Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Scout, Ski, Socrates, and Starsky

The computer restarted AGAIN! Why am I not surprised?!

This is from What Not to Name Your Baby by Joe Borgenicht.

S

Sailor: Someone looking for a good time. "Hey, Sailor, you looking for a date?"

Samuel / Sam: A picky eater who is especially averse to eggs with a grasslike hue, and pork. He will not do anything you ask him to do. Not on a plane, not on a train. Not in a house and not with a mouse.

Scout: A boy who enjoys wearing only blue shirts covered in patches. Exception to the rule: if you happen to be naming a puppy before giving birth to your child.

Sean (seen) - In middle American English, past tense of the verb see. (Mr. Ferguson actually pronounced a guy's name SEEN in Grade 8 Socials, haha!)

Sebastian: A bastard.

Serge: A sudden burst of electricity.

Seymour: Will have great affection for a large, flesh-eating plant. Should never be used with the surnames Butts, Porn, or Ofmyass.

Sham: A fake. Sure, it's biblical, but that doesn't make it right.

Shamaine: A roll of toilet paper developed in the '70s that one COULD squeeze.

Shane: A feeling of guilt.

Ski: One of a pair of sharp, pointy planks used to travel downhill rapidly on snow. This name should be avoided by those individuals looking to join the legislative arm of the government.

Slaughter: Even if it's a family name, don't. Exception to the rule: if you're grooming your boy for a career as a professional wrestler.

Slider: A ruler used for making complex calculations. As a general rule, words that can also sort of be verbs do not make for healthy, esteem-producing names.

Smoky: Derogatory term for police officer. Conjures up images of classic '70s Burt Reynolds movies.

Socrates (SOCK-ra-teaze) - If you're a fan of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, this is pronounced "SO-crates."

Spencer: One who is for hire, generally. May be doomed to a lifetime as an assistant.

Starbuck: Look for one on every corner, and prepare your son for a lifetime of "I'll have a tall, double no-fat cappuccino" orders. Exception to the rule: excellent opportunity for brand-name marketing deals.

Starsky: Cool '70s cop played by David Soul. Or wait, was he Hutch? Who knows? Who cares? See also Hutch.

Sterile: Come on, that's just mean.

Stirling: Ancient Scottish family and castle. Also, the family silver.

Stone: A piece of rock. This child will be known for his cold, abrasive demeanor.

Stoney: To be under the influence of an illegal herbal supplement. Child will be cursed with glassy eyes and constant hunger, but may be very popular in high school and college.

Symmion: A child with opposable thumbs and the abilities to hang upside down and eat pounds of bananas.

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