Vindalu, VulvaMae, Winnagene, and Wirt
This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.
V
Valhalla: Where good Vikings go when they die. If you live in the Midwest, this name is to be avoided at all costs, lest too many Vikings fans try to find Odin's fabled hall.
Valva: A Korean knockoff of a famously safe Swedish automobile. Also, a lubricant used for race cars.
Vanilla: Flavoring made from the vanilla bean. Boring or bland. "She didn't really look hot, she just looked Vanilla."
Vanity: Feelings of excessive pride. Vain, futile, or worthless. A child with this name will spend hours staring at herself in the mirror while you are forced to wait in the hall when you really, really have to go to the bathroom badly.
Velvet: A fabric with a dense pile. A girl with this name will most likely be a stripper. See also Cinnamon and Butterfly.
Victoria: A girl with a really successful secret.
Vindalu: A spicy Indian curry dish. The name will spur memories of bad meals and projectile diarrhea.
Virtue: Moral excellence and righteousness. Much like the male name Lucky, this moniker is bound to become an ironic joke for the child. Those around her will do their best to ensure that she, in fact, has no virtue. See also Chastity.
Vixen: The female of a doglike species recognized by its pointy nose and ears, and renowned for its sneakiness. A malicious, fierce-tempered woman.
VulvaMae: The external genitalia of a female... Mae. The taunting will begin the moment the child enters kindergarten, and will increase steadily before reaching a climax sometime around Grade 6 and the introduction of sexual education. Popular nicknames for her will most likely be ClitorisMae and LabiaMae.
W
Waunice: The light version of a Mexican beer made from black-eyed peas.
Westie: Shortened name for the West Highland white terrier. A short-legged, mustached, long-coated female, generally of ill temper. A biter.
Whimsy: A quaint or fanciful quality. Female children given this name will have absolutely no ability to make rational decisions, and most likely will devote their existence to hunting for faerie-folk in the wilderness.
Whisper: To utter very softly. This child will have a knack for walking through a room completely unnoticed. Professions to be considered should include ninja and cat burglar.
Wilma: Wife of caveman. A child with this name will most likely marry a loud, verbally abusive braggart with a prominent forehead. He can only afford to buy her one outfit, and will make her propel the family automobile with her bare feet.
Winnagene: A genetic lottery. Let's hope she's a big winner to help her overcome this terrible name.
Winter: The coldest season of the year, often characterized by coldness, misery, barrenness, or death. A child with this name will, no doubt, be described as frigid later in life.
Wirt: A diminutive lump or protuberance found on the hands, feet, or genitalia. People will be reluctant to touch a girl with this name, afraid of catching her unattractiveness.
V
Valhalla: Where good Vikings go when they die. If you live in the Midwest, this name is to be avoided at all costs, lest too many Vikings fans try to find Odin's fabled hall.
Valva: A Korean knockoff of a famously safe Swedish automobile. Also, a lubricant used for race cars.
Vanilla: Flavoring made from the vanilla bean. Boring or bland. "She didn't really look hot, she just looked Vanilla."
Vanity: Feelings of excessive pride. Vain, futile, or worthless. A child with this name will spend hours staring at herself in the mirror while you are forced to wait in the hall when you really, really have to go to the bathroom badly.
Velvet: A fabric with a dense pile. A girl with this name will most likely be a stripper. See also Cinnamon and Butterfly.
Victoria: A girl with a really successful secret.
Vindalu: A spicy Indian curry dish. The name will spur memories of bad meals and projectile diarrhea.
Virtue: Moral excellence and righteousness. Much like the male name Lucky, this moniker is bound to become an ironic joke for the child. Those around her will do their best to ensure that she, in fact, has no virtue. See also Chastity.
Vixen: The female of a doglike species recognized by its pointy nose and ears, and renowned for its sneakiness. A malicious, fierce-tempered woman.
VulvaMae: The external genitalia of a female... Mae. The taunting will begin the moment the child enters kindergarten, and will increase steadily before reaching a climax sometime around Grade 6 and the introduction of sexual education. Popular nicknames for her will most likely be ClitorisMae and LabiaMae.
W
Waunice: The light version of a Mexican beer made from black-eyed peas.
Westie: Shortened name for the West Highland white terrier. A short-legged, mustached, long-coated female, generally of ill temper. A biter.
Whimsy: A quaint or fanciful quality. Female children given this name will have absolutely no ability to make rational decisions, and most likely will devote their existence to hunting for faerie-folk in the wilderness.
Whisper: To utter very softly. This child will have a knack for walking through a room completely unnoticed. Professions to be considered should include ninja and cat burglar.
Wilma: Wife of caveman. A child with this name will most likely marry a loud, verbally abusive braggart with a prominent forehead. He can only afford to buy her one outfit, and will make her propel the family automobile with her bare feet.
Winnagene: A genetic lottery. Let's hope she's a big winner to help her overcome this terrible name.
Winter: The coldest season of the year, often characterized by coldness, misery, barrenness, or death. A child with this name will, no doubt, be described as frigid later in life.
Wirt: A diminutive lump or protuberance found on the hands, feet, or genitalia. People will be reluctant to touch a girl with this name, afraid of catching her unattractiveness.
Labels: 2005, alcoholic drinks, amusement, babies, baby's named a bad bad thing, books, death, food, india, joe, jokes, lists, names, tv shows, victoria
posted by Flami at 10:27:00 PM
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