other things) hundreds and hundreds of times in just the two years between 1988 and 1990.
You also were allied with Britain in the Falklands war during the 1980's; Margaret Thatcher, then the Prime Minister of Britain, has said that it owes you a great debt.
If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you're a cruel dictator!
Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.
Congratulations, you're rabies!
Transmitted by rabid animals, you're most commonly found infecting creatures such as raccoons / skunks / bats / foxes. But don't worry, you affect humans too... causing either paralysis or hyperactivity in your advanced stages, and ultimately death.
Your most famous symptom is hypersalivation - that delightful foaming at the mouth that we have come to know and indeed love. However, you can also cause hallucination; think of the fun you could have at parties!
If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you kill dogs!
You Know You're Chinese When...
During a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out. If my mom sees this thing, she'll make me use my living room for such a purpose. As it is, she already wants me to use my living room to store all the junk that won't fit in the townhouse... I don't THINK so!
You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. If the family had one, we would! But it costs too much for one, so we had to do the dishes by hand.
You eat all meals in the kitchen. Usually.
You save grocery bags, tinfoil, and tin containers. Grocery bags, yes.. the other ones, sometimes.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage. Always, might as well reuse the bags at least once.
You always leave your shoes at the door. Yup, usually!
You have a piano in your living room. In the houses we've lived in, it was the living room... now, I think it's in my dad's study.
You twirl your pen around your fingers. Sometimes... I know Stella's really good at it!
Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. Usually!
You don't own any real Tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. Not really, but my parents have a lot of them.
You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses. Uh, no... that's just gross.
You've eaten a red bean Popsicle. Mom said it was frozen soup....
You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. My mom always does that, even when we eat with others in restaurants and they're paying for it!
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. You should see my mother's cupboard for such things!
Ditto for paper napkins. HAHAHAHA... oh yes!
You never order room service. Too true! Would cost too much extra money.
You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These travel snacks are always dried. As in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef / pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID). My mom sometimes does, and I should buy those things since they are YUMMY!
Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. Somewhat....
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law. We three never did.
You don't use measuring cups. No, I use measuring spoons. But my mom does use measuring cups, haha.
You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax. Of course!
You beat eggs with chopsticks. Never done that.
Your parents' house is always cold. Yes! When I complain, they say MY place is too hot! I should apparently also wear a sweater or jacket at all times.
Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club. We don't have a Mercedes, so whatever.
You have acquired a taste for bittermelon. Not really, but I'll eat it if I have to... my mom says it cleans the palate.
You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached -- it means they're fresh. Yes, and I eat the legs too!
You never call your parents just to say hi. Nope, only if I need something! Haha.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. I never liked Chinese medicine, but they did tell me that!
They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air. Yeet hei... oh yes, I remember all that!
Your parents send money to their relatives in China. No, my uncle's family is well off.
You use a face cloth. Yes, this is true.
Your parents use a clothes line. They never did... "Do you want the NEIGHBORS to see our bras and underwear?!"
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table. Very true!
You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat sushi. Yeah, very true.
You never discuss your love life with your parents. WHAT love life?! If anything, my parents MAKE UP a love life FOR me!
Your parents are never happy with your grades. They never were, no.
You keep most of your money in a savings account. True, although I go through it like mad.
Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin. Usually... can't waste it!
You love Chinese Martial Arts films. Sort of, yeah...
Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you. Shaolin monks!
You never order sweet-n-sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at a Chinese restaurant. Even if they are gwei lo food, we order them. :P
You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging from your rear-view mirror. I don't drive, but my family never did.
You like to eat chicken feet. Yes! I should have some more, preferably the spicy kind.
You turn bright red after drinking two tablespoons of beer. Not usually, but that would aptly describe my mother.
You look like you are eighteen. Yup, that's the advantage to being Asian.. you either look really young, or really old!
You can't bear to throw things away. Precisely why my place has so much junk... sigh.
You drive around looking for the cheapest gas. HAHAHAHA... oh, to go back to the price-war days when it was like 40 cents a litre!
You've never seen your parents hug. Actually, that's not true... I even remember them kissing when I was a kid!
Your grandmother lives with you and your family. Yup, certainly!
You always have water when dining out. Most times, yes!
You say "aiya!" and "wah!" frequently. "Aiya!" more so than "wah!" ... "wah!" sounds like something Nathan would say, and I might pick it up!
You love to play mah jong. Not me, although I did have beginner's luck and won my very first game... my grandma LOVES it, though.
Your mother is strangely obsessed with plants. A definite yes!
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings. Definitely... we NEVER shut up! :P
You have two middle initials instead of one. Yes, mine sound like a Mexican dog. :P
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen. Nope.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas. Snow peas, yes... water chestnuts, I'm not so sure.
You have a lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time. Unmarried family friends, yes... and I may be that one for this generation! Aiya!
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions. Oh yeah, baby!
You cut your own hair... or had someone in your family do it. My mother fancies herself an amateur hairdresser, yes.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teeth... especially in front. Hmm.. not a LOT, but some!
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times. Not me, but my mom certainly does!
You never drank milk after eating cherries. Hmm.. don't think I did.
Your parents collect jade jewelry. Not really... my grandma has at least one jade bracelet, though.
You always drink tea after a meal. Not ALWAYS... but certainly in Chinese restaurants!
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden. Yeah, they grew stuff in the garden all right!
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks when you reached for food with your fingers. I don't remember that, but it probably did happen!
You're proud to be Chinese - and you pass these jokes on to all your Chinese friends! Hahaha, you bet!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
You are Charles VI of France, also known as Charles the Mad or Charles the Well-Beloved!
A fine, amiable and dreamy young man, skilled in horsemanship and archery, you were also from a long line of dribbling madmen. King at 12 and quickly married to your sweetheart, Bavarian Princess Isabeau, you enjoyed many happy months together before either of you could speak anything of the other's language. However, after illness, you became a tad unstable. When a raving lunatic ran up to your entourage spouting an incoherent prophecy of doom, you were unsettled enough to slaughter four of your best men when a page dropped a lance. Your hair and nails fell out. At a royal masquerade, you and your courtiers dressed as wild men, ending in tragedy when four of them accidentally caught fire and burned to death. You were saved by the timely intervention of the Duchess of Berry's underskirts.
This brought on another bout of sickness, which surgeons countered by drilling holes in your skull. The following months saw you suffer an exorcism, beg your friends to kill you, go into hyperactive fits of gaiety, run through your rooms to the point of exhaustion, hide from imaginary assassins, claim your name was Georges, deny that you were King, and fail to recognise your family. You smashed furniture and wet yourself at regular intervals. Passing briefly into erratic genius, you believed yourself to be made of glass, and demanded iron rods in your attire to prevent you breaking.
In 1405, you stopped bathing / shaving / changing your clothes. This went on until several men were hired to blacken their faces, hide, jump out and shout "boo!"... upon which you resumed basic hygiene. Despite this, your wife continued sleeping with you until 1407, when she hired a young beauty, Odette de Champdivers, to take her place. Isabeau then consoled herself, as it were, with your brother. Her lovers followed thick and fast while you became a pawn of your court, until you had her latest beau strangled and drowned.
A severe fever was fended off with oranges and pomegranates in vast quantities, but you succumbed again in 1422 and died. Your disease was most likely hereditary. Unfortunately, you had anywhere up to eleven children, who variously went on to develop capriciousness, great cruelty, insecurity, paranoia, revulsion towards food and, in one case, a phobia of bridges.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You?
A Rum and Monkey joint.
Dust off your flugelhorn and heat up the sausages, 'cause you're The Swiss!
Decked in neutrality for almost a billion years now, the Swiss are always the favourites to survive any nuclear conflict. Not only do they have the most amazing dress sense, but they've also got keen technical knowhow, a very logical cultural heritage, and seventeen extra feet which they keep in their heads.
The Swiss are stereotypically associated with cuckoo clocks, chocolate, fondue, and yodelling; it should be pointed out that they also enjoy running through the hills, goat-farming, and keeping the Earth safe from alien scum.
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
You're the "I'm So Drunk" drunk.
"I'm drunk." *pause* "I'm so-o-o-o drunk."
"I'm pissed."
"Drunk."
I've declared my inebriation with the above sign!
Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.
Congratulations, you're Pinochet!
You ruled Chile from 1973 to 1990, and are responsible for the abduction / torture / disappearance / execution of thousands upon thousands of political opponents. When you first took power in 1973, you embarked upon a programme delightfully named the Caravan of Death, which extracted prisoners from the country's jails and executed them. Victims were sodomised, blinded, starved and electrocuted (amongst other things) hundreds and hundreds of times in just the two years between 1988 and 1990.
You also were allied with Britain in the Falklands war during the 1980's; Margaret Thatcher, then the Prime Minister of Britain, has said that it owes you a great debt.
If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you're a cruel dictator!
Which Horrible Affliction are you?
A Rum and Monkey disease.
Congratulations, you're rabies!
Transmitted by rabid animals, you're most commonly found infecting creatures such as raccoons / skunks / bats / foxes. But don't worry, you affect humans too... causing either paralysis or hyperactivity in your advanced stages, and ultimately death.
Your most famous symptom is hypersalivation - that delightful foaming at the mouth that we have come to know and indeed love. However, you can also cause hallucination; think of the fun you could have at parties!
If you wish, you can proudly tell the world that you kill dogs!
Labels: alcoholic drinks, chinese, comments, food, george, margaret, maxed-out tags limit, movies, nathan, parents, quizzes, redrum, rum and monkey, school, sick, snow, stella, sushi, twins, water
posted by Flami at 1:20:00 AM
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