Wanderings of a mind unleashed... final closure post? / Unfriending / Past friendships

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really the sweet, helpful person people say I am. I like helping out my friends, and buying things for them. Spending too much money on things is one of my shortcomings, and I have to work on it. There are times when I can be pretty much a bitch to everyone, whether I really care about them or not. I'd have to say that my level of caring for Matthew Stone and Cristin Long went downhill after I heard about their relationship. There was just something in me that disapproved of it; I'm not a love / relationship arbiter by any means, and wouldn't want that huge responsibility in any event. I still don't know whether it was because I wanted Matt to myself as a friend on some subconscious level. I guess I felt hurt that he turned to someone else for comfort and a listening ear, after he told me all this stuff about his ex Brenda in October and November. I should have unfriended the both of them as soon as I heard about their relationship, but I wanted to have a go at being supportive... that obviously didn't work very well at all, with the simmering conflict! :P

Maybe that was uncalled for, but after he and Cris wrapped themselves up in each other and wouldn't talk to me spontaneously, I felt excluded from his circle of close (online?) friends and perhaps a little jealous too. Still, perhaps I did screw up the other night... even if it was fun for laughs! I couldn't take much more of their smoopy-poopy and entries riddled with spelling / grammar mistakes, anyhow. :P (and that only applied to them, haha.. anyone else still reading with such things in their entries is fine!) Sara, Matt, Cris, Corey, and Eric H. have each told me that something else I am / was going through is (was?) unhealthy, and I'm beginning to realize these things NOW... go figure, but at least Corey and Eric H. are still my friends! :P Of course, maybe the dude IS just busy... but the guys and I have my doubts.

Ex-friends of mine are deleted off my buddy / friends lists as soon as is possible; this includes any logs I might have stored on the computer. The reminders will be too fresh and cause painful memories of better times, no matter if it was my fault or theirs. I briefly considered adding Brenda back to my friends list after the other night's debacle, but figured it was better off left alone. She still hasn't unfriended me, though... that's all right for now, however. (it took me quite some time to ask two people to unfriend me after I'd done the initial act!)

I hate losing friendships over stupid reasons... I remember talking to Tom in New Jersey over ICQ in 2002, but lost that friendship over a silly reason: wondering too often if we'd talk in six months. Then there was my friendship with a Scottish-Canadian guy named Robbie... I lost that one over his taking offense over a throwaway comment I made about cute impenetrable Scottish accents. There was this Victoria guy named Jesse, who seemed really nice and friendly: I don't know what happened to him, sigh. The same goes for this Alberta guy named Matt Wallebeck, this South Carolina guy named Kevin Rice, this Ontario guy named A.J., this Australian dude named Nathan Bayliss, another Australian dude named Kane Brown, this Ajax guy named Zhao Han Zhou, this Sarnia / Wallaceburg guy named Arthur Johnson, etc. Not sure where they are now, except that they have probably moved on. There were others: my ex-friend Shae from Burnaby, and my ex-friend John from Glastonbury (Connecticut)... both of whom a handful of my possible readers know about. I said something intemperate in both cases, so I guess I deserved those. Who knows where we'll all end up in the end, eh? ;)

Sure, there are readers of this stuff that never comment. However, I know that sometimes it's hard to think of things to say... I've gained that understanding in the past year or so. Besides, I know it can hurt when people suddenly unfriend you / stop talking to you for their own reasons.. even if I know them only through the Internet. Even if you do know the reason why (as I probably can guess in this most recent case), it can still sting.

No, I'm not living in the past. Nor am I ungrateful for the friendships I have now. These are just thoughts that needed to be written down, that's all. :)


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In his right hand, a figure of Victory made from ivory and gold. In his left hand, his scepter inlaid with all metals, and an eagle perched on the sceptre. The sandals of the god are made of gold, as is his robe. Pausanias the Greek (2nd century AD) This is the statue of the god in whose honor the Ancient Olympic Games were held. It was located on the land that gave its very name to the Olympics. At the time of the games, wars stopped, and athletes came from Asia Minor, Syria, Egypt, and Sicily to celebrate the Olympics and to worship their king of gods: Zeus.

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