Funny stories involving Ceejay's co-worker / my mom

I just read what my friend Ceejay posted at a message board:

During lunchtime, I was reading online last week about a man in Wheeling, West Virginia who was arrested for wearing a Grinch mask in public.

Here is a link for those that might think I was making it up:

Grinch in a clinch for wearing mask

and another: Man Arrested for Wearing Grinch Mask

Yes, that's right. In West Virginia it is, apparently, illegal to wear a mask in public except under certain, very specific, circumstances.

Punishable by up to a year in jail. A YEAR.

Personally, I thought this was remarkable. I mean here in Massachusetts, it might get you a laugh, or stare, maybe an unpleasant social label. Heck, it might even get a drink bought for you, depending on the neighborhood and the mask. But you're not very likely to be put in handcuffs for it, much less get a year at MCI Cedar Junction.

So I then turn to my pod-neighbor, who spent much time in Virginia when she was younger, thinking that it might excite some sort of entertaining discussion. I relayed this tragic story. She replied that things are much different in Virginia than up north. I respond that that may be so, but.. ~blah blah blah~ "And by the way, it was West Virginia."

~silence and pause~

"You mean the western end of the state?"

"Nooo.. I mean West Virginia."

~more silence~

"There is no West Virginia."

"... what are you talking about?"

"There's no such place."

I might have argued this very point myself under different circumstances. I would also be given to doubt the existence of parts of California, Montana, and Kentucky - except for those pesky maps shaped like the U.S. that I saw every day from 2nd grade to 6th proving me wrong. I mean, I think most people would be hard pressed to name all the states without some thought, if only because there are so many of them. But we all darn well know one when we hear one, right?

Pop quiz: Which one is a US State?

A) Neverland B) Oz C) Missouri D) Gotham City

Give yourselves a gold star. :) Anyhow..


~blink blink~

"Are you serious?" I glance around. I'm being filmed. I swear I am being filmed somewhere like on Candid Camera.

Have you ever been in a discussion that turned so abstract and the person with whom you are discussing believes their point so fervently that you begin to doubt your own knowledge of the facts? You start saying "Well, hell, could I be wrong?"

Remember I am not talking about opinion here - some subjective theory, widely open to interpretation. This is simple, grade school geography. I am talking about someone - a college graduate and 8 year member of the US Armed Forces - confronting you and saying - nay INSISTING - that 2+2 = 47 to the third power. That the Planet Earth is actually cubicle, and the sphere shape is just an internet rumor. That reality shows are always good, quality programming.

Stuff like that. :)

So here is a person insisting that a state just over 24,000 square miles in size has, in fact, been a figment of my imagination for 35 years. Tough break for the inhabitants, don't you think? Unless you like to wear Grinch masks, then you're off the hook.

Now I am not a huge fan of West Virginia, but I don't dislike it, by any means. In fact, I am supremely indifferent when it comes to West Virginia. Never been there, no expectation of ever going. In fact, I have little to no personal investment in the existence of many states, save the ones I have travelled to or have friends / relatives in. Despite all this, I felt an unexpected need to leap to the defense of the unassuming little state.

"You know - 'West Virginia'. Shaped kinda like Sherlock Holmes' pipe? Slightly to the west of 'Virginia' Virginia? Birthplace of Billy the Kid?"

"What are you talking about - there has never been such a state!"

It is starting to dawn on me that she might not be yanking my chain.

"You're being totally serious with me. There is no West Virginia - I dreamed it up."

"I should know, I spent 5 years in Virginia! I don't know what you're trying to pull, but it's not funny." and she turned back to her desk, as she clearly and firmly announced the end of a discussion that I thought was starting to show some promise.

Indignance. I think it was the indignant response that snapped me back. I turned my back right back to her and opened up the internet, googled a map of the United States and there it was - the little state that wasn't. I saved this image to my drive, then opened it up in PAINT, zoomed in on the eastern seaboard, circled that little raggedly shaped W.V. in bright red, and emailed it to her. No message, just a single image. She ignored me the rest of the day, not wanting to admit she was wrong.

Not one to put too fine a point on it... the following day, I waited for a suitably busy moment, put on my best business voice, and said: "Luciana, question for you?"

She spun around in her chair. "What's up?"

"Is Colorado a state?"

~whew, she got it!~

Hahahaha! Way too hilarious! Even *I* know they're different! :P


Reminds me of what happened when we were at Melissa's on Sept. 5 last year:

While watching the Russia-Slovakia World Cup hockey game, my mom had this to say: "What?! Slovakia? There's no more Czechoslovakia?"


Uh... the split into the Czech Republic and Slovakia happened in 1993!

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Way too funny! :D


That reminds me of what she said in August 2003 to my sister, while Steph was booking their flight to the Atlantic provinces: "Isn't Ottawa in Quebec?"


She's been in Canada since 1970, yet she didn't know that Ottawa is in a completely different province! You'd think she'd have grasped this basic geographic knowledge by now!


HAHAHAHAHAHA! (it's a good thing when I can laugh about this, really! :D )