What I wrote last night in Palmer's friendship card... during Bible Study, no less!

Hey Palmer!

How's it going? I've been writing cards all night, and this is perhaps the most intensive one... figures I'd leave it for last! One thing first: that is indeed your Gum toothbrush in the packaging - I had to buy a new one anyhow, so thought I'd get one that fit yours! (if you know what I mean) Sure, I could just leave the toothbrush at my place... but I'm unsure whether you or they'd be comfortable with the idea of your staying the night at my place, or vice versa! (I'm not so sure I'd be totally comfortable with it, either.... yet.)

I've had some time to process / cogitate about recent events, and there are really no cards for this type of situation! (I thought this would be an acceptable card, because I do value our friendship! You're still special to me, and I want you to know that if there's anything I can do for you... PLEASE let me know!)

I have NOTHING against you, Alli, Jami, or Neko for the decisions made - in fact, I have to thank you for being so honest with me! There are so many things that I could say here... thanking you for increasing my confidence / allowing me to explore / for being very patient with me (even through my decided lack of response, I did enjoy our time together!) / just for continuing to be a friend to me! I definitely appreciate all of that and more; as you were saying earlier, I am kinda relieved, but also kinda miss it. Probably it's for the best - it wouldn't be tenable or fair for you to include me in your circle, especially since I don't really subscribe to that polyamorous lifestyle myself! But those will always be special memories for me... thank you for following my wishes!

I know we'll continue to be friends - the boundaries may not be so open now, but I will talk to you about it later. (I also have ideas for future platonic get-togethers [LOTR trilogy marathons!], but am not sure whether you or the girls would be comfortable with them... I hope they have nothing against me for my part in this!)

Yes, I was / am sad about the end of this, but we can build our friendship, and treasure those good memories! I wouldn't want our interactions to be forever awkward because of this - I still want you to feel comfortable around me, even to be an affectionate friend if that's possible! (if not, I'll understand!)

You know that I love my friends, and I still feel that friendly love for you - it's never wavered! I'm fast running out of room here, so I'll end this by wishing you all the best... please do take care of yourself, and I know I'll talk to you later! I'll think of you still as a decent good friend - I can discuss almost anything with you still, right? ("better to avoid these complications cropping up afterwards with all that's gone on!")


Love, me.


(I wrote this last night during Bible Study in tiny handwriting :P)

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And now for the part I'd never send him:

I hate myself for letting myself become at least somewhat attached to you. Corey was right; he always is. I also hate you for allowing Alli and the others to dictate to you what you should do... I don't care if they're your girlfriends or not. It seems strange, but now I'm jealous of them. Who knows if LD relationships really work, but I'm cynical. I secretly hope it won't go well with them when they come up here in the summer, but I'm sure it will in a way. Time to find myself another love interest who's not into a strange thing. Goodbye!